Raw: A last kick at the 'Mania can
DALE PLUMMER - SLAM! Wrestling
It's the last stop on the Road to Wrestlemania for Monday Night RAW in Omaha, Nebraska. Let's see if Vince McMahon and company can convince us to shell out almost fifty bucks for the pay-per-view this weekend.
The Chairman of the Board kicks of the show from his office. Vince announces that we will be treated to a once in a lifetime event, as he takes on John Cena, tonight.
Mick Foley makes his way to the ring. He holds two boxes, leaving one at the top of the ramp. Foley says that even though he has a hardcore match with Edge, it gives him no right to shove his fingers down Lita's throat. Mick pulls a bouquet of roses out of the box and asks Lita to come out and accept his gift. Edge and Lita walk out, and wants to know why he should open the other box. Foley tells him it's something he can use on Sunday. Edge pulls a baseball bat out of the
box on the ramp, and runs into the ring. Foley produces a barbed wire bat, and takes a swing at Edge. The Rated R Superstar exits through the crowd, and a video package about Foley airs. After the video, Mick is in the corner of the ring rocking back and forth, licking the barbed wire.
Match # 1 - Carlito vs. Kane
(Um, didn't we see this match last week? In fact I didn't even have to change the header from last week.)
Carlito leaps into a choke slam, but grabs the ref to break the hold. The ref calls for the bell, and Carlito runs to the back.
Winners via DQ: Kane
Kane chases Carlito into a corner, but is jumped by Masters, Lance Cade, and Trevor Murdoch. They force Kane into a closet, and drive a forklift in front of the door. Big Show tries to make the save, but cannot find the key for the forklift. Show starts to push the forklift out of the way.
Carlito and Masters head back to the ring for the Masterlock Challenge.
Big Show is still working on the forklift, when
Kane walks up from behind, and asks if he needs some help. Apparently, there's a back door to the closet, so Kane just let himself out. Kane and Show mention that these guys are idiots, and head to the ring.
(Now that's some good mid-card humor, that WWE has been sorely missing.)
Masterlock Challenge - Big Show
Kane chases Carlito into the crowd, and Show sets up for the Challenge. Show settles into the chair, and Masters tries to lock in the hold. After several unsuccessful attempts, Masters hits him with a forearm to the back. Show punches Masters, and leaves him lying in the ring after a choke slam.
A John Cena promo airs. (Which everyone talks like this match with Triple H is a shoot, much to the disgust of fellow SLAM! writer Nick Tylwalk.)
Match #2 - Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels
(Since WWE is using Peter Gabriel's Big Time as the Wrestlemania theme, shouldn't Trips change his entrance music to Sledgehammer?)
After a back body drop to HHH, that sends him spilling over the ropes to the floor,
Vince McMahon heads out to the ring. Michaels hits the flying forearm, and then a reverse atomic drop. Vince grabs Shawn as he comes off the ropes. Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but HBK blocks it. Michaels catapults Trips into Vince. HBK drops the elbow off the top rope, starts to warm up the band. Vince grabs Shawn, again, and HBK pulls the boss onto the apron. He nails the chairman with a punch, but turn around into a kick from HHH. Hunter nails the Pedigree, and goes outside to grab a sledgehammer. Vince slides into the ring, but Cena runs down to make the save. Hunter and Cena trade punches, and HHH is knocked from the ring.
Todd Grisham gets a reaction from Vince. The Chairman says Cena can have HBK in
his corner tonight, because Vince will have HHH in his corner.
Ric Flair heads to the ring. He says he is destined to win the World Championship for a seventeenth time. Shelton Benjamin comes out and says he's sick of Flair. The Nature Boy punches Benji, but Shelton nails him with a Samoan drop. Benjamin starts to climb the ladder, when RVD runs in and pulls him off. RVD sets up Benji on the ladder, and hits rolling thunder. Van Dam gets on the mike and says it's every man for himself, so Flair hits him with a thumb to the eye.
Match #3 - The Spirit Squad (Johnny, Kenny and Mikey) vs. Eugene, Val Venis, and Viscera
Johnny covers Val Venis for the win, after Venis is kicked off the top rope by Mikey with help from a trampoline. After the match, the Squad continues to beat on their opponents.
Winner via pinfall: The Spirit Squad (Johnny, Kenny and Mikey)
In the interest of fairness, Triple H gets his shoot video, now.
Mickie James is sitting in a room with pictures of Trish all around. She is completely psycho and tells Trish that she will destroy her. Watching in the back, Trish is unnerved, as Torrie comes to get her for their match.
Match #4 - Torrie Wilson and Trish Stratus vs. Candice Michelle and Victoria
Trish pins Victoria after a chick kick, as Torrie and Candice fight outside the ring.
Winner via pinfall: Torrie Wilson and Trish Stratus
Vince has security escort Cena to the back, and announces that
this is now a handicap match.
Match #5 - John Cena w/ HBK vs. Vince McMahon w/ HHH
Before the match, Vince announces that neither corner man will interfere, because they will be handcuffed to the ring. Vince starts off the match, by ducking Cena. The champ powers out of a side headlock from Vince, and into a top wrist lock. Vince slaps Cena and sets up for a test of strength. Cena gains the advantage, but Vince kicks him in the junk. The ref calls for the bell.
Winner via DQ: John Cena
Vince swipes the handcuff key from the ref, and unlocks Triple H. Hunter grabs the sledge, and nails Cena with it. Hunter taunts Michaels, as HBK tries to fight both men off. Hunter nails HBK in the gut, and Vince nails him with a chair shot. Hunter heads back into the ring, and stands over Cena as the show goes off the air.
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Email Dale your thoughts, comments, or complaints to Dplummer627@yahoo.com.