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Smackdown: Cena stripped of U.S. belt
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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Is it just me, or does anyone know they could
write a better episode of Smackdown? I was thinking of
submitting a fantasy report, tonight, instead of a
real one. Then it occurred to me that know one would
buy it, because it would make to much sense.
Smackdown! comes to us from Winnipeg, Manitoba this
week. And remember what follows is the true account of
Smackdown! I couldn’t make this up if I tried.
Renee Dupree decides to watch the opening match
from the announce table. Or maybe Fifi just needed a
walk.
Match #1 - Mark Jindrak vs. RVD
The reflection of perfection makes his way to the
ring alone. He and Teddy Long have split managerial
ties. Way to move Teddy Long Smackdown and then not
use him. Jindrak attacks RVD from behind, knocking him
from the ring. Jindrak drops RVD on the security
barrier, before tossing him back in the ring. RVD
feels the business end of a suplex. RVD fights his way
out of the corner, but is then dropkicked off the top
rope to the outside. Back in the ring, Jindrak works
over RVD on the mat. RVD fights back with a kick to
the face, and then fights his way out of the corner
with a thrust kick. RVD whips Jindrak across the ring,
and then hits a monkey flip. RVD rides the momentum
into Rolling Thunder, but Jindrak has the move scouted
and gets his knees up. Jindrak tries to hit a
superplex, but RVD elbows his way out, and knocks
Jindrak to the mat. RVD lands a split legged moonsault
off the second rope. RVD covers and picks up the win.
Winner via pin fall: RVD
A recap of Bradshaw’s “push” on last week’s show.
If WWE were smart they’d turn Eddie Guerrero heel
right now, and push Bradshaw as a pro-American face.
That would make too much sense, though.
Interview time! Josh Matthews talks with JBL.
Bradshaw cuts another confusing promo. His mouth is
moving, but I’m not hearing anything. Bradshaw
announces he will be taking on El Grande Luchadore,
tonight, in a champion versus champion. I know I’ve
seen this before but where?
Match #2 – The Dudley Boys vs. Billy Kidman
and Paul London – WWE Tag Team Championship Match
This is a return match from…Velocity?!? London and
Kidman storm the ring, and get beat down. The
cruiserweights fight back, as Kidamn flips over Bubba
and Kidman hits him with a missile drop kick. They
then double-team D-Von. The champs regain their
composure and Paul London is worked over by D-Von.
Bubba tags in and continues the beating on London.
Bubba goes to work on London’s knee. D-von tags in and
continues to work on the knee. London is tossed from
the ring, and Bubba drops the leg off the apron.
London rolls away from a flying head butt from D-Von.
Kidman gets the hot tag knocking Bubba down and then
hitting a backdrop on D-Von. Kidman is set up for the
WhassuP! Head butt, but London knocks D-Von from the
top rope, and Kidman reverses the hold on Bubba.
London nails Bubba with the head butt. Bubba ends up
down in the corner; Kidman climbs the top rope and
hits the shooting star press. Kidman covers for the
upset.
Winner via pin fall and new WWE Tag Team Champs: Billy Kidman and Paul London
Kidman and London receive a champagne shower in
the locker room from the boys. Then the Dudleyz show
up and kill the buzz. Bubba and D-Von extend their
hands and shake with the new champs.
Josh Matthews is with Kenzo Suzuki, who has
requested the interview. Hiroko volunteers to
translate. Kenzo is upset with John Cena for
dishonoring him, and now he seeks revenge. Boy, I
didn’t see that coming. Kenzo painfully smiles into
the camera and says, “God bless America”, and is
promptly booed by the Canadian crowd.
John Cena grabs a stick and entertains the crowd.
Kenzo Suzuki interrupts Cena’s rap. The Bronze warrior
charges the ring, and Cena takes care of him. Cena
clotheslines Kenzo over the top rope. While taunting
Kenzo, Luther Raines attacks from behind, and takes
down Cena with a modified neckbreaker.
Match #3 – John Bradshaw Layfield vs. El
Grande Luchadore
JBL takes time to use some hand sanitizer before
the match. El Grande Luchadore starts the match by
rolling away from JBL. He can’t run forever, and JBL
lands a series of right hands. Grande ducks a big boot
and hits a drop kick. JBL takes the fight outside the
ring, and nails Luchadore’s head off the announce
table. Back in the ring, JBL hits a delayed vertical
suplex, and follows with a clothesline. JBL doesn’t
pin, instead hitting another clothesline. He then
hangs Luchadore in a tree of woe. A superplex severely
damages the mexica champ, and JBL knocks him from the
ring. Another El Grande Luchadore appears from under
the ring and tosses JBL from the ring. The second
Luchadore drops a banana peel in the ring. As the ref
and JBL discuss the peel, the second Luchadore
switches position with number one. JBL rolls the
Luchadore back in, and tries to cover. The Mexican
champs kicks out, and takes it to JBL. The moves look
awfully familiar to Eddie Guerrero. El Grande
Luchadore hits triple vertical suplexes, and then
tosses JBL from the ring. El Grande Luchadore grabs a
mike and tells Bradshaw to watch his back next week.
