July 30, 2004
Smackdown: New US, cruiserweight champs
By CHRIS SOKOL - SLAM! Wrestling
Smackdown in desperate need of change has now recieved some in the form of a certain Olympic Gold Medalist. Yes, Kurt Angle is back on the active roster and set to face Latino Heat at Summerslam in a Wrestlemania Rematch. Wait, let's not stop there, while WWE was making this change for the better they also gave 'Taker a title shot--maybe this whole JBL thing can come to an end before it even gains steam. Before we can jump to Summerslam we must go through Cincinnati, Ohio for Smackdown!
Video Recap of last week's events between Kurt, Eddie Guerrero and Vinnie Mac is shown. Somethings telling me Kurt is in for a whoopin' but we'll see.
The Booker man opens the show. He says he wants whoever the new GM is, to give him the US Title as Kurt Angle had promised him. Kenzo Suzuki comes out with his geisha girl who translates that Kenzo is the one who deserves the US Title, that in its own right is the biggest overestimation in wrestling history, maybe I should have flown down and asked for the US Title. Booker T tells Kenzo that he wanted the New GM of Smackdown, not the owner of a Sushi bar. Rob Van Dam comes out and he is closely followed by Rene Dupree, Luther Reigns, Billy Gunn, Charlie Haas and John Cena. Wasn't this how Raw began each week in 1998? Nonetheless all want the US Title, which is just downright funny in some cases. Cena tells the other seven men that the fans know who the real champ is which then incites a eight man brawl. Which is broken up by none other than Vince McMahon, who announces the New GM Theodore R. Long. Teddy comes on out and tells the guys that there is only one man who deserves that title, Booker thanks the GM only to be shot down. Apparently Booker has been hatin' too much so he don't get a damn thing. So tonight, in that very ring, there will be an eight man elimination US Title Match.
-Notes- Eight man match could be something. Although Kenzo the chop-master and dead weight Luther were thrown in, it still could be good.
Match One- WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match- Spike Dudley vs Rey Mysterio Jr
Rey and Spike go back and forth with Rey getting a near fall and Spike coming back with a bulldog. End comes when Spike charges Rey and gets set up for the 6-1-9. D-Von distracts the ref while Bubba hits Rey Jr. A Dudley Dog will get Spike the win and yes Gold. After the match Spike found out the Boyz helped him and boy was he pissed.
Winner Via Pinfall and New WWE Cruiserweight Champion- Spike Dudley
-Notes- What is going on? Spike Dudley has gold? Are you guys for real? They are actually Spike a chance. This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Raw Rebound featuring a recap of the Ironman Match and Eugene's return.
We come back from commercial with a clip of Spike apologizing to Rey in the ring.
Next they hype Summerslam, Undertaker vs JBL for Gold, YES!
Next we go to a recap of JBL and Taker from last week. Damn, Taker's entrance is cool.
We go to Teddy Long telling the Divas they will never again be underutilized. He walks into his new office, where Kurt is hanging around. Teddy asks if Kurt is hiding from the police or Eddie Guerrero. Kurt tells Teddy, he is the first black general manager of Smackdown. Teddy says "I'm black?" Pretty funny. He says that the "First Black" crap went out in 1985. Kurt will be in a match tonight. Teddy says since Kurt didn't bring his gear and that he could fine him $1,000, next week BS comes in to play as Kurt makes his return to the ring then.
John Heidenreich and Paul Heyman Promo. Wasn't he on Raw this week?
Match Two-WWE Tag Team Championship Match-Paul London and Billy Kidman vs The Dudley Boyz
We go to a clip of Billy and Paul talking earlier on about earning respect. D-Von starts off by shoving London and beating him down. London comes back and hits a hurricarana. Bubba comes in and gets a headlock snapped on by Paul London. In comes Kidman and he locks up with Bubba. Bubba gains the advantage with the arm ringer on the cruiserweight. Kidman comes back with an arm ringer. Bubba goes for the Bubba Bomb but is reversed into an arm drag. Bubba is punched back and forth by both London and Kidman into another armdrag. D-Von comes in and is double teamed, but quickly come back. The Dudleys have control as we go into commercial break. We come back and Kidman is in advantage, but not for long and D-Von wears him down. D-Von puts him in a head vice. Rake to the eyes by D-Von. Kidman reverses and both men are down. London is tagged in and he goes to work on D-Von Dudley. D-Von and Bubba are both dropkicked by Paul London. Heel kick to D-Von by London, but only a two when Bubba breaks up the count. Bubba takes London down, Wassup Headbutt, ah no, D-Von gets dropped on the nuts, Kidman and London come back and D-Von is down, but only for a two count. Double team, but Kidman is pulled out, D-Von comes back, but only a two on London. They go for a 3-D but Bubba is taken out of the ring by a Kidman dropkick and Kidman jumps out and hits Bubba. London is choked in the ring. Bubba has a chair, but form the crowd Mysterio comes in and kicks the chair in Bubbas face. Small Package by London on D-Von for the three count.
Winners Via Pinfall and still WWE Tag Team Champions- Paul London and Billy Kidman
We go to Ivory interviewing Foley at the Democratic National Convention. Bottom line VOTE YOUNG AMERICA, VOTE.
We go to Eddie Guerrero who has something under a black sheet in the back seat of his Low Rider.
