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Smackdown: Cena stretchered after win
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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Survivor Series has come and gone, and does anyone
really care. Expect to see plenty of return matches,
or some combination of them. Oh, and the farce WWE
calls 'Tough Enough'.
It's the best way to start of Smackdown! John
Cena! The doctor of thug-a-nomics soaks in the cheers
from the Dayton, Ohio crowd, before laying downs some
rhymes. Cena takes shots at Carlito Caribbean Cool,
who ran from him at Survivor Series. Cena will also
take on CCC for the U.S. Title later, tonight.
Tough Enough time. Chris Nawrocki is eliminated.
The fans must feel sorry for him to vote him out; he
had broken ribs and all. The rest of the boys head to
the ring for this week's 'competition'.
Hey, Danny and Doug Basham, I have good news for
you. You guys are on tonight's Smackdown! card. The
bad news is ... you're part of the Tough Enough
competition. This week's event is capture the flag.
Each challenger has only 30 seconds to get through the
Bashams, and capture the flag. Well, no one captures
the flag, so I guess everyone is eliminated. We can
only hope. (I will cut WWE a little slack this week,
as the crowd was really into this event.)
Rey Mysterio walks in on RVD stretching with a
very attractive female. It's Michelle from the Diva
search. Hey, I thought only Christy was getting a job!
Anyway, that girl is very flexible, as are RVD
and Rey.
Carlito Caribbean Cool shows up in Teddy Long's
office with his arm is a sling. Carlito says his
doctor told him that he will be out six weeks. Long
tells him he will defend his belt. He doesn't care if
Carlito has a doctor's note -- CCC will defend his title
or be stripped of it. Carlito takes a bite of the
apple, and Long tells him not to even think about
it.
Paul Heyman talks to Heidenreich. The big guy just
stares motionless and emotionless into space. Heyman tries
to talk up his client, but I don't think it has any
effect. Heidenreich just asks if he's strapped in,
and the two head to the ring.
Match #1 - Heidenreich w/ Paul Heyman vs.
Charlie Haas w/ Miss Jackie
As Haas makes his was to the ring, Heidenreich
painstakingly folds his straight jacket, and hands it
to Heyman. Haas goes to work on Heidenreich, knocking
Heyman off the apron in the process. Heidenreich
recovers, and nails Haas with a huge shoulder breaker.
With Haas down, Heidenreich rolls out of the ring. He
starts yelling about not failing; all the while the
ref is counting. After getting counted out,
Heidenreich climbs the security barrier, lies on the
floor, and curls up in the fetal position.
Winner via count out: Charlie Haas
Tazz and Michael Cole joins us after the break, and
are speechless. Then Rey Mysterio breaks the silence.
Match #2 - Rey Mysterio and RVD vs. Renee
Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki w/ Hiroko - Non-title match
Kenzo and RVD start off, trading kicks. Mysterio
tags in, and gets a near fall after a dual leg drop.
Kenzo chokes Rey on the ropes. Kenzo whips Rey across
the ring. Rey counters with a drop toehold, and Kenzo
hits the middle rope. Dupree breaks up the 619, but
doesn't see RVD as he prances about doing the 'French
Tickler.' RVD catapults Dupree into the ring post,
while Mysterio knocks Kenzo out of the ring, as we go
to commercial. We return from break, and Kenzo is
dominating Mysterio. Dupree tags in, and hits a
reverse elbow. Dupree takes Mysterio to the top rope,
but Rey counters with a head scissors. Dupree is able
to tag out, and Kenzo throws Rey into the corner.
Kenzo slaps on a reverse chin lock. Rey fights out,
but is taken down with a shoulder block as he shoots
off the ropes. Dupree tags in, and hits a drop kick.
Kenzo tags in, and drives a knee into Mysterio's
skull. Kenzo keeps the pressure on with an arm bar.
Rey fights out, but Kenzo slows him with a chop.
Mysterio in whipped into the corner, but counters a
charge with a reverse elbow, and then follows with a
bulldog. Mysterio rolls into his corner and tags in
RVD. Dupree is knocked from the apron, and RVD goes to
work on Kenzo. RVD tries a sunset flip, but cannot get
it over, when Rey flies over the top rope, dropping
the dime. Kenzo kicks out. Mysterio and RVD team up
again, as RVD hits rolling thunder. Dupree makes the
save. Kenzo is knocked into the rope. Mysterio hits
the 619, knocking Kenzo back, and RVD finishes him off
with the five star frog splash.
