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I'll get even by hook or Crooke
By TIM BAINES - Ottawa Sun


Even at more than 230 lbs. on a 6-foot frame, I'm likely not much of a wrestler. But sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do. You see, there's this local wrestling manager, a string bean named JJ Crooke who's been running his mouth again. I was strapped to him at a CPW show in Hull. One of his henchmen got a lucky punch in ... and well, I don't remember much after that.

But Crooke and his Ministry of Brutality have been sticking their nose in everyone's business lately. So when I got a call from Vanier's own Wild Dangerous Dan, I couldn't say no.

I'll be in the corner of Dan and his partner Pierre Carl Ouellet when they face Thunder and Tray Hugh Mongus. I'll be chained to Crooke and I can ensure everyone that he'll be lucky to go home without gettin' a whippin'.

Today's show follows the Lynx Triple-A baseball game, which begins at 1:05, so it'll likely start shortly after 4 p.m.

One ticket gets you admission to the ball game and the wrestling event. Other matches include: MVP Michael Von Payton vs. Paranoid Jake Matthews; Sweet Cherrie vs. Misty Haven; Dave Titan and Psycho vs. Aftershock; The Freak Zakk Manson vs. Mr. Know It All Shawn Demers; and Frank The Beast Bradley vs. Dusty Dillinger.

- Randy Orton went from legend killer to legend killer nearly killed, all in less than a day. After winning the WWE championship over Chris Benoit at SummerSlam in Toronto, Orton was viciously attacked by his Evolution mates Triple H, Batista and Ric Flair the next night on RAW.

It marked a rollercoaster of a week for Randy Keith Orton, the youngest heavyweight champion in WWE's history, a strap holder at the age of 24.

At 6-foot-5 and more than 260 lbs., and just now beginning to get the charisma of a champion, Orton is ready for a title run and a feud with Triple H.

When you get a chance to fight the guy who sleeps with the boss' daughter, well, you're doing something right.

- Kane gets to marry Lita on tomorrow night's RAW after beating Matt Hardy at SummerSlam. And we're all invited ... at least that's what Kane says. Could Shawn Michaels somehow get involved?

- Here are the other results from SummerSlam: JBL won by DQ over The Undertaker, who later chokeslammed his opponent through the roof of a limo (a fan avoided security and danced around the car while the match was going on); The Dudleys beat Rey Mysterio, Paul London and Billy Kidman; John Cena won the first fall in a best-of-5 series against Booker T; Edge (with many fans booing him) beat Chris Jericho and Batista; Kurt Angle beat Eddie Guerrero; Triple H beat Eugene; and the Diva Dodgeball winner was ... ah, who cares?

- After admitting he had cancer of the bladder in May, John Tenta (Earthquake) now says he had a tumour in his left lung ... and the lymph nodes are enlarged in his heart. He's been given just 13-18 months to live.

- Gail Kim, from Korea? Geez, what happened to Toronto?

- WWE's Smackdown! roster returns to Ottawa, this time to the Civic Centre, Oct. 23, at 7:30 p.m. There's a house show the next day, at 2 p.m., in Montreal. Tickets for both events go on sale on Sept. 18.

- Bill Goldberg told columnist Alex Marvez that the WWE misused his character, saying "the way they handled my character was moronic ... any businessman who has business first and foremost on his mind wouldn't have done what they did ... People didn't want to see Goldberg have emotions or laugh. They wanted to see him rip people's heads off." Got to agree with him on that one.

- Pro Wrestling Superstars -- Past, Present and Future's Extreme Intentions airs on Viewers Choice and Star Choice on Aug. 24 and 28, at 8 p.m., 9:30 p.m. and 11 p.m. The matches: El Generico vs. Exess69; Chris Sabin vs. Eric Young; Sabu and Scott D'Amore vs. Terry Taylor and Cyrus; Eddie Guerrero vs. Crowbar. The Sheik and Whipper Billy Watson are also featured. The pay-per-view returns to Bell ExpressVu next month.

- Brock Lesnar, trying out for the NFL's Minnesota Vikings, got a little initiation the other day. Some of his teammates piled on top of him, taped his legs together, then receiver Kelly Campbell counted 1-2-3.

- TNA will hold its first three- hour pay-per-view event, Victory Road, on Nov. 7 at 8 p.m.


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