Raw: DX pranks -- butts, boobs, slime
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
It's official! DX is back, and the reunion is tonight, but Mr McMahon has other plans in Rochester, New York -- the destruction of Degeneration X.
Vince addresses the fans from his
office, and heads to the ring. First he encounters a rooster (cock), and then an alien (that mocks Vince's walk), male strippers, Dusty Rhodes (pimping his DVD), and then a deliveryman. Vince gets a package, and it's a male enhancement device. The chairman is mighty angry when he gets to the ring. Vince is cut off when Shane hurries to the ring. Shane-O-Mac tells his dad that Stephanie has gone into labor, and they have to head back to Connecticut.
Vince is none too happy heading to the limo. Jonathon Coachman wants to know what's going on, and Vince puts Coach in charge. Vince then curses his own daughter as he heads to the airport.
Torrie Wilson talks about her photo shoot for the new WWE magazine.
Match # 1 -- Torrie Wilson and Maria vs. Candice Michelle and Mickie James -- Bra and Panties Match
In a surprisingly short match, Mickie finishes off what Candice started, by stripping Torrie and Maria.
Winner: Candice Michelle and Mickie James
After the match, Mickie holds up Candice's arm, but then turns on her. Mickie
rolls from the ring, and grabs JR's hat. Mickie then fights with a female "fan" at ringside, and rips off the "fan's" shirt.
Match #2 -- Charlie Haas vs. Viscera
Viscera gives Haas another chance to apologize. Haas says Lilian Garcia already accepted his apology ... over pillow talk. Vis lays out Haas with one shot, and works him over in the corner. Haas is tossed from the ring, yelling for Haas to apologize. Vis nails a sidewalk slam, but Haas turns the tables in the corner. A short arm clothesline sends Haas back to the mat. Vis chops away at Haas, and chokes him on the ropes. Vis splashes Haas in the corner, when the Spirit Squad hits the ring. The Squad attack both men, and the hit
the High Spirits on Viscera.
The Squad calls out DX. They want DX in the ring, but instead Shawn Michaels and Triple H show up on the TitanTron.
(I'm just going to say that I can't do the comedy justice in this report, but these two are in rare form, tonight. If RAW is going to cut back on wrestling, at least now I'm entertained.)
In short, Trips tells the Squad they have two words for
them, and it's not "Suck it". Instead Triple H tells the boys, "Look up." The cheerleaders look to the sky, only to have green slime dumped all over them, as DX laughs in the background.
After the break, Coach tells the Squad that the plan Vince had is still in effect. The Squad tells Coach that if he doesn't do something, they will. Coach walks into the office, where Paul Heyman is waiting. He tells Heyman to leave, and Paul says he will, if he wants his night to go to worst-case scenario. Heyman says he has a bus full of ECW outback. Heyman wants Edge and Randy Orton for a match tomorrow night. Coach agrees, but Heyman also says that tonight Balls Mahoney will face John Cena.
As the ring crew cleans the ring, JR
interviews Kane, who is in the depths of the arena. Kane he knows who is in the mask, and they grew up together. Kane mentions this guy is screwed up and demented. Kane seems very upset during the interview.
Match #3 -- Umaga w/ Armando Alejandro Estrada vs. Local Jobber
Do I have to say it? Umaga wins with the Samoan Spike.
Winner via pinfall: Umaga
After the match, Estrada tells the crowd to listen up. He starts to say his
name, but stops as the crowd joins in. Paunch doesn't look happy.
Match #4 -- John Cena vs. Balls Mahoney w/ Paul Heyman
Cena and Balls exchange punches and Cena drops Balls with a suplex. Mahoney nails a head butt, and then a kick to the head. Cena shoots off the ropes, nailing a shoulder block. Heyman slides a chair in, as Cena sets up the five-knuckle shuffle. Cena slides and sends Balls to the mat with a drop toehold. Cena then locks in the STFU and Mahoney taps.
