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Smackdown: The foul stench of desperation
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


No Mercy is three days away, but WWE hasn't shown much mercy for the fans over the past month. And the PPV will live up to its name, and trust me folks, that is not a good thing.

Kurt Angle heads to the ring in street clothes. The Olympic champ grabs the mike and addresses the Wichita, Kansas crowd. Angle lists the promises he has made and kept: winning Olympic gold, winning the WWE championship in his first year, and delivering a Smackdown! moment last week. Last week's 'moment' is shown, if you missed it, you didn't miss much. It was memorable all right; I'll remember it for being utter crap. Angle seems proud of shooting Big Show in the back with a tranquilizer gun, and then shaving his head. Angle tells Show that he brought this on himself, when he threw Angle off the balcony. Angle says he did everyone a favor by taking out the bully, but when given the chance, the crowd doesn't give Angle any admiration. Angle then brings out Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak, Angle's new apprentices. Angle's boys pick him up on their shoulders and celebrate, until GM Teddy Long crashes the party. From atop the ramp, Long informs Angle that he has to even the score with Show. The only way to resolve this will be in the ring, so Reigns and Jindrak will be banned from ringside at No Mercy, and anyone that interferes will be fired.

Once again WWE thumps it's chest about how fast WM 21 tickets sold out. I don't buy it. I want hard numbers!

Speaking of hard, Dawn Marie joins Michael Cole and Tazz at the announce table. She then tells everyone that Miss Jackie and Charlie are engaged. [Editor's Note: It's old news. Tim Baines broke it in the Ottawa and Toronto Suns, and here on SLAM! Wrestling with September 19's Haas, Jackie true tag team.]

Match #1 - Rico and Charlie Haas w/ Miss Jackie vs. The Dudley Boyz

Charlie Haas and Bubba Ray start things out. Bubba slaps on a side headlock, which Haas is able to get out of. Haas then hits a series of arm drags followed by a drop kick. Rico tags in and gets fresh with Bubba, who promptly tags out. Rico puts himself into a compromising position with D-von, and then falls to his knees in front of Bubba. D-Von stops playing, and corners Rico. D-von then knocks Haas off the apron, and Dawn Marie leaves the announce table to tend to him. Miss Jackie chases Dawn away. Back in the ring, Rico hits a spinning heel kick, which takes out both men. Haas gets the hot tag, and cleans house, hitting a release German suplex on Bubba and then a moonsault on D-Von. After a near fall, the ladies start a catfight on the outside. Rico breaks it up, leaving Haas venerable in the ring. The Dudleyz hit the 3-D on Haas, and pick up the win. It's takes Rico and the ref to break up the ladies.

Winner via pin fall: The Dudley Boyz

Jason Matthews is backstage with John Cena. Matthews tells Cena that he is looking forward to his rap. Cena kicks Matthews out, and addresses Booker T. Cena tells Booker that at No Mercy he is taking his championship back, and there's not one thing that he can do about it.

Paul Heyman is going nuts on the ramp. Heidenreich is on top of the fist on the Smackdown! set. I hope he does us all a favor and jumps.

Heidenreich tells Heyman not to worry. He has something to say. He wants the respect he deserves. I think we have more poetry coming. I think he's going for an Edgar Allen Poe thing. When I hear Heidenreich, I think, NEVERMORE!

The Undertaker, on video, shows JBL the hearse he will be stuffed into. Rotting soul, take the title, rest in peace ... we've all heard this before. Next.

Josh Matthews is with JBL for his rebuttal. JBL seems more concerned that he can't find his Chief of Staff. JBL is using the "he has never beaten me" defense. I don't think that'll hold up. JBL says he has a plan, and that plan starts tonight. He's going to send a message to the Undertaker by destroying Hardcore Holly. Holly jumps JBL before he finishes the sentence, so much for that plan.

Match #2 - Booker T vs. Paul London

This is a rematch from last week, when Booker T jumped London in the ring. Booker T takes to London, dominating the match early. Book whips London into the corner, but London fights back, and lays out Booker with a drop kick. Booker stops the momentum with a right hand, and then smashes London's face into the turnbuckle. London fights back, and lays out Booker. Kidman walks out, and stares down London. With Booker T still down, London goes for the 450 off the top rope. Booker T rolls away, and London hits the mat face first. Booker T the hits the axe kick and scores the pin fall.

Winner via pin fall: Booker T

After the match, Booker grabs a chair. Billy Kidman runs in and makes the save, only to lay out London with a chair shot himself.

Another Carlito Caribbean Cool promo. Why hasn't a hurricane taken this guy out yet?

