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Smackdown: JBL makes presidential moves
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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Despite losing a chunk of change in Atlantic City
on Sunday night, it still beat sitting through the
Great American Bash. I don't know what's worse, losing a
hand when the dealer draws to a 21 or seeing JBL
carrying the strap. I also have a feeling we will be
seeing some return matches from the Great American
Bash on tonight's Smackdown! from Fayetteville, North
Carolina.
Kurt Angle addresses the crowd in from his office
to start the show. He tells us a great injustice
occurred when Eddie Guerrero was named victorious in
his match at the Great American Bash. We are then
treated to still photos off the match from Sunday.
Kurt Angle overturned the decision and named John
Bradshaw Layfield the winner and new WWE champion.
Angle says he didn't do this out of malice, and holds
no grudge against Eddie Guerrero. Angle then
introduces the new champion, much the chagrin of
Michael Cole.
JBL makes his way to the ring, shaking hands and
kissing babies along the way, just like a presidential
candidate. The celebration is under way as JBL gets
the red carpet treatment. Bradshaw starts by quoting
Ronald Reagan, and telling the crowd this is the dawning of a
new era. The crowd is confused by his pro-America heel
promo, but a small Eddie chant does start up. Bradshaw
is getting no heat, talking about germs and not
shaking hands. I think JBL just compared himself to
JFK and Martin Luther King; I'm not sure. Even I don't
understand this promo. Bradshaw says he told Angle he
wants to defend the title tonight. Angle said he could
defend against anyone, as long as it's not Eddie
Guerrero. JBL tells us that Eddie is not here,
tonight, because he fell off the wagon. And if the
show keeps up like this, I'll take a flying leap off
the wagon and into a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
Match #1 - RVD vs. Renee Dupree vs. Booker T -
U.S. Title number one contender match
RVD takes out his opponents with spin kicks to
start. Dupree charges RVD in the corner is tossed over
the top rope to the outside. Booker T is leveled with
a chin kick and the hit with a standing moonsault. RVD
then hits a thrust kick from the top rope on Booker.
Ren Dupree breaks the pin fall. Another thrust kick
takes down Dupree. RVD then hits rolling thunder.
Booker T returns the earlier favor and breaks the pin.
Booker T and Dupree double-team RVD. Booker T nails
RVD with a reverse heel kick, and Dupree follows with
an elbow. Booker follows with a kick to Dupree. RVD
then tosses Booker T from the ring, and Dupree gets
caught in the ropes. Booker tries to ambush RVD with a
chair, but a spin kick takes out Booker. RVD the
slingshots Dupree from the ring, and hits a crossbody
on the Frenchman from the top rope. We return to the
match as RVD is hit with a sideslam from Booker, and
then Dupree drops the elbow on him. RVD is beat down
in the corner. Dupree hits another elbow to RVD, after
a vertical suplex from Booker. Dupree and Booker go at
each other. Booker rolls away from the French Tickler,
but Dupree is able to connect with a low blow. RVD
places a chair in the turnbuckle, and Booker is beat
down in the corner. Dupree reverses the Irish whip,
and RVD flies head first into the chair. Booker T then
hits a spinebuster on Dupree, followed by a
Spin-a-rooni. RVD capitalizes on Booker's showboating,
taking him down with a spin kick. RVD goes to the top,
and hits Booker with a 5-star frogsplash. Another spin
kick takes down Dupree, and he follows with another
5-star. Booker T pulls RVD off Dupree, and then
quickly covers to pick up the win.
Winner via pin fall: Booker T
A production assistant knocks on JBL's locker room
door. He tells the champ the Kurt Angle is expecting
him.
In the back Luther Raines is admonishing Charles
Robinson for his blown call in the Torrie Wilson/Sable
match at the G-A-B. Raines tells him he has a second
chance as he will ref the rematch tonight. He better
not screw it up, because the women's division on
Smackdown! is so important.
In the locker room JBL steps between Booker T and
John Cena. JBL tells the boys he will name someone to
face him for the title tonight. JBL names everyone in
the locker room, but he all ready made up his mind.
He'll be taking on a Dudley ... Spike Dudley. Sorry,
D-von.
Match #2 - Rey Mysterio vs. Mordecai
Rey gives a mask to a young fan in the front row
on his way to the ring. Mysterio is not intimidated as
the pale rider stares him down. A kick followed by a
right hand takes down Mysterio. Mordecai reverses an
Irish whip, but misses the splash in the corner. Rey
is then caught in a full nelson. Mysterio kicks out of
a pin. Mysterio is caught on the ropes, and Mordecai
applies a crucifix. Rey kicks his way out, and fights
his way out of the corner. A flying lateral press
leads to a pin attempt for Mysterio. A DDT takes down
Mordecai, and the catches him with a 619. Mordecai
reverses a 'rana attempt, but Mysterio avoids the
power bomb by hitting the ropes. Mysterio is then set
up in a Razor's Edge type move, but he reverses it
into a West Coast Pop and picks up the win.
