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RAW: The heel turn no one was waiting for
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


Can RAW ride ratings wave from Homecoming? Who’s getting fired? Can Triple H explain why he turned on Ric Flair? Will we find out who is the definitive number one contender? And, why won’t Ashley return my calls?

Most of these questions are answered as Monday Night RAW comes to us from Corpus Christi, Texas.

Stephanie McMahon, of all people, kicks of the show. She wines that Stone Cold ruined the show, and is upset that she was voted as the favorite McMahon that got stunned. She accuses the fans of just being jealous. One of the production guys tells her to wrap things up, so she slaps him, and then slaps around Lillian Garcia for good measure. She assures the crowd that someone is getting fired, before climbing the announce position, and announcing the *itch is back.

Match # 1 - Doink the Clown vs. Rob Conway

Conway has put on open challenge out to all wrestling legends, and it looks like Doink is the first to step up, and the fans don’t seem to care. Doink almost de-pants Conway with a sunset flip, but the conceited one recovers. Conway beats Doink into the corner, and the finishes him off with the Ego Trip.

Winner via pin fall: Rob Conway

After the match, Conway calls the legends a joke, and puts the boots to Doink. Eugene runs in for the save, but Conway hits him with the Ego Trip.

Carlito’s Cabana

Carlito starts off by saying that if he know what Stone Cold was going to do he would have spit in his face. Carlito then addresses the number one contender situation, but is interrupted by Kurt Angle. Angle says it’s clear that he is, but HBK begs to differ. Shawn Michaels says Angle walked away, so clearly he doesn’t want anymore of the Heart Break Kid. Big Show interrupts, and tells everyone he’s just going to cut in line. Then Edge show’s up, and wants all title shots frozen until he cashes in his title shot. Carlito asks Edge where he was last week, when Smackdown attacked. Triple C then says that everyone knows he deserves and title shot. Then the champ shows up. He runs down each potential opponent, before going to break. I smell something…yup, it’s the smell of elimination chamber.

Match # 2 – Chris Masters vs. Tajiri

Tajiri tries to get the jump on Masters, by attacking him as he poses on the ramp. The Japanese buzz saw keeps the advantage with a spinning heel kick, but Masters counters with a sunset flip. Masters follows with a double under-hook suplex. Tajiri fights back with a series of kicks, and is able to lock Masters up in the tarantula. Tajiri ducks a clothesline, and nails a reverse heel kick, but Masters is able to slap on the Masterlock. Tajiri holds on as long as he can before passing out.

Winner via submission: Chris Masters

Triple H arrives and no one says a word to him. Shawn Michaels confronts his friend, as says last week was too much. Trips laughs him off, until running into Big Show. The giant tells tells the Cerebral Assassin that he’ll get his some day. Then the former champ runs into the champ. Cena tells HHH that he has lost respect for him, and Trips fires back that Cena shouldn’t draw attention to himself.

Hunter makes his way to the ring. He tells everyone that this is between him and Flair, and we should stay out of it. HHH says he worshipped Flair, and he pulled Flair up when he was down. But then Flair’s legacy was spit on, while Hunter was away. (Selling out, cough, Wendy’s, cough, cough!) Even though Flair won the Intercontinental Title, he is reveling in mediocrity. Hunter says he did what no one else had the guts to do; take the horse out back, and put a bullet in him. Hunter says without him, Flair is nothing. Game Over.

Following in the footsteps of great movies based on video games like Mortal Combat, Street Fighter, and Super Mario Brothers; Doom has been given the big screen treatment. And it stars The Rock, so WWE will promote the hell out of it. By the way, this movie is going to SUUUUUCK!

Match #3 – Trish Stratus vs. Victoria – Women’s title match

Since this is a title match, I guess I shouldn’t gloss over it, no matter how much I want to. Stratus ducks with the Matrish, and string it into a head scissors. Victoria counters an early attempt at Stratusfaction with a snap suplex. Victoria blocks the chick kick, but Trish hits a northern lights suplex and bridges for the pin.

Winner via pin fall: Trish Stratus

After the match, Victoria puts the boots to Trish. Ashley tries to make the save, but a stiff kicks sends her to the mat. An unknown woman storms the ring, and knocks Victoria from the ring. She then clocks Victoria with the title belt, before hand it off to Trish.

After the break, Trish’s savior introduces herself, as Mickie James. Trish says she looks familiar. Mickey says that she is Trish’s number one fan, and has sent her tons of letters.

Match #4 – Carlito, Edge, and Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels, Big Show, and John Cena – 6 Man tag match

This match wasn’t the cluster it could have been. Cena starts off, but HBK is the first to the hot tag, and nails Carlito with a flying elbow. And follows with an inverted atomic drop. Angle breaks up Sweet Chin Music, and Michaels then spills to the floor with a low bridge. HBK is speared on the outside by Edge. Big Show gets the hot tag next, headbutting Angle, and setting up a double chokeslam. Edge and Angle counter, but receive a double clothesline instead. . Cena tags in and hits Angle with a sit down powerbomb, and then the five-knuckle shuffle. On the outside, Edge goes after Show with a chair, and is kicked into the crowd. HBK takes care of Carlito, but Angle is able to slap the ankle lock on Cena. The champ reverses the hold, but Angle counters into a roll up, and gets the three count.

Winner via pin fall: Carlito, Edge, and Kurt Angle

Vince McMahon finally hits the ring. He assures the crowd that Bischoff won’t be fired, but someone has to take the blame for last week. Vince doesn’t blame Stone Cold; instead he blames the fans. Vince makes everyone an employee and bellows, “You’re fired!” (Donald Trump is sending the copyright lawyers as we speak. All joking aside, someone throws a cup at Vince. Come on people, this ain’t WCW.) Vince isn’t done, as he is upset with three people. He calls JR, Coach, and the King to the ring. Vince wants an apology from the announcers for not coming to the ring to stop Austin. Coach apologizes and Vince accepts. The King follows suit. JR says he’s sorry that Linda got stunned. Vince wants JR to apologize to Steph and Shane, too. Steph comes to the ring, but when it’s Shane’s turn, Linda hits the ring. Linda says she can’t let this continue, and it’s time to take action. Linda fires JR, and then kicks him below the belt. The show ends with Vince, Linda, and Steph standing in the ring.

Dale Plummer has been writing for Slam! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is working on his resume and is expecting WWE to call him anytime to take over the RAW play-by-play position.