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Smackdown: An anniversary and a haircuit
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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It's the season premiere of Smackdown! and its
fifth anniversary. Why am I not excited? Is it Vince
McMahon kicking off the show? Or is it because of a
new lame intro? Or is it because the show has been
steadily declining over the past months? Yea, that's
the ticket.
Michael Cole, who has escaped the clutches of
Heidenreich, and Tazz call the action from Phoenix,
Arizona. Allentown, P-A, represent! Billy Kidman
starts off the show.
Match #1 - Billy Kidman vs. Paul London
The former tag team champs go at each other, after
London smacked Kidman last week. Kidman doesn't look
like he wants to fight, and he doesn't. Kidman rolls
out of the ring and walks back to the locker room.
Paul London wins by count out.
Winner via count out: Paul London
No sooner does the bell ring, Booker T's music
hits and the U.S. champ hits the ring. Booker T
attacks, and the bell rings. We have a match!
Match #2 - Booker T vs. Paul London
Booker's early attacks bloodies London's nose. The
U.S. champ goes to town on the former tag champ.
Booker T locks in a modified surfboard hold. London
kicks out of the hold, and baits Booker in the corner.
London ducks under Booker coming off the ropes, and
then knocks him down with a drop kick. London follows
with a cross body block, but Booker rolls it through.
Book then uses the ropes for leverage, and pins London
for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Booker T
After the win, Booker grabs a mike, and has some
choice words for Cena. London cuts him off, and the
referees pull the two apart before more damage can be
done.
For some reason WWE feels the need to remind that
this show used to be good. Mick Foley gives us some of
his favorite Smackdown! moments.
Kidman is on his way out of the arena, when Teddy
Long cuts him off. The GM tells him he doesn't
appreciate quitters. Everyone wanted to see him face
Paul London, so now he will face him at No Mercy. And
if Kidman doesn't show or walks out on the match, he
will be fired.
Spike Dudley and Rey Mysterio are staring each
other down, when Josh Matthews interrupts. Spike says
he did what he had to do to win the title, and he's
proud of it. Rey tells Spike that he will stop at
nothing to take that title back. Rey slips into a
Spanish tirade when Kenzo Suzuki interrupts and tells
him to speak English. Rey responds by decking Kenzo,
and then Spike says what's on all out minds, "What the
hell just happened here?"
The Rock making Coach dance. Good times, good
times.
Match #3 - Rey Mysterio vs. Spike Dudley -
Cruiserweight Title match
Both men jaw at each other in the middle of the
ring, when Spike shoves down Rey. Spike sidesteps a
springboard, and then Rey ducks a clothesline. Rey
hits spinning backbreaker. As Spike cowers in the
corner, D-von tries to distract Mysterio. Rey sees
Bubba coming, and ducks the attack. The ref then sends
D-Von and Bubba to the back. Spike is tossed from the
ring, and Rey hits a baseball slide. Mysterio leaps
over the ref, and takes down Spike on the outside. The
action is then interrupted with a sudden cut to a
commercial. We come back to see Spike drive Mysterio
shoulder first into the ring post. Spike continues to
work over the shoulder, and tosses Rey back into the
ring. Spike climbs the top rope, only have Mysterio
crotch him on the turnbuckle. Mysterio hits a
hurricarana off the top rope, but cannot get a three
count. Mysterio rolls Spike up, but cannot get the
pin. Spike ducks a springboard, and Mysterio takes out
ref Charles Robinson instead. Spike capitalizes by
hitting the Dudley dog, but Rey is able to counter.
Spike falls into the ropes, but Renee Dupree and Kenzo
Suzuki cut off Rey from the 619. Mysterio is rolled
back into the ring, and Spike makes the pin.
Winner via pin fall: Spike Dudley
Dupree and Suzuki doubleteam Rey in the ring, but
RVD runs in to make the save. RVD cleans house, and
the heels high tail it the back.
During the break Teddy Long told Dupree and Suzuki
they will face RVD and Rey Mysterio at No Mercy. And
the tag team title belts will be on the line.
Tazz keeps bringing up Heidenreich, and Cole
doesn't want to talk about it. So then roll the
footage, I think Cole has some post-traumatic stress.
The cameras find Heidenreich backstage, and he heads
into Mr. McMahon's office.