Winner via pin fall: Rey Mysterio and RVD
WWE is going back to entertain the troops this
holiday season. I wonder if SLAM! will foot the bill
for me to go with? (Note to my editors: I already
know the answer to that question. )
Kurt Angle comes to the ring in full wrestling
gear. He grabs a mike and announces that he is giving
back to the people. He will be holding the Kurt Angle
invitational. Every week he will give a hometown hero
an opportunity to step in the ring with him. Angle
wants to prove a point -- that he is the greatest
wrestler ever. If somehow the challenger wins, they
get Angle's gold medals.
Match #3 - Kurt Angle vs. Dean Visk
Well, Dean is a hometown boy. Angle takes Visk
down, and then slaps him around a little. Angle slaps
on a hammerlock, but Visk counters, and gets Angle on
the mat. Angle offers a handshake, but sucker punches
the kid instead. Angle stomps on Visk in the corner.
Angle then slaps on the ankle lock, and Visk taps.
Winner via submission: Kurt Angle
Backstage, Orlando Jordan meets Amy Weber, JBL's
new image consultant. Hey, wasn't she part of the Diva
search, too? I smell something funny here.
JBL comes to the ring to make his victory speech.
JBL gloats about his win at Survivor Series. JBL says
he is the greatest of his time. Booker T eventually
comes out to shut him up. JBL tells Booker that
they're finished. Booker calls out Jordan for helping
JBL win. Booker wants a rematch. Then Eddie Guerrero
rolls out. Guerrero says he is sick of hearing how
great JBL is at his expense. Guerrero wants his belt
back. Booker tells Eddie that this is his night, and
then the lights go out. The bells toll. And The
Undertaker enters the arena, and the crowd goes nuts.
Undertaker doesn't say a word. He makes the belt
motion around his waist, and points to JBL. The champ
leaves the ring, telling the three men left that they
won't get a title shot. Teddy Long comes out and says
that all three individual title matches have been
denied, and then announces that all three will get a
title shot in a fatal four-way at Armageddon.
The Tough Enough guys are back again. Each one
gets thirty seconds to plead their case. Just don't
vote. On second thought, vote for the smallest guy,
just to tweak with Vince.
Carlito is in the back getting his shoulder worked
on by Joy Giovanni. Hey, she was in the Diva Search,
too. That's three tonight! I call shenanigans! I
thought only one got a contract. Oh, wait, that was
the RAW Diva Search, so technically, they can be hired
for Smackdown! Darn loopholes.
The commercial for the 'Rise and Fall of ECW' DVD
airs. I'm upset. I went to Best Buy today to buy it,
but it was sold out. I guess I should have ordered it
from the SLAM! Wrestling store. (How about a free copy for plugging the store?)
Match #4 - John Cena Vs. Carlito Caribbean
Cool w/ Jesus - U.S. Title match
Jesus runs interference, but Cena boots him from
the ring quickly. Carlito won't enter the ring, so
Cena takes the fight to him. The bell still has yet to
ring, as Cena pummels CCC on the outside. Cena runs
the injured champ's shoulder into the ring post. Jesus
tries to use a chair, but Cena cuts him off. Cena then
smashes the chair into CCC's injured shoulder. Carlito
is finally rolled into the ring, where Cena quickly
hits the F-U. Cena covers and regains the U.S. Title.
Winner via pin fall and new U.S. Champion: John
Cena
After the match Cena reclaims his chain, but is
jumped from behind. Jesus focuses on the 'injured'
kidney of Cena. Jesus then hits the same area with the
chain. The new champ goes down. Jesus helps CCC to the
back, as Cena lies writhing in pain. Tazz hits the
ring to help, as refs and WWE officials call for
medical help. Cena is wheeled out on a stretcher as
the show goes off the air.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Order the The Rise and Fall of ECW DVD
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale is looking into taking
legal action against WWE for this Diva Search
nonsense. If you are a lawyer, and are willing to do
some work pro bono, or if you just want to send Dale
your thoughts email him here.
