TNA bumbles on
CHRIS SOKOL - SLAM! Wrestling
With last week's TNA being an absolute snoozefest, lets see if this week can be any better. TNA needs to find that groove that made them popular. More special appearences, more action, less talk, better matches. Come on, TNA used to have fans itching to spend that ten bucks a week to see them and now they have to draw things out. How about a Heavyweight Title Defense here and there? C'mon TNA, lets hope tonight is an improvement. We start off with Big Vito running his mouth about people having to buy the PPV and not use a illegal cable box. So if you even think of using an illegal cable box, Fagetaboutit D'Amore is then shown running his yap about the Canadians beating the Americans tonight. For their sake they better because aside from hockey they can't do it in any other sport, ha ha ha ha. Score one for the Americans. We then are shown clips of all the events that have been occuring in TNA.
Match One-No. One Contenders Match For The Tag Titles- Team Canada (Johnny Divine and Eric Young) w/Coach Scott D'Amore vs 3 Live Kru (Konnan and BG James) James and Konnan do their old school mic work. Divine and James start off with James getting the upperhand advantage. BG does his trademark punches and knocks out the Divine one. Divine continues to take a beating. Young comes in and does his Juke and Jive punches. James comes back and a meeting of the heads occurs between Young and Divine. Konnan and Young go at it. Konnan takes Young down with a rolling thunder clothesline. Hiptoss on Young by the D O Double G. Armbar is applied on Young. James gets hit by Divine from the apron only to be knocked off by James. Double teaming by Team Canda on James. Young takes James over and slaps a headlock on him. Young gets to choking BG James while Konnan's complaining only allows more choking to ensue. D'Amore takes a cheap shot on BG James. Divine and Young double team BG James. Elbow drop by Young on James for the two count. Scoop Slam by Divine on James. Moonsault by Divine misses. Konnan comes in an cleans house. Crossface on Young by Konnan, but Divine breaks it up. Konnan again applies a submission hold on Young. Ref is occupied and D'Amore comes in and hits Konnan with a hockey stick and Divine pins Konnan. Dusty comes out and tells Rudy Charles what happens, Rudy then says to restart the match. Konnan hits the crossbody on Young for the three. Team Canada hold back a raging Scott D'Amore. Vince Russo comes out and talks to Dusty Rhodes. Winners Via Pinfall- 3 Live Kru We go to a video package of Goldylocks recent tirade. She owns the contract's of Sharkboy, Siaki, D-Ray and Watts. She continues to gain more and more leverage and each week becomes increasingly more irritating to listen to. Next we go to Shane Douglas who is with Alex Shelly and Goldylocks. Goldylocks tells Siaki to rub her feet. D-Ray then walks in and boy does he smell, she says that if he ever does "that" in her presence again, a lot of bad things will happen or something to the effect of that. In walks Abyss who is yelled at for being late for a meeting, he is told to hang his head in shame. Poor Abyss. Poor people who had to watch that segment.
Match Two- CONTRACT VS MONEY- Ekmo w/Desire vs Alex Shelly w/Goldylocks We get to see Jamal, uhh, Ekmo take on Alex Shelly. Shove back and a spinebuster put Alex on the defense. Bam, Ekmo with the headbutt. Hard shot to the back of Alex sends him down to the canvas. Suplex by Ekmo. Alex goes into the ropes and is slapped by Desire. Alex is still getting his backside kicked. Scoop Slam by Ekmo. Ekmo gets on the ropes and Goldylocks distracts him. Desire chases her away and Shelly gets Ekmo off the ropes. He has Ekmo down and continues to dropkick him in the legs. Ekmo comes back by slamming Shelly, clothesline and a superkick to the face of Alex Shelly. Shelly gets koncked down again. In comes Goldylocks, in comes Desire, CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! Joey Styles = THE MAN. Frog Splash onto Shelly by Ekmo. Ref is on the outside. Abyss comes in and hits Ekmo a few times with the chair and hits the Blackhole Slam. Shelly is thrown on Ekmo. Winner Via Pinfall-Alex Shelly Out of the crowd comes Raven and Sabu. Raven is on a collar and Sabu is hurling chairs at him. Leg drop onto chairs which are on Raven. Sabu then hangs Raven with the dog collar. Raven pulls the chain and Sabu goes into the guardrail. Raven now has a table, Sonjay comes in and hits Raven, but Raven starts beating on Dutt. Sabu then dropkicks Raven in the knee. Dropkick to knee = FAVORITE MOVE OF THE NIGHT. Security comes in and they try to break them up. Suicide dive to the outside by Sabu onto Raven.
