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Raw: Many tricks, few treats
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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On All Hallow's Eve (and the eve of Taboo
Tuesday), World Wrestling Entertainment has requested
the fans in Anaheim to don their best costumes. It
looks like some fans came dressed as empty seats. (Oh
yea, I went there!)
Eric Bischoff and Chris Masters kick off the show,
and I don't think they're trick or treating. Instead,
Chris Masters is issuing a MasterLock Challenge to
Smackdown! Teddy Long comes out with his boy, Rey
Mysterio. Masters can't believe Rey actually showed
up, and then makes fun of his size, by picking him up
and putting him on the chair. Mysterio clocks Masters
in the face, and then drives him into the chair.
Bischoff calls for reinforcements, and most of the RAW
heels hit the ring. Long signals to the crowd, and the
five Smackdown candidates for Taboo Tuesday hit the
ring. Rey Rey hits the 619 on Masters, and the
Smackdown crew clears the ring. Long tells Bischoff
they are going to get embarrassed tomorrow night.
Bischoff chews out Masters and Edge in the back.
He doesn't want to lose to Teddy Long at a RAW
Pay-Per-View.
Match # 1 -- Kurt Angle vs. Tajiri
What does it say about RAW when I forget guys that
are on the roster? It's good to see Tajiri. Angle
pounds on Tajiri, and follows with a vertical suplex.
Angle then shoots the Japanese Buzzsaw off the ropes,
and catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle
locks in a leg scissors. Angle then pummels Tajiri in
the corner, before whipping him across the ring.
Tajiri gets a foot up in Angle's face, and fights back
with a series of kicks. A standing drop kick to
Angle's face sends him reeling. Angle counters the
tarantula into the ankle lock, and Tajiri taps out.
Winner via submission: Kurt Angle
After the match, Angle has a message for Cena. He
doesn't care who the third opponent is, because he is
walking away with the title. Angle rolls the footage
from last week, and Cena hits the ring. Angle hightails it out of the ring, and walks up the ramp.
Coach and King show off their costumes, and well
King is the King, but Coach is dressed as Stone Cold
Steve Austin, red neck and all. (Actually, that's
pretty clever.)
After a recap of the Flair-HHH feud, the Nature
Boy addresses the crowd. Flair is still campaigning
for a cage, but we know what's good for him, a
submission match.
Match # 2 -- Rob Conway vs. Eugene
Eugene charges the ring, and attacks Conway.
Eugene cuts off an attack from a chair, but Conway
regains the advantage in the ring. Conway drops the
elbow, and then slaps Eugene around. A scoop slam
slows down Eugene, but Conway taunts him, and then
slams his face into the ring. Eugene starts the "Hulk
Up", trading punches with Conway. Conway counters a
stunner, but can't get away from the Rock Bottom.
Conway gets a foot on the ropes to break the pin.
Conway rolls out of the ring, and slams Eugene with a
chair. Despite being DQ'ed Conway continues the
assault on Eugene. Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jimmy Snuka,
and Kamala make the save. King even gets in on the
act, as the Burger King, hitting a flying elbow on
Conway.
Winner via DQ: Eugene
Todd "Harry Caray" Grisham tries to get an
interview with Gregory Helms, who walks away, so
instead he talks to Mick Foley. The Hardcore Legend
says he has a surprise for Carlito. (Grisham's costume
isn't very good, but he does a spot on impression of
the late Cubs' announcer.)
Carlito is in the ring after the break. He says it
doesn't matter who he faces, because he will win. Dude
Love interrupts his rant, and then morphs into Cactus
Jack, and then into Mankind. (My choice: Cactus Jack.)
Coach interrupts and wishes Carlito the best of luck,
and then calls out Stone Cold.
After the break, Coach is still waiting for
Austin. Coach doesn't blame Austin for not coming out,
because he has back up. And the backup is Golddust.
