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Smackdown: An anniversary and a haircuit
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


It's the season premiere of Smackdown! and its fifth anniversary. Why am I not excited? Is it Vince McMahon kicking off the show? Or is it because of a new lame intro? Or is it because the show has been steadily declining over the past months? Yea, that's the ticket.

Michael Cole, who has escaped the clutches of Heidenreich, and Tazz call the action from Phoenix, Arizona. Allentown, P-A, represent! Billy Kidman starts off the show.

Match #1 - Billy Kidman vs. Paul London

The former tag team champs go at each other, after London smacked Kidman last week. Kidman doesn't look like he wants to fight, and he doesn't. Kidman rolls out of the ring and walks back to the locker room. Paul London wins by count out.

Winner via count out: Paul London

No sooner does the bell ring, Booker T's music hits and the U.S. champ hits the ring. Booker T attacks, and the bell rings. We have a match!

Match #2 - Booker T vs. Paul London

Booker's early attacks bloodies London's nose. The U.S. champ goes to town on the former tag champ. Booker T locks in a modified surfboard hold. London kicks out of the hold, and baits Booker in the corner. London ducks under Booker coming off the ropes, and then knocks him down with a drop kick. London follows with a cross body block, but Booker rolls it through. Book then uses the ropes for leverage, and pins London for the win.

Winner via pin fall: Booker T

After the win, Booker grabs a mike, and has some choice words for Cena. London cuts him off, and the referees pull the two apart before more damage can be done.

For some reason WWE feels the need to remind that this show used to be good. Mick Foley gives us some of his favorite Smackdown! moments.

Kidman is on his way out of the arena, when Teddy Long cuts him off. The GM tells him he doesn't appreciate quitters. Everyone wanted to see him face Paul London, so now he will face him at No Mercy. And if Kidman doesn't show or walks out on the match, he will be fired.

Spike Dudley and Rey Mysterio are staring each other down, when Josh Matthews interrupts. Spike says he did what he had to do to win the title, and he's proud of it. Rey tells Spike that he will stop at nothing to take that title back. Rey slips into a Spanish tirade when Kenzo Suzuki interrupts and tells him to speak English. Rey responds by decking Kenzo, and then Spike says what's on all out minds, "What the hell just happened here?"

The Rock making Coach dance. Good times, good times.

Match #3 - Rey Mysterio vs. Spike Dudley - Cruiserweight Title match

Both men jaw at each other in the middle of the ring, when Spike shoves down Rey. Spike sidesteps a springboard, and then Rey ducks a clothesline. Rey hits spinning backbreaker. As Spike cowers in the corner, D-von tries to distract Mysterio. Rey sees Bubba coming, and ducks the attack. The ref then sends D-Von and Bubba to the back. Spike is tossed from the ring, and Rey hits a baseball slide. Mysterio leaps over the ref, and takes down Spike on the outside. The action is then interrupted with a sudden cut to a commercial. We come back to see Spike drive Mysterio shoulder first into the ring post. Spike continues to work over the shoulder, and tosses Rey back into the ring. Spike climbs the top rope, only have Mysterio crotch him on the turnbuckle. Mysterio hits a hurricarana off the top rope, but cannot get a three count. Mysterio rolls Spike up, but cannot get the pin. Spike ducks a springboard, and Mysterio takes out ref Charles Robinson instead. Spike capitalizes by hitting the Dudley dog, but Rey is able to counter. Spike falls into the ropes, but Renee Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki cut off Rey from the 619. Mysterio is rolled back into the ring, and Spike makes the pin.

Winner via pin fall: Spike Dudley

Dupree and Suzuki doubleteam Rey in the ring, but RVD runs in to make the save. RVD cleans house, and the heels high tail it the back.

During the break Teddy Long told Dupree and Suzuki they will face RVD and Rey Mysterio at No Mercy. And the tag team title belts will be on the line.

Tazz keeps bringing up Heidenreich, and Cole doesn't want to talk about it. So then roll the footage, I think Cole has some post-traumatic stress. The cameras find Heidenreich backstage, and he heads into Mr. McMahon's office.

