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Smackdown: Cena stretchered after win
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


Survivor Series has come and gone, and does anyone really care. Expect to see plenty of return matches, or some combination of them. Oh, and the farce WWE calls 'Tough Enough'.

It's the best way to start of Smackdown! John Cena! The doctor of thug-a-nomics soaks in the cheers from the Dayton, Ohio crowd, before laying downs some rhymes. Cena takes shots at Carlito Caribbean Cool, who ran from him at Survivor Series. Cena will also take on CCC for the U.S. Title later, tonight.

Tough Enough time. Chris Nawrocki is eliminated. The fans must feel sorry for him to vote him out; he had broken ribs and all. The rest of the boys head to the ring for this week's 'competition'.

Hey, Danny and Doug Basham, I have good news for you. You guys are on tonight's Smackdown! card. The bad news is ... you're part of the Tough Enough competition. This week's event is capture the flag. Each challenger has only 30 seconds to get through the Bashams, and capture the flag. Well, no one captures the flag, so I guess everyone is eliminated. We can only hope. (I will cut WWE a little slack this week, as the crowd was really into this event.)

Rey Mysterio walks in on RVD stretching with a very attractive female. It's Michelle from the Diva search. Hey, I thought only Christy was getting a job! Anyway, that girl is very flexible, as are RVD and Rey.

Carlito Caribbean Cool shows up in Teddy Long's office with his arm is a sling. Carlito says his doctor told him that he will be out six weeks. Long tells him he will defend his belt. He doesn't care if Carlito has a doctor's note -- CCC will defend his title or be stripped of it. Carlito takes a bite of the apple, and Long tells him not to even think about it.

Paul Heyman talks to Heidenreich. The big guy just stares motionless and emotionless into space. Heyman tries to talk up his client, but I don't think it has any effect. Heidenreich just asks if he's strapped in, and the two head to the ring.

Match #1 - Heidenreich w/ Paul Heyman vs. Charlie Haas w/ Miss Jackie

As Haas makes his was to the ring, Heidenreich painstakingly folds his straight jacket, and hands it to Heyman. Haas goes to work on Heidenreich, knocking Heyman off the apron in the process. Heidenreich recovers, and nails Haas with a huge shoulder breaker. With Haas down, Heidenreich rolls out of the ring. He starts yelling about not failing; all the while the ref is counting. After getting counted out, Heidenreich climbs the security barrier, lies on the floor, and curls up in the fetal position.

Winner via count out: Charlie Haas

Tazz and Michael Cole joins us after the break, and are speechless. Then Rey Mysterio breaks the silence.

Match #2 - Rey Mysterio and RVD vs. Renee Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki w/ Hiroko - Non-title match

Kenzo and RVD start off, trading kicks. Mysterio tags in, and gets a near fall after a dual leg drop. Kenzo chokes Rey on the ropes. Kenzo whips Rey across the ring. Rey counters with a drop toehold, and Kenzo hits the middle rope. Dupree breaks up the 619, but doesn't see RVD as he prances about doing the 'French Tickler.' RVD catapults Dupree into the ring post, while Mysterio knocks Kenzo out of the ring, as we go to commercial. We return from break, and Kenzo is dominating Mysterio. Dupree tags in, and hits a reverse elbow. Dupree takes Mysterio to the top rope, but Rey counters with a head scissors. Dupree is able to tag out, and Kenzo throws Rey into the corner. Kenzo slaps on a reverse chin lock. Rey fights out, but is taken down with a shoulder block as he shoots off the ropes. Dupree tags in, and hits a drop kick. Kenzo tags in, and drives a knee into Mysterio's skull. Kenzo keeps the pressure on with an arm bar. Rey fights out, but Kenzo slows him with a chop. Mysterio in whipped into the corner, but counters a charge with a reverse elbow, and then follows with a bulldog. Mysterio rolls into his corner and tags in RVD. Dupree is knocked from the apron, and RVD goes to work on Kenzo. RVD tries a sunset flip, but cannot get it over, when Rey flies over the top rope, dropping the dime. Kenzo kicks out. Mysterio and RVD team up again, as RVD hits rolling thunder. Dupree makes the save. Kenzo is knocked into the rope. Mysterio hits the 619, knocking Kenzo back, and RVD finishes him off with the five star frog splash.

