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Smackdown: Lid closed on Heyman
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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It's the first Smackdown! of 2005, and I hope you
are in a gambling mood as Michael Cole and Tazz call
the action from the Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut.
WWE may hit the jackpot tonight, but I have a sinking
feeling that the show will crap out.
Match #1 - Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
At least the show kicks off right away with a
match, and not some lengthy promo ... cough, cough, Monday
Night Raw. Both men start off the match by swapping
headlocks. Mysterio combines an arm drag into a head
scissors. Eddie wears down Mysterio in a test of
strength, but Mysterio counters into a sunset flip,
and nearly gets a pinfall. Eddie slaps on an arm
bar, which Mysterio breaks by grabbing the ropes.
Guerrero isolates Mysterio in the middle of the ring,
and goes to work in the shoulder of Rey with a
hammerlock. Mysterio attempts a springboard moonsault,
but Guerrero catches him in mid air and slams Rey into
the turnbuckle. Guerrero hangs Mysterio in a tree of
woe, but Mysterio is able to avoid a baseball slide to
the head, and Guerrero splits the ring post. We return
to break to find Mysterio working over the shoulder of
Guerrero. Mysterio drops Eddie with a DDT, but cannot
get the pin fall. Mysterio slaps on a sleeper, but
Guerrero counters with a take down, and nearly gets
the pin. Mysterio hits a spin kick, and then a
springboard moonsault. Mysterio goes up and over on a
power bomb attempt, and kicks Guerrero in the back.
Eddie dodges a 619 attempt. Guerrero then counters a
hurricanranna but holding onto the ropes. Mysterio is
whipped across the ring, and runs into the ref. With
the ref knocked out, Eddie grabs Rey's title belt. He
lays it across Rey, and shakes awake the ref. Rey
tosses Eddie the belt at the last second, and the ref
admonishes Guerrero for having the belt. Rey hits the
619 on Guerrero, who was preoccupied with the ref, and
Mysterio rolls him up for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Rey Mysterio
After the match, Guerrero refuses the shake Rey's
hand, but then he eventually does. I guess they are
still friends.
Heidenreich says he fears nothing, but he doesn't
like caskets. Paul Heyman tells him that he will get
the casket stipulation erased from his match at the
Royal Rumble.
Carlito Caribbean Cool graces the announce
position for the next match. Carlito has an
announcement, he has a petition to remove Theodore
Long as Smackdown GM. He is old enough to do this, can
we see some I.D. please?
Match #2 - Funaki vs. Akio - Cruiserweight
Title Match
It's good to see Funaki is still champ; it warms
my heart. And this has the potential to be the best
match, tonight. Funaki nearly scores an early pinfall
with a back slide. CCC interrupts the match to get the
ref signature. All the while, Akio takes it to the
champ. Akio locks in a sleeper hold, as Carlito
continues to stump for signatures. I think the guy in
the front row signed "Seymour Butts". Akio catches
Funaki with a spinning heel kick, as Funaki comes of
the top rope. Akio cannot capitalize, though. Funaki
hits a tornado DDT off the top rope, and covers for
the win.
Winner via pin fall: Funaki
Carlito is still trying to get his petition
signed. Guest timekeeper Joy Giovanni refuses to sign,
so Carlito just walks away. No, actually he spits in
her face, and she runs to the back.
Paul Heyman tries to get Teddy Long to reconsider
the casket match. Heidenreich doesn't seem to enjoy
the description of being stuffed into a casket. Long
tells him that Heidenreich can pick the stipulation at
the Royal Rumble if he and Heyman can beat the
Undertaker in a handicap match. Heidenreich tells
Heyman not to worry.
Kurt Angle tells two uniformed officers to watch his
medals, when Amy Weber asks to talk to Angle in
private. Weber has some opportunities for Angle after
the Rumble. Angle tells her that they should get
better acquainted. Weber tells him to meet in her
private locker room after his match.
Match #3 - Kurt Angle vs. Local Boy Brian
Black - Kurt Angle Invitational
Angle decides that since this is a casino he will
raise the stakes. If he doesn't win in under three
minutes he will forfeit his medals. After a cheap
shot, Black taps in 26 seconds to the ankle lock.
Winner via submission: Kurt Angle
Daniel Puder is approached backstage by Torrie
Wilson and Miss Jackie. He doesn't treat them very
well, saying that they are just after his money.
John Cena and Kenzo Suzuki duke it out in a Battle
Rap. This segment was so long and so bad I will spare
you the details. I'm hoping this waste of time is
building up toward a feud.
Match #4 - RVD w/ Rey Mysterio vs. Doug Basham
w/ Danny Basham and Orlando Jordan
Doug steps away from a spin kick. RVD then hits an
arm drag, and both men pop up from the mat. Doug rolls
out of the ring, but is laid out by Mysterio. Rey is
then sent to the back. RVD keeps Doug on the outside
with a baseball slide, and then he hits a moonsault.
Doug slaps on a submission back in the ring. RVD is
whipped into the corner. RVD counters a move off the
top, by getting his feet up. RVD lays out Basham with
a thrust kick, and follows up with rolling thunder.
Danny Basham distracts the ref, so Jordan can slip an
object to Doug. RVD kicks Doug in the face, and he
drops the weapon. AS the ref and RVD toss the weapon,
Doug and Danny switch. RVD goes for a small package,
and Danny kicks out. He hits RVD with the Baldo Bomb
and covers for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Doug Basham
Kurt Angle knocks on Amy's locker room door, when
she doesn't answer he just walks in. Angle waits on
the couch, but grows impatient, and walks into the
shower area. He undresses, waiting for Amy to get out.
When the shower curtains open, it's Joy Giovanni. She
freaks out and runs out of the locker room. Angle runs
after her trying to explain that he thought it was
Amy's dressing room. He then runs into Big Show, who
chases Angle to the ring. Big Show cleans the ring
with Angle. Reigns and Jindrak try to make the save,
only to be decimated by Show.
JBL, Orlando Jordan and Amy Weber are walking
backstage. They walk over to the locker room where Joy
was showering. Amy takes her name off the door, and
reveals Joy's name. Those tricksters!
RAW rebound time. Read all about it here in Nick Tylwalk's report.
Heidenreich is getting ready for his match by
punching a wall. Heidenreich says he's ready, and he's
not afraid of the Undertaker, but he just doesn't like
caskets.
Match #5 - The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich and
Paul Heyman
I guess Heyman doesn't own any tights, because he
comes to the ring in his suit for the match.
Heidenreich starts out against Taker. Heidenreich hits
a shoulder knockdown early, and then slaps on a
headlock. Undertaker responds with a hip toss and then
an arm drag. Heidenreich beats 'Taker down in the
corner. Undertaker powers out of another headlock, but
is kicked in the face by Heidenreich. Taker tosses his
challenger into the corner, and punches him and
finishes with a high knee. Undertaker hits snake eyes,
and then a big boot. Heidenreich is taken old school.
Undertaker then gets on one knee and summons the
druids. They bring two caskets to the ring.
Heidenreich freaks out, tags Heyman in, and escapes
through the crowd. Heyman is left alone in the ring
with Undertaker. Heyman begs for his life, but he is
tombstoned and rolled into the casket. Undertaker
closes the lid and the match is over.
Winner via casket: Undertaker
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Order it now -- WrestleCrap: The Death of WCW
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale has been on hiatus for the
past two weeks training to become a replacement player
for the NHL next season. Send you encouragement to
Dplummer627@yahoo.com
