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Smackdown: Armageddon nears
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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Armageddon is only three days away! Stock up on
bottled water, canned goods, and batteries. Oh, it’s
WWE Armageddon. Sorry, didn’t mean to start a panic.
Carry on.
JBL and his cabinet kick off the show in the ring
from Greenville, South Carolina. The champ demands
some respect from the hostile crowd. He then days he
is the best champion ever, better then Hogan, Austin
and The Rock. JBL complains about the fatal-four way
he has to compete in at Armageddon, and blames General
Manager Theodore Long for the situation. He also
blames his opponents, Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, and
the Undertaker. Then the lights go out, and a split
second later the Undertaker is in the ring. The Dead
Man cleans house, sending JBL and his crew to the
back.
The Hiroko-Torrie Wilson fued is recapped. I don’t
even know what to say.
Match #1 - Cruiserweight Battle Royal – Number
one contender match
Seven cruiserweights are vying for a shot at Spike
Dudley’s title in this match. Akio hits a tilt-a-whirl
head scissors on Nunzio, and then kicks him off the
turnbuckle to eliminate him. Chavo hits a backbreaker
on Kidman. Paul London knocks Akio through the second
rope, but is eliminated himself by Kidman, who tossed
him over the top rope. Akio chops Funaki in the chest,
but Funaki then crotches him on the top rope. Shannon
Moore follows with a flying leg lariat to knock Akio
to the floor and out of the match. Chavo tries power
bomb Kidman. HE can’t get it so; Chavo just tries to
power Kidman over the ropes. Funaki hits a bulldog on
Kidman, who was coming out of the corner. Funaki then
back body drops Moore over the top rope. Chavo tries
to eliminate Kidman again, when Funaki pushes both men
over the top rope to win the number one contender ship
for the cruiserweight title.
Winner via elimination: Funaki
Charlie Haas is pleading with Miss Jackie to stay
in the back during his street fight with Jesus. Josh
Matthews stops Haas in the hallway, and asks him about
his role in Miss Jackie’s and Dawn Marie’s match at
Armageddon. Hass gives the politically response that
he will Call the match fair and square.
Match #2 - Charlie Haas vs. Jesus w/ Carlito
Caribbean Cool – Street Fight rules
Referee Charles Robinson sends Carlito to back,
but not before Carlito spits apple all over him.
That’s not cool. Haas goes right after Jesus, stomping
a mud hole in him. HE then goes for a chair, until
Carlito appears on the ramp, with Dawn Marie. Jesus
takes advantage of the distraction, knocking Haas out
with a steel chain. Dawn Marie runs to the ring to
check on Haas, and Miss Jackie the joins her in the
ring. Both women stare each other down, but neither
one gets aggressive.
Winner via knockout: Jesus
Luther Reigns sneaks up on Joy Giovanni in her
locker room. He tells her to tell her boyfriend, The
Big Show, the he is looking for him. Joy says that
Show isn’t her boyfriend. Luther turns up the
creepiness before he leaves.
JBL tells Teddy Long that he and his cabinet are
leaving. Long tells him that on Sunday he will be
going to the ring by himself. And is one of the
cabinet members interferes; he will be stripped of the
title on the spot. The Bashams then tell JBL that
there has been a security breach. JBL says he doesn’t
car and is leaving; only he can’t leave. Someone has
stolen the wheels off his limo. I wonder who did that.
Cue Eddie Guerrero’s music. Latino Heat heads to the
ring, rolling a tire with him. Eddie gets on the mike,
and taunts the champ. Eddie says he knows somebody
that can get him a great deal on a set of wheels. The
prices are so good it’s a real steal. Guerrero tells
him not to cry, but save the tears for Armageddon,
when he loses the belt. JBL climbs into the limo,
anyway.
Hey, it’s a commercial for the WWE ThemeAddict CD.
You can read my review next week.
Torrie Wilson is posing for photos, when she
receives a bouquet of flowers from Kenzo Suzuki. She
throws them away and calls Kenzo a jerk. Hiroko over
hears, and strips Torrie. Hiroko runs from Torrie, who
catches her, and strips her down. Torrie then pushes
her out onto the Smackdown stage. Hiroko tries to
hide, but Torrie chases her to the ring. Kenzo comes
out to cover up Hiroko, and Renee Dupree catch Torrie
in the corner. RVD and Rey Mysterio run down and save
Torrie. Teddy Long comes out, and orders and match for
the tag team titles, right now.
Match #3 – Kenzo Suzuki and Renee Dupree vs.
RVD and Rey Mysterio – WWE Tag Team Title match
The match is in full effect, when we return from
break. Kenzo is taking it to Mysterio. Kenzo is taken
down with a head scissors out of the corner. RVD tags
in, and hits a leg drop on Suzuki, right away. RVD is
whipped into the corner, and counters a corner charge
by getting a boot up. Suzuki regains the momentum with
a chop to the throat, and then tags in Dupree. RVD
hits a thrust kick off the middle rope. Rvd then goes
for the sunset flip, and gets it over with a little
help from Mysterio. Dupree kicks out, and RVD tags in
Mysterio. Dupree whips Rey into corner, and Mysterio
dodges a corner charge. Mysterio then hits a
hurricarana off the top rope. Mysterio joins RVD in
the ring, and they hit the 4:20, a dual leg drop. RVD
goes up for the 5-star, but is crotched on the
turnbuckle. Dupree locks in a reverse chin lock.