We come back and we are joined by Mr. Eddie Guerrero himself. Eddie tells Kurt he must be embarassed about getting fired last week, but not quite as embarassed as he will be at Summerslam. Eidde wants to "go" tonight. He calls out Angle. Eddie gets some crew members to unveil what was in the Low Rider. All of Kurt's possesions from his office. They bring it all into the ring. Kurt won't come out so Eddie says all his stuff is going for auction on WWE.Com. Eddie shows the fake cast and smells it, says it needs Lysol. "You can pretend your hurt and make everyones life a living hell." Sounds like fun. Then he shows Kurt's picture with Paul Heyman and the WWE Championship. Then he shows Kurt's wheelchair, he'll have his cousin throw hydrolics on it. He takes a Kurt Angle picture and draws a mustache and writes "I Suck" on it. He then auctions the medals off for a dollar. Kurt then comes out. He tells him to put the medals down. Kurt goes to steal the Low Rider. Kurt turns the key and powder is shot at his face. Kurt then leaves to "You Suck" Chants. Awesome segment, very funny.
Kurt will be in action next week. Also Rey Mysterio Jr and Spike Dudley vs The Dudley Boyz next week. JBL will also wrestle on Velocity.
We go to a JBL video. That is paid for by his family and fans. That one fan is kicking himself now. WWE requires some serious scratch to run this stuff--he should've called the New World Order, they pay for that kind of crap. Anyway, the video basically is a run through of his life and how great he is, yadda yadda yadda.
Funny Batista commercial, Batista break dances HA HA. Excellent. Summerslam is live August 15 if you didn't hear and believe it or not, it's ONLY on PPV.
Match Three-WWE United States Championship Eight Man Elimination Match- John Cena vs Rob Van Dam vs Charlie Haas vs Luther Reigns vs Booker T vs Billy Gunn vs Kenzo Suzuki vs Rene Dupree
Charlie and Rob Van Dam will start off. Headlock on Haas, Haas knocked down, scissors for the two on Haas. Haas and RVD reverse each other and go back and forth. Rene comes in to fight Haas. Rene gains the advantage and goes to work only to get kicked in the face and dropkicked. Haas puts an armbar on Rene. Rene comes back and down goes Haas. Two count for Rene. Small package by Haas, but Rene gets out of it.Billy Gunn knocks Rene off the rope and in comes Gun, Fame Asser for the three count.
Elimination One Via Pinfall-Charlie Haas (Fame Asser and other ass sugesstions were banned by the RTC back in 2000, I smell a lawsuit.)
We come back to Rene on top of Billy Gunn. Rene does the French Tickler. Damn I love that move, why I don't know. Billy comes back and Rene is back body dropped. Rene is pounded on in the corner. Luther tags in and goes to work on Rene. Neckbreaker on Rene for the three count.
Elimination Two Via Pinfall-Rene Dupree
Luther throws away an oncoming John Cena. Somebody tell the WWE Luther needs a trip to Ohio. Pounding someone with punches and throwing them around can only get you so far. Ask Nathan Jones about that. Luther has a neck lock on John Cena. Cena knocks Luther out of the ring, but not before Luther got the tag into Kenzo. Kenzo isknocked down. Cena kisses the Geisha Girl and gets knocked out with the US Title by Kenzo.
Elimination Three Via DQ-Kenzo Suzuki
Glad he only had to do that, if this thing turned into a chop/snooze fest. Bye, bye Kenzo. We come back to Booker going to work on John Cena, who comes back with punches. Booker tags in Billy Gunn. Gunn comes in hits a suplex on the Doctor of Thuganomics. Cena comes back with punches on Gunn. Gunn comes back and locks in a sleeperhold on John Cena. Cena comes back and suplexes Gunn and both men are down. Punches by Cena, Gunn gets clotheslined and shoulder knocked down. Five Knuckle Shuffle on Gunn. Two count. The One and Only on John Cena for the two count. Splash missed by Gunn into the F-U. One-Two-Three.
Elimination Four Via Pinfall-Billy Gunn
Luther comes in and beats on John Cena again. Please, please, quick elimination, please. Luther puts a headlock of sorts on Cena. Cena comes back and gets clotheslined by Reigns. Cena reverses Luther and hits the F-U. One-Two-Three.
Elimination Five Via Pinfall-Luther Reigns
Thank you. Booker comes in and hits a Book End for the two. Scissor kick missed. RVD comes in and goes to work on John Cena. John gets kicked around and gets Northern Lights suplexed for a two count. Split Leg Moonsault for the two count. Cena punches RVD. RVD comes back with a thrust kick on Cena. Booker T gets knocked off the apron. Five Star on Cena. Booker covers Cena for the three. Although he is not legal.
Elimination Six Via Pinfall-John Cena
Scissor Kick on RVD for the three.
Elimination Seven Via Pinfall-Rob Van Dam
Winner and NEW WWE United States Champion- Booker T
Turns out Booker is legal and he is the New Champ. Congrats Book Man.
All in all Smackdown was alright. Nothing we haven't seen, pretty good main event. For those of you keeping score at home. Combined Raw and Smackdown put out five matches this week, less talk, more action. They are heavily setting up for what is shaping up to be a memorable Summerslam, but please don't forget you guys have TV to do. At least the Ironman match was good, tonight's Smackdown was okay. Summerslam will be great, but only the fans who haven't been chased away by TV will be watching. Good luck with Summerslam and have fun Toronto. It's looking good.
Chris Sokol is from Long Island, NY and is the youngest member of the SLAM! Wrestling staff. Email him at CJS137@aol.com.