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   Tue, April 11, 2006



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COMMENT





Raw: Phoning it in
By DALE PLUMMER - SLAM! Wrestling


Maybe WWE should think about slimming down the Pay-Per-View schedule. Wrestlemania was less than two week ago, and Backlash is already closing in. Quite frankly, WWE creative can't handle it, and they proved it tonight from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Edge and Lita kick off the show. Edge announces that he is back where he belongs ... in the title hunt. He is the most-watched champion in five years, mind you. Anyway Edge goes on to say that he will win at Backlash, and announces the champ is here. Of course, that brings John Cena, the real champ, to the ring. Cena says he has a dark side, but he's been there, and done that. He goes on to say he doesn't have an ego that would cause him to think up a crazy nickname like, the king of kings. Enter Triple H. Hunter runs his mouth; dislike ... blah, blah, blah ... respect ... more words ... ten time champ ... yada yada yada. Since Vince McMahon isn't in the house tonight he phoned in the main event. Triple H and Cena will team up to take on Edge. After Edge leaves the ring, Hunter offers a handshake to Cena. The champ slaps him, and walks away.

(By the way, this whole exchange took almost 25 minutes.)

Match # 1 Rob Conway vs. RVD

More importantly is Shelton Benjamin on guest commentary. During the match, Shelton challenges RVD to a match at Backslash for the Money in the Bank, briefcase. After finishing off Conway with the Five-Star Frogsplash, RVD is informed of the challenge. Van Dam doesn't hesitate, and declines. He wants some incentive; Benji will have to put his Intercontinental Title on the line as well.

Winner via pinfall: RVD

Maria is with a now blonde Mickie James. The new women's champ says she can't wait to get home to Toronto and celebrate. Maria informs Mickie she's not from Toronto. Mickie is irked, and challenges Maria to a title match, tonight.

Steve Romero is set to interview Kane, who's movie, See No Evil, opens May 19th. First we watch the trailer, but Kane vanishes during the airing.

(And I don't blame him. I'd run away after seeing what a pile that movie is going to be.)

Match #2 The Spirit Squad vs. Kane and Big Show World Tag Team Title Match

In a great move, the entire Squad is recognized as champion, so any two members can defend the belt. In other news, Kane is found wandering backstage, with a voiceover saying May 19th, and they will find out, until Big Show finds him.

Kane snaps during the match, tossing chairs into the ring, getting a DQ. Kane doesn't stop; chokeslamming Johnny and Nicky, and the ref. Big Show steps in to reason with the monster. Kane grabs him by the throat. Show does the same, but Kane overpowers him, and chokeslams Show.

Winner via DQ: The Spirit Squad

Vince isn't at the arena, because he's with Shane trying to find God. (I'm offended, not as a Christian, mind you, but as a wrestling fan.)

Vince and Shane continue to explore the sanctuary, with Vince doing his Triple H impersonation with Holy Water out of a baptismal font. Vince then pontificates and compares himself to the Lord. Shane then offers up a prayer, and Vince calls out the Lord, as thunder rains down. (Okay, now I'm offended as a Christian.)

Match #3 Umaga vs. random jobber

Armando Alejandro Estrada announces Umaga to the ring. The wrestler-formerly-known-as-Jamal wrecks the poor guy and picks up an easy win.

Winner: Umaga.

Carlito comes to the ring and announces he has lost 275 pounds of dead weight, Chris Masters. The Masterpiece heads to the ring, and implies he may have blown the Wrestlemania match on purpose. Carlito says that is the dumbest thing he has ever heard. Carlito then wants to participate in the Masterlock Challenge. Masters wants Carlito to drop the apple, and when Masters turns his back, Carlito wallops him with the chair.

Match #4 Mickie James vs. Maria Women's Title Match

Mickie wins with the Mick kick. After the match, Trish Stratus hits the ring, only she's dressed as Mickie James, brunette and all. Trish pulls Mickie's old act, even kissing the champ. Mickie is dumbfounded. (Trish as a brunette, me like!)

Winner via pinfall: Mickie James.

Match #5 Triple H and John Cena vs. Edge w/ Lita

Cena actually gets a hot tag from Triple H. The champ hammers on Edge, but Trips hits the pedigree on Edge, trying to steal Cena's thunder. Hunter, unfortunately or fortunately, (depending on your point of view), walks into an F-U. Cena then locks in the STFU on Edge, and the Rated R Superstar taps.

Winner via submission: Triple H and John Cena


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  • On the Road with Abdullah the Butcher DVD

    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale never thought he would use the words pontificate, baptismal font, and sanctuary in the same RAW report. For more insight on The McMahonci Code email Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.