Winner via submission: John Cena
After the match, Sabu hits the ring and throws a chair into Cena's face. Cena is set up on the announce table, and Sabu leaps off the top rope, dropping a leg on Cena through the table.
Match #5 -- Randy Orton vs. Snitsky
Another quick match, another quick recap. Orton ducks a big boot, and then pops up to hit the RKO.
Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton
After the match, Lawler asks Orton about having to wrestle in an ECW ring again. Orton says he isn't excited, and he's going to get his Vengeance on Kurt Angle.
Match #6 -- Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro w/ Melina and Shelton Benjamin
Carlito says he was amused by what happened to the Spirit Squad, but Coach overheard his laughter and put him in this handicapped match. That's not cool.
Nitro is the first to face Carlito. The two tie up, and Nitro shoots off the ropes, taking Carlito down with a shoulder block. Carlito then counters
with a monkey flip. Carlito then springboards off the ropes over Nitro. Benji starts jawing with Nitro, and tags in. Carlito works Shelton over in the corner. Nitro tags himself in, much to Benjamin's chagrin. Shelton and Nitro start exchanging punches. Carlito goes for a roll up, but Nitro counters and grabs the tights to get the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Johnny Nitro and Shelton Benjamin
Shelton and Carlito face off, and Carlito nails a back cracker.
Coach heads back to the office to find it vandalized. DX is painted everywhere. Coach
turns around to find the boys. Triple H and HBK tell Coach they should sit down and enjoy the rest of the show.
Maria interviews Eugene, who tells her she is pretty. Eugene says Hacksaw is at home getting better. Eugene says he'll get revenge on Umaga, when Rob Conway interrupts. Eugene snaps, and attacks Conway, leaving him laid out.
Coach tries to talk DX out of pulling anything else tonight, or at Vengeance. Triple H tells Coach he's right, and he agrees with him. Hunter grabs Coach in close, and then tosses him into the office wall. HBK and HHH de-pant Coach, and spray paint his butt with DX.
Another Highlanders vignette airs. And, no, it's not Duncan McCloud we're talking about here.
Match #7 -- Edge w/ Lita vs. Ric Flair
Mick Foley joins the announce team, and says he is planning on tanking his match on Sunday.
Edge is chopped down coming off the top turnbuckle. Flair then dodges a spear in the corner, sending Edge to the outside. Edge grabs a chair, but as the ref tosses it, Flair nails a low blow on Edge. Flair brings Lita into the ring, and sets up the figure four on Edge. Foley
jumps to the apron, and gets the mandible claw on Flair. The Nature Boy then turn into a Spear, and Edge gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Edge
RVD hits the ring, and nails Edge with a thrust kick. He sends Foley to the floor, and then hits Edge with the Five-Star Frog Splash.
Backstage, the Spirit Squad is trying to drum up support to take out DX, and it looks like they have it.
DX hits the ring with an official entrance. HBK reveals that Vince and Shane are part of hoax. Trips then wonders who the father of Steph's baby is. Funny stuff. HBK then talks about the Spirit Squad, when their music hits. It's all little people that come out. It's a little Squad. DX "beat up" the little people. Triple H then says he's been thinking a lot about cheerleaders, and brings out his own squad. HBK puts on a blindfold, and four cheerleaders come out on stage. The girls do a cheer, and remove their tops revealing DX bras. Hunter encourages them to take off their tops, but the real Spirit Squad ruins their fun. The rest of the locker room also head out, but decided to head back to the locker room. Johnny and Nicky are left alone in the ring with DX, and are taken out with a Pedigree and Sweet Chin Music. The little people
return to the ring, and stand in front of DX. They moon the Spirit Squad, and have "Suck it" written on their butt cheeks. DX poses in the ring to the end the show.
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is glad DX is back, but there was no reason to be subjected to seeing Coach's rear. You can reach Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.