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Smackdown: Cena-JBL avoid the fight
By
CHRIS SOKOL - SLAM! Wrestling
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It's a night of legends: "Legend Killer" Randy Orton will confront The Undertaker in their Wrestlemania 21 contract signing, a sumo legend appears, a couple of WWE legends who haven't been around in a while show up in promos, while the "legendary" Marty Jannetty faces Kurt Angle. Enough prelude, let's get to Smackdown, as we continue on our road to Wrestlemania!
They open the show with a recap of John Cena giving Teddy "Holla Holla"
Long an F-U. Belee Dat Playa!
Kurt Angle hits the ring and cuts a promo on how there is no way to prepare
for an Olympic Gold Medalist. Angle calls Jannetty out, and it's time
for...
Match One- Kurt Angle vs Marty Jannetty
Jannetty looked good on Raw, but let's see how he fairs on Smackdown. The
match starts off with the typical Angle mat based wrestling, with Angle holding
the advantage until Jannetty was able to apply what appears to be his favorite
move, the armbar/armringer. Angle goes to toss Jannetty out of the ring, but
Jannetty "Skins the cat", and gets a hold of Angle's head with his legs, bringing
him over to the floor. We come back from commercial, and Angle has his arms
wrapped around the stomach of Jannetty. Angle works Jannetty over, and applies
the bodyscissors. I feel like this match had two minutes of new stuff, and then
it just keeps repeating itself. Belly to belly on Jannetty, attempted Angle
Slam, but Marty gets out. Marty comes back with a DDT, Jannetty fires off some
kicks, Jannetty gets caught, but fights out of Two Ankle Locks. The third time
proves to be a charm, and Jannetty taps like a drunk man. On a positive note,
Jannetty is in good shape and can still hang in my opinion.
Winner Via Submission- Kurt Angle
Backstage a stage hand asks Teddy Long if he needs anything, he says he's
fine, and he's headed to the ring to address John Cena and the Smackdown
audience.
According to WWE, there are just 17 days left before Wrestlemania. Bring
your homemade weapons and show Jason Clevett a good time -- he'll be there!
Teddy Long is backstage in his office as he addresses the audience. He talks about
not letting the inmates run the asylum. JBL walks in, badmouthing John Cena. JBL
wants Cena suspended, but Teddy Long says no. He tells JBL that Cena cannot lay
a hand on him unless they are in a match together. If he does, he will
forfeit his title shot at Wrestlemania. On that note, Long makes a Six Man
Tag for later in the night featuring The Bashams and JBL vs Mysterio, Guerrero,
and John Cena. Didn't see that coming.
Speaking of Eddie Guerrero, he is backstage, when Chavo comes up to him
asking what has happened to him. Chavo asks how many times Mysterio had to beat
him before he decided to tag with him. Guerrero gets all upset, you know what
I'm talking about. Will tag champs collide at Mania? Of course!
Torrie Wilson and Joy Giovanni are in the crowd celebrating St. Patrick's
Day. I mean, who would use Divas for wrestling? That's obsurd.
Match Two- Booker T vs Luther Reigns
Prior to the match, Heidenreich makes his way to the ring to join Michael
Cole and Tazz. This should be enough to drive to me and every other wrestling
fan insane. Booker proves to be too quick for Reigns, putting him of the
defensive real early. Reigns mounts a comeback, putting Booker T down in a
headlock. Booker T fights out, hits a series of clotheslines, followed by a
spinebuster, spin kick! My night has officially been made, Spinarooni! Scissor
Kick, it's over, and Heidenreich didn't speak. I'm singing praises as I
type.
Winner Via Pinfall- Booker T
Post Match- Heidenreich grabs a mic, Son of a $%#$!
Heidenreich reads a poem, thanking Booker T for giving him the chance to become
the new him. Stupid, pathetic, a waste of time -- I could go on.
They play the Christy Hemme/Kurt Angle/Linda McMahon movie spoof of
When Harry Met Sally. Great job there, very funny.
Teddy Long is in the ring getting prepared for the contract signing. He
talks about Wrestlemania being the one time a Raw superstar can face a Smackdown
superstar. Eric Bischoff cuts in and talks about all the Raw superstars beating
the Smackdown superstars at Wrestlemania. Randy Orton makes his way to the ring,
and I just realized that Orton is undefeated at Wrestlemania as well. We could
see a torch passing here. Teddy Long takes the liberty of introducing The
Undertaker. Long gives both men the contract, Undertaker signs it, Orton grabs
the mic and claims to have nothing but respect for The Undertaker, Orton goes on
to say that Taker will be 12-1 after Wrestlemania because Orton says he is
unafraid of "The Deadman". Orton then proceeds to slap Taker right across the
face, Taker starts shaking, he takes off his hat and the lights go out. The
Titantron starts to spazz out with pictures of Taker, the aisle fill with smoke,
Taker than raised his hands and sent two lighting bolts and flames at Orton who
took the high road.
