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Raw: Gee, Triple H wins, surprise, surprise
By DALE PLUMMER - SLAM! Wrestling


After a short detour last week, Monday Night Raw is back on the road to Wrestlemania in Trenton, New Jersey. Although, if any American wrestling fans tuned into USA last week, they probably didn't notice a difference, since WWE creative went to the dogs long ago.

Match # 1 Diva Battle Royal Number One contender Match

Speaking of woofers, WWE trots out this match. And in a Diva battle royal a Diva is eliminated when she is knocked form the ring, not necessarily over the top rope. Any way, the match is a cluster, and Candice wins. She mouths off to Trish, who has been watching from the ramp, and then does her little spin move.

(It's times like these that I wish the Dudleys were still around. Someone needs to put this chick through a table. She serves no purpose, and now next week we have to suffer through her "wrestling" Trish.)

Winner: Candice

Edge stops the nonsense. (I can't believe I'm glad to see him.) He tells Candice she knows nothing of championships. He blames Foley for costing him the title.

(Which makes no sense. Essentially Edge is blaming Foley for doing his job, and not cheating. This is absolutely ridiculous. If Foley would have missed a call, like Edge had a shoulder up, he has a legit beef, but this is just dumb. One hundred monkeys at one hundred typewriters could script better storylines.)

Anyway, Edge wants to send Foley a message, so tonight he has challenged Hacksaw Jim Duggan to a match, and it's next.

Match #2 Edge vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

(Hacksaw certainly hasn't been in the gym. Although, Nick Plummer points out that it's nice the Duggan has gone with shorts, instead of tights, sparing us all nightmares.)

We come back from commercial and Edge is beating on Duggan. Hacksaw turns the tables nailing Edge with a clothesline, as Edge came off the top turnbuckle. Hacksaw sets up for a three-point stance, but Lita grabs his leg. This gives Edge enough time to recover and hit Duggan with a spear and pick up the win.

After the match, Edge and Lita crotch Duggan on his two by four.

Winner via pinfall: Edge

Match #3 Kane vs. Chris Masters

Masters has several unsuccessful attempts locking in the Masterlock. The last time Kane shoots him of the ropes, and back into a big boot. Kane covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Kane

After the match, Masters sneaks in behind Kane, and slaps on the Masterlock. He throws Kane from the ring, but Kane immediately sits up and Masters hightails it to the back.

The Spirit Squad drops in on Vince McMahon, and Vince has some news for them. Tonight, four of the boys will take on Shawn Michaels. The guy left out is disappointed, but Vince tells him that five on one isn't fair, but four on one is fine.

Match #4 Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair Intercontinental Title Match

Shelton wheels Mama to the ring to watch him compete. Flair starts Benji off with a hip toss, and the sends him to the mat with a shoulder block. After a back body drop, Flair sends Benjamin to the floor with a massive chop. After the break, Flair chops his way out of the corner and tries a figure four. Benji counters, and sends Flair from the ring. After a missed baseball slide, Shelton nails Flair with a Samoan drop on the floor. Back in the ring, the two trade chops, and then Benji hits a dragon whip, and then sends Flair to the mat with a back elbow. Shelton climbs the turnbuckle, and nails a flying clothesline. Benjamin covers, but Flair gets a foot on the rope at the two count. Flair kicks Benji out of a figure four attempt, and then chops him out of the air during a springboard maneuver. Flair applies the figure four, when Mama gets out of her chair and staggers around the ring. The ref jumps out to help her, and calls for the medics. Shelton leaves the ring, and grabs her oxygen tank. He then hits Flair with it, and follows with a T-bone suplex. The ref re-enters the ring, and Benjamin covers for the win, and becomes the new Intercontinental Champion.

Winner via pinfall: Shelton Benjamin

After the match, Mama is okay, dancing around the ring.

Match #5 Shawn Michaels vs. The Spirit Squad (Johnny, Mikey, Kenny, and Nick) 1 on 4 handicap Match

The Squad starts off with a cheer. One of the guys pulls out a trampoline at ringside, and then hits HBK with a clothesline off the trampoline on the outside. Back in the ring, HBK recovers to hit Mikey with a swinging neck breaker. Michaels follows with a flying forearm, and then kips up. Mikey is nailed with a reverse atomic drop, and HBK knocks everyone else off the apron. HBK climbs the turnbuckle, and drops an elbow on Mikey. This sets up Sweet Chin Music, Michaels covers, but the entire Squad hits the ring to make the save and beat on HBK. Shawn is getting worked over, when none other then Marty Jannetty makes the save. HBK and Jannetty clear the ring, as Vince watches in the back.

Winner via DQ: Shawn Michaels

Match #6 Carlito vs. Mick Berk

JOBBER ALERT! Carlito grabs the mike, and makes an announcement as he beats on Berk. Carlito says last year he humiliated Piper and Austin, but this year he will have a bigger impact. Berk get nailed with a back cracker, and Carlito follows with a roll of the dice. He covers for the win, and announces that this year he's money in the bank.

Winner via pinfall: Carlito

The second Hall of Fame inductee is announces, and it's Eddie Guerrero.

Vince walks out on stage, and says he isn't upset with Marty Jannetty, in fact he is going to sign him to a contract. Although, there's one thing Marty has to do first. He has to join a very exclusive club, and I think we all know what that means.

Match #7 - Big Show vs. RVD vs. Triple H Triple Threat Match - Wrestlemania Tournament Finals

(I debated even covering this match, because I think we all know who's gonna win, and it ain't Big Show or RVD.)

Big Show brings Trips in from the apron, as he was posing. And then hits him with a press slam. Triple H and Show spill out of the ring, and fight into the front row. RVD tries a move from the apron, but Show catches him, and then drops him on his face. Back in the ring, HHH and RVD double team Show. After the big man goes down, RVD turn on Triple H hitting a spin kick, and then a split legged moonsault. RVD can only get a two count. RVD climbs the turnbuckle, but is pushed off the turnbuckle. When the ref goes to check on RVD, Hunter grabs a chair. He nails Show, and follows with a pedigree. HHH only gets a two count, as RVD makes the save. RVD then sends HHH over the top rope, and hits Show with the five-star frog splash. RVD covers, but Triple H grabs the ref, so he can't make the count. HHH enters the ring, and hits RVD with the pedigree, and covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Triple H

Triple H doesn't have long to celebrate, as John Cena hits the ring and the two men stare each other down as the show goes to black.

(On a side note, I'm watching Canada take on the Czech Republic right now, and I must say, I don't like the black jerseys on Team Canada. They just don't feel right. And before you flame me with e-mail, I am quite aware that Team USA is garbage this year, so there's no need to tell me that. My money is on the Finns right now, anyway.)


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale spent last week practicing his curling to become a surprise entrant in the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. Send your coaching tips to Dplummer627@yahoo.com.