Raw: Batista chops lumberjacks, Kane
CHRIS SOKOL - SLAM! Wrestling
It is once again time for "Pick Your Poison", as "The Animal" faces
"The Monster". Will Batista have the remedy needed to destruct "The Big Red
Machine"? Only time will tell, as Raw passes on through Birmingham, Alabama, on
one of its final stops on the road to Wrestlemania!
Match One- Shawn Michaels vs Rob Conway w/Sylvain
They show some clips of last week's Rockers Reunion, which in my opinion
was just amazing. Grenier distracts Michaels, and Conway goes to work, putting
the boots to "The Heartbreak Kid". The fight spills to the floor, and HBK gains
the advantage, hitting a suicide plancha on both members of La Resistance. With
the referee distracted, Grenier hits Michaels with a flagpole, Conway with the
cover, but only two. We come back from commericals and both men are going back
and forth. Michaels knocks Conway down, he knocks Grenier off the ring apron, he
throws the flag away, elbow dropped, sweet chin music, and a three count.
Winner Via Pinfall- Shawn Michaels
We head into a video package of Kurt Angle. The video hypes his upcoming
match with Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania. That's a match I am looking forward
to -- it should be a mat classic.
Backstage, William Regal, Tajiri, Christy Hemme, and Lita are getting ready
for their upcoming intergender six person tag match. Hemme + wrestling =
diasaster waiting to happen.
They play the Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho/Christian/Stacy Keibler/Moolah/Mae
Young Wrestlemania parody commercial. Funny, but damn that's nasty.
It is announced that Slyvester Stallone will be inducting Hulk Hogan into
the Hall of Fame. Hmmm...do I see WWE hooking up with The Contender. Anything
is possible with Vinnie Mac.
Match Two- Six Person Intergender Tag Team Match- Christy Hemme,
William Regal, and Tajiri w/ Lita vs Molly Holly, Simon Dean, and Maven w/ Trish
Who raided Sunday Night Heat and grabbed the first people they saw? Regal
and Dean kick things off in this match, with Regal breaking down the
fitness expert. Tajiri gets the tag in, and some double teaming ensues. Dean and
Maven gain the advantage thanks to some double teaming of their own behind the
referee's back. Tajiri catches Dean with a spinning heel kick, Holly and Hemme
in, and the match breaks down. Holly misses that top rope posterior splash, and
gets hit with the Hemme twist of fate.
Winners Via Pinfall- Christy Hemme, William Regal, and
HHH is shown charging down the backstage area, bumping into a guy and
staring him down. "The Game" means business tonight!
We go to a "Stone Cold Stunner", this time it's clips of him beating on
Vince McMahon in the hospital. All jokes aside, it will be great to see Stone
Cold back in WWE.
HHH makes his way to the ring, as he has something he needs to get off his
chest. HHH talks about being unappreciated, and about how much he has gone
through to make sure there was a future in this business. HHH complains about
Randy Orton like usual. From there he moves on to complaining about Batista.
Mind you, he is sitting in a chair in the middle of the ring while doing all
this. The only thing I'm missing here is Ric Flair working about a sweat putting
HHH over. Now they dim the lights for him, this is getting a bit ridiculous,
wouldn't you agree? HHH makes Batista and Kane's match an "Anything Goes
They show a recap of what transfired during the Shelton Benjamin/Edge match
Match Three- Chris Jericho and Shelton Benjamin vs Edge and
Christian w/ Tyson Tomko
How about this feud, Edge and Christian vs The Rockers? Jannetty is
getting signed back, Michaels and Jannetty are faces, Edge and Christian are heels --
book it Vince! Christian and Jericho start things out, with Jericho getting the
better of the CLB. Edge, Christian, and Tomko get into it, and Benjamin does a
flipping splash to the outside on all three men, and takes control of the match.
Edge and Christian use some double teaming to get back in the proverbial drivers
seat. E & C continue the double teaming, until Benjamin uses an inverted
neckbreaker, sending Christian to the mat. Jericho gets the tag in and hits a
double bulldog, Lionsault on Christian, Walls on Edge, Tomko taken down, bottom
dropper on Jericho as we head to a commercial break. We come back, and Shelton
Benjamin gets a quick tag in, taking everyone down with his patented roundhouse
kicks. Shelton cleans house, but when Christian whacks him with the IC strap, it
proves to be too much, E & C pick up the victory. Very entertaining
Winners Via Pinfall- Edge and Christian
Post Match- Edge and Christian continue to pound on
Benjamin. Benoit comes to the ring to help, but Tomko takes him out with the use
of a ladder. How come Tomko is the one using the ladder all the time, when he
isn't even involved in the match?
