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RAW: The heel turn no one was waiting for
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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Can RAW ride ratings wave from Homecoming? Who’s getting fired? Can Triple H explain why he turned on Ric Flair? Will we find out who is the definitive number one contender? And, why won’t Ashley return my calls?
Most of these questions are answered as Monday Night RAW comes to us from Corpus Christi, Texas.
Stephanie McMahon, of all people, kicks of the show. She wines that Stone Cold ruined the show, and is upset that she was voted as the favorite McMahon that got stunned. She accuses the fans of just being jealous. One of the production guys tells her to wrap things up, so she slaps him, and then slaps around Lillian Garcia for good measure. She assures the crowd
that someone is getting fired, before climbing the announce position, and announcing the *itch is back.
Match # 1 - Doink the Clown vs. Rob Conway
Conway has put on open challenge out to all
wrestling legends, and it looks like Doink is the
first to step up, and the fans don’t seem to care.
Doink almost de-pants Conway with a sunset flip, but
the conceited one recovers. Conway beats Doink into
the corner, and the finishes him off with the Ego
Trip.
Winner via pin fall: Rob Conway
After the match, Conway calls the legends a joke,
and puts the boots to Doink. Eugene runs in for the
save, but Conway hits him with the Ego Trip.
Carlito’s Cabana
Carlito starts off by saying that if he know what
Stone Cold was going to do he would have spit in his
face. Carlito then addresses the number one contender
situation, but is interrupted by Kurt Angle. Angle
says it’s clear that he is, but HBK begs to differ.
Shawn Michaels says Angle walked away, so clearly he
doesn’t want anymore of the Heart Break Kid. Big Show
interrupts, and tells everyone he’s just going to cut
in line. Then Edge show’s up, and wants all title
shots frozen until he cashes in his title shot.
Carlito asks Edge where he was last week, when
Smackdown attacked. Triple C then says that everyone
knows he deserves and title shot. Then the champ shows
up. He runs down each potential opponent, before going
to break. I smell something…yup, it’s the smell of
elimination chamber.
Match # 2 – Chris Masters vs. Tajiri
Tajiri tries to get the jump on Masters, by
attacking him as he poses on the ramp. The Japanese
buzz saw keeps the advantage with a spinning heel
kick, but Masters counters with a sunset flip. Masters
follows with a double under-hook suplex. Tajiri fights
back with a series of kicks, and is able to lock
Masters up in the tarantula. Tajiri ducks a
clothesline, and nails a reverse heel kick, but
Masters is able to slap on the Masterlock. Tajiri
holds on as long as he can before passing out.
Winner via submission: Chris Masters
Triple H arrives and no one says a word to him.
Shawn Michaels confronts his friend, as says last week
was too much. Trips laughs him off, until running into
Big Show. The giant tells tells the Cerebral Assassin
that he’ll get his some day. Then the former champ
runs into the champ. Cena tells HHH that he has lost
respect for him, and Trips fires back that Cena
shouldn’t draw attention to himself.
Hunter makes his way to the ring. He tells
everyone that this is between him and Flair, and we
should stay out of it. HHH says he worshipped Flair,
and he pulled Flair up when he was down. But then
Flair’s legacy was spit on, while Hunter was away.
(Selling out, cough, Wendy’s, cough, cough!) Even
though Flair won the Intercontinental Title, he is
reveling in mediocrity. Hunter says he did what no one
else had the guts to do; take the horse out back, and
put a bullet in him. Hunter says without him, Flair is
nothing. Game Over.
Following in the footsteps of great movies based
on video games like Mortal Combat, Street Fighter, and
Super Mario Brothers; Doom has been given the big
screen treatment. And it stars The Rock, so WWE will
promote the hell out of it. By the way, this movie is
going to SUUUUUCK!
Match #3 – Trish Stratus vs. Victoria –
Women’s title match
Since this is a title match, I guess I shouldn’t
gloss over it, no matter how much I want to. Stratus
ducks with the Matrish, and string it into a head
scissors. Victoria counters an early attempt at
Stratusfaction with a snap suplex. Victoria blocks the
chick kick, but Trish hits a northern lights suplex
and bridges for the pin.
Winner via pin fall: Trish Stratus
After the match, Victoria puts the boots to Trish.
Ashley tries to make the save, but a stiff kicks sends
her to the mat. An unknown woman storms the ring, and
knocks Victoria from the ring. She then clocks
Victoria with the title belt, before hand it off to
Trish.
After the break, Trish’s savior introduces
herself, as Mickie James. Trish says she looks
familiar. Mickey says that she is Trish’s number one
fan, and has sent her tons of letters.
Match #4 – Carlito, Edge, and Kurt Angle vs.
Shawn Michaels, Big Show, and John Cena – 6 Man tag
match
This match wasn’t the cluster it could have been.
Cena starts off, but HBK is the first to the hot tag,
and nails Carlito with a flying elbow. And follows
with an inverted atomic drop. Angle breaks up Sweet
Chin Music, and Michaels then spills to the floor with
a low bridge. HBK is speared on the outside by Edge.
Big Show gets the hot tag next, headbutting Angle, and
setting up a double chokeslam. Edge and Angle counter,
but receive a double clothesline instead. . Cena tags
in and hits Angle with a sit down powerbomb, and then
the five-knuckle shuffle. On the outside, Edge goes
after Show with a chair, and is kicked into the crowd.
HBK takes care of Carlito, but Angle is able to slap
the ankle lock on Cena. The champ reverses the hold,
but Angle counters into a roll up, and gets the three
count.
Winner via pin fall: Carlito, Edge, and Kurt
Angle
Vince McMahon finally hits the ring. He assures
the crowd that Bischoff won’t be fired, but someone
has to take the blame for last week. Vince doesn’t
blame Stone Cold; instead he blames the fans. Vince
makes everyone an employee and bellows, “You’re
fired!” (Donald Trump is sending the copyright lawyers
as we speak. All joking aside, someone throws a cup at
Vince. Come on people, this ain’t WCW.) Vince isn’t
done, as he is upset with three people. He calls JR,
Coach, and the King to the ring. Vince wants an
apology from the announcers for not coming to the ring
to stop Austin. Coach apologizes and Vince accepts.
The King follows suit. JR says he’s sorry that Linda
got stunned. Vince wants JR to apologize to Steph and
Shane, too. Steph comes to the ring, but when it’s
Shane’s turn, Linda hits the ring. Linda says she
can’t let this continue, and it’s time to take action.
Linda fires JR, and then kicks him below the belt. The
show ends with Vince, Linda, and Steph standing in the
ring.
Dale Plummer has been writing for Slam!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale is working on his resume
and is expecting WWE to call him anytime to take over
the RAW play-by-play position.