Hey, remember that time Brock Lesnar superplexed
Big Show and the ring collapsed? Yea, that awesome!
Match #4 - Gangrel and Viscera vs. The
Undertaker - Handicap Match
I'm boycotting these two jokers, so I won't be
covering this match. Undertaker wins after a tombstone
on Gangrel, and a choke slam to Viscera.
Winner via pin fall: The Undertaker
JBL isn't happy with the results, as he watches
from the stage. Then Undertaker crushes Viscera's
throat with a steel chair, sending a message to JBL.
Heidenreich tells Vince he needs to speak with
him. Heid has some more poetry; Walt Whitman, he
ain't. HE got his point across, as Vince is extremely
freaked.
Match #5 - Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie vs.
Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah - Schoolgirl Match
This was supposed to be Torrie versus Dawn Marie,
but Teddy Long wants to go old school. Why? I don't
know. This match was a waste of time, so I'll do us
all a favor a skip to the next segment.
Winner via pin fall: Mae Young and The Fabulous
Moolah (Unless you got up for a bathroom break, there
were no winners. I feel sick)
STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! Okay, it was
on tape. I'm sorry for getting your hopes up. Stone
Cold's favorite moments was going to Iraq to entertain
the troops.
John Cena performs from atop the Smackdown!
production truck. Cena pays tribute to Rock, Austin,
and Vinnie Mac.
Angle hogs some screen time to complain that he
wasn't asked to share his favorite Smackdown! moments.
Angle calls it a disgrace, but Big Show is a bigger
disgrace. And tonight he'll have a moment that no one
will forget.
Hulk Hogan has returned! Only to tell us his
favorite Smackdown! moment. Sorry to get your hopes
up, again. The July 4th episode of Smackdown! when
Hogan came out as the Real American, tops Hollywood's
list. He also won the tag team titles with Edge that
night.
Match #6 - Eddie Guerrero and Big Show vs. Kurt
Angle and Luther Reigns
Guerrero and Angle start off the match. Angle
dances away from Eddie, so Guerrero tags in Show.
Angle then tells Reigns to go in a face the giant.
Reigns is knocked to the ground, but gets in a shot
after Angle distracts Show. A huge hip toss followed
by a head butt, puts Reigns on the mat. Eddie tags in,
and trade blows with Reigns. Eddie reels off the three
amigos, taunting Angle in the process. Angle tags in,
and Eddie is double-teamed. Angle uses his amateur
wrestling background to gain an advantage. Angle
shoots off the ropes, but slams on the breaks to avoid
running into Show on the apron. A snap suplex slows
Guerrero. Reigns tags back in, and goes to work on
Eddie with a series of rights. Angle tags in, and
tries an Angle Slam, that Eddie counters. Eddie tags
Show, and Angle tags in Reigns. Show tosses Angle from
the ring, and then choke slams Reigns. Eddie climbs
the turnbuckle, and then Big Show. Angle pushes Eddie
off, and assaults Guerrero on the outside. We return
from commercial, as Angle is locking in a Boston crab
on Eddie. Reigns makes a blind tag, as Eddie is
dragged into the enemy corner. Reigns continues to
work on Guerrero's legs. A double under hook suplex
sends Guerrero across the ring. Angle tags back in,
and tries to lock in the ankle lock. Eddie kicks out,
and then puts Angle in the ankle lock. Angle is close
enough to tag in Reigns. Guerrero hits the big man
with a drop kick, and is able to recover and tag in
Show. Show cleans house, splashing both men in the
corner. Show calls for Eddie to frog splash Angle from
off his shoulders. Eddie hits the splash, and covers
for the pin, until Mark Jindrak ... yes, Mark Jindrak,
breaks the pin.
Winner via DQ: Eddie Guerrero and Big Show
Show cleans house, but Angle pulls out looks to be
a shot gun at ring side. As Show sets up Reigns and
Jindrak for a choke slam, Angle shoots Big Show in the
back with a tranquilizer dart. Show tries to fight the
effects of the drug, but eventually succumbs to the
tranquilizer. Jindrak runs to the back, returning with
clippers and scissors. Angle and Jindrak give Show a
free haircut. Smackdown! goes off the air, and I'm
left speechless.
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. What's Dale's favorite
Smackdown! moment? E-mail him here and ask him
yourself!