Backstage, Ric Flair is pumping up all the heels who are going to be
lumberjacks for the main event. Flair has been talking for 30 seconds and is
already soaking wet, that guy is amazing.
Batista is in his lockeroom, when Bischoff comes in and says how proud he
will be of Batista if he wins the World Heavyweight Championship. Batista tells
Bischoff that he would make a great politician, he then tells him that'd he'd
make a better used car salesman.
Randy Orton is making his way to the ring with a message for The
Undertaker, he asks Stacy Keibler to come and accompany him to the ring. She
obligies and they walk hand in hand backstage and to the ring.
A clip of Randy Orton giving Jake Roberts the RKO airs. I had the honor
and privilege of speaking with Jake at the Legends of the Ring: The
Gathering event this past Saturday. To read the article with a quote from
Jake, click here.
They play the Smackdown Rebound, but if you really want a Smackdown
Rebound, read my coloful report right here on SLAM!
Randy Orton and Stacy Keibler hit the ring, pumping the Legend vs Legend
Killer Match at Wrestlemania. A video package featuring all of Orton's greatest
moments plays. Orton hypes some more for his match with Taker, and then
tells Stacy Keibler that he is going to do something he has wanted to do for a
long time. He kisses her and then says he has a message for The Undertaker,
and that message is an RKO delivered to Stacy Keibler.
A "Hulk Still Rules" Promo airs, this time
it features his Wrestlemania Five victory over "Macho Man"
Randy Savage. Come on Hulk, be a man.
Match Four- Tyson Tomko vs Chris Benoit
Benoit comes in, taking Tomko down with a series of German suplexes. Diving headbutt on Tomko, but only a two count. Tomko fires back with a series of well placed fists to the head, followed by the illegal choke. Benoit ducks a big boot, and Tomko tapes to the Crossface.
Winner Via Submission- Chris Benoit
Shawn Michaels is standing backstage, when he is confronted by Muhammed
Hassan and Divari. Hassan tells HBK that he has no idea of the adversity that he
has to face. HBK tells him to stop complaining, and that if he wants to be in
Wrestlemania, he will get his chance to prove that he belongs. Next week on Raw,
it will be Muhammed Hassan vs Shawn Michaels, live from Texas. HBK tells Hassan
that he will show him why they call him "Mr. Wrestlemania".
They then show a new Wrestlemania parody commercial, featuring a host of
stars, saying the line "Are you talking to me?" The best yet.
Match Five- Lumberjack Anything Goes Match - Kane vs
HHH joins JR and Jerry Lawler for "The Animal" vs "The Monster". Collar and
elbow tie up in the middle of the ring, both men battle back and forth and to
the floor. Kane hits a big boot to the face of Batista, Bastista to the floor,
La Resistance attempt to attack him, but he proves to be too strong and fights
them both off. Kane beats on Batista, but when he goes to the top rope, Batista
comes back and takes over. When Kane goes to the outside, he is attacked by
Snitsky, soon Kane finds himself beating on all of the lumberjacks, while on the
other side of the ring, Batista is being destroyed by lumberjacks. Batista
single handedly destroys all of the lumberjacks, he turns into a Kane chokeslam,
one... two... no! Spinebuster and a sit out Batista bomb on Kane for the
three count. It is announced, next week on Raw, there will be a face off between
HHH and Batista.
Winner Via Pinfall- Batista
Well, HHH spent a good amount of time talking tonight, Orton did his full
heel turn, Batista advanced his progress, and Raw ended in a predictable manner.
With all the matches signed for Wrestlemania, it's sure to be a doozy of a PPV.
Next week, HHH and Batista will have a face off in the ring, Shawn Michaels
will take on Muhammed Hassan, and Raw will make its final stop in Texas, on
the Road to Wrestlemania.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Order the new autobiography:
The Mouth of the South: The Jimmy Hart Story
Chris Sokol is from Long Island, NY and was excited to have taken
over for Nick and Dale this past week. He has a new found respect for both men
for having to put up with the current WWE product. If you want to give Chris a
headache, email him at CJS137@aol.com and
state your thoughts on the current WWE product.