July 9, 2004
Smackdown: Cena stripped of U.S. belt
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Is it just me, or does anyone know they could write a better episode of Smackdown? I was thinking of submitting a fantasy report, tonight, instead of a real one. Then it occurred to me that know one would buy it, because it would make to much sense. Smackdown! comes to us from Winnipeg, Manitoba this week. And remember what follows is the true account of Smackdown! I couldn’t make this up if I tried.
Renee Dupree decides to watch the opening match from the announce table. Or maybe Fifi just needed a walk.
Match #1 - Mark Jindrak vs. RVD
The reflection of perfection makes his way to the ring alone. He and Teddy Long have split managerial ties. Way to move Teddy Long Smackdown and then not use him. Jindrak attacks RVD from behind, knocking him from the ring. Jindrak drops RVD on the security barrier, before tossing him back in the ring. RVD feels the business end of a suplex. RVD fights his way out of the corner, but is then dropkicked off the top rope to the outside. Back in the ring, Jindrak works over RVD on the mat. RVD fights back with a kick to the face, and then fights his way out of the corner with a thrust kick. RVD whips Jindrak across the ring, and then hits a monkey flip. RVD rides the momentum into Rolling Thunder, but Jindrak has the move scouted and gets his knees up. Jindrak tries to hit a superplex, but RVD elbows his way out, and knocks Jindrak to the mat. RVD lands a split legged moonsault off the second rope. RVD covers and picks up the win.
Winner via pin fall: RVD
A recap of Bradshaw’s “push” on last week’s show. If WWE were smart they’d turn Eddie Guerrero heel right now, and push Bradshaw as a pro-American face. That would make too much sense, though.
Interview time! Josh Matthews talks with JBL. Bradshaw cuts another confusing promo. His mouth is moving, but I’m not hearing anything. Bradshaw announces he will be taking on El Grande Luchadore, tonight, in a champion versus champion. I know I’ve seen this before but where?
Match #2 – The Dudley Boys vs. Billy Kidman and Paul London – WWE Tag Team Championship Match
This is a return match from…Velocity?!? London and Kidman storm the ring, and get beat down. The cruiserweights fight back, as Kidamn flips over Bubba and Kidman hits him with a missile drop kick. They then double-team D-Von. The champs regain their composure and Paul London is worked over by D-Von. Bubba tags in and continues the beating on London. Bubba goes to work on London’s knee. D-von tags in and continues to work on the knee. London is tossed from the ring, and Bubba drops the leg off the apron. London rolls away from a flying head butt from D-Von. Kidman gets the hot tag knocking Bubba down and then hitting a backdrop on D-Von. Kidman is set up for the WhassuP! Head butt, but London knocks D-Von from the top rope, and Kidman reverses the hold on Bubba. London nails Bubba with the head butt. Bubba ends up down in the corner; Kidman climbs the top rope and hits the shooting star press. Kidman covers for the upset.
Winner via pin fall and new WWE Tag Team Champs: Billy Kidman and Paul London
Kidman and London receive a champagne shower in the locker room from the boys. Then the Dudleyz show up and kill the buzz. Bubba and D-Von extend their hands and shake with the new champs.
Josh Matthews is with Kenzo Suzuki, who has requested the interview. Hiroko volunteers to translate. Kenzo is upset with John Cena for dishonoring him, and now he seeks revenge. Boy, I didn’t see that coming. Kenzo painfully smiles into the camera and says, “God bless America”, and is promptly booed by the Canadian crowd.
John Cena grabs a stick and entertains the crowd. Kenzo Suzuki interrupts Cena’s rap. The Bronze warrior charges the ring, and Cena takes care of him. Cena clotheslines Kenzo over the top rope. While taunting Kenzo, Luther Raines attacks from behind, and takes down Cena with a modified neckbreaker.
Match #3 – John Bradshaw Layfield vs. El Grande Luchadore
JBL takes time to use some hand sanitizer before the match. El Grande Luchadore starts the match by rolling away from JBL. He can’t run forever, and JBL lands a series of right hands. Grande ducks a big boot and hits a drop kick. JBL takes the fight outside the ring, and nails Luchadore’s head off the announce table. Back in the ring, JBL hits a delayed vertical suplex, and follows with a clothesline. JBL doesn’t pin, instead hitting another clothesline. He then hangs Luchadore in a tree of woe. A superplex severely damages the mexica champ, and JBL knocks him from the ring. Another El Grande Luchadore appears from under the ring and tosses JBL from the ring. The second Luchadore drops a banana peel in the ring. As the ref and JBL discuss the peel, the second Luchadore switches position with number one. JBL rolls the Luchadore back in, and tries to cover. The Mexican champs kicks out, and takes it to JBL. The moves look awfully familiar to Eddie Guerrero. El Grande Luchadore hits triple vertical suplexes, and then tosses JBL from the ring. El Grande Luchadore grabs a mike and tells Bradshaw to watch his back next week. JBL is counted out while listening to the mask man in the ring.
