Raw: Eugene takes gold, Jericho doesn't rock
CHRIS SOKOL - SLAM! Wrestling
John Cena and The Chain Gang vs Chris Jericho and Fozzy in a Battle of the Bands? What has Raw been reduced to? Tonight, two of WWE's musical affiliates will go head to head to head and mic to mic as we continue on the road to Summerslam.
A recap of John Cena's Lumberjack Match from last week was shown.
Kurt Angle came out and called out the hometown hero. Christy Hemme came out and Kurt began hitting on her. She told him not to flatter himself, as she introduced her friend, Cleveland's own...Eugene! Angle then said the Eugene wasn't from Cleaveland, but Eugene displayed his Cleveland Browns jersey and insisted that he was from Cleveland, Ohio.
Match One - Kurt Angle Invitational - Kurt Angle vs Eugene w/ Christy Hemme
Angle attacked Eugene as he was holding the ropes for Hemme. Angle went for the Ankle Lock, but was sent out of the ring, as the clock ran down, giving Eugene the win. I was pulling for Matt Martel to get it one of these weeks.
Winner ... a new Olympic gold medalist ... lasting three minutes - Eugene
Viscera and his new partner, a midget Viscera are shown walking towards the ring, as they'll be in action.
John Cena popped into Eric Bischoff's office. Bischoff started complaining to Cena, he turned his back to Cena and when he was done, he turned around only to find Cena had left.
Match Two - Mixed Tag Team Match - Antonio and Pocket Rocket w/ Romeo vs Viscera and Cloacas
We'll just call him Mini Viscera. Antonio and Pocket Rocket -- yes, the WWE minds are running on all gears -- began the match by beating on Viscera's little buddy. Once Viscera came in, it was curtains, ending with Mini Viscera diving off a kneeling Viscera's back onto Antonio. Viscera made the cover and picked up the win.
Winners Via Pinfall - Viscera and Cloacas
They play a video tribute to the late Lord Alfred Hayes.
The Slam of the Week is Carlito retaining the title, yet again, over Shelton Benjamin.
Shelton Benjamin barged into Eric Bischoff's office and demanded a No Disqualification, No Count Out match with Carlito, but what he got was a handicap match against Snitsky and "The Masterpiece" Chris Masters.
Maria stood by with Chris Jericho. She asked if Fozzy Bear was going to be there, and would the rest of The Muppets be there as well. Needless to say, Jericho went on a rant and chewed up John Cena and Hip Hop. By slamming the Cleveland crowd, he tried to guarantee a heel reaction.
Battle of the Bands - The Chain Gang vs Fozzy
The Chain Gang went first, performing Bad Bad Man. The crowd was into it, the fireworks, confetti and huge Chain Gang light up symbol added to the performance. Chris Jericho came out and said that the fans were biased and he wasn't going to perform in front of them. He said he would perform at Summerslam, he then told Cena he was the true Bad Bad Man. Cena then performed The Time Is Now as we catch the Diva Search contestants danicing backstage.
Winners Via Default - The Chain Gang
We get a preview of this week's episode of Hogan Knows Best. This episode will feature Hulk getting inducted into the Hall of Fame as well as his experience at Wrestlemania 21.
Backstage "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels is shown looking into a mirror and screaming for make up. Michaels is trying out that Hollywood gimmick I suppose.
Eric Bischoff called Carlito into his office, telling him that he would have a match with John Cena later on, and if he won, he would face Cena again on next week's Raw for the WWE Championship, and if he won that match, he would face Chris Jericho at Summerslam. it is also announced that his match later on will have a special referee ... Chris Jericho.
"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels came out and cut a pretty accurate promo on Hulk Hogan. Michaels plays the promo like its a shoot. WWE is doing their best to swerve the "Smart Fans". Michaels claims that the fans wanted the old Shawn Michaels back, and now they have him. He finished up by asking Hulk what he was gonna do when Shawn Michaels wouldn't lay down for him.
It is announced that next week on Raw, the Eugene Invitational would kick off.
