January 28, 2005
Smackdown: No one left standing
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
The Royal Rumble is only three days away, and Smackdown! still has a spot to fill. I don't want to say anything, but, if the slot isn't filled tonight in Little Rock, Arkansas, you'll see a certain SLAM! Wrestling reporter in the match. You can come to your own conclusions; I just wanted to put it out there.
The JBL administration and the New Team Angle gloat in the locker room over taking Big Show out last week. They then conspire to take out more of their enemies, Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio and Booker T. It's the Nixon years all over again!
Match #1 - Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Booker T vs. Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak, and Orlando Jordan
Booker T starts off by locking up with Jindrak. Booker slaps on a hammerlock, but Jindrak breaks with an elbow to the face. Booker slams Jindrak, and Eddie tags in. Mysterio follows Eddie with a springboard dropkick. Jordan tags in and is nearly pinned by a flying body press. Guerrero tags back in, and hits a back body drop as Jordan bounces off the turnbuckle. Booker T tags in, and lays out Jordan with a spinning heel kick. The heels storm the ring, and Mysterio is tossed over the top rope onto Guerrero. We return to find Booker T in a rear naked choke. Booker T fights out, and hit Jordan with the Book End. Booker is able to tag in Mysterio who hits a seated sinton. Jordan goes down in the corner, but Mysterio cannot connect with a broncobuster, as Jindrak pulls his teammate out of the way. Reigns tags in and hit a butterfly suplex on Rey. Jordan tags back in, and Mysterio rolls him up for a two count. Jindrak lays out Rey with a left, and Booker makes the save. Reigns holds Mysterio for a double team, but Rey ducks, and Jordan hits his teammate. Mysterio battles out of the corner, and uses his speed and size to elide all three heels and tag in Eddie. Guerrero cleans house with Booker T. Jindrak is knocked into the ropes and Mysterio hits the 619. Booker follows with an axe kick, and Guerrero hits the frog splash to finish Jindrak off.
Winner via pin fall: Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Booker T
After the match, Reigns and Jordan start pointing fingers, and Jordan is knocked to the mat. The Bashams show up to protect their boy. Kurt Angle hits the ring, and slaps Danny Basham. The Champ makes his way to the ring. JBL lectures Kurt, saying his boys are out of control. Angle turns the blame on JBL and Orlando Jordan. JBL then hold his title over Angle, saying he'll never be champ again. JBL then calls Angle a liar, just like Bill Clinton. General Manager Teddy Long has heard enough. Long books a last man standing match tonight between JBL and Kurt Angle.
Match #2 – John Cena vs. Kenzo Suzuki w/ Hiroko – U.S. Title Match
This match took place only two weeks ago, and Suzuki got squashed worse than an '80s jobber. Why is he even getting another title shot? Are we to believe that in two weeks Suzuki got that much better? Well, we get the same result as two weeks ago. In fact, I could cut and paste in what I wrote two weeks ago, but I won't. Once again Cena squashes Kenzo worse than an '80s jobber and the doctor of thug-a-nomics retains his title, finishing off the bronze warrior with the F-U.
Winner via pin fall: John Cena
Michael Cole does a post match interview with Cena. The U.S. champ says he has momentum heading into the Rumble, with his chain gang behind him.
Backstage, Eddie and Rey are talking to each other in Spanish. Booker wants to know what's so funny. Eddie says they are just talking about tonight's win. Booker then brings up last week's loss, Eddie admits he screwed up, and then goes on about the Rumble. Booker and Rey don't look to thrilled at the idea of Eddie main eventing Wrestlemania XXI. All three men think they are going to win the Rumble.
Our favorite contemporary poet, Heidenreich, makes his way to the ring for a free reading of his latest work. Heidenreich recite on stanza, when something catches his eye. He leaves to ring and takes a miniature casket from a fan at ringside. Heidenreich destroys it, and heads back into the ring to finishes his poem. Heidenreich is so intense he starts foaming at the mouth. Somebody call animal control. We have a rampant case of rabies.
Kurt Angle pounds on Teddy Long's door. The GM answers and Angle tries to weasel his way out the match tonight. Angle accuses Long of putting a man at risk in this match.
Match #3 – Paul London vs. Spike Dudley vs. Shannon Moore vs. Funaki– Fatal Four Way Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
It looks like I won't be in the Rumble on Sunday after all. A series of near falls start of the match. The action thins out, and London and Spike are left to carry the action. Spike locks in a single leg Boston crab. London is about to tap, when Funaki and Moore break up the hold. Spiek a Funaki go down in the center of the ring, as Moore assaults London in the corner. London reverses the situation, but is pulled of the turnbuckle by Funaki. Spike hits Funaki in the gut with is head, but is jumped by Moore. Funaki hits a tornado DDT on Spike, but is pulled out of the ring by Moore. London climbs the turnbuckle, fights off Moore, and hits the 450 splash on Spike. He covers for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Paul London
JBL blows off Carlito Caribbean Cool on his way to the GM's office. JBL wants to come in, but Long says he's busy. The champ tries to talk his way out of the match, but Long slams to door in his face. CCC sees his opportunity to get JBL to sign his petition to get Long fired.
Amy Weber walks into the Divas locker room with a plea to sign Carlito's petition. Amy also says that she isn't afraid of Joy, and bad mouths her as Joy walks up right behind her. Joy tells Amy she needs an image consultant, and then throws her smoothie all over Amy. There three minutes of my life that I'm not getting back.
Match #4 – Kurt Angle vs. JBL – Non-title match- Last Man standing
Both men have their crews at ringside. The match starts with some actual wrestling. JBL hits a fall away slam. Angle is then set up on the top rope, and JBL hits a superplex. JBL gets up at the six count, and Angle barely gets up before ten. Angle ducks a clothesline from Hell, and slaps in the ankle lock. JBL taps, and the Bashams break the hold. Both crews get into it, and are then sent to the back by the ref. After the break, Angle and JBL are outside the ring. Angle is tossed across the announce table, and JBL clears off the table. Angle fights back, and both men go down. Angle is whipped into the security barrier, and then goes for a powerbomb. Angle counters with a back body drop, and sets up the Angle slam. JBL counters by pushing Angle into the steel steps. Angle is then tossed into the ringpost. Angle is down and the ref starts the count. Angle rises at the count of nine. JBL continues the assault, and throws Angle back into the ring. Angle dodges JBL in the corner, and hits not one, not two, not three, not ever four, he hits eight, EIGHT, German suplexes in a row. JBL is able to get up on the nine count. Angle jumps on JBL, and locks in a rear naked choke. Angle chokes out JBL, but the champ won't stay down. Bradshaw hits a quick slam, and both men go down. JBL hits a powerbomb, and Angle is down again. The Olympic champ rises on the nine count, again. Angle is whipped into the turnbuckle, and hits the mat. Angle ducks the big boot and nails the Angle slam. Earl Hebner starts the count, but JBL rises on the nine count. Angle tries for another German suplex, but JBL grabs the ropes. The champ hits the clothesline from Hell, but both men go down. JBL gets to his feet first, but Angle also beats the ten count. JBL grabs a steel chair and misses; Angle capitalizes with another German suplex. Angle grabs the chair, but has it kicked into his face. In a desperation move, Angle clocks JBL with the chair. Both men hit the mat. The ref counts and neither man gets up before ten.
In his office Teddy Long thanks Big Show for
giving him the idea for this match. Big Show appears
on the video screen to gloat, and tells both men that
he will win on Sunday.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003.