Next we go to a Jeff Hardy/Jeff Jarrett video package. I am personally happy to see Jeff Hardy back in the lime light, hes a great piece of talent. Mike Tenay is in the ring with the big announcement. The next NWA World Title Defense is JEFF HARDY VS JEFF JARRETT 9-8-04 AT THE ASYLUM. This somehow prompts Monty Brown to make an appearance. Monty is pissed and he wants to fight the winner of Hardy/Jarrett. TNA, dont give him a live mic anymore, please. In comes The Truth and he tells him that Hardy earned his spot through beating Brown and that if Brown wants to earn his shot, he has to go through The Truth. They then brawl. These two should try another battle, who can cut a more crappy promo. Out comes Dusty, we can now expect some good mic work. He then says next week, Brown and Killings. Funny how the most talented mic guy got the least amount of time to speak. That kinda sucked "If ya weeeeeeeell." Next is a video package of what has happened between Gilberti and David Young. Young just seems to keep on losing, even to referee's. DAVID YOUNG vs GILLBERG = RATINGS. We then cut to Shane Douglas who is interviewing Gilberti, who is dressed in regular clothing. Swinger is way too happy in that little outfit he has been in. Big Vito walks in and he wants to know whats going on, he says that Gilberti better win because if he doesn't, he is off the payroll.
Match Three-FINAL GUTCHECK MATCH-Glenn Gilberti vs David Young Gilberti comes at Young with punches, Young fights back, but a clothesline takes him back down. Gilberti then knocks David Young over the top rope. For those keeping record at home Young is 0-93, for those who are not, you better start. Young gets thrown around on the outside. As they go back in the ring Young gains the upperhand on Gilberti, only to lose it just as quickly as he gained it. Gilberti continues to work over Young and hits a neckbreaker for the two count. Gilberti throws Young into the corner and kicks him and then sends Young to the outside. Young is then sent shoulder first into the stage. Gilberti throws Young back into the ring and drops the fist. End his misery, end our misery Posey, make the fast count. Young comes back with punches. Gilberti comes back with punches. Young sweeps Gilberti's legs. Inseguri to Gilberti. Superkick is ducked by Gilberti and Posey takes it to the face. Young hits the spinebuster on Gilberti for the three count, except there is no ref. Swinger comes in and Young is knocked out by a taped fist on Swingers behalf. Ref wakes up, but Young is only down for a two. Damn, I thought this match was over, I could only be so lucky. Young comes back and dropkicks Swinger off the apron. Moonsault by Young misses. Young takes the brass knucks and hits Gilberti right between the eyes for the one-two-three. Goodbye Gilberti. Vito and Trinity run in. Vito puts the badmouth on Gilberti. Winner Via Pinfall-David Young We then go to Shane Douglas who asks Vince Russo if he is the DOA or if Dusty is. Russo says that he has a place for Dusty and that Douglas's job is not to stir *hit up. Jarrett walks in and says that Russo is full of crap. Get rid of Russo please, get rid of Russo. Excuse me, AJ walks in and says that Vince hasn't always made the right decisions, but he disagrees with what Jarrett said. Jarrett says that Russo used to brown nose him, but now he see's the brown nose goes both way. AJ and Jarrett brawl and they go through the crowd. Douglas cheers for Jarrett, but that doesn't stop AJ from taking Jarrett over the guardrail. Jarrett comes back with a low blow to AJ. Jarrett goes for the Styles Clash, but Monty Brown comes in, the two argue, but are both dropkicked by AJ Styles. AJ gets knocked down, THREE WAY BRAWL. Truth comes in and down go Brown and Jarrett. Killings offense is taken away and he is taken out. In comes Jeff Hardy who cleans a little heel house. Who else is coming out? Jeff Hardy ends up the only man standing. Triple X/AMW Video Package. Alright two, phenomenal tag teams, looking good. While Best of Three is not an innovative idea, it's still good to see these teams against each other.
Match Four- Match One in Best of Three Series- AMW vs Triple X We start off with a lock up between Daniels and Storm. The two then go through a series of reversals. The two then do some more back and forth battling and then a little double teaming on Daniels. Two count on Daniels and then the tag into Skipper. Harris applies aheadlock on Skipper. The two teams have been deadlocked to this point. Harris takes out Skipper with a clothesline. Suplex on Skipper and more double teaming ensues for only a two count on Skipper. Triple X then comes in and they do a little double teaming on Storm. Double Mule Kick to Harris by Skipper. Headlock then applied by Skipper on Harris. Daniels then comes in and they continue their double teaming ways on Harris. Harris comes back with a kick to the face and a clothesline on Daniels. Skipper and Storm both come in, Skipper with the kick to Storm, Storm comes back. Double teaming on Skipper only scores the two. Action all over the place. TNA likes the idea of having all out brawls in every single match. Even more double teaming by Triple X. Skipper walks the ropes, but is soon knocked off. Superkick by Storm, takes Daniels out. Death Sentence is blocked, another two count. Skipper takes out Harris. Two counts traded between Storm and Daniels. Spear on Daniels and AMW gets the win.
MATCH OF THE NIGHT. Trainers come in to check on Daniels. AMW come to look and Skipper shoves them away. Winner Via Pinfall- Americas Most Wanted Shane Douglas interviews Raven. Sabu has issued a Hangman Horrors Two Match. So much for one time only between Sabu and Raven. Raven says that he used to slap around The Sheik. He also says that Sabu's Sucidal, Homicidal, Genocidal, ect, was all clever P.R. Quote The Raven. Tenay and West talk about how you can train to become a wrestler with them. They plug merchandise and next Wed's PPV along with Jarrett and Hardy's match that takes place on 9-8-04. Anyone reading this, I recommend, you train with them, buy their DVDs and watch their PPV's. TNA send me my cut now. Shane Douglas interviews Kazarian, Shane and Traci. They talk about how they are role models, ect. Good promo for the two and remember folks, THEY ARE NOT SHAWN AND MARTY, THEY ARE FRANKIE AND MICHAEL. (or Kazarian and Shane, whatever way you want to slice it). They show a video package for The Over Twenty Man X Division Gauntlet For The Gold.