Match #3 - John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Hardcore Holly

Chief of Staff Orlando Jordan is still MIA. I wonder if he'll be fined? Holly and JBL lock up in the middle of the ring, and then in the corner. JBL takes a cheap shot at Holly, and beats him down in the corner. Holly fights back, and chops JBL in the corner. A thumb to the eye slows down Holly, and the neck breaker takes him to the mat. Hardcore Holly hits a back body drop, and JBL spills from the ring. Holly follows and pounds on JBL on the outside. JBL reverses an Irish whip into the steel steps. Hardcore is rolled back into the ring, and JBL climbs the turnbuckle. Holly catches JBL off the rope, and nails a powerslam. JBL then kicks out of a pin. Hardcore Holly is shot off the ropes, and runs right into the right boot of JBL. Holly is set up on the top rope, and JBL chops him down. Holly fights out of a superplex attempt, and then hits flying clothesline. JBL survives by kicking out of the pin. Holly ducks a clothesline, but is caught by JBL, who hits a fall away slam. JBL gets cocky and tries to hit the Undertaker's last ride, but Holly reverses it into the Alabama Slam. Both men are down on the mat as we cut to commercial. We return to find Holly busted wide open in the middle of the ring. JBL slammed Holly's head off the steel steps, during the break. Nick Patrick warns JBL about attacking the injured Holly. JBL ignores the warning, and Patrick calls for the bell.

Winner via DQ: Hardcore Holly

JBL continues to pound on Holly after the bell. He slams hardcore off the steps and the announce table. He then hits a chair shot flush to the skull of Hardcore. JBL tosses him back into the ring, and finishes him with the clothesline from Hell. JBL then mocks the Undertaker, grabbing the mike and telling him not to play mind games. Then the lights go out, and the bells toll. Undertaker appears on the video screen. Orlando Jordan is in the arena, hanging from the Undertaker's symbol. He tells JBL it started with four, Gangrel, Viscera, and now Jordan is gone. JBL is the last one to go.

Match #4 - Nunzio w/ Johnny Stamboli vs. Spike Dudley w/ The Dudley Boyz

Nunzio slaps on a side headlock. Spike tries to free himself, but ends up getting dropped on his head. Nunzio then hits a head scissors, and almost gets a pin with a small package. Bubba distracts Nunzio, and Spike takes advantage. Spike applies a rear chin lock. Spike then head butts Nunzio in the stomach. Spike starts to dominate the match, and beats Nunzio in the corner. Spike then chokes Nunzio on the ropes, as Bull and Bubba have words outside the ring. Nunzio breaks free of another headlock, and is able to hit a back suplex. Nunzio follows with a clothesline and a back body drop. Nunzio then hits the 'Sicilian slice', but D-von distracts the ref. Bubba then trips up Nunzio, but Nunzio is able to counter with a roll up, and score a win.

Winner via pin fall: Nunzio

It's time for the RAW rebound. I got to sit in the big boy chair on Monday and fill in for Nick Tylwalk, so you can read my report here.

The Big Show speaks from shadows, and he's mad. I think if I were shot with a tranquilizer and then shaved bald, I'd be mad, too.

We are treated to a sneak peak of the Tough Enough casting special. Don't look for me though; I don't think WWE is taking out of shape 26 year-olds with two bad knees.

Match #5 - Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak vs. Eddie Guerrero and ???

Eddie still hasn't announced his partner, since Big Show is not in the house. Eddie drives to the ring alone, and then the music hits. It's Rob Van Dam! The faces waste no time clearing the ring. RVD then somersaults over the top rope to take out Jindrak. Reigns takes it to Latino Heat though, just overpowering Guerrero. Eddie rolls out of the corner to avoid Reigns, and then tags in RVD. Reigns is laid out, and RVD hits an early five star frogsplash. Jindrak is able to break up the pin. After the break, Jindrak has RVD pinned in the corner. RVD is whipped across the ring, but is able to come off the second rope and hit a cross body block. RVD follows with a clothesline, and tags in Eddie. Guerrero launches himself into Jindrak, and RVD follows with rolling thunder. Latino Heat chops away at Jindrak, and then locks in an abominable stretch. Jindrak then gets double teamed in the corner. Eddie follows up the dual beating with a slam, and then steps on his face. Jindrak fights back with a right hand. Eddie reverses and side headlock into a side suplex. RVD tags in and hits a spinning leg drop. A kick lays out Jindrak, and RVD tries to shoot off the ropes. Reigns low bridges him, and RVD hits the announce table. RVD is rolled back in, and Reigns tags in and hits a double under hook suplex. RVD battles out of a bear hug, but is slammed to the mat, instead. Jindrak tags in, and kicks RVD in the head. Reigns tags back in and smashes RVD into the turnbuckle. An elbow knocks Eddie from the apron. Eddie tries to jump in the ring, allowing RVD to be double-teamed. RVD is laid out with a back breaker, but Reigns can't get a three count. RVD counters another turnbuckle smash with a kick to the head, and then hits a thrust kick. Latino Heat gets the hot tag, and goes to work on Jindrak. A tilt-a-whirl head scissors takes down Jindrak, and then Eddie goes to work on Reigns. Eddie goes to the top rope, and hits the arm drag/ head scissors on Reigns and Jindrak. Eddie then hits the three amigos on Jindrak, and follows with a frog splash. Reigns break up the pin. RVD enters the ring, and with the ref distracted Reigns takes out Eddie with a neck breaker. Jindrak covers for an easy pin fall.

Winner via pin fall: Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak

The show ends with a "please buy our Pay Per View?" video montage. Smell that, kids? It's desperation.


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. With the recent engagement of Charlie Haas and Miss Jackie, Dale is wondering only one thing. Will Rico be the best man or maid of honor? E-mail your thoughts to Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.