Winner via pin fall : Rey Mysterio
Michael Cole and Tazz update us on the status of
Paul Bearer. The man was buried in concrete, how do
you think he is? We are about to see the 'shocking'
footage, when Paul Heyman graces us with his presence.
Heyman brags about how he forced the Undertaker to
bend to his will. Lightning strikes the ring and 'Taker
appears on the Titantron and tells Heyman that if he
would destroy the one person the mattered to him,
imagine what he would to Heyman. I think Paul needs a
new pair of pants.
Match #3 - Sable vs. Torrie Wilson
Charles Robinson's job is on the line in this
meaningless match. Torrie wastes no time, and jumps
Sable before the bell. The fight spills to the
outside. Torrie hits an ugly catapult. Sable responds
with a forearm, that knocks Torrie off the apron.
Sable knees Torrie in the corner. I'm done with this
nonsense. Torrie wins clean after a DDT to Sable.
Note: Michael Cole just called himself a journalist,
if Cole's a journalist; I'm a Pulitzer Prize winner.
Winner via pinfall: Torrie Wilson
Angle addresses Robinson after the match. Angle
tells him he still isn't happy. Angle tells him to
take off his shirt because he will be wrestling
tonight, unless he wants to quit his job.
Match #4 - Luther Raines vs. Charles Robinson
Robinson pleads with his colleague to get out of
the match. Robinson runs away, but Raines catches him.
The beat down is short, as Charlie Haas makes the
save.
It's time for the RAW Rebound. I was told the RAW
report didn't run this week due to political reasons.
As a U.S. citizen, I'm not getting involved.
D-von and Bubba visit Spike in the locker room.
Spike's brothers tell him they have his back, but if
he wins they get the first shot at the title. Spike
tells them he wants to do this on his own.
(Another quick side note: I really shouldn't
channel surf during commercials. Rocky IV is on AMC
right now. Anything WWE throws at me from here on
can't compare to Rocky beating the tar out of a
Russian. Decision, decisions.)
Kenzo Suzuki makes his way to the ring in style.
Suzuki grabs a mike and cuts a promo in Japanese, and
he still gets more heat then Bradshaw. John Cena comes
out to put an end to this nonsense. Cena makes fun of
Suzuki's promo, language, culture -- you name it. Cena
tells Kenzo he's fluent in Japanese, so he'll
translate his promo. Cena's translation is funny, but
I don't think that is what Kenzo was going for. Cena
then offers an English lesson: You can't see me!
Hiroko translates and Kenzo is furious.
JBL is pressing the flesh backstage, and by that I
mean shaking hands. Bradshaw stumbles upon Eddie
Guerrero's car, and isn't thrilled the former champ is
in the building.
(Rocky's going toe to toe with the Russian and
surviving. I feel an upset coming here.)
Match #5 - JBL vs. Spike Dudley - WWE
Championship Match
This isn't the main event? Seriously, this is more
predictable then Rocky. I guess I'll give WWE credit
for trying to create a pro-American heel, but it just
isn't working. Bradshaw doesn't look like he's taking
Spike seriously. He toys with the runt of the Dudley
litter early in the match. JBL then just straight
overpowers Spike, but Spike counters with dropkicks.
Bradshaw stops that with a big boot, and then is
tossed from the ring. Bradshaw beats on Spike on the
outside. Spike is rolled back into the ring, and
actually gets in some offense. Spike nearly pulls an
upset. He hits a Dudley Dog on JBL, and gets a two
count. Bradshaw focuses and takes it to Spike. A power
bomb follows a series of clotheslines to Spike. JBL
covers and retains his title.
Winner via pin fall: John Bradshaw Layfield
Eddie Guerrero's music hits and the former champ
runs to ring and takes on JBL. Guerrero hits a low
blow and hits a DDT. Eddie climbs the top rope for a
frogsplash, but JBL ducks out of the ring and runs
back to his limo. Eddie grabs a mike and asks JBL
where he is going so fast. Eddie tells him to enjoy
his title, because he won't hold it for long. Bradshaw
says he won't fight him, but Eddie informs him that he
had a return clause in his contract. Eddie gets to
make the match and add the stipulation. In two weeks
Eddie will take on JBL in a steel cage.
(And he's done it! Rocky knocks out the Russian in
the 15th round! USA! USA! USA! )
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003. Dale will be starting a grass
roots movement to oppose Bradshaw in the November
elections. Lend your support at DPLummer627@yahoo.com.