Winner via count out: El Grande Luchadore
Booker T tells Josh Matthews that he will make sure the U.S. Title changes hands tonight. He also says now Cena will have an excuse when he loses since he got beat down by Raines.
It’s the Raw Rebound. Read the full report here.
The Dudleyz stop by to visit Spike. They tell him they don’t want him to lose. They aren’t real happy that he declined their offer of help against JBL last week. Spike totally disses his brothers, then heads off to his match.
Match #4 – Rey Mysterio, Spike Dudley and Scotty II Hotty vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jamie Noble and Akio
Umm ... I guess this is the only way to get most of the cruiserweights on TV. Rey Mysterio pulls off the tornado into a submission hold that Gail Kim as been using on RAW. Jamie Noble is wearing “Dukes of Hazzard” tights, and if on cue, Tazz starts singing the Dukes’ theme song. I swear I am not making this up. Mysterio is finally able to tag in Scotty, but he is overpowered by numbers. Spike tags in, and uses a head scissors to toss Akio from the ring. He then nails a Dudley Dog on Noble, by using Chavo as the springboard. Chavo breaks the pin, only to feel the wrath of the worm from Scotty. Akio bounces off the ropes to take out Scotty, and then hits him with a suicide dive. Mysterio takes Chavo and Akio down with a springboard moonsault off the top rope to the outside. Back in the ring, Noble hits a tiger driver on Spike. Nobel covers for the pin.
Winner via pin fall: Chavo Guerrero, Jamie Noble and Akio
Heyman stands in the middle of the ring to address the Undertaker. Heyman tells the Undertaker he made a mistake when he took him on. He goes on to blame Bubba and D-Von for kidnapping Paul Bearer, and the concrete, and having the Undertaker bow to him. Heyman offers to return the urn to The Undertaker. Heyman tries to blame the Dudleyz for the whole incident. Paul, be a man, blame the real culprit…the WWE creative staff. Heyman continues to beg and asks The Undertaker to take pity on his soul. I beg the WWE writers to take pity on our souls.
Match #5 – John Cena vs. Booker – U.S. Title match
Cena (in a Winnipeg Jet’s throwback!) and Booker T are in the ring when Kurt Angle’s music hits. Angle wheels his way to the ring, and an opportunistic Booker attacks the distracted champ. Booker chops Cena in the corner, and then follows with punches to the abs. Cena is whipped off the ropes, but Cena counters with a shoulder block. Cena covers after a side slam, but only gets a two count. Cena then hits the five-knuckle shuffle, and once again coves for two. Cena is kicked in the gut while pumping up, but dodges a scissors kick. Cena gets Booker up for an F-U, but Booker grabs the ropes. Booker is instead dropped on the ropes. The 5-time WCW recovers to toss Cena from the ring, where Kurt Angle rises from his wheelchair, and attack Cena with his cane. During the break (of a taped show, mind you), Booker T gained the upper hand. Cena is locked in a sleeper. Cena breaks free, only to meet a spine buster after bouncing off the ropes. Cena is then taken down with a flying leg lariat from Booker. Booker covers for a two count. Booker is whipped in to the corner, but gets his feet up to block Cena’s charge. Cena can’t get the pin after a sunset flip, and Booker takes him down with a huge clothesline. Booker sizes up Cena for an axe kick. Cena ducks hit and hits the throwback. Both men are down. Cena covers for a two count. A suplex from Booker T into a cover fails. Booker responds with mounted punches. Cena hits a lateral press, and scores two near falls. Both men are knocked out of the ring, after going over the top rope. Cena bashes Booker’s head off the apron. Booker staggers over to Angle. Cena line Booker up for a clothesline. Booker ducks and hits Angle. Cena then goes to work on Raines with Angle’s cane. Booker tosses Cena back into the ring. He misses the scissors kick, and Cena hits the F-U. Raines hits the ring and takes out Cena. Booker T is disqualified.
Winner via DQ: John Cena
Angle grabs a mike and tells Raines to get the
U.S. title. Angle strips Cena of the belt for hitting
him. The show ends with Angle holding the U.S. Title.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Please send your ideas on how to
improve Smackdown! to DPlummer627@yahoo.com. Dale may
actually use them in a report.