A Hulk Still Rules promo airs. I guess there's no Hogan lawsuit this week.
Miss Jackie and Laura "I can't wrestle and shouldn't be allowed to speak on
a mic" Jones are in the crowd celebrating St. Patrick's Day.
Match Three- Number One Contenders Match For A Shot At The WWE
Cruiserweight Championship- "The Ultimate London" (Paul London) vs Billy
Kidman
The Ultimate London with tassels and all faces Billy Kidman one on one
tonight, for a shot at the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. London uses his
quickness and agility to spin all over Kidman and take him down. London attempts
the springboard dropkick, but Kidman hits him with a dropkick, sending London to
the floor and thus gaining the advantage. London comes back with his patented
Dropsault, but only for a two. London hits a 450 splash and wins the match. I
can't get over those tassles, next we'll be hearing about Londonisms. Londonisim
# 1 = Don't let anyone tell you you're a jobber, despite only making five Smackdown
appearances in the past year and a half.
Winner Via Pinfall- Paul London
At a concession stand, some guy is taking orders while Carlito sits next to
him reading a newspaper. The guy tells Carlito that Teddy Long said he would
help with the hotdogs. Some kid comes up asking for a hotdog and Carlito
obliges. He puts the money in his pocket while the other guy is not looking,
and closes the register. The kid wants change, but Carlito squirts ketchup at
him, Carlito then chases the other guy away. Carlito begins to eat the hotdog,
when another kid walks up, and Carlito spits it in his face. Carlito, you are
the man.
A Stone Cold Stunner promo is run. Stone Cold's back, and I give him till June. I'm feeling lucky.
Michael Cole is standing in the ring, he tells the fans about the Sumo
Match at Wrestlemania between Akebono and The Big Show. While were at it, let's
call Ken Shamrock up and get that silly octagon at Wrestlemania and we can have
some real fun. They play some clips of Akebono sumo wrestling, and then Cole
talks to Show. Show talks about how he is preparing for his match with Akebono
and basically just hypes the match.
Backstage Orlando Jordan is trying to calmn JBL down, who is very worried
about his upcoming Six Man Tag Team Match. JBL makes sure that if Cena touches
him outside the ring, that he loses his shot at the title. Jordan assures him of
that, as JBL plots some devious plan, he and Jordan walk away.
It's now time for the HHH Rebound... err thats the Raw Rebound. If
you want a well written documentation of the show, filled with quirky comments,
you'll read Nick Tywalk's Raw Report.
Dawn Marie is shown with the fans, celebrating St. Patrick's Day. She spots
Michelle McCool and, you guessed it, CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!
Michael Cole and Tazz rundown what appears to be an awesome Wrestlemania
card. Tazz makes a comment about Big Show and Akebono, saying that Show
competing in a Sumo match is like never hitting a baseball, and then going into
a Home Run Derby against Barry Bonds. Now there is a guy whose ego won't be
shattered, but his head will still swell down three sizes.
JBL finds John Cena backstage, and taunts him, attempting to get Cena to
take a swing at him. Cena doesn't bite, and tells JBL that he will see him in
the ring.
We come back from a commercial, and we head to a promo for Christy Hemme in
Playboy.
Match Four- Six Man Tag Team Match- John "Bradshaw" Layfield and
The Basham Brothers w/ Orlando Jordan vs John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Eddie
Guerrero
Cena comes out to some weird theme music, but he gets right to work,
pounding on JBL and The Basham Brothers. Cena beats on one of The Basham
Brothers, knocking him from pillar to post and coast to coast. Eddie gets the
tag in, and picks up where Cena left off. We come back from commercials, and
Doug Basham is in firm control of Eddie Guerrero, until the hot tag to Mysterio
is made. The Bashams regain control, and JBL hits the ring, but once Cena makes
the tag, JBL hightails it. Headscissors on one of the Bashams, 6-1-9. JBL gets
the tag back in, and he goes to town on Mysterio. The Bashams come in and do a
double team pancake move, further injuring and isolating Mysterio. John Cena
comes in illegally while Guerrero has the ref distracted, and the match breaks
down. Three amigos on Doug Basham! The Dime is dropped on one of the Bashams and
its over.
Winners Via Pinfall- John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Eddie
Guerrero
Post Match- JBL throws a chair at Cena, he picks it up and
goes after JBL, but the bell had rung. He instead beats on one of the Basham
Brothers. JBL provokes Cena, but Cena just puts the chair down, does a "You
can't see me" and walks away.
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Chris Sokol is from Long Island, NY, and is currently taking email
questions, due to a lack of friends. If you were a wrestling journalist, you'd
know what he meant. So send your wrestling questions to Chris at CJS137@aol.com
