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Impact: Baseball becomes basebrawl
By
CHRIS SOKOL - SLAM! Wrestling
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Well, it isn't the first time wrestling and baseball have clashed, but heh,
it's worth a shot. Will the attempt to use the Chicago White Sox name prove to
be a "Grand Slam" idea, or a strike out. Grab your mitt, stretch out and be
prepared for any knuckleballs TNA might throw your way on this "Hit-or-Miss"
edition of Impact.
Match One - America's Most Wanted and Jeff Jarrett vs The Naturals
and "The Charismatic Enigma" Jeff Hardy
Jarrett didn't allow Hardy to slither down the entrance ramp, attacking him
straight out of the tunnel. AMW and The Naturals joined in and the fight wound
up all over the Impact Zone. At one point, Andy Douglas used Chase Stevens as a
catapault off the stage, hitting a tope on top of AMW. The match eventually made
its way into the ring, allowing for a little rasslin' action to take place,
before Stevens was triple teamed and finished off with The Stroke.
Winners Via Pinfall - America's Most Wanted and Jeff
Jarrett
Despite having won the match, AMW and Jarrett continued the beat down,
handcuffing Hardy to the guardrail and then putting Douglas through a table that
had "3D" spray painted on it. Oh the audacity!
"The Rhino Files" returned for its third installment. Rhino talked a
little bit about his neck injury, and how he was going to recapture the NWA
World Heavyweight Championship at Turning Point. It wouldn't necessarily be a
bad thing if he did, he could make a solid champion.
We are whisked away to the famous scene of Raven being held back by
security, while uttering useless drivel in the direction of Larry Zybysko.
Zybysko insisted that Raven sign his release before he had to wrestle again at
Turning Point. Raven again declined, accepting the consequences. Zybysko told
Raven he could not be threatened, as Raven exited with a little...okay a lot of
assistance from security.
Match Two - "The Samoan Submission Machine" Samoa Joe vs The
Amazing Red
Alex Shelly decided to bring his video camera ringside and test his hand at
filming a match. He picked a doozy, as Joe nearly demolished Red. Sure the kid
from Brooklyn got a few shots in, but it wasn't enough to avoid The Muscle
Buster, followed by a Rear Naked Choke. He tapped! He tapped! Afterwards, Shelly
began walking up the ring steps, only to be chased away by Joe.
Winner Via Submission - "The Samoan Submission Machine" Samoa
Joe
Morphoplex Move of the Night - The Muscle Buster (No Petey
Williams in this one?)
In the ring with X Division stars, "The Phenomenal" AJ Styles, "The
Original Playa From The Himalayas" Sonjay Dutt and Chris Sabin, "The
Professor" Mike Tenay introduced TNA's special guests, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan,
Dale "The Demon" Torborg and Chicago White Sox's catcher, AJ Pierzynski. After
exchanging pleasantries and a few gifts, The Diamonds In The Rough made their
presence felt, interrupting the ceremony. Simon Diamond informed Pierzynski that the
only reason he is famous is because he struck out and made it to first base
because the catcher fell asleep at the switch, leading to my favorite line of
the night courtesy of Don West, "It doesn't matter how you win Simon." Diamond
jacked his jaw for a little while longer, before slapping the taste of Torborg's
mouth, leading to a pull apart brawl. This set up the Turning Point match that
will feature The Diamonds In The Rough vs Dale "The Demon" Torborg, Chris Sabin
and Sonjay Dutt w/ AJ Pierzynski in their corner and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan on
commentary.
The 4 Live Kru cut their usual pre-match promo, before heading to the ring
for...
Match Three - Konnan and Kip James w/ Ron "The Truth" Killings and
BG James vs The Beasts of Burden (Synn and Helvis)
Kru talked some more and were jumped from behind by the Beasts. Synn and
Helvis hung on for a bit, but were taken off guard by the vets and not given any
chance at a comeback. Synn found himself looking up at the ceiling, while Helvis
found himself tapping to The Tequila Sunrise. After the match, "Bullet" Bob
Armstrong was shown giving his approval.
Winners Via Submission - Konnan and Kip James
Terry Taylor stood by with Bobby Roode and Coach Scott D'Amore as they ran
down Christian Cage for turning down Team Canada's generous offer. D'Amore can
cut a promo like no other.
A video package hyping the Sabu/Abyss Barbed Wire Massacre Match was shown.
That should be very, very interesting.
Match Four - Christian Cage vs Bobby Roode w/ Coach Scott
D'Amore
Back and forth contest that saw D'Amore get involved on several occasions,
trying to sway the momentum in Roode's favor. Things heated up when the ref was
inadvertantly knocked out. Cage seized the opportunity, bringing D'Amore into
the ring and setting up to hit him. As he was about to clock D'Amore, "The Alpha
Male" Monty Brown hit the ring. Brown went to POOOOOOOUNNNNNNCEEE! Period. Cage,
but instead connected with D'Amore. Cage sent Brown flying to the floor. Roode
tried to use the hockey stick, but a drop toe hold led to him cracking himself
in the face. Dazed, confused and with nowehere to go, Roode suffered an
Unprettier for the one-two-three.
Winner Via Pinfall - Christian Cage
As Christian celebrated in the ring, he was caught off guard and hit with
the POOOOOUNNCEE! Period. When is that going to be Morphoplex Move of the
Night?
Father James Mitchell and "The Monster" Abyss made their way to the ring to
run down Sabu. As they were doing that, the lights went out, and when they came
back on, the ring ropes were now barbed wire, and they were now joined in the
ring by the man they called out. Again, their match at Turning Point should be
insane.
We then shot over to a PPV hype video before wrapping up a "Grand Slam"
edition of Impact. With TNA announcing the introduction of razor wire into the
Barbed Wire Massacre, it is only to easy to predict that the match will be one
to look out for. Hopefully TNA can rebound from a few mediocre PPVs, but only
they have the power to decide that.
TNA Turning Point Card:
- A Major Surprise
- NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match - Jeff Jarrett (C) vs
"The Man Beast" Rhino
- TNA X Division Championship Match - "The Phenomenal" AJ Styles
(C) vs "The Samoan Submission Machine" Samoa Joe
- Tables Match - America's Most Wanted vs Team 3D
- Barbed Wire Massacre - "The Monster" Abyss w/ Father James
Mitchell vs Sabu
- Number One Contenders Match - Christian Cage vs "The Alpha Male"
Monty Brown
- Raven vs Larry Zybysko's Mystery Opponent
- The Diamonds In The Rough vs Dale "The Demon" Torborg, Chris
Sabin and "The Original Playa From The Himalayas" Sonjay Dutt w/ AJ Pierzynki in
their corner and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan on commentary.
- The 4 Live Kru vs Team Canada w/ Coach Scott
D'Amore
- Matt Bentley and Austin Aries w/ Traci Brooks vs Alex Shelly and
Roderick Strong
Pre Show Card:
- 8 Man Tag Team Match - "The Charasmatic Enigma" Jeff Hardy, Lance
Hoyt and The Naturals vs Buck Quatermain, Lex Lovett, Jon Bolen and Joe
Doering
Chris Sokol is from Long Island, NY and wants to know which
Morphoplex employee is getting fired for not including Petey Williams in this
episode's Move of the Night. If you have any insight into the matter, email
Chris at CJS137@aol.com.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Enigma: Best of Jeff Hardy DVD