(Hopefully he got that stuttering problem taken care
of.) Well, it's not Austin, it's Mr. McMahon, and he's
ditched the doctor outfit. Vince says Austin was
involved in some sort of accident, and he won't be
here tonight, or he won't be at Taboo Tuesday. Vince
can't validate these reports, but he still names Coach
the winner of tomorrow's match. But, Vince tells him
he will still have a match tonight. It's against
Smackdown's number one announcer, Funaki. Golddust
attacks him, and then kicks him from the ring. Coach
says he can handle bigger competition then Funaki. He
will take on anyone from Smackdown, first come, first
served. Vince says we'll find out tomorrow, when
Batista emerges from the back. Golddust jumps Batista
from behind, and VADER hits the ring. Golddust walks
into an inverted atomic drop. Vader then lays out
Batista, and then hold him so Coach can slap him.
Coach and his backup then head up the ramp.
Match #3 -- HHH vs. Viscera
Will this match actually come off, tonight? HHH
crotches Big Vis on the ropes as he enters the ring.
HHH mounts big Vis, and punches away. He pulls the big
man up and hits the Pedigree. And that's all she
wrote.
Winner via pinfall: HHH
After the match, Trips attacks Viscera outside the
ring, hitting him with the ring steps. Hunter grabs
the mike, and says he will not be held responsible for
what happens at Taboo Tuesday. HHH doesn't want to do
it, but he has to do it.
Todd Grisham tries to interview John Cena. The
Champ wants Grisham to be his character, Harry Caray.
Cena calls the performance sad, but not as sad as
Angle selling out to the GM. Cena then reviews the
choices for Taboo Tuesday.
Match #4 -- The Heartthrobs vs. Big Show and
Kane -- Texas Tornado Tag Match
Kane and Show pull their opponents back into the
ring by their hair. Kane and Show takes turn trying to
show one another up. Show nails Romeo with a
superplex, and Kane replies with a flying clothesline
on Antonio. Show tosses Romeo back into the ring. Kane
and Show choke slam their opponents at the same time,
and pin them at the same time.
Winner via pinfall: Big Show and Kane
The King is in the ring to MC the Diva Costume
Contest. It's an annual thing, and we've actually had
some wrestling tonight, so I'll let it go. Although,
Mickie James comes out as Trish Stratus, that's funny.
Victoria is dressed as a ball player, with a bat; this
doesn't bode well. Trish is Wonder Woman, and when she
enters the ring, Mickie shadows her moves. King asks
the crowd to decide a winner, when Mickie grabs the
mike and tells the crowd to yell for Trish. Victoria
tells her to calm down, and Mickie kicks her from the
ring. The rest of the Divas gang up on Candice
Michelle. Victoria tosses James from the ring, but
Trish hits her with a Chick Kick. (Just a note, Torrie
Wilson is a no show for the costume contest, and not
involved in the battle royal tomorrow? Things that
make you say hmmm.)
Match #5 -- Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena
Cena and Michaels size each other up to start the
match. HBK slaps on an arm bar, which Cena reveres.
HBK regains the advantage, and forces Cena to the mat.
HBK slaps on a side headlock. Cena breaks free, and
whips HBK over the ropes. Michaels skins the cat, and
catches Cena off guard. HBK hammers Cena on the back,
and follows with knife-edge chops. HBK ducks a
clothesline, and hits a spinning neck breaker. HBK
slaps on sleeper, Cena doesn't fade, and breaks the
hold with suplex. Cena this two clothesline, and
knocks HBK down with a shoulder block. Cena connects
with the five-knuckle shuffle, but cannot connect with
the F-U. HBK hits the flying forearm, and then a
series of clotheslines. HBK climbs the turnbuckle, and
Cena rolls away from the flying elbow. With both men
down, Angle hits the ring, and stomps away at HBK and
Cena. The Olympic champ hits a belly-to-belly on HBK.
Cena recovers to set up Angle for the F-U, but walks
right into Sweet Chin Music. HBK asks for the belt and
poses with it, before laying it over Cena.
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale hopes every had a happy
Halloween and get their fair share of treats, sicne
Vince served up nothing but tricks tonight. E-mail
Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.