Hiroko rejoins her man at ringside. Kenzo tags in, and
drops a knee on RVD. Suzuki beats RVD down in the
corner, and then lays him out with a clothesline. RVD
powers out of a rear chin lock, but Suzuki lays him
out with another clothesline. Dupree tags in and sets
RVD up for the French Tickler, but RVD cuts him off
with a spinning heel kick. Suzuki runs in to prevent
RVD form tagging in Rey. RVD counters a move in the
corner, and is able to tag in Mysterio. Suzuki is drop
onto the middle turnbuckle. Mysterio then hits a
springboard sinton. RVD comes in to hit rolling
thunder, but Dupree saves the match by pulling Rey off
Suzuki. RVD sets up Suzuki for the 619, but Dupree
breaks it up. The Frenchmen hits Mysterio with a power
bomb, and is then dropkicked out of the ring by RVD.
Hiroko pulls Kenzo onto Mysterio, but Rey kicks out of
the pin. Suzuki goes for the power bomb, but Mysterio
counters with a roll up. RVD grabs Mysterio for some
extra leverage, and Mysterio gets the pin.
Winner via pin fall and new WWE Tag Team
Champions: RVD and Rey Mysterio
Ahhhh ... Tough Enough time. I’m going for some
snacks. Only three are left. Then, Justice Smith is
eliminated. It’s just another case of the Man holding
a brother down. Mike Mizanin and Daniel Puder will
face each other in a dogfight at Armageddon, but first
an American Gladiators type joust. The best two out of
three wins. Puder wins 2- 0. Does anyone have the
Vegas line on this fight on Sunday? Puder has to be
the heavy favorite.
It’s time, it’s time, it’s Raw Rebound time. Read
all about it in Nick Tylwalk’s report.
Michelle McCool is helping Booker T limber up in
his locker room. There’s a joke here, but this is a
family site. Booker T does show Michelle a hat he took
from JBL. He cut a hole in the top of it, so his hair
can come out the top. That Booker T is one creative
cat.
Once again, Kurt Angle will defend his Olympic
Gold medals against some local wrestler, in the Kurt
Angle invitational.
Match #4 – Kurt Angle vs. A hometown hero
Even I was surprised here. The hometown hero is
The Big Show! Angle won’t fight him, when Reigns grabs
the mike. Luther tells Big Show that you are looking
at the person who wants him more then anyone else,
Mark Jindrak. Show dominates Jindrak, until he takes
out Show’s knees. Big Show hits the Big Boot, and
Jindrak is down. Angle breaks up a choke slam, and
Jindrak takes him down with a chop block. Jindrak is
DQ’ed, by Angel still attacks, clocking him with the
ring steps.
Winner via DQ: The Big Show
The clock is ticking, on your holiday shopping!
No, it’s Heidenreich in his cell, watching time slip
away. He doesn’t look happy, so Paul Heyman stops by
with his medication. Heidenreich thanks Paul for
visiting, and Heyman tells him his therapy is complete
and he can come back to Smackdown! Heidenreich wants
to stay, he’s happy at the institution. In fact,
Heidenreich says he’s never going back. Hooray! It’s
an early Christmas gift for everyone.
Match #5 – JBL, Orlando Jordan and the Bashams
vs. The Undertaker, Eddie Guerrero, and Booker T – 4
on 3 Handicap Match
JBL and his cabinet walk to the ring, while Eddie
Guerrero rolls up in a low-rider truck, with four
tires in the bed. JBL is not amused. All hell breaks
loose to start the match. JBL ducks out of the ring,
as Orlando Jordan is tossed from the ring, followed by
Doug and Danny Basham. We return from break to fins
Guerrero working over Doug Basham. Doug fights back
with a series of chops, only to get a thumb to the
eye. Guerrero pulls Basham into his corner and tags in
Booker T. Danny tags in, but Booker T slams him, and
Guerrero flies over the top tope and lands on him.
Basham is able to tag in Jordan. The Chief of Staf
backs into his corner, and JBL makes the blind tag.
Guerrero hits a head scissors on JBL, and the champ
tags in Danny Basham. Guerrero hits the three amigos,
and then drops Doug on his brother. On the outside,
Taker chases JBL into the crowd. Danny Basham gains
the upper hand, and Guerrero is beat down in the heel
corner. Eddie fights out, but the Bashams stop him
from tagging out. Danny locks in a full nelson.
Guerrero breaks the hold, only to get a knee in the
back trying to shoot of the ropes. Booker T breaks up
a JBL pin to save the match. JBL locks in a sleeper on
Guerrero. Eddie is able to power out, and counters
with a back suplex. A shoulder knock down sends
Guerrero back to the mat. Guerrero is whipped into the
corner, and tries to springboard off the ropes. JBL
catches Guerrero, but Eddie counters a fall away slam
into a DDT. The Undertaker finally tags in, and the
dead man dominates Orlando Jordan. The Basham try to
interfere, but cannot overpower the Undertaker.
Guerrero goes after Jordan, and JBL tries for a belt
shot. Guerrero ducks it, and lays out the champ. JBL
is then left alone in the ring with all three
opponents. Jordan tries to save his boos, but is choke
slammed. Guerrero dispatches Doug and Danny Basham,
and Jordan is axe kicked by Booker T. Guerrero hits
the frog splash on Jordan. Undertaker picks up Jordan,
and nails him with the Tombstone to pick up the win.
Winner via pin fall: The Undertaker, Eddie
Guerrero, and Booker T
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale is going to be sending
Heidenreich a care package for the holidays while he
is in the nut house. You can send your donations to
Dplummer627@yahoo.com.
