|
Smackdown: JBL's party gets crashed
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
|
  
|
For what it's worth Smackdown! has overcome No Way
Out, and no heads down the long road to Wrestlemania,
and I start figuring out a new way to say that over
the next five weeks. The first stop is in
Philadelphia, and as always, Michael Cole and Tazz
bring us all the action.
I'll give WWE writers credit where it's due, and
opening the show with a mock political ad about JBL's
win was a stroke of genius. They even started it off
with "Paid for by friends of JBL." Good stuff, but
let's extend that creativity to the wrestling
storylines.
Match #1 - Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero vs.
The Basham Brothers
The brand new WWE Tag team champions start off the
night, defending against the team they beat at No Way
Out on Sunday. Eddie hits two arm drags in a row on
Danny, sending him to his corner. Guerrero makes the
tag, and Rey hits a head scissors. Eddie re-enters on
a blind tag, and is whipped into the corner, but
counters a charge, and nails a side suplex. Doug makes
a blind tag in, and Doug slams Guerrero off the top
turnbuckle. Guerrero rolls away from a leg drop, as
Rey Mysterio lays unconscious outside the ring. Rey
was taken out during the break. Doug and Danny work
over Eddie in the corner. Doug misses a spear and
catches the ring post. Guerrero can't tag out, though,
with Mysterio still lying on the mat. Danny drops an
elbow off the turnbuckle. Guerrero battles his way
out of the corner, and then hits a drop kick on Danny.
Mysterio finally gets the hot tag, hitting a seated
senton on Danny. Guerrero joins in and both men mount
a Basham in the corners and drop 10 punches to the
face. Doug Basham then kicks out of a pin, after a
springboard moonsault. Guerrero hops back in and hits
two of the three amigos, and then is dropped into the
ropes. Rey goes for the 619, but Doug pulls Danny out
of the way, and Rey hits Eddie. Mysterio is double
teamed, but Eddie makes the save. Doug is dropped into
the ropes, and this time Mysterio connects with the
619. Guerrero follows up with a frog splash, and then
takes out Danny on the outside, allowing Mysterio to
get the pin fall.
Winner via pin fall: Rey Mysterio and Eddie
Guerrero
Orlando Jordan stops by the Divas' locker room to
invite them to JBL's celebration. It's a black tie
affair, so they should dress accordingly.
Match #2 - Kurt Angle vs. Matt Martel - Kurt
Angle Invitational
Angle isn't in any mood to mess around tonight,
after losing to John Cena. Martel asks Angle how it
felt to lose to Cena. Not a wise move my friend. Angle
snaps, slapping Martel across the face. The Olympic
champ beats on the hometown hero, and gets him to tap
with less than one minute left on the clock.
Winner via submission: Kurt Angle
After the match, Tazz interviews Angle in the
ring. Tazz wants to know how Angle feels about the
challenge laid down by Shawn Michaels. Angle feigns a
response, but just drops the mike and walks away.
Heidenreich is writing poetry backstage, when Josh
Matthews asks him about Booker T. He wants to know why
Heidenreich hit Booker in the throat with a chair.
Heidenreich answers with a poem. T.S. Eliot is
spinning in his grave.
JBL is having a fully catered party, at ringside.
That must have been a joy to sit through with all the
set up and tear down. Backstage, Orlando Jordan is
helping the champ dress, due to his various wounds.
JBL calls this event his legacy.
Orlando Jordan introduces the champ, and JBL
gingerly makes his way to the ring. Jordan says it's
only fitting that this ceremony is Philly, a city that
lacks champions. The crowd then tries to drown out the
classical opera singer with boos. Jordan sucks up to
his boss even more, and then unveils a painting of the
champ. Jordan then proclaims that JBL is the longest
reigning WWE champ in a decade. Is that right? Get the
SLAM! Wrestling intern to look in on this. JBL then
toots his own horn, and then runs down John Cena,
saying his isn't in his league. Then the Big Show
crashes the party. The guests scatter, as Big Show
trashes the set. The cabinet gang up on Show, and then
John Cena hits the ring. Cena cleans house, and then
smashes the painting over JBL's head. Teddy Long
surveys the damage, and books a tag team match, JBL
and Orlando Jordan versus Big Show and John Cena.