Match Five- The Over Twenty Man X Division Gauntlet For The Gold Entry One- Frankie Kazarian Entry Two- Sonjay Dutt These two start off real quick with Kazarian gaining the upperhand on Sonjay Dutt. Entry Three-Chad Colleyer The heels double team on Sonjay Dutt. They try to elminate Sonjay, but thats no good. Entry Four-La Parka Entries are too fast! La Parka comes in and is kicking people every which way. Chad is working over Sonjay Dutt. La Parka and Kazarian duke it out. Entry Five-Miamoto Just like a Royal Rumble everyone is battling all around. Elimination One-Sonjay Dutt Entry Six- Jerry Lynn Elimination Two-Chad Colleyer Lynn is taking everyone down. Miamoto goes and works on La Parka. Lynn hits Kazarian with some forearm shots. Entry Seven-Joey Matthews YES! Matthews is back. Matthews works on Frankie Kazarian. Drop down inverted DDT by Lynn on Matthews. Kazarian avoids being thrown out by La Parka. Entry Eight-Nosawa Elimination Three-Jerry Lynn La Parka takes out Nosawa with a sweet kick to the face. More all over brawling, which seems to be the theme of the show, ensues. Entry Nine-AJ Styles AJ takes out Miamoto and eliminates him. Elimination Four-Miamoto Nosawa gets taken out by AJ Styles. Entry Ten-Chris Vaughn Vaughn takes out Co-Champ-Kazarian. La Parka takes out Vaughn, while AJ works on Matthews. Entry Eleven-Petey Williams Williams comes in and takes out Vaughn. AJ continues to take it to Matthews and Matthews goes out as Styles eliminates him. Elimination Five-Joey Matthews Entry Twelve-D-Ray 3000 Elimination Six-D-Ray 3000 He made The Cat's 2004 Royal Rumble look like a long stay. Entry Thirteen-Mikey Batts Petey Williams gets double teamed by Mikey and Nosawa. Entry Fourteen-Jason Cross Petey is very close to getting tossed out. Vaughn takes out Kazarian. Batts is elimnated by Styles. Elimination Seven-Mikey Batts Entry Fifteen-Jerell Clarke Elimination Eight-Chris Vaughn Entry Sixteen-Kid Kash Elimination's Nine and Ten-Nosawa and La Parka Kash and Clarke go at it. Kash takes out Clarke with a backbreaker. Entry Seventeen-Nigel Micguiness Elimination Eleven-Jerell Clarke Nigel is taking care of some business in that ring. Elimination Twelve-Jason Cross Entry Eighteen-Pyschosis He lost his mask already, whats up? If Rey can put the hood back on then so can he I guess. Elimination Thirteen-Kid Kash Entry Nineteen-Sharkboy Elimination Fourteen-AJ Styles Dallas, AJ and Kash brawl on the outside.
ZZZZZZ another brawl. Entry Twenty-Chris Sabin Elimination Fifteen-Sharkboy Entry Twenty One The Amazing Red Elimination Sixteen-Nigel Micguiness Entry Twenty Two-Michael Shane Of course the co-champs team up. They take out Psychosis Elimination Seventeen-Psychosis Elimination Eighteen-Chris Sabin Down to Red, Williams, Kazarian and Shane. Basically a tag match at this point, except no tags, just brawling, so let me re-phrase that, a TNA style tag match. Red catches Shane with his legs and eliminates him. Elimination Nineteen-Michael Shane Double team on Kazarian. Williams is almost dumped, but he reverses. Elimination Twenty-Frankie Kazarian Back and forth battle between, Williams and Red, Red knocks Williams down for a two count. Red gos to the top rope and Williams stops him. Williams gets knocked off. Elbow drop on Williams for the TWOOOOOOOO. Red hits his standing shooting star move. Ref is distracted by Roode. Two count on Williams after Roode gets knocked off the ropes. Roode comes back and distracts the ref. D'Amore knocks out Red. Petey gets the three count. Dusty Rhodes and Vince Russo come out as the show comes to an end. Winner and NEW NWA TNA X Division Champion- Petey Williams
ZZZZZZZ, oh hello there, I didn't hear you come in, whats that you say, TNA is over? They had two good macthes and about 15,049,844,049 brawls? Wow, well I' am glad I don't have to sit through that every week. In all seriousness, Jaya needs a raise for having to do this weekly, if this is a standard show. The brawls were overkill and the only good things to come out were, the end to the X Division Match, The No. One Contenders Match and XXX vs AMW. Other than that nothing special. C'mon TNA please pick up the pace. More title matches, shake things up a bit, or buy rates will drop.