October 18, 2005
Raw: Honing in on Taboo Tuesday
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Who will be the new lead announcer on RAW? Will Stone Cold Steve Austin avenge JR's firing? Who is the number one contender for the WWE Title? What's with this restraining order from Ashley I just received? And am I really that lazy to use the same opening theme as last week? These question and more might be answered as Raw comes to us from Sacramento, Calif.
Vince McMahon kicks off the show, but tonight he is content to make his announcement from the ramp. Vince first addresses Taboo Tuesday, which is coming in two weeks. The boss then mentions the rumors that Stone Cold may show up, but he doesn't take much stock in them. The crowd starts riding Vince for firing JR, so he rolls out a tribute package. It's not much of a tribute, as Ross is shown getting beat up and humiliated in every clip. Vince finally announces the new lead announcer on RAW, and it's ... The Coach! (I never thought that I would long for the days of Michael Cole.) Coach takes his seat at the announce position, and tells the crowd that he is the voice of the people. (Only if that means anyone in the crowd could do better then him.)
As Vince is heading to see Eric Bischoff, Kurt Angle catches up with the boss. Angle wants some clarification on who is the number one contender. The Hurricane swoops in, interrupting Vince. Helms wants to know what's up with JR getting fired. Vince's answer is "Sic him, Kurt!" The Olympic champ beats on the super hero. The fight spills from backstage, through the crowd, and into the ring. Angle slaps on the ankle lock, and it takes four refs to break the hold. Angle leaves Hurricane in the ring, and heads off through the crowd.
After the break, The King joins Coach at the announce position. And King doesn't look thrilled that he'll have to carry Coach.
Vince finally catches up with Eric Bischoff, and asks his GM what he thought of Angle beating up Helms. Bisch would rather talk business, since Taboo Tuesday is right around the corner. Eric announces the main Event with be a Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship. It will be John Cena versus Kurt Angle versus one of three men that the fans will choose. And tonight, three qualifying matches, including an 18-man Battle Royal, will decide those spots.
Match # 1 -- Edge vs. The Big Show -- Taboo Tuesday Qualifier
Show begins the match by tossing Edge to the floor, twice. Show then works over Mr. Money-in-the-bank with open hand slaps to the chest. The fight spills to the floor, and Show is slammed off the steps. As the action returns to the ring, Lita jumps on the apron, and Show grabs her, but Edge makes the save. Show walks into a big boot, and Edge follows with a DDT. Edge spears Show, and then grabs a chair. As the ref tosses the chair from the ring, Edge sets to hit show with his briefcase. Then JBL's music hits; this distracts Edge long enough for Show to choke slam him. Big Show covers and gets the pin.
Winner via pin fall: The Big Show
After the match, Edge storms into Bischoff's office complaining off JBL's video stunt. The GM tells Edge that since he started this, he should put a stop to it. Edge says everyone should watch Friday Night Smackdown!
First, Carlito hypes his match with Shawn Michaels, tonight. That's cool. Then he makes fun of JR. That's not cool. Mick Foley, his guest tonight, interrupts Carlito. Foley says it's cool to be here with Carlito. The Hardcore Legend is upset that JR got the boot. Linda McMahon cuts in on the Titantron. She wishes JR the best, but emphasizes that her kick had nothing to do with JR be admitted to the hospital. She also warns JR not to sue WWE, because the company will fight it as hard as it can. Foley then confesses to Carlito that he isn't cool, but the fans think he is. He then calls Carlito a horse's rear. CCC grabs an apple, but Foley has been spit on before, and tells Carlito he should worry about producing tonight versus HBK.
Match # 2 -- Carlito vs. Shawn Michaels -- Taboo Tuesday Qualifier
Carlito attacks HBK on the ramp, slamming him into the security barrier. Carlito whips Michaels into the apron, and rolls him into the ring. The cool one chops away at HBK in the corner; he follows with a slam, and covers for a two count. A reverse chin lock wears Michaels down. After a leg drop, Carlito climbs the turnbuckle. He hits the cross body, but Michaels rolls through and gets a two count before Carlito kicks out. HBK picks up Carlito and suplexes him over the top rope, sending both men to the floor. After the break, HBK sidesteps a charge, sending Carlito into the turnbuckle. Michaels hits an inverted atomic drop, and follows with an elbow drop from the ropes. HBK warms up the band, but Carlito ducks the Sweet Chin Music, and nearly gets a roll up. Carlito nearly whips HBK into the ref, but the ref is taken out as Carlito hits Michaels from behind. Carlito grabs a chair, but HBK hits Sweet Chin Music with the chair in Carlito's face. Michaels covers for the 1-2-3.
Winner via pin fall: Shawn Michaels
As HBK walks to the back, Ric Flair walks out. He shakes hands with Michaels, before he heads to the ring. Flair tells the crowd that he has the desire to achieve, and he now questions whether Triple H is the man. Flair recounts his plane crash, and seeing a man killed by a lightning strike. He tells Triple H after seeing that, he isn't afraid of him. Flair rips off the bandage on his forehead, giving himself the crimson mask. The Nature Boy calls out Trips, and Hunter obliges. Flair leaves the ring, grabbing a bat from under the ring. HHH takes off running, with Flair in pursuit. Flair follows to the back but loses his prey.
Backstage, Maria tries to interview Carlito. He snatches the microphone from her, and says he blames Foley for his loss. He then challenges the Hardcore Legend to a match at Taboo Tuesday.
Match #3 -- Trish Stratus, Mickie James, and Ashley vs. Victoria, Candice Michelle, and Torrie Wilson
Ashley, Candice, and Torrie don't even get into this match. What does that tell you? Any way, Mickie James costs her team the match as Victoria rolls her up for the pin.
Winner via pin fall: Victoria, Candice Michelle, and Torrie Wilson
After the match, Mickie tries to make up for the loss by attacking Victoria and hitting he with Stratusfaction. Trish isn't impressed.
Stone Cold hits the arena, almost literally, as he drives his truck right to the ring. He wants Vince, but instead Steph comes to the ring. To call this segment a train wreck would demean train wrecks. Steph steps all over Austin's lines, and shows why she shouldn't be on TV. In short, this whole debacle sets up a match between Austin and Coach at Taboo Tuesday. If Austin wins, JR gets rehired, but if he loses he gets fired. Austin then stops by the announce position and Coach. The new lead announcer back down, ever after Austin pours a beer over his head.
Match #4 -- 18-Man Battle Royal -- Taboo Tuesday Qualifier
All but one man are in the ring, as Bischoff announces that he will continue the tradition of Taboo Tuesday by having a "Fulfill your Fantasy" Diva Match. (Can I vote for "stand at ringside, looking good, instead of wrestling" option? Will that be a choice?) Cena interrupts, and takes a seat with King and Coach. The GM then introduces the last entrant ... Kane! (Hmm ... I wonder who's gonna win?) With only ten minutes to go in the show the eliminations are fast a furious. Shelton Benjamin skins the cat to avoid elimination, but is immediately knocked from the ring by Kane. Speaking of the Big Red Machine, he and Chris Masters are the last two men left in the ring. Masters tries to put on the Masterlock, but Kane fights it off. Masters charges Kane, but Kane is able to send him from the ring with a back body drop.
Winner via elimination: Kane
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale is wondering why WWE hasn't
called him yet for the RAW announcer position. Human
resources must of "lost" his audition tape.