Match #3 - Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki
Guerrero wasted no time, assaulting Funaki as he
enters the ring. A clubbing blow sends Funaki to the
mat. Funaki counters a hammerlock with an arm drag.
Funaki sends Chavo to the mat with a right hand, and
then whips Chavo into the corner, and hits a bulldog
as he bounce off the turnbuckle. Chavo counters the
tornado DDT, but is then driven into the corner.
Funaki has Guerrero on his back, but the champ reverse
the hold and drop Funaki with a Gory bomb.
Winner via pin fall: Chavo Guerrero
After the match, Paul London hits the ring from
the crowd, and assaults Chavo. The champ is chased
back to the locker room.
Match #4 - The Undertaker vs. Mark Jindrak and
Luther Reigns - Double Jeopardy Handicap Match
What is a match no one wants to watch? Correct.
I'll take forgettable matches for $200, Alex. The
Answer: No Way Out, 2005. What is The Undertaker
versus Luther Reigns? I better get the match, because
I could do this all night. Jindrak starts off with the
Dead Man, and Undertaker is all over him. Reigns
refuses to tag in, but still gets knocked off the
apron by 'Taker. Undertaker makes a nice reversal, and
Jindrak taps out to a triangle choke hold.
Winner via submission: The Undertaker
After the match Jindrak and Reigns argue, and
Jindrak nails Reigns. The two men brawl until official
can pull them apart.
Teddy Long is in the ring, and announces that this
may be his last night as General Manager, and the
crowd isn't happy about it. Long says he is proud to
be the GM, no matter what the board decides. Carlito
makes his way to the ring, to gloat, I assume, if Long
loses his job. Carlito runs down Long, confident that
he is going to lose his job. Linda McMahon joins the
crowd via satellite. Linda says the petition has been
read, but the board has ruled the Long can keep his
job, because his decisions were made for the
betterment of Smackdown! Linda says the decision is
final, so Carlito should stop calling. The crowd
starts chanting "Teddy!" Long swipes Carlito's apple,
and tells him to listen up. Long says that next week
he better show up for work, and show up early, because
he has no idea what's in store.
Cena shows respect with the Reggie White throwback
jersey. I wish I had that kind of scratch. Has the
American Beef Council contacted JBL about ripping off
their theme song? Every time he comes to the ring, all
I think of is "Beef, its what's for dinner." Can we
get the SLAM! intern on this, too?
Match #5 - John Cena and The Big Show vs.
Orlando Jordan and JBL
Big Show chokes Jordan on the ropes, and then
whips him into the corner, and talks trash to JBL. He
wants the champ to tag in. Jordan tries to battle
back, and Big Show tries to force Orlando to tag. Cena
tags in, and goes to work on Jordan. Cena lays him out
with a clothesline, and then a high elbow. JBL
doesn't want any of Cena either, but isn't above
tripping him up for the apron. Cena goes after JBL,
but is whipped into the steps. Big Show stalks JBL,
and Jordan goes after Cena on the outside. Jordan
slams Cena into the steps, and then tosses the U.S.
champ into the ring with JBL. The WWE champ tags out,
and Jordan chokes Cena on the ropes. Jordan then whips
Cena into the turnbuckle, and nails him with a
clothesline. JBL uses the tag rope to choke Cena in
the corner. Cena tries to fight through a double team,
but Big Show evens things up. A flying shoulder tackle
lays out Jordan, and Cena follows up with the F-U on
Jordan. He hits him with the five-knuckle shuffle, and
then covers for the win.
Winner: John Cena and The Big Show
Cena and Show yell at JBL from the ring. Cena then
celebrates in with the crowd as the show goes off the
air.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Order it now -- WrestleCrap: The Death of WCW
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale would like to host an all
Wrestling edition Jeopardy. Send your trivia question
to Dplummer627@yahoo.com and they may be used on the show.
