|
Smackdown: The foul stench of desperation
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
|
  
|
No Mercy is three days away, but WWE hasn't shown
much mercy for the fans over the past month. And the
PPV will live up to its name, and trust me folks, that
is not a good thing.
Kurt Angle heads to the ring in street clothes.
The Olympic champ grabs the mike and addresses the
Wichita, Kansas crowd. Angle lists the promises he has
made and kept: winning Olympic gold, winning the WWE
championship in his first year, and delivering a
Smackdown! moment last week. Last week's 'moment' is
shown, if you missed it, you didn't miss much. It was
memorable all right; I'll remember it for being utter
crap. Angle seems proud of shooting Big Show in the
back with a tranquilizer gun, and then shaving his
head. Angle tells Show that he brought this on
himself, when he threw Angle off the balcony. Angle
says he did everyone a favor by taking out the bully,
but when given the chance, the crowd doesn't give
Angle any admiration. Angle then brings out Luther
Reigns and Mark Jindrak, Angle's new apprentices.
Angle's boys pick him up on their shoulders and
celebrate, until GM Teddy Long crashes the party. From
atop the ramp, Long informs Angle that he has to even the
score with Show. The only way to resolve this will be
in the ring, so Reigns and Jindrak will be banned from
ringside at No Mercy, and anyone that interferes will
be fired.
Once again WWE thumps it's chest about how fast WM
21 tickets sold out. I don't buy it. I want hard
numbers!
Speaking of hard, Dawn Marie joins Michael Cole
and Tazz at the announce table. She then tells
everyone that Miss Jackie and Charlie are engaged. [Editor's Note: It's old news.
Tim Baines broke it in the Ottawa and Toronto Suns, and here on SLAM! Wrestling
with September 19's Haas, Jackie true tag team.]
Match #1 - Rico and Charlie Haas w/ Miss
Jackie vs. The Dudley Boyz
Charlie Haas and Bubba Ray start things out. Bubba
slaps on a side headlock, which Haas is able to get
out of. Haas then hits a series of arm drags followed
by a drop kick. Rico tags in and gets fresh with
Bubba, who promptly tags out. Rico puts himself into a
compromising position with D-von, and then falls to
his knees in front of Bubba. D-Von stops playing, and
corners Rico. D-von then knocks Haas off the apron,
and Dawn Marie leaves the announce table to tend to
him. Miss Jackie chases Dawn away. Back in the ring,
Rico hits a spinning heel kick, which takes out both
men. Haas gets the hot tag, and cleans house, hitting
a release German suplex on Bubba and then a moonsault
on D-Von. After a near fall, the ladies start a
catfight on the outside. Rico breaks it up, leaving
Haas venerable in the ring. The Dudleyz hit the 3-D on
Haas, and pick up the win. It's takes Rico and the
ref to break up the ladies.
Winner via pin fall: The Dudley Boyz
Jason Matthews is backstage with John Cena.
Matthews tells Cena that he is looking forward to his
rap. Cena kicks Matthews out, and addresses Booker T.
Cena tells Booker that at No Mercy he is taking his
championship back, and there's not one thing that he
can do about it.
Paul Heyman is going nuts on the ramp. Heidenreich
is on top of the fist on the Smackdown! set. I hope he
does us all a favor and jumps.
Heidenreich tells Heyman not to worry. He has
something to say. He wants the respect he deserves. I
think we have more poetry coming. I think he's going
for an Edgar Allen Poe thing. When I hear Heidenreich,
I think, NEVERMORE!
The Undertaker, on video, shows JBL the hearse he
will be stuffed into. Rotting soul, take the title,
rest in peace ... we've all heard this before. Next.
Josh Matthews is with JBL for his rebuttal. JBL
seems more concerned that he can't find his Chief of
Staff. JBL is using the "he has never beaten me"
defense. I don't think that'll hold up. JBL says he
has a plan, and that plan starts tonight. He's going
to send a message to the Undertaker by destroying
Hardcore Holly. Holly jumps JBL before he finishes the
sentence, so much for that plan.
Match #2 - Booker T vs. Paul London
This is a rematch from last week, when Booker T
jumped London in the ring. Booker T takes to London,
dominating the match early. Book whips London into the
corner, but London fights back, and lays out Booker
with a drop kick. Booker stops the momentum with a
right hand, and then smashes London's face into the
turnbuckle. London fights back, and lays out Booker.
Kidman walks out, and stares down London. With Booker
T still down, London goes for the 450 off the top
rope. Booker T rolls away, and London hits the mat
face first. Booker T the hits the axe kick and scores
the pin fall.
Winner via pin fall: Booker T
After the match, Booker grabs a chair. Billy
Kidman runs in and makes the save, only to lay out
London with a chair shot himself.
Another Carlito Caribbean Cool promo. Why hasn't a
hurricane taken this guy out yet?
Match #3 - John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Hardcore
Holly
Chief of Staff Orlando Jordan is still MIA. I
wonder if he'll be fined? Holly and JBL lock up in
the middle of the ring, and then in the corner. JBL
takes a cheap shot at Holly, and beats him down in
the corner. Holly fights back, and chops JBL in the
corner. A thumb to the eye slows down Holly, and the
neck breaker takes him to the mat. Hardcore Holly hits
a back body drop, and JBL spills from the ring. Holly
follows and pounds on JBL on the outside. JBL reverses
an Irish whip into the steel steps. Hardcore is rolled
back into the ring, and JBL climbs the turnbuckle.
