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Raw: Honing in on Taboo Tuesday
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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Who will be the new lead announcer on RAW? Will
Stone Cold Steve Austin avenge JR's firing? Who is the
number one contender for the WWE Title? What's with
this restraining order from Ashley I just received?
And am I really that lazy to use the same opening
theme as last week? These question and more might be
answered as Raw comes to us from
Sacramento, Calif.
Vince McMahon kicks off the show, but tonight he
is content to make his announcement from the ramp.
Vince first addresses Taboo Tuesday, which is coming
in two weeks. The boss then mentions the rumors that
Stone Cold may show up, but he doesn't take much stock
in them. The crowd starts riding Vince for firing JR,
so he rolls out a tribute package. It's not much of a
tribute, as Ross is shown getting beat up and
humiliated in every clip. Vince finally announces the
new lead announcer on RAW, and it's ... The Coach! (I never
thought that I would long for the days of Michael
Cole.) Coach takes his seat at the announce position,
and tells the crowd that he is the voice of the
people. (Only if that means anyone in the crowd could
do better then him.)
As Vince is heading to see Eric Bischoff, Kurt
Angle catches up with the boss. Angle wants some
clarification on who is the number one contender. The
Hurricane swoops in, interrupting Vince. Helms wants
to know what's up with JR getting fired. Vince's
answer is "Sic him, Kurt!" The Olympic champ beats on
the super hero. The fight spills from backstage,
through the crowd, and into the ring. Angle slaps on
the ankle lock, and it takes four refs to break the
hold. Angle leaves Hurricane in the ring, and heads
off through the crowd.
After the break, The King joins Coach at the
announce position. And King doesn't look thrilled that
he'll have to carry Coach.
Vince finally catches up with Eric Bischoff, and
asks his GM what he thought of Angle beating up Helms.
Bisch would rather talk business, since Taboo Tuesday
is right around the corner. Eric announces the main
Event with be a Triple Threat Match for the WWE
Championship. It will be John Cena versus Kurt Angle
versus one of three men that the fans will choose. And
tonight, three qualifying matches, including an 18-man
Battle Royal, will decide those spots.
Match # 1 -- Edge vs. The Big Show -- Taboo
Tuesday Qualifier
Show begins the match by tossing Edge to the
floor, twice. Show then works over Mr.
Money-in-the-bank with open hand slaps to the chest.
The fight spills to the floor, and Show is slammed off
the steps. As the action returns to the ring, Lita
jumps on the apron, and Show grabs her, but Edge makes
the save. Show walks into a big boot, and Edge follows
with a DDT. Edge spears Show, and then grabs a chair.
As the ref tosses the chair from the ring, Edge sets
to hit show with his briefcase. Then JBL's music hits;
this distracts Edge long enough for Show to choke slam
him. Big Show covers and gets the pin.
Winner via pin fall: The Big Show
After the match, Edge storms into Bischoff's office
complaining off JBL's video stunt. The GM tells Edge
that since he started this, he should put a stop to
it. Edge says everyone should watch Friday Night
Smackdown!
Carlito's Cabana
First, Carlito hypes his match with Shawn
Michaels, tonight. That's cool. Then he makes fun of
JR. That's not cool. Mick Foley, his guest tonight,
interrupts Carlito. Foley says it's cool to be here
with Carlito. The Hardcore Legend is upset that JR got
the boot. Linda McMahon cuts in on the Titantron. She
wishes JR the best, but emphasizes that her kick had
nothing to do with JR be admitted to the hospital. She
also warns JR not to sue WWE, because the company will
fight it as hard as it can. Foley then confesses to
Carlito that he isn't cool, but the fans think he is.
He then calls Carlito a horse's rear. CCC grabs an
apple, but Foley has been spit on before, and tells
Carlito he should worry about producing tonight versus
HBK.
