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Smackdown: JBL's party gets crashed
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


For what it's worth Smackdown! has overcome No Way Out, and no heads down the long road to Wrestlemania, and I start figuring out a new way to say that over the next five weeks. The first stop is in Philadelphia, and as always, Michael Cole and Tazz bring us all the action.

I'll give WWE writers credit where it's due, and opening the show with a mock political ad about JBL's win was a stroke of genius. They even started it off with "Paid for by friends of JBL." Good stuff, but let's extend that creativity to the wrestling storylines.

Match #1 - Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero vs. The Basham Brothers

The brand new WWE Tag team champions start off the night, defending against the team they beat at No Way Out on Sunday. Eddie hits two arm drags in a row on Danny, sending him to his corner. Guerrero makes the tag, and Rey hits a head scissors. Eddie re-enters on a blind tag, and is whipped into the corner, but counters a charge, and nails a side suplex. Doug makes a blind tag in, and Doug slams Guerrero off the top turnbuckle. Guerrero rolls away from a leg drop, as Rey Mysterio lays unconscious outside the ring. Rey was taken out during the break. Doug and Danny work over Eddie in the corner. Doug misses a spear and catches the ring post. Guerrero can't tag out, though, with Mysterio still lying on the mat. Danny drops an elbow off the turnbuckle. Guerrero battles his way out of the corner, and then hits a drop kick on Danny. Mysterio finally gets the hot tag, hitting a seated senton on Danny. Guerrero joins in and both men mount a Basham in the corners and drop 10 punches to the face. Doug Basham then kicks out of a pin, after a springboard moonsault. Guerrero hops back in and hits two of the three amigos, and then is dropped into the ropes. Rey goes for the 619, but Doug pulls Danny out of the way, and Rey hits Eddie. Mysterio is double teamed, but Eddie makes the save. Doug is dropped into the ropes, and this time Mysterio connects with the 619. Guerrero follows up with a frog splash, and then takes out Danny on the outside, allowing Mysterio to get the pin fall.

Winner via pin fall: Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero

Orlando Jordan stops by the Divas' locker room to invite them to JBL's celebration. It's a black tie affair, so they should dress accordingly.

Match #2 - Kurt Angle vs. Matt Martel - Kurt Angle Invitational

Angle isn't in any mood to mess around tonight, after losing to John Cena. Martel asks Angle how it felt to lose to Cena. Not a wise move my friend. Angle snaps, slapping Martel across the face. The Olympic champ beats on the hometown hero, and gets him to tap with less than one minute left on the clock.

Winner via submission: Kurt Angle

After the match, Tazz interviews Angle in the ring. Tazz wants to know how Angle feels about the challenge laid down by Shawn Michaels. Angle feigns a response, but just drops the mike and walks away.

Heidenreich is writing poetry backstage, when Josh Matthews asks him about Booker T. He wants to know why Heidenreich hit Booker in the throat with a chair. Heidenreich answers with a poem. T.S. Eliot is spinning in his grave.

JBL is having a fully catered party, at ringside. That must have been a joy to sit through with all the set up and tear down. Backstage, Orlando Jordan is helping the champ dress, due to his various wounds. JBL calls this event his legacy.

Orlando Jordan introduces the champ, and JBL gingerly makes his way to the ring. Jordan says it's only fitting that this ceremony is Philly, a city that lacks champions. The crowd then tries to drown out the classical opera singer with boos. Jordan sucks up to his boss even more, and then unveils a painting of the champ. Jordan then proclaims that JBL is the longest reigning WWE champ in a decade. Is that right? Get the SLAM! Wrestling intern to look in on this. JBL then toots his own horn, and then runs down John Cena, saying his isn't in his league. Then the Big Show crashes the party. The guests scatter, as Big Show trashes the set. The cabinet gang up on Show, and then John Cena hits the ring. Cena cleans house, and then smashes the painting over JBL's head. Teddy Long surveys the damage, and books a tag team match, JBL and Orlando Jordan versus Big Show and John Cena.

Match #3 - Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki

Guerrero wasted no time, assaulting Funaki as he enters the ring. A clubbing blow sends Funaki to the mat. Funaki counters a hammerlock with an arm drag. Funaki sends Chavo to the mat with a right hand, and then whips Chavo into the corner, and hits a bulldog as he bounce off the turnbuckle. Chavo counters the tornado DDT, but is then driven into the corner. Funaki has Guerrero on his back, but the champ reverse the hold and drop Funaki with a Gory bomb.

Winner via pin fall: Chavo Guerrero

After the match, Paul London hits the ring from the crowd, and assaults Chavo. The champ is chased back to the locker room.

Match #4 - The Undertaker vs. Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns - Double Jeopardy Handicap Match

What is a match no one wants to watch? Correct. I'll take forgettable matches for $200, Alex. The Answer: No Way Out, 2005. What is The Undertaker versus Luther Reigns? I better get the match, because I could do this all night. Jindrak starts off with the Dead Man, and Undertaker is all over him. Reigns refuses to tag in, but still gets knocked off the apron by 'Taker. Undertaker makes a nice reversal, and Jindrak taps out to a triangle choke hold.

Winner via submission: The Undertaker

After the match Jindrak and Reigns argue, and Jindrak nails Reigns. The two men brawl until official can pull them apart.

Teddy Long is in the ring, and announces that this may be his last night as General Manager, and the crowd isn't happy about it. Long says he is proud to be the GM, no matter what the board decides. Carlito makes his way to the ring, to gloat, I assume, if Long loses his job. Carlito runs down Long, confident that he is going to lose his job. Linda McMahon joins the crowd via satellite. Linda says the petition has been read, but the board has ruled the Long can keep his job, because his decisions were made for the betterment of Smackdown! Linda says the decision is final, so Carlito should stop calling. The crowd starts chanting "Teddy!" Long swipes Carlito's apple, and tells him to listen up. Long says that next week he better show up for work, and show up early, because he has no idea what's in store.

Cena shows respect with the Reggie White throwback jersey. I wish I had that kind of scratch. Has the American Beef Council contacted JBL about ripping off their theme song? Every time he comes to the ring, all I think of is "Beef, its what's for dinner." Can we get the SLAM! intern on this, too?

Match #5 - John Cena and The Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan and JBL

Big Show chokes Jordan on the ropes, and then whips him into the corner, and talks trash to JBL. He wants the champ to tag in. Jordan tries to battle back, and Big Show tries to force Orlando to tag. Cena tags in, and goes to work on Jordan. Cena lays him out with a clothesline, and then a high elbow. JBL doesn't want any of Cena either, but isn't above tripping him up for the apron. Cena goes after JBL, but is whipped into the steps. Big Show stalks JBL, and Jordan goes after Cena on the outside. Jordan slams Cena into the steps, and then tosses the U.S. champ into the ring with JBL. The WWE champ tags out, and Jordan chokes Cena on the ropes. Jordan then whips Cena into the turnbuckle, and nails him with a clothesline. JBL uses the tag rope to choke Cena in the corner. Cena tries to fight through a double team, but Big Show evens things up. A flying shoulder tackle lays out Jordan, and Cena follows up with the F-U on Jordan. He hits him with the five-knuckle shuffle, and then covers for the win.

Winner: John Cena and The Big Show

Cena and Show yell at JBL from the ring. Cena then celebrates in with the crowd as the show goes off the air.


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale would like to host an all Wrestling edition Jeopardy. Send your trivia question to Dplummer627@yahoo.com and they may be used on the show.