Winner via pin fall: Rey Mysterio and RVD

WWE is going back to entertain the troops this holiday season. I wonder if SLAM! will foot the bill for me to go with? (Note to my editors: I already know the answer to that question. )

Kurt Angle comes to the ring in full wrestling gear. He grabs a mike and announces that he is giving back to the people. He will be holding the Kurt Angle invitational. Every week he will give a hometown hero an opportunity to step in the ring with him. Angle wants to prove a point -- that he is the greatest wrestler ever. If somehow the challenger wins, they get Angle's gold medals.

Match #3 - Kurt Angle vs. Dean Visk

Well, Dean is a hometown boy. Angle takes Visk down, and then slaps him around a little. Angle slaps on a hammerlock, but Visk counters, and gets Angle on the mat. Angle offers a handshake, but sucker punches the kid instead. Angle stomps on Visk in the corner. Angle then slaps on the ankle lock, and Visk taps.

Winner via submission: Kurt Angle

Backstage, Orlando Jordan meets Amy Weber, JBL's new image consultant. Hey, wasn't she part of the Diva search, too? I smell something funny here.

JBL comes to the ring to make his victory speech. JBL gloats about his win at Survivor Series. JBL says he is the greatest of his time. Booker T eventually comes out to shut him up. JBL tells Booker that they're finished. Booker calls out Jordan for helping JBL win. Booker wants a rematch. Then Eddie Guerrero rolls out. Guerrero says he is sick of hearing how great JBL is at his expense. Guerrero wants his belt back. Booker tells Eddie that this is his night, and then the lights go out. The bells toll. And The Undertaker enters the arena, and the crowd goes nuts. Undertaker doesn't say a word. He makes the belt motion around his waist, and points to JBL. The champ leaves the ring, telling the three men left that they won't get a title shot. Teddy Long comes out and says that all three individual title matches have been denied, and then announces that all three will get a title shot in a fatal four-way at Armageddon.

The Tough Enough guys are back again. Each one gets thirty seconds to plead their case. Just don't vote. On second thought, vote for the smallest guy, just to tweak with Vince.

Carlito is in the back getting his shoulder worked on by Joy Giovanni. Hey, she was in the Diva Search, too. That's three tonight! I call shenanigans! I thought only one got a contract. Oh, wait, that was the RAW Diva Search, so technically, they can be hired for Smackdown! Darn loopholes.

The commercial for the 'Rise and Fall of ECW' DVD airs. I'm upset. I went to Best Buy today to buy it, but it was sold out. I guess I should have ordered it from the SLAM! Wrestling store. (How about a free copy for plugging the store?)

Match #4 - John Cena Vs. Carlito Caribbean Cool w/ Jesus - U.S. Title match

Jesus runs interference, but Cena boots him from the ring quickly. Carlito won't enter the ring, so Cena takes the fight to him. The bell still has yet to ring, as Cena pummels CCC on the outside. Cena runs the injured champ's shoulder into the ring post. Jesus tries to use a chair, but Cena cuts him off. Cena then smashes the chair into CCC's injured shoulder. Carlito is finally rolled into the ring, where Cena quickly hits the F-U. Cena covers and regains the U.S. Title.

Winner via pin fall and new U.S. Champion: John Cena

After the match Cena reclaims his chain, but is jumped from behind. Jesus focuses on the 'injured' kidney of Cena. Jesus then hits the same area with the chain. The new champ goes down. Jesus helps CCC to the back, as Cena lies writhing in pain. Tazz hits the ring to help, as refs and WWE officials call for medical help. Cena is wheeled out on a stretcher as the show goes off the air.


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  • Order the The Rise and Fall of ECW DVD

    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is looking into taking legal action against WWE for this Diva Search nonsense. If you are a lawyer, and are willing to do some work pro bono, or if you just want to send Dale your thoughts email him here.