Match # 2 -- Carlito vs. Shawn Michaels -- Taboo
Tuesday Qualifier
Carlito attacks HBK on the ramp, slamming him into
the security barrier. Carlito whips Michaels into the
apron, and rolls him into the ring. The cool one chops
away at HBK in the corner; he follows with a slam, and
covers for a two count. A reverse chin lock wears
Michaels down. After a leg drop, Carlito climbs the
turnbuckle. He hits the cross body, but Michaels rolls
through and gets a two count before Carlito kicks out.
HBK picks up Carlito and suplexes him over the top
rope, sending both men to the floor. After the break,
HBK sidesteps a charge, sending Carlito into the
turnbuckle. Michaels hits an inverted atomic drop, and
follows with an elbow drop from the ropes. HBK warms
up the band, but Carlito ducks the Sweet Chin Music,
and nearly gets a roll up. Carlito nearly whips HBK
into the ref, but the ref is taken out as Carlito hits
Michaels from behind. Carlito grabs a chair, but HBK
hits Sweet Chin Music with the chair in Carlito's
face. Michaels covers for the 1-2-3.
Winner via pin fall: Shawn Michaels
As HBK walks to the back, Ric Flair walks out. He
shakes hands with Michaels, before he heads to the
ring. Flair tells the crowd that he has the desire to
achieve, and he now questions whether Triple H is the
man. Flair recounts his plane crash, and seeing a man
killed by a lightning strike. He tells Triple H after
seeing that, he isn't afraid of him. Flair rips off
the bandage on his forehead, giving himself the
crimson mask. The Nature Boy calls out Trips, and
Hunter obliges. Flair leaves the ring, grabbing a bat
from under the ring. HHH takes off running, with Flair
in pursuit. Flair follows to the back but loses his
prey.
Backstage, Maria tries to interview Carlito. He
snatches the microphone from her, and says he blames
Foley for his loss. He then challenges the Hardcore
Legend to a match at Taboo Tuesday.
Match #3 -- Trish Stratus, Mickie James, and
Ashley vs. Victoria, Candice Michelle, and Torrie
Wilson
Ashley, Candice, and Torrie don't even get into
this match. What does that tell you? Any way, Mickie
James costs her team the match as Victoria rolls her
up for the pin.
Winner via pin fall: Victoria, Candice
Michelle, and Torrie Wilson
After the match, Mickie tries to make up for the
loss by attacking Victoria and hitting he with
Stratusfaction. Trish isn't impressed.
Stone Cold hits the arena, almost literally, as he
drives his truck right to the ring. He wants Vince,
but instead Steph comes to the ring. To call this
segment a train wreck would demean train wrecks.
Steph steps all over Austin's lines, and shows why she
shouldn't be on TV. In short, this whole debacle sets
up a match between Austin and Coach at Taboo Tuesday.
If Austin wins, JR gets rehired, but if he loses he
gets fired. Austin then stops by the announce position
and Coach. The new lead announcer back down, ever
after Austin pours a beer over his head.
Match #4 -- 18-Man Battle Royal -- Taboo Tuesday
Qualifier
All but one man are in the ring, as Bischoff
announces that he will continue the tradition of Taboo
Tuesday by having a "Fulfill your Fantasy" Diva Match.
(Can I vote for "stand at ringside, looking good,
instead of wrestling" option? Will that be a choice?)
Cena interrupts, and takes a seat with King and Coach.
The GM then introduces the last entrant ... Kane! (Hmm ... I
wonder who's gonna win?) With only ten minutes to go
in the show the eliminations are fast a furious.
Shelton Benjamin skins the cat to avoid elimination,
but is immediately knocked from the ring by Kane.
Speaking of the Big Red Machine, he and Chris Masters
are the last two men left in the ring. Masters tries
to put on the Masterlock, but Kane fights it off.
Masters charges Kane, but Kane is able to send him
from the ring with a back body drop.
Winner via elimination: Kane
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale is wondering why WWE hasn't
called him yet for the RAW announcer position. Human
resources must of "lost" his audition tape.
