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Raw: Building to another butt kiss
By DALE PLUMMER - SLAM! Wrestling


Now, I'm all for recycling, but not when it comes to wrestling storylines. Tonight's RAW, from Washington D.C., sees the return of the Vince McMahon "Kiss my #$%@!" club, money in the bank, and centerfold-on-centerfold fighting.

Edge and Lita kick off the show, and Edge says it's time to find out if Foley has accepted his challenge. Lita produces two tickets to Long Island, and Edge says he can get there by midnight to make a house call. Edge won't get the frequent flier miles, as Foley is in the building, and walks out on stage. Foley says what I did last week, telling Edge that he lost to Cena, and he choked. Edge proceeds to call Foley overrated, and that he will only be remembered for having an ear ripped off, being thrown off the cell, and creating a sock puppet. Edge calls Mick pathetic, because he never won at Wrestlemania. (Really? Someone get the SLAM! Wrestling archivist on this!) Foley declines Edge's challenge to a wrestling match, but he will challenge him to a hardcore match. Foley says he'll give Edge some help to make his mind. Foley heads to the back, and re-emerges with a barbed-wire baseball bat. Foley "runs" to the ring, chasing Edge and Lita.

Match # 1 Kane and Big Show vs. Val Venis and Viscera World Tag Team Championship

(Since all the real tag teams are being released, we're down to random guys being paired up. Although I like this, Venis and Viscera can be called V-3, or V Cubed, or Triple V. Well, maybe not that last one.)

Big Show and Kane retain their belts with a double choke slam to Viscera.

Winners via pinfall: Kane and Big Show

Todd Grisham has Ric Flair backstage. Todd asks Flair about losing the title and turning 57 last weekend. Flair just sys he's getting better with age.

In the locker room, Shawn Michaels apologizes to Marty Jannetty for getting him involved in this. MJ says last week he helped a friend, this week he's helping himself.

(Apparently times have been tough for Jannetty. He says he doesn't even have a car, so Nick Tylwalk and I are starting a collection for him. Check the like below to donate to the "Motors for Marty Fund.")

Maria is with Carlito, who checks her out, and says something in Spanish. Carlito says Vince has accepted his idea for another Money in the Bank match, and tonight there will be three qualifying matches.

Match #2 RVD vs. Trevor Murdoch Money in the Bank Qualifying Match

(Oh come on, WWE! At least make the match look somewhat legit. There is no way Trevor Murdoch is wrestling at 'Mania. Although, the cynic in me could see RVD push to the bottom of the card starting here.)

After a spinning heel kick, RVD climbs the turnbuckle and hits the 5 Star Frog splash.

Winner via pinfall: RVD

Match #3 Trish Stratus w/ Mickie James vs. Candice Michelle w/ Torrie Wilson WWE Women's Title Match

(If anyone has seen a copy of Single White Female please return it to WWE creative, they cannot finish the storyline with Trish's boyfriend without it.)

(Seriously, though, I wish I would have written a prediction last week for this match. Trish will win, but Torrie will some how interfere, costing Candice the match. Candice will get angry with Torrie, setting up a centerfold versus centerfold match at Wrestlemania.)

To the match, Trish tries a sunset flip, but Candice sits on her. Torrie grabs Candice's hands, but the ref sees the cheating. This gives Trish a chance to reverse the pin, and retain the belt.

Winner via pinfall: Trish Stratus

Coach is in the ring to interview the champ, John Cena. Triple H interrupts and tells Coach to have a seat. In a train wreck of a segment (the fans where booing and cheering both men, then did nothing. This does not bode well for 'Mania), Hunter says Cena can't beat him, and Cena replies he isn't afraid. Vince appears on the TitanTron and tells the two men in the ring, that they will be teaming on Saturday Night's Main Event, and they will be facing the men in Smackdown's 'Mania main event.

Match #4 Shelton Benjamin vs. Chavo Guerrero Money in the Bank Qualifying Match

Poor Chavo, he doesn't have a chance. Actually it looks like Chavo might pull this off. After a DDT, Chavo is all set to make the cover, when Randy Orton hits the ring, and nails Chavo with an RKO. Shelton rolls over onto Chavo and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Shelton Benjamin

And the next person to be introduced into the WWE Hall of Fame is ... Mean Gene Okerlund! And Hulk Hogan will introduce him.

(It's well known that I'm not a Hogan fan, but I'm fine with this. Hogan can still be around the business; I'm fine with that, as long as he stays out of the ring.)

Match #5 Carlito vs. Ric Flair

Carlito seems awfully confident in the match, hmm ... After a dropkick, Carlito demands his apple. He takes a big bite out of it on the apron, and walks into the ring. He steps into a kick from Flair, sending apple everywhere. Flair rolls up Carlito, and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Ric Flair

In his office, Vince is getting ready to get his rear kissed.

The Spirit Squad introduces Vince. After a recap of how HBK and Marty Jannetty have had totally opposite careers, the man of the hour walks to the ring. Vince berates MJ some more, before demanding he get on his knees. Vince drops his pants, but Marty can't do it. So Vince calls Chris Masters to the ring. If Jannetty can break the MasterLock, Marty will get his contract. Jannetty puts up a valiant fight, but Vince kicks him in the gut, and that puts him down. Vince drops the trousers again, and tries to have Masters force Jannetty to pucker up to his butt. Shawn Michaels makes the save with a chair, and Vince is literally caught with his pants down. HBK is set to lay out the boss, when Shane McMahon attacks him from behind. Shane grabs the chair, and wallops HBK. Vince says if Michaels wants a fight so bad, he'll get one. Shane will take on HBK in a street fight at Saturday Night's Main Event. Vince goes on to say since HBK interfered he'll have to pay. Shane makes Shawn pucker up, and shoves an unconscious HBK into Vince's rear. Vince then says he will kick Shawn's butt at Wrestlemania, and the show goes to black.


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is still wading through the red tape setting up fund for Marty Jannetty. All donations can currently be sent to Dplummer627@yahoo.com. Please makes checks payable to Dale Plummer and cheques payable to Greg Oliver.