Match Three- Handicap Match - Snitsky and "The Masterpiece" Chris Masters vs Shelton Benjamin
Snitsky attacked Benjamin from behind, but Benjamin came back, hitting Masters and Snitsky with a tope con hilo. Snitsky and Masters double teamed Benjamin, Benjamin tried to get some sort of offensive in, but the odds overcame him. Masters locked The Masterlock in on Benjamin who almost broke it, but ultimately could not. Masters kept it locked in after the match, only for The Big Show to come out. Snitsky attempted to take Show out with a big boot, only to get hit with a big boot himself. Masters thought better of getting into it with The Show and bailed.
Winners Via KO - Snitsky and "The Masterpiece" Chris Masters
As we return, The Coach is in the ring with the 2005 Raw Diva Search Contestants. The Coach says that somebody has to be eliminated, and this week it's ... Cameron.
2005 Raw Diva Search Hot Dog Eating Contest with the Winner Receiving Immunity
Elisabeth, Summer and Leyla tied at one and a half hot dogs apiece. They had a 30 second eat off with Leyla getting the win and receiving immunity. She's my pick to win it all.
Winner - Leyla
Match Four - Stretcher Match - Edge w/ Lita vs Kane
Kane caught Edge from behind, knocking him down the entrance ramp. Kane continued to pound away at Edge, sending him down the entrance ramp on the stretcher. Edge managed to come back, after Kane attempted a tombstone on the steel steps, Edge reversed it into a DDT. Kane went to chokeslam Edge off the ring apron, only to be cracked by Lita with a kendo stick. Edge grabbed the kendo stick and followed up, leaving a couple dings in the head and back of "The Big Red Machine". Edge placed a chair over Kane's throat, but Kane came to and whacked Edge in the head with the chair. He followed that up by chokeslamming him onto the stretcher. Kane went to wheel Edge away, when Lita whacked him in the back with the briefcase. Kane went to chokeslam Lita off the stage, but Edge hit him with the breifcase and loaded him on the stretcher. Kane sat up once and grabbed Lita, but was again cracked in the head with the briefcase and brought across the line. After the match Kane threw
Edge around and tombstoned Lita on the top of the entrance ramp. As Edge was checking on Lita, he was jumped by Matt Hardy who security and road agents quickly grabbed.
Winner Via Pulling His Opponent Across The Line On The Stretcher - Edge
The EMTs were shown loading Lita into the ambulance, Kane came in and attacked the EMTs and assaulted a police officer, he asked Lita if she ever took a ride on the highway to hell and proceeded to drive the ambulance away with the back doors wide open.
They played a video package for the return of Hulk Hogan.
They play a commercial promoting the re-running of The Great American Bash PPV. Fans, save yourself the depression. Easily the worst PPV in quite some time, TNA included.
Match Five - For A Shot At The WWE Championship on next week's Raw - Special Guest Referee - Chris Jericho - Carlito Carribean Cool vs John Cena
Bischoff watched this match from the entrance ramp. The match was back and forth and even saw Chris Jericho take a steel chair away from Carlito. Cena came back towards the end, hitting a Five Knuckle Shuffle that mimicked the way Carlito spits apples. Cena went for the FU, but was low blowed by Jericho and given a Lionsault. Carlito got the cover and the three count. Jericho, Carlito and Bischoff celebrated on the ramp, saying that next week Carlito will get a WWE Title shot.
Winner Via Pinfall - Carlito Carribean Cool
When Triple H isn't around it's Monday Night Cena. Way to bury all the talent you've been promoting (ie. Kerwin White, Rob Conway, Rene Dupree, etc.). Little note, Sunday Night Heat won't do anything for their careers, just like Velocity won't do anything for a SmackDown! guy's career. Nevertheless, Carlito has his title shot against John Cena next week on Raw.
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Chris Sokol is from Long Island, NY and realizes that WWE is going into a downward spiral. If you agree and would care to share your thoughts, email him at CJS137@aol.com.