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Raw: Spike TV era gets tabled
By
NICK TYLWALK -- SLAM! Wrestling
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Talk about a lame duck. With Raw moving back to the
USA network here in the States next Monday, there's
little chance anything of consequence will happen on
tonight's show. Wouldn't want to ruin the "Homecoming"
now would we? Alas, the show must go on, so let's do
it one last time: Raw is live from Waco, Texas on
Spike TV.
Maybe I spoke a little too hastily. Tonight's main
event is a tag team Tables Match pitting John Cena and
Shawn Michaels against Carlito and Chris Masters.
Sounds promising, as does Vince McMahon coming down
the ramp to kick off the show. I love when he's a
face, by the way. People in the front row are actually
bowing to him. Vinnie Mac announces that tonight's
show is the last one on Spike TV. He thanks Spike
instead of blasting it, which would have been more
fun. McMahon goes on to do some more promotion for the
Homecoming show, but he's interrupted by the arrival
of Kurt Angle. Vince says this better be good, but it
looks like it's just Kurt whining again about getting
another WWE title shot. Of course one good
interruption deserves another, so Michaels decides to
join the fun. HBK wants to know if winning a match at
Unforgiven is the only criteria for getting a title
shot, because he won a match too. Kurt reminds the
Showstoppa that he tapped out to the Ankle Lock at
WrestleMania; Shawn reminds the Olympic Hero of a
little Sweet Chin Music at Vengeance. Vince has to
step in to stop the squabbling, and he does so by
booking the rubber match for next week's Homecoming
show. To spice it up, McMahon even makes it a
30-minute Iron Man Match. But that's next week. For
tonight, Vince wants to start things off with a
championship match. And you know what that means...
Match 1 - Trish Stratus (champion) vs. Victoria
(challenger) - Women's Title Match
Stop the presses! Ashley actually changed her clothes.
She's there supporting Trish, while Torrie Wilson and
Candice Michelle are by Victoria's side once again.
Stratus hits an early spinning headscissors, but
Victoria takes the fight to the floor and hurls Trish
into the crowd. Stratus clotheslines her foe off the
top of the guard wall, and the other ladies quickly
get involved. Victoria hits a somersault leg drop back
into the ring for a near fall. A spinning sidewalk
slam gets another two count, and the women end up
battling on the top rope. Both of them tumble all the
way to the floor but quickly return to trade shots in
the ring. Trish hits a spinebuster for two, uses the
Matrix to get out of trouble and scores with the
Stratusfaction. Candice and Torrie storm the ring when
she makes the cover, prompting the ref to call for the
bell. Torrie gets a Chick Kick for her trouble while
Ashley take care of Candice. For our viewing pleasure,
Ashley strips Candice down to her bra and panties.
Michelle gets pretty upset about it, which is strange
considering she's probably been in similar states of
undress any number of times. Candice says the women
will finish their feud next week in a 3-on-2 Bra and
Panties Match. I have no objection to that.
Match 2 - The Big Show vs. Snitsky - Street Fight
Snitsky brings a steel chair to the ring with him but
he's the first one to taste it. He grabs some assorted
foreign objects from beneath the ring and immediately
puts a street sign to good use. Snitsky covers but
gets only two. More shots just anger the Big Show, who
suplexes Snitsky on top of a trash can. The lid makes
a good weapon too, setting Snitsky up for a chokeslam.
Show doesn't cover, going under the ring instead to
grab a kitchen sink. A shot from the sink puts Snitsky
away, and The Coach starts ranting about Spike TV
censoring parts of tonight's broadcast. You guys
didn't really think they were going to let you just
plug away for a show that's going to be on another
station starting next week, did you? Well they can't
censor me here, so I'm going to say that...
h%&00m@&)kla$&*Ynw08%8neTT
{Technical difficulties, please stand by...}
Hmm... anyway, a video package takes us back through
the high points of the Carlito-Ric Flair feud. Carlito
had the most recent laugh, but the Nature Boy is
getting comforted by Maria, so I'd say he's doing
alright. The commercial break features an ad for a new
DVD release called The Self-Destruction of the
Ultimate Warrior. I have to pinch myself to make sure
I'm really seeing it, but just seeing Triple H calling
the Warrior "the most unprofessional person I ever
stepped in the ring with" and Vince saying "I couldn't
wait to fire him" has me intrigued. J.R. says that the
Ultimate Warrior was invited to be a guest on Byte
This with no limits on what he could say, but declined
the offer.
Intercontinental champion Flair (and it's weird to
type those words) comes to the stage to address
Carlito. Ric says he's been jumped plenty of times,
but he always comes back and he always gets even.
Flair also mentions that he's always had friends to
help him, like the Four Horsemen back in the day. But
nowadays, Ric says it takes just one. He says he'll be
right back, and returns with a sledgehammer. Flair
puts over the return of his best friend, Triple H, and
a video package ensures we don't forget who he is.
Like he'd let us. Elsewhere, Bischoff is discussing
Homecoming on his cell phone when his call is
forcefully ended by Cena. The WWE champ tells the GM
he knows about his karate skills, and that the
internet told him that Eric Bischoff is a ninja in
four states. That's funny to me. Cena warns Bischoff
that he better bring his entire arsenal of ninja
weapons when he faces The Champ next Monday.
