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Smackdown: Kurt angles in on Sharmell
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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I've been told that we are less then ten days away
from another WWE pay-per-View. Really? It's been a
month? These things are worse then holidays. I mean
you blink, and BAM! WWE wants another $30 from you for a
crappy main event.
Smackdown! is coming to us from Reading, Pennsylvania,
which is home to ... um, I live 45 minutes away, and I
can't come up with anything. At least when Smackdown
comes to Hershey next month, we have chocolate. (This
is a thinly veiled hint to my editors to reimburse me
for the tickets.)
The show kicks off by recapping the Eddie-Rey saga
that came to a head last week. Eddie Guerrero comes to
the ring with new music (which starts off with an
annoying cell phone ring) and no ride. Eddie grabs a
chair and sits in the middle of the ring, which is
bathed in a red light. A spotlight gleams on Guerrero
as he tells the crowd that he gave Rey the fight of
his life because he wanted it. Latino Heat then pulls
Rey's ripped masked and yells at it. Eddie tells the
mask that he didn't want to do it. Guerrero then
realizes something. He says the fans and Mysterio
stole his 'Latino Heat' and now he has it back. Eddie
then threatens Rey's family, calling out the kids by
name. Guerrero tells Rey Rey not to show up at
Judgment Day, because he will take away the father of
Rey's children.
Match #1 - Heidenreich vs. Spike Dudley
Heidenreich says he asked Spike to be his friend
and Spike turned him down. So the big man goes to the
crowd for a buddy. Heidenreich picks a little kid out
of the crowd. And the kid is almost as big as Spike.
Jordan says he's from Reading, and says he would like
to hear one of Heidenreich's poems. Dr. Seuss is
turning over in his grave. Heidenreich asks Jordan to
be in his corner, and the kid agrees. Heidenreich
takes it to Spike, beating him in the corner. Spike
dodges and corner charge, and Heidenreich hits the
ring post. Spike starts to berate Jordan, and that
gives Heidenreich an opening to continue to assault.
Spike is shot off the ropes, and Heidenreich finishes
him off with a spinning side slam.
Winner via pin fall: Heidenreich
Sharmell checks in on her husband, Booker T. The
Bookman says he'll take care of Angle, but first he
has to take care of business. He plants a deep kiss on
the wife, and then she straddles him on the couch.
Watch out, the FCC is really cracking down these days,
this ain't cable.
MNM and Chavo Guerrero are talking about how
viscous Eddie has become. Chavo then says that Paul
London has been having trouble finding two partners
for the six-man tag.
Josh Matthews interviews Kurt Angle, and the
Olympic champ reminds him what happened last time he
stepped out of line. Angle says he doesn't care what
people say, and that Sharmell struck him first. Angle
says he doesn't hurt women; he makes them feel good.
Angle has a vice for "gutter sluts." (Which oddly
enough was bleeped.) Angle goes on to say he wants to
do the deed with Booker's wife. He elaborates by
saying he wants dirty, perverted actions with her.
(Which oddly enough wasn't censored.) Then someone
woke up, and cut to commercial. And somewhere at the
FCC, an agent is digging out the fine ledger.
Match #2 - MNM w/ Melina and Chavo Guerrero
vs. Paul London, Hardcore Holly, and Charlie Haas
London acts like he'll be all alone, but Holly and
Haas hit the ring. London and Nitro start off. London
hits a mule kick, and tags in Haas. A knee to the back
slows down Haas, but Haas nails a shoulder breaker.
Holly comes in to help out with a double elbow. Melina
grabs Haas' leg, and Mercury nails him from the apron.
Chavo tags in, and beats Haas into the heel corner.
Haas breaks free, but a kick to the jaw sends him to
the mat. Haas hits a suplex, and Chavo can't stop the
hot tag to Holly. Hardcore cleans house, and hits
Chavo with a clothesline off the top rope. MNM
double-team Holly, but London is able to make the tag.
A drop kick sends Chavo to the mat. Chavo sets up the
Gory Bomb. London reverses with a sunset flip, but
Chavo rolls through, and uses to the ropes to get the
pin.
Winner via pin fall: MNM and Chavo Guerrero
JBL, the former champ, heads to the ring. JBL
announces the re-release book Have More Money Now.
