January 6, 2005
Smackdown: Lid closed on Heyman
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
It's the first Smackdown! of 2005, and I hope you are in a gambling mood as Michael Cole and Tazz call the action from the Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut. WWE may hit the jackpot tonight, but I have a sinking feeling that the show will crap out.
Match #1 - Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
At least the show kicks off right away with a match, and not some lengthy promo ... cough, cough, Monday Night Raw. Both men start off the match by swapping headlocks. Mysterio combines an arm drag into a head scissors. Eddie wears down Mysterio in a test of strength, but Mysterio counters into a sunset flip, and nearly gets a pinfall. Eddie slaps on an arm bar, which Mysterio breaks by grabbing the ropes. Guerrero isolates Mysterio in the middle of the ring, and goes to work in the shoulder of Rey with a hammerlock. Mysterio attempts a springboard moonsault, but Guerrero catches him in mid air and slams Rey into the turnbuckle. Guerrero hangs Mysterio in a tree of woe, but Mysterio is able to avoid a baseball slide to the head, and Guerrero splits the ring post. We return to break to find Mysterio working over the shoulder of Guerrero. Mysterio drops Eddie with a DDT, but cannot get the pin fall. Mysterio slaps on a sleeper, but Guerrero counters with a take down, and nearly gets the pin. Mysterio hits a spin kick, and then a springboard moonsault. Mysterio goes up and over on a power bomb attempt, and kicks Guerrero in the back. Eddie dodges a 619 attempt. Guerrero then counters a hurricanranna but holding onto the ropes. Mysterio is whipped across the ring, and runs into the ref. With the ref knocked out, Eddie grabs Rey's title belt. He lays it across Rey, and shakes awake the ref. Rey tosses Eddie the belt at the last second, and the ref admonishes Guerrero for having the belt. Rey hits the 619 on Guerrero, who was preoccupied with the ref, and Mysterio rolls him up for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Rey Mysterio
After the match, Guerrero refuses the shake Rey's hand, but then he eventually does. I guess they are still friends.
Heidenreich says he fears nothing, but he doesn't like caskets. Paul Heyman tells him that he will get the casket stipulation erased from his match at the Royal Rumble.
Carlito Caribbean Cool graces the announce position for the next match. Carlito has an announcement, he has a petition to remove Theodore Long as Smackdown GM. He is old enough to do this, can we see some I.D. please?
Match #2 - Funaki vs. Akio - Cruiserweight Title Match
It's good to see Funaki is still champ; it warms my heart. And this has the potential to be the best match, tonight. Funaki nearly scores an early pinfall with a back slide. CCC interrupts the match to get the ref signature. All the while, Akio takes it to the champ. Akio locks in a sleeper hold, as Carlito continues to stump for signatures. I think the guy in the front row signed "Seymour Butts". Akio catches Funaki with a spinning heel kick, as Funaki comes of the top rope. Akio cannot capitalize, though. Funaki hits a tornado DDT off the top rope, and covers for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Funaki
Carlito is still trying to get his petition signed. Guest timekeeper Joy Giovanni refuses to sign, so Carlito just walks away. No, actually he spits in her face, and she runs to the back.
Paul Heyman tries to get Teddy Long to reconsider the casket match. Heidenreich doesn't seem to enjoy the description of being stuffed into a casket. Long tells him that Heidenreich can pick the stipulation at the Royal Rumble if he and Heyman can beat the Undertaker in a handicap match. Heidenreich tells Heyman not to worry.
Kurt Angle tells two uniformed officers to watch his medals, when Amy Weber asks to talk to Angle in private. Weber has some opportunities for Angle after the Rumble. Angle tells her that they should get better acquainted. Weber tells him to meet in her private locker room after his match.
Match #3 - Kurt Angle vs. Local Boy Brian Black - Kurt Angle Invitational
Angle decides that since this is a casino he will raise the stakes. If he doesn't win in under three minutes he will forfeit his medals. After a cheap shot, Black taps in 26 seconds to the ankle lock.
Winner via submission: Kurt Angle
Daniel Puder is approached backstage by Torrie Wilson and Miss Jackie. He doesn't treat them very well, saying that they are just after his money.
John Cena and Kenzo Suzuki duke it out in a Battle Rap. This segment was so long and so bad I will spare you the details. I'm hoping this waste of time is building up toward a feud.
Match #4 - RVD w/ Rey Mysterio vs. Doug Basham w/ Danny Basham and Orlando Jordan
Doug steps away from a spin kick. RVD then hits an arm drag, and both men pop up from the mat. Doug rolls out of the ring, but is laid out by Mysterio. Rey is then sent to the back. RVD keeps Doug on the outside with a baseball slide, and then he hits a moonsault. Doug slaps on a submission back in the ring. RVD is whipped into the corner. RVD counters a move off the top, by getting his feet up. RVD lays out Basham with a thrust kick, and follows up with rolling thunder. Danny Basham distracts the ref, so Jordan can slip an object to Doug. RVD kicks Doug in the face, and he drops the weapon. AS the ref and RVD toss the weapon, Doug and Danny switch. RVD goes for a small package, and Danny kicks out. He hits RVD with the Baldo Bomb and covers for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Doug Basham
Kurt Angle knocks on Amy's locker room door, when she doesn't answer he just walks in. Angle waits on the couch, but grows impatient, and walks into the shower area. He undresses, waiting for Amy to get out. When the shower curtains open, it's Joy Giovanni. She freaks out and runs out of the locker room. Angle runs after her trying to explain that he thought it was Amy's dressing room. He then runs into Big Show, who chases Angle to the ring. Big Show cleans the ring with Angle. Reigns and Jindrak try to make the save, only to be decimated by Show.
JBL, Orlando Jordan and Amy Weber are walking backstage. They walk over to the locker room where Joy was showering. Amy takes her name off the door, and reveals Joy's name. Those tricksters!
RAW rebound time. Read all about it here in Nick Tylwalk's report.
Heidenreich is getting ready for his match by punching a wall. Heidenreich says he's ready, and he's not afraid of the Undertaker, but he just doesn't like caskets.
Match #5 - The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich and Paul Heyman
I guess Heyman doesn't own any tights, because he comes to the ring in his suit for the match. Heidenreich starts out against Taker. Heidenreich hits a shoulder knockdown early, and then slaps on a headlock. Undertaker responds with a hip toss and then an arm drag. Heidenreich beats 'Taker down in the corner. Undertaker powers out of another headlock, but is kicked in the face by Heidenreich. Taker tosses his challenger into the corner, and punches him and finishes with a high knee. Undertaker hits snake eyes, and then a big boot. Heidenreich is taken old school. Undertaker then gets on one knee and summons the druids. They bring two caskets to the ring. Heidenreich freaks out, tags Heyman in, and escapes through the crowd. Heyman is left alone in the ring with Undertaker. Heyman begs for his life, but he is tombstoned and rolled into the casket. Undertaker closes the lid and the match is over.
Winner via casket: Undertaker
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale has been on hiatus for the
past two weeks training to become a replacement player
for the NHL next season. Send you encouragement to