Holly catches JBL off the rope, and nails a powerslam.
JBL then kicks out of a pin. Hardcore Holly is shot
off the ropes, and runs right into the right boot of
JBL. Holly is set up on the top rope, and JBL chops
him down. Holly fights out of a superplex attempt, and
then hits flying clothesline. JBL survives by kicking
out of the pin. Holly ducks a clothesline, but is
caught by JBL, who hits a fall away slam. JBL gets
cocky and tries to hit the Undertaker's last ride, but
Holly reverses it into the Alabama Slam. Both men are
down on the mat as we cut to commercial. We return to
find Holly busted wide open in the middle of the ring.
JBL slammed Holly's head off the steel steps, during
the break. Nick Patrick warns JBL about attacking the
injured Holly. JBL ignores the warning, and Patrick
calls for the bell.
Winner via DQ: Hardcore Holly
JBL continues to pound on Holly after the bell. He
slams hardcore off the steps and the announce table.
He then hits a chair shot flush to the skull of
Hardcore. JBL tosses him back into the ring, and
finishes him with the clothesline from Hell. JBL then
mocks the Undertaker, grabbing the mike and telling
him not to play mind games. Then the lights go out,
and the bells toll. Undertaker appears on the video
screen. Orlando Jordan is in the arena, hanging from
the Undertaker's symbol. He tells JBL it started with
four, Gangrel, Viscera, and now Jordan is gone. JBL is
the last one to go.
Match #4 - Nunzio w/ Johnny Stamboli vs. Spike
Dudley w/ The Dudley Boyz
Nunzio slaps on a side headlock. Spike tries to
free himself, but ends up getting dropped on his head.
Nunzio then hits a head scissors, and almost gets a
pin with a small package. Bubba distracts Nunzio, and
Spike takes advantage. Spike applies a rear chin lock.
Spike then head butts Nunzio in the stomach. Spike
starts to dominate the match, and beats Nunzio in the
corner. Spike then chokes Nunzio on the ropes, as Bull
and Bubba have words outside the ring. Nunzio breaks
free of another headlock, and is able to hit a back
suplex. Nunzio follows with a clothesline and a back
body drop. Nunzio then hits the 'Sicilian slice', but
D-von distracts the ref. Bubba then trips up Nunzio,
but Nunzio is able to counter with a roll up, and
score a win.
Winner via pin fall: Nunzio
It's time for the RAW rebound. I got to sit in the
big boy chair on Monday and fill in for Nick Tylwalk,
so you can read my report here.
The Big Show speaks from shadows, and he's mad. I
think if I were shot with a tranquilizer and then
shaved bald, I'd be mad, too.
We are treated to a sneak peak of the Tough Enough
casting special. Don't look for me though; I don't
think WWE is taking out of shape 26 year-olds with two
bad knees.
Match #5 - Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak vs.
Eddie Guerrero and ???
Eddie still hasn't announced his partner, since
Big Show is not in the house. Eddie drives to the ring
alone, and then the music hits. It's Rob Van Dam! The
faces waste no time clearing the ring. RVD then
somersaults over the top rope to take out Jindrak.
Reigns takes it to Latino Heat though, just
overpowering Guerrero. Eddie rolls out of the corner
to avoid Reigns, and then tags in RVD. Reigns is laid
out, and RVD hits an early five star frogsplash.
Jindrak is able to break up the pin. After the break,
Jindrak has RVD pinned in the corner. RVD is whipped
across the ring, but is able to come off the second
rope and hit a cross body block. RVD follows with a
clothesline, and tags in Eddie. Guerrero launches
himself into Jindrak, and RVD follows with rolling
thunder. Latino Heat chops away at Jindrak, and then
locks in an abominable stretch. Jindrak then gets
double teamed in the corner. Eddie follows up the dual
beating with a slam, and then steps on his face.
Jindrak fights back with a right hand. Eddie reverses
and side headlock into a side suplex. RVD tags in and
hits a spinning leg drop. A kick lays out Jindrak, and
RVD tries to shoot off the ropes. Reigns low bridges
him, and RVD hits the announce table. RVD is rolled
back in, and Reigns tags in and hits a double under
hook suplex. RVD battles out of a bear hug, but is
slammed to the mat, instead. Jindrak tags in, and
kicks RVD in the head. Reigns tags back in and smashes
RVD into the turnbuckle. An elbow knocks Eddie from
the apron. Eddie tries to jump in the ring, allowing
RVD to be double-teamed. RVD is laid out with a back
breaker, but Reigns can't get a three count. RVD
counters another turnbuckle smash with a kick to the
head, and then hits a thrust kick. Latino Heat gets
the hot tag, and goes to work on Jindrak. A
tilt-a-whirl head scissors takes down Jindrak, and
then Eddie goes to work on Reigns. Eddie goes to the
top rope, and hits the arm drag/ head scissors on
Reigns and Jindrak. Eddie then hits the three amigos
on Jindrak, and follows with a frog splash. Reigns
break up the pin. RVD enters the ring, and with the
ref distracted Reigns takes out Eddie with a neck
breaker. Jindrak covers for an easy pin fall.
Winner via pin fall: Luther Reigns and Mark
Jindrak
The show ends with a "please buy our Pay Per View?"
video montage. Smell that, kids? It's desperation.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Pre-order the sequel to WrestleCrap:
Order The Death of WCW
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. With the recent engagement of
Charlie Haas and Miss Jackie, Dale is wondering only
one thing. Will Rico be the best man or maid of honor?
E-mail your thoughts to Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.