He then takes shots at Cena's rap album, saying it
will flop and Cena is a bad champion and bad role
model. JBL says he will break Cena at Judgment Day and
make him say 'I Quit'. Cena hits the ring, doesn't say
a word, and tackles JBL. The cabinet runs in to make
the save. The Bashams and Orlando Jordan hold Cena so
JBL can beat on him, when Funaki, Nunzio, and other
cruiserweights hit the ring to help the champ.
Eventually, enough wrestlers, refs, and officials
break the two up, with Cena smiling at JBL on the way
back up the ring.
Match #3 - Chavo Guerrero vs. Jimmy Jacobs
Hold on, I got a call. Never mind, it's Eddie's new
entrance music. Or maybe it's a ... JOBBER ALERT! This
poor kid is gonna get killed. Eddie is still holding
Rey's mask, and hangs it over the ring post. The ref
checks Eddie, which Eddie protests, but then he hits
Jacobs with a cheap shot, as the ref checks him. A
high elbow knocks Jacobs down. Eddie hits a suplex,
and then stares at the mask. Latino Heat yells at the
mask, and then puts it on Jacobs. Eddie beats Jacobs,
and tosses him out of the ring. Eddie then slams
Jacobs off the announcer's table. Guerrero brings a
chair into the ring, and the ref threatens to DQ him.
Guerrero hits a brainbuster on the chair, and Charles
Robinson calls for the bell.
Winner via DQ: Jimmy Jacobs
After the match, Eddie tells the mask not to show
up on Judgment day, or his kids won't have a father.
Match #4 - Matt Morgan vs. Funaki
Funaki gets on the mike and says that he is
"Smackdown's number one announcer." Morgan says the
crowd is laughing at him. Morgan calls Funaki a
joke, and Funaki responds by poking him in the eyes.
Morgan hits a boot to the face, and then catapults him
into the second rope. Morgan finishes him off with the
delayed vertical driver.
Winner via pinfall: Matt Morgan
Carlito's Cabana
Carlito comes out and introduces The Big Show.
Carlito walks around Show and is impressed by his
size. CCC wants someone that can keep things cool at
the Cabana. Big Show asks if Carlito wants him to play
second banana to him. Carlito says they have apples;
he doesn't do bananas. Carlito tells Show that Show
needs Carlito. CCC shows pictures of the sumo match.
Great, I won't be sleeping tonight. Not with that
image burned in my head. Carlito tells Show he'd be
cool, and they would be unstoppable. Show says the
offer is not cool. With no other choice, Carlito grabs
an apple, but Show grabs him by the throat. Big Show
starts to eat the apple. He lets go of Carlito, and
falls to his knees, spitting the apple out. Carlito
says he knew Show might not join him so he had another
plan. Carlito tells Show it only takes one bad apple
to spoil the bunch, and then kicks him in the gut.
Carlito walks off with a smug grin, as Show lies
writhing in pain.
Match #6 - Kurt Angle vs. Booker T
Booker T goes right after Angle, shooting him off
the ropes, and taking him down with a clothesline.
Booker then chokes him on the ropes. Angle fights
back, but Booker counters, and knocks Angle to the
mat. He then hangs him up on the top rope, and spills
to the floor. Booker grabs a chair, but the ref stops
him from using it. Angle hits a cheap shot, and then
tosses Booker into the ring steps. Booker hits a kick
to Angle's jaw, and then pounds on him. Angle slips
out of the ring. Booker follows, and Angle gains the
upper hand. Back in the ring, Booker nails a back
kick, but Angle responds by tossing Book in the ring
post. The Olympic champ follows with an Angle slam.
Angle leaves the ring and runs backstage. Booker T
recovers and follows. Angle kicks down the door to
Booker T's locker room. He shuts the door, and all we
hear is Sharmell's screams. Booker busts in to find
his wife on the floor. Angle jumps Booker from behind,
and tosses him into a bank of lockers. Angle rams
Booker heads into the locker repeatedly. Sharmell
comforts her husband as Angle leaves.
No contest
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale is starting a petition to
stop WWE from passing the cost of FCC fines onto the
paying costumers. Join the protest at
Dplummer627@yahoo.com.