Match 3 - Shelton Benjamin vs. Kerwin White
Benjamin can't believe that White went out and got
himself a caddie. You know, a guy who carries golf
clubs. The ref gets the caddie out of the ring as
Benjamin and White do battle. Benjamin misses his
Stinger Splash, but lands on the top rope and turns to
deliver a flying clothesline. Shelton tries to suplex
Kerwin in off the apron, but White counters the move
in mid-air and lands on top to get the pinfall. Oh
yeah, it helped that the caddie was holding Benjamin's
foot. Shelton's attempt to get some revenge ends when
the caddie breaks a golf club over his back.
A ladder is set up in the ring, awaiting the arrival
of Edge and Lita. Ironically, five years ago on the
first episode of Raw to air on Spike TV, Matt and Jeff
Hardy faced Edge and Christian in a Ladder Match. Lita
was proud to support her man Matt back then, but my,
my, my, how things have changed. Edge laughs at how
the seven steps on the ladder represent the seven days
left in Hardy's career. As Edge taunts Hardy from the
top of the ladder, Matt sneaks in from the crowd and
toys with his foe by rocking the ladder as if he's
going to knock it over. Hardy feints like he's going
to walk away, then returns to dump Edge painfully to
the canvas and out to the floor. Coach and The King
finally get in some plugs for the USA network just by
saying it so many times that the censors can't keep up
with them. Meanwhile, Bischoff is startled by the
sudden arrival of Smackdown GM Teddy Long. It seems
Long wants to make a deal to get his show some
exposure on the Homecoming show, but Bischoff isn't in
a dealing mood. An ally arrives in the form of Mr.
McMahon, who compares the Homecoming show to a
pay-per-view. And since the PPVs sometimes feature
both brands, well, you see where he's going with this.
Ever the kiss-up, Bischoff claims he was just talking
to Long about putting some of his guys on the show.
Vince tells Long to put one big match together and
announce it Friday (Thursday in Canada) on Smackdown.
Eric uses this opportunity to make one last-ditch
effort to get Vince to change his mind about making
him face Cena. McMahon reminds his GM that he once
almost took down the WWE with help from Ted Turner and
Time Warner, and he has resources and friends to help
him in his struggle next week. Hint, hint.
Match 4 - Val Venis and Viscera vs. Lance Cade and
Trevor Murdoch
Venis enjoys a strong start against Cade until Murdoch
pushes him off the top rope to the floor. The tag
champs hit an atomic drop/swinging neckbreaker combo
but only get a two count. Venis makes a quick rally
and tags his partner, who dishes out punishment to
both heels. Cade takes a ride over the top rope,
leaving Murdoch to get hit by a big splash and the
Money Shot. A cover is made, but Cade slides in just
in time to prevent the ref from counting the three.
The champs are disqualified, which is strange since
this wasn't a title match.
In the locker room, Carlito whines about being in a
Tables Match, but The Masterpiece calms him by
assuring him that he has a master plan. Get it?
Match 5 - Eugene vs. Rob Conway
Conway gets the better of Eugene by ripping up the
stuffed animal that the wrestling savant brought with
him to the ring. The Ego Trip puts Eugene away, and
Conway stays undefeated on Raw.
The Friday Night Smackdown Rebound chronicles the
continuing shenanigans of Eddie Guerrero. A full body
cavity search is involved. Batista doesn't seem to
know what to make of him either. The announcers run
down the card and the various special guests that will
be appearing at Homecoming.
Main Event - Carlito and "The Masterpiece" Chris
Masters vs. Shawn Michaels and John Cena - Tables
Match
All four men scrap in the ring, with our heroes
getting the early advantage. The heels set up a table
on the floor, but the ref is the first person to go
through it (well, bounce off it to be more precise)
after Sweet Chin Music intended for Carlito hits him
instead. A new ref joins the fun as we take our last
commercial break. Cena has Masters up for an F-U when
we come back, but he has to stop to deal with Carlito,
and Masters takes advantage by sliding down and
applying the Master Lock. HBK returns to save his
partner and runs right into a Carlito DDT. The faces
eventually recover, with Cena giving Carlito the Five
Knuckle Shuffle and Masters the F-U. The Champ has a
table set up in the ring with Carlito's name on it,
but Angle and Bischoff run down to ringside. Angle
nails Cena from behind, forcing Michaels to deal with
him. HBK goes up top to drop an elbow on Carlito
through the table, but never gets the chance before
Angle pushes him off the turnbuckle and through the
table on the floor. The match is over, though Cena
still wants to F-U Angle through the table in the
ring. A low blow from Bischoff puts an end to that
idea. Angle follows up with an Angle Slam through the
table. Bischoff holds the WWE title belt aloft,
staring down at Cena to bring the Spike TV era to a
close.
Next week: In case you hadn't heard, Raw makes its
Homecoming to the USA Network. We're celebrating here
at SLAM! Wrestling with a brand new Raw reporter. Who
will it be? Join us in seven days to find out.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Order The Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior Double DVD
Nick Tylwalk has been a SLAM! Wrestling contributor
since 1998. He's enjoyed his years of covering Raw,
and is happy to hand the reigns of the Raw report off
to one of his good friends. Write Nick at
ntylwalk7@yahoo.com and join him for his new weekly
column beginning Monday, October 3.
