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Raw: The clock is ticking
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


It's the day after Christmas, and Santa has stopped by the McMahon house. St. Nick didn't drop off a new General Manager for RAW, as Vince is still the defacto GM, but he did deliver a copy of the new Bret Hart DVD.

Vince gives us a run down of tonight's card. All six men that will be in the elimination chamber will take part in singles matches, tonight. Whoever wins in the quickest time, will be the last to enter the chamber. Easy enough. (I'll give the writers credit on this one.)

Match # 1 -- Shawn Michaels vs. Snitsky -- Beat the Clock Match

HBK punches Snitsky as soon as he enters the ring. After a cross body, Snitsky recovers with a side slam, and then tosses Michaels out of the ring. On the outside Snitsky slams HBK into the ring apron. Michaels is rolled back into the ring, where he is on the receiving end of a body slam. Snitsky follows with a bear hug. HBK breaks the hold with punches to the head. Michaels hits a flying forearm, and kips up. Snitsky is nailed with an inverted atomic drop, and clothesline, but cannot get the pinfall. Snitsky fights back, and tries to set up a superplex. HBK knocks him off the turnbuckle, and nails him with a flying elbow. HBK warms up the band, but Snitsky counters with a big boot. Snitsky backs HBK into the corner, but Michaels connects with Sweet Chin Music and covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall at 5 minutes and 56 seconds: Shawn Michaels

The Cutting Edge

Edge and Lita are in the ring as the introduce their guest, Ric Flair. Ric doesn't come to ringside, but instead appears on the Titantron. And it's not really Flair -- WWE rips off the bit that Conan O'Brien does with the celebrity faces, and only the lips move. Edge has his fun, until Flair really hits the ring, and beats down Edge.

Match # 2 -- Chris Masters vs. Chavo Guerrero - Beat the Clock Match

I am so glad Chavo got to dump the Kerwin White gimmick out of respect for his uncle. Masters tries to end the match early, but cannot lock in the full nelson. Master then nails Chavo with a fall away slam, and works over Chavo with knees to the back. Masters calls for the Master Lock again, but Chavo counters. Masters is fought off with a series of kicks, but Chavo eventually is locked into the Master lock. Chavo doesn't tap as time runs out. An enraged Masters breaks the hold, and grabs the mike. He whines that the clock was wrong, and it was too fast. Chavo shuts Masters up with a back body drop, sending Masters to the floor. Chavo then knocks Masters to the floor, again, with a baseball slide. The referee checks on Masters, and Chavo heads to the back.

No Contest

Kurt Angle is backstage to make his big announcement. All he does is heel on the American troops. (USA was pushing this all week? What a waste.)

Vince McMahon and Torrie Wilson are checking out the new Bret Hart DVD. Torrie tells Vince she wants to be GM, when Todd Grisham interrupts. Vince tells Todd to tell Flair that he will defend his IC title at New Year's Revolution against Edge. Vince then asks Grisham how Bret Hart looked when he interviewed him. Vince wants to know if he can take Bret. Grisham seems to think that Vince can take him.

Mickie James is in the holiday spirit, as she has decorated hers and Trish's lockers. Mickie tells Trish that she wants to spread some holiday cheer. They both look up and notice some mistletoe. Mickie plants a kiss right on Trishes lips -- and I think I see some tongue. Wo-Hoo! Trish freaks, and bolts the locker room, as Mickie throws a fit.

Match #3 -- Kurt Angle vs. Daivari -- Beat the Clock Match

Daivari lays down for Angle, and Angle covers. Mike Chioda only counts to two, not wanting to go along with these shenanigans. Angle yells at the ref, and Daivari flops again. Angle covers, but the ref only makes a two count. Angle pushes Chioda, and Chioda pushes back, and then takes off into the crowd. Chioda makes his way back to the ring, and counts Angle out.

Winner via countout: Daivari

It's time for that tried and true wrestling tradition, the contract signing. Big Show signs right away, but Triple H has something to get off his chest first. Trips tells Show that he has no beef with the big man, until he cost him a title shot. Show tells HHH that he doesn't have any back up anymore. HHH says he doesn't need back up, and stabs Show in the eye with the pen. Hunter then flips over the table to reveal a hidden sledgehammer. Show rolls out of the ring, and Hunter follows. Show, still reeling from the pen, has his hand smashed on the ring steps with the sledge. Triple H then signs the contract, before heading to the back.

Match #4 -- John Cena vs. Shelton Benjamin - Beat the Clock Match

Cena comes out of the gate firing, trying to finish the match early with two attempts at the F-U. Benjamin counters a vertical suplex with a neck breaker, but only gets a two count on the cover. After a slam, Cena drops an elbow. Benji is whipped into the corner, and bounces off into a side slam from Cena. The champ checks the clock, but walks into a spinebuster. Benjamin the counters another F-U into a Samoan drop. Benjamin is whipped into the corner, and tries to go up and over Cena, but the Champ catches him. Benji holds onto the ropes, so Cena cannot deliver the F-U and time expires. Cena dumps Benji to the floor. The Champ follows bit is slammed into the ring post. Cena rolls back into the ring, and finally hits the F-U. He follows up with the STF-U and Benjamin taps.

Winner via submission: John Cena

After the match, Daivari and Angle hit the ring to beat on the champ. Most of the refereeing crew hits the ring to separate the two men.

After the break, Benjamin is on the phone talking about his match. He says the loss wasn't his fault. He is then shocked to find out that the person he is talking to will be at the arena next week. He then tells the person he loves them, before he hangs up.

Matt Striker joins Vince in his office and tells Vince he should be General Manager, since he used to be a teacher and all. Vince asks him how he would handle the Angle/Cena situation. Striker says he would have them write on the chalkboard 500 times. Vince doesn't like the idea, and then says next week Angle and Cena will face each other in a first blood match.

It's time for a Carlito Christmas. Carlito recites The night after Christmas. Good stuff.

Match #5 -- Carlito vs. Victoria w/ Torrie Wilson and Candace Michelle -- Beat the Clock Match

Carlito can't believe his luck. He doesn't take Victoria seriously, smacking her on the rear after breaking a hold. Torrie distracts the ref, and Victoria nails Carlito in the chestnuts. Victoria then takes Carlito out at the knees with Candace's wand. Carlito isn't amused. He grabs Victoria, and nails his Roll the Dice move, and covers for the win. He then spits apple in her face.

Winner via pinfall at 2 minutes and 36 seconds: Carlito

Match #6 -- Kane vs. The Heartthrobs -- Beat the Clock Match

Kane whips both men into the corner. They stagger into Kane's grasp, and Kane finishes them off with a double choke slam. He covers for the pin.

Winner of the match via pinfall at 28 seconds and winner of Beat the Clock: Kane

Vince heads to the ring to give his review of the Bret Hart DVD. He tosses the DVD into the crowd (ala Chad Johnson) as a gift to a lucky fan. Vince then tricks the crowd into cheering that Bret was wrong, and he has tricked them like he tricked Bret. Shawn Michaels comes to the ring, and tells Vince that, yes he would do it all over again, only because it's good for the company. HBK then tells Vince it's time to move on, grow up, and let it go; it was eight years ago. Vince isn't happy with those remarks, and asks Shawn if he should make him move on. Vince says he doesn't take crap from anyone, and then ends the show by telling HBK not to make him screw him like he screwed Bret. Vince leaves HBK standing in the ring, as he heads to the back.


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale hopes everyone had a Merry Christmas, and sends along his best wishes for the New Year. You can email Dale at DPlummer627@yahoo.com.