JBL is counted out while listening to the mask man in
the ring.
Winner via count out: El Grande Luchadore
Booker T tells Josh Matthews that he will make
sure the U.S. Title changes hands tonight. He also
says now Cena will have an excuse when he loses since
he got beat down by Raines.
It’s the Raw Rebound. Read the full report here.
The Dudleyz stop by to visit Spike. They tell him
they don’t want him to lose. They aren’t real happy
that he declined their offer of help against JBL last
week. Spike totally disses his brothers, then heads
off to his match.
Match #4 – Rey Mysterio, Spike Dudley and
Scotty II Hotty vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jamie Noble and
Akio
Umm ... I guess this is the only way to get most of
the cruiserweights on TV. Rey Mysterio pulls off the
tornado into a submission hold that Gail Kim as been
using on RAW. Jamie Noble is wearing “Dukes of
Hazzard” tights, and if on cue, Tazz starts singing
the Dukes’ theme song. I swear I am not making this
up. Mysterio is finally able to tag in Scotty, but he
is overpowered by numbers. Spike tags in, and uses a
head scissors to toss Akio from the ring. He then
nails a Dudley Dog on Noble, by using Chavo as the
springboard. Chavo breaks the pin, only to feel the
wrath of the worm from Scotty. Akio bounces off the
ropes to take out Scotty, and then hits him with a
suicide dive. Mysterio takes Chavo and Akio down with
a springboard moonsault off the top rope to the
outside. Back in the ring, Noble hits a tiger driver
on Spike. Nobel covers for the pin.
Winner via pin fall: Chavo Guerrero, Jamie
Noble and Akio
Heyman stands in the middle of the ring to address
the Undertaker. Heyman tells the Undertaker he made a
mistake when he took him on. He goes on to blame Bubba
and D-Von for kidnapping Paul Bearer, and the
concrete, and having the Undertaker bow to him. Heyman
offers to return the urn to The Undertaker. Heyman
tries to blame the Dudleyz for the whole incident.
Paul, be a man, blame the real culprit…the WWE
creative staff. Heyman continues to beg and asks The
Undertaker to take pity on his soul. I beg the WWE
writers to take pity on our souls.
Match #5 – John Cena vs. Booker – U.S. Title
match
Cena (in a Winnipeg Jet’s throwback!) and Booker T
are in the ring when Kurt Angle’s music hits. Angle
wheels his way to the ring, and an opportunistic
Booker attacks the distracted champ. Booker chops Cena
in the corner, and then follows with punches to the
abs. Cena is whipped off the ropes, but Cena counters
with a shoulder block. Cena covers after a side slam,
but only gets a two count. Cena then hits the
five-knuckle shuffle, and once again coves for two.
Cena is kicked in the gut while pumping up, but dodges
a scissors kick. Cena gets Booker up for an F-U, but
Booker grabs the ropes. Booker is instead dropped on
the ropes. The 5-time WCW recovers to toss Cena from
the ring, where Kurt Angle rises from his wheelchair,
and attack Cena with his cane. During the break (of a
taped show, mind you), Booker T gained the upper hand.
Cena is locked in a sleeper. Cena breaks free, only to
meet a spine buster after bouncing off the ropes. Cena
is then taken down with a flying leg lariat from
Booker. Booker covers for a two count. Booker is
whipped in to the corner, but gets his feet up to
block Cena’s charge. Cena can’t get the pin after a
sunset flip, and Booker takes him down with a huge
clothesline. Booker sizes up Cena for an axe kick.
Cena ducks hit and hits the throwback. Both men are
down. Cena covers for a two count. A suplex from
Booker T into a cover fails. Booker responds with
mounted punches. Cena hits a lateral press, and scores
two near falls. Both men are knocked out of the ring,
after going over the top rope. Cena bashes Booker’s
head off the apron. Booker staggers over to Angle.
Cena line Booker up for a clothesline. Booker ducks
and hits Angle. Cena then goes to work on Raines with
Angle’s cane. Booker tosses Cena back into the ring.
He misses the scissors kick, and Cena hits the F-U.
Raines hits the ring and takes out Cena. Booker T is
disqualified.
Winner via DQ: John Cena
Angle grabs a mike and tells Raines to get the
U.S. title. Angle strips Cena of the belt for hitting
him. The show ends with Angle holding the U.S. Title.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Pre-order the new sequel, WrestleCrap: The Death of WCW
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Please send your ideas on how to
improve Smackdown! to DPlummer627@yahoo.com. Dale may
actually use them in a report.