Hey, remember that time Brock Lesnar superplexed Big Show and the ring collapsed? Yea, that awesome!

Match #4 - Gangrel and Viscera vs. The Undertaker - Handicap Match

I'm boycotting these two jokers, so I won't be covering this match. Undertaker wins after a tombstone on Gangrel, and a choke slam to Viscera.

Winner via pin fall: The Undertaker

JBL isn't happy with the results, as he watches from the stage. Then Undertaker crushes Viscera's throat with a steel chair, sending a message to JBL.

Heidenreich tells Vince he needs to speak with him. Heid has some more poetry; Walt Whitman, he ain't. HE got his point across, as Vince is extremely freaked.

Match #5 - Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie vs. Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah - Schoolgirl Match

This was supposed to be Torrie versus Dawn Marie, but Teddy Long wants to go old school. Why? I don't know. This match was a waste of time, so I'll do us all a favor a skip to the next segment.

Winner via pin fall: Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah (Unless you got up for a bathroom break, there were no winners. I feel sick)

STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! Okay, it was on tape. I'm sorry for getting your hopes up. Stone Cold's favorite moments was going to Iraq to entertain the troops.

John Cena performs from atop the Smackdown! production truck. Cena pays tribute to Rock, Austin, and Vinnie Mac.

Angle hogs some screen time to complain that he wasn't asked to share his favorite Smackdown! moments. Angle calls it a disgrace, but Big Show is a bigger disgrace. And tonight he'll have a moment that no one will forget.

Hulk Hogan has returned! Only to tell us his favorite Smackdown! moment. Sorry to get your hopes up, again. The July 4th episode of Smackdown! when Hogan came out as the Real American, tops Hollywood's list. He also won the tag team titles with Edge that night.

Match #6 - Eddie Guerrero and Big Show vs. Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns

Guerrero and Angle start off the match. Angle dances away from Eddie, so Guerrero tags in Show. Angle then tells Reigns to go in a face the giant. Reigns is knocked to the ground, but gets in a shot after Angle distracts Show. A huge hip toss followed by a head butt, puts Reigns on the mat. Eddie tags in, and trade blows with Reigns. Eddie reels off the three amigos, taunting Angle in the process. Angle tags in, and Eddie is double-teamed. Angle uses his amateur wrestling background to gain an advantage. Angle shoots off the ropes, but slams on the breaks to avoid running into Show on the apron. A snap suplex slows Guerrero. Reigns tags back in, and goes to work on Eddie with a series of rights. Angle tags in, and tries an Angle Slam, that Eddie counters. Eddie tags Show, and Angle tags in Reigns. Show tosses Angle from the ring, and then choke slams Reigns. Eddie climbs the turnbuckle, and then Big Show. Angle pushes Eddie off, and assaults Guerrero on the outside. We return from commercial, as Angle is locking in a Boston crab on Eddie. Reigns makes a blind tag, as Eddie is dragged into the enemy corner. Reigns continues to work on Guerrero's legs. A double under hook suplex sends Guerrero across the ring. Angle tags back in, and tries to lock in the ankle lock. Eddie kicks out, and then puts Angle in the ankle lock. Angle is close enough to tag in Reigns. Guerrero hits the big man with a drop kick, and is able to recover and tag in Show. Show cleans house, splashing both men in the corner. Show calls for Eddie to frog splash Angle from off his shoulders. Eddie hits the splash, and covers for the pin, until Mark Jindrak ... yes, Mark Jindrak, breaks the pin.

Winner via DQ: Eddie Guerrero and Big Show

Show cleans house, but Angle pulls out looks to be a shot gun at ring side. As Show sets up Reigns and Jindrak for a choke slam, Angle shoots Big Show in the back with a tranquilizer dart. Show tries to fight the effects of the drug, but eventually succumbs to the tranquilizer. Jindrak runs to the back, returning with clippers and scissors. Angle and Jindrak give Show a free haircut. Smackdown! goes off the air, and I'm left speechless.


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. What's Dale's favorite Smackdown! moment? E-mail him here and ask him yourself!