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Smackdown: A legend returns, Bash takes shape
By DALE PLUMMER --SLAM! Wrestling


I’m out of the loop fro a week and Matt Hardy shows up on RAW! What’s next? WWE releasing Charlie Haas, Miss Jackie, Dawn Marie, The Dudleyz, and Matt Morgan so they can resign Brock Lesnar? (That’s a good one. What? They all did get cut, and Lesnar is in talks to return?) I’m gone for one week and all heck breaks loose.

What’s left of the Smackdown! roster comes to us from Worcester, Massachusetts. Eddie Guerrero kicks off the show, coming to the ring to announce the Rey Mysterio is not in the house tonight, and it’s story time. Guerrero can’t figure out how to top last week, so he decides to spill “the secret”. Before he can, Eddie’s wife and daughters show up at ringside. She pleads with Eddie not to hurt the Mysterio family. An enraged Eddie grabs his wife, and walks her to the back. Backstage, Eddie is arguing with his wife, and asks her to leave with the kids. Hardcore Holly tries to intervene, and Eddie pushes him away. Hardcore pushes back. Eddie’s wife gets into the car and drives away.

Match #1 – The Mexicools vs. Paul London, Scotty Too Hotty, and Funaki

Super Crazy and Funaki start off, and Funaki hits a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. Psicosis and Scotty tag in. Super Crazy hits a cheap shot, but Scotty kicks him off the apron. Psicosis catapults Scotty into a boot from Crazy. Juventud tags in, and goes to work on Scotty in the corner. Juvi and Scotty go down, and London gets the hot tag. London hit a back body drop on Juvi, and follows with a suplex. London goes to the top rope, but is cut down by Super Crazy. The Juice takes advantage, and hits a 450 splash off the top rope. Unfortunately, London catches a knee to the face on the move, but word is he is okay. Juvi covers for the pin.

Winner via pinfall: The Mexicools

New Smackdown! Diva Candice Michelle is checking herself out in the mirror, when Christian stops by. He tells her that he can break her out of her mediocrity, and that the young guys on the show are all ready looking up to him. Booker T and Sharmell over hear Christian, so Booker laughs at him and challenges him to a match. (Seriously, though, Candice is right up there with Maria on RAW. When her looks go, that girl’s in trouble.)

Josh Matthews interviews the champ, Batista. The champ says JBL is nothing but a bully, and there’s only one way to deal with them, by punking them out. Batista says the only thing JBL will be walking away with is an attitude adjustment.

M-N-M is walking backstage, when Melina tells her boys to take a walk. Melina confronts Torrie Wilson, ripping the new edition of Smackdown magazine out of her hand. She then calls Torrie old and washed up. Torrie responds by challenging Melina to a bra and panties match at the Great American Bash.

Match #2 – Heidenreich vs. M-N-M

Heidenreich is jumped by the champs before he even gets into the ring. The throw Heidenreich in to the ring post, and Melina gets on the mike and berates him. She then orders her boys to finishes him until…”WHAT A RUUUUUUUSHHHH!” Animal, yes that Animal, hits the ring, and cleans house. M-N-M try to leave through the crown, Animal orders them to stop. Animal explains that he has heard about this great tag team, as he was touring the country. He calls them punks. Mercury offers the Road Warriors a shot at the GAB, until Nitro points out that his partner is dead. Heidenreich stops Animal from charging into the crowd. The big man says he’s no Hawk, but he is a friend. Animal takes Heidenreich up on the offer, and accepts the challenge.

No Contest

Match #3 – Eddie Guerrero vs. Hardcore Holly

So Hardcore Holly does have incriminating photos of Vince, right? I mean, how else does he have a job? Holly chops away at Eddie in the corner. Latino Heat hits a thumb to the eye, and responds with chops of his own. Hardcore ducks a chop, and hits another one. Eddie ducks out of the ring, and we go to commercial break. Holly and Guerrero are tied up, as we return. Holly nails an arm drag, and locks in an armbar. Latino Heat is whipped across the ring, but drops Holly into the middle turnbuckle with a toehold. Eddie locks in a head scissors, which Holly counters with an electric chair. Holly then hits Eddie with a stiff clothesline, and follows with a back body drop. Holly then hits a full nelson driver, but cannot get the pin. Holly climbs to the top rope, and hits a flying clothesline, but still cannot get the pin. Eddie gets caught in the corner, but is able to hold onto the ropes to counter the Alabama Slam. The fight spills to the floor, and Holly is shoved into the ring post. Referee Charles Robinson is raked in the eyes, as Eddie fights off Holly. Guerrero drives Holly into the announce table, and then hits him with a pipe. Eddie locks in a Texas cloverleaf, and Holly taps.

Winner via submission: Eddie Guerrero

After the match, Eddie tells his wife to shut up, and the a series of bleeps. He then announces that he will face Rey, again, at the Great American Bash. If Eddie wins the secret will be revealed; if he loses, Eddie will keep the secret locked up.

Muhammad Hassan’s personal attorney heads to the ring to read a prepared statement from Hassan. (I will refrain from making personal political statements here, but I will give Chris Sokol immense credit for how he dealt with this issue last week.) In short Hassan will not be on Smackdown! until after he beats The Undertaker at the Great American Bash. Undertaker interrupts and choke slams the attorney, and follows with a choke slam. When will WWE learn to leave well enough alone? (The whole thing disgusts me.)

Match #4 – Booker T vs. Christian

Christian ambushes Booker T, and whips him into the ring post. Sharmell pleads for her man to get up, but Christian smashes his head off the ring steps. Referee Nick Patrick refuses to start the match, while Booker T is still down. Booker gets up, and the bell rings, but Christian hits the Un-prettier and gets the quick pin.

Winner via pinfall: Christian

A promo for the next movie from WWE studios runs. All I want to know is if “straight-to-video” is mentioned any where in their mission statement?

Match #5 – Batista vs. Orlando Jordan – Champion vs. Champion

JBL tells Batista that last week was the most embarrassing night of his life. JBL doesn’t mind the black eye or staples in the head, it’s the fact that he lost to the Blue Meanie. The match starts after a commercial, and JBL tries to distract Batista. The champ isn’t fooled, and Jordan is dumped from the ring. Jordan counters a turnbuckle smash, but is then tripped up by Batista, and Jordan knocks the champ from the ring. JBL then smashed Batista into the ring steps. Jordan hits Batista with a chop block, and Jordan works over the leg. JBL interferes once again with a cheap shot. Jordan drags Batista to the center of the ring, and works over the knee. Jordan walks into a backdrop, and is then driven into the corner. Batista follows with a clothesline into a power slam. JBL is knocked off the apron, but Jordan collides with the ref. Batista hits a spinebuster, but is cut down with a chair shot from JBL. Jordan covers, but Batista kicks out at a two count. Batista counters a Clothesline from Hell, and then hits Jordan with the Batista Bomb. Batista covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Batista

After the match, JBL hits the ring, and chops out Batista’s leg. JBL follows with a Clothesline from Hell. The show ends with JBL posing over Batista.

Dale Plummer has been writing for Slam! Wrestling since 2003. Dale has a secret about RAW reporter Nick Tylwalk. If Dale doesn’t get a case of Molson from him Dale will expose the secret to the world. Be the first to find out by emailing Dale at DPlummer627@yahoo.com