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Smackdown: JBL makes presidential moves
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


Despite losing a chunk of change in Atlantic City on Sunday night, it still beat sitting through the Great American Bash. I don't know what's worse, losing a hand when the dealer draws to a 21 or seeing JBL carrying the strap. I also have a feeling we will be seeing some return matches from the Great American Bash on tonight's Smackdown! from Fayetteville, North Carolina.

Kurt Angle addresses the crowd in from his office to start the show. He tells us a great injustice occurred when Eddie Guerrero was named victorious in his match at the Great American Bash. We are then treated to still photos off the match from Sunday. Kurt Angle overturned the decision and named John Bradshaw Layfield the winner and new WWE champion. Angle says he didn't do this out of malice, and holds no grudge against Eddie Guerrero. Angle then introduces the new champion, much the chagrin of Michael Cole.

JBL makes his way to the ring, shaking hands and kissing babies along the way, just like a presidential candidate. The celebration is under way as JBL gets the red carpet treatment. Bradshaw starts by quoting Ronald Reagan, and telling the crowd this is the dawning of a new era. The crowd is confused by his pro-America heel promo, but a small Eddie chant does start up. Bradshaw is getting no heat, talking about germs and not shaking hands. I think JBL just compared himself to JFK and Martin Luther King; I'm not sure. Even I don't understand this promo. Bradshaw says he told Angle he wants to defend the title tonight. Angle said he could defend against anyone, as long as it's not Eddie Guerrero. JBL tells us that Eddie is not here, tonight, because he fell off the wagon. And if the show keeps up like this, I'll take a flying leap off the wagon and into a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

Match #1 - RVD vs. Renee Dupree vs. Booker T - U.S. Title number one contender match

RVD takes out his opponents with spin kicks to start. Dupree charges RVD in the corner is tossed over the top rope to the outside. Booker T is leveled with a chin kick and the hit with a standing moonsault. RVD then hits a thrust kick from the top rope on Booker. Ren Dupree breaks the pin fall. Another thrust kick takes down Dupree. RVD then hits rolling thunder. Booker T returns the earlier favor and breaks the pin. Booker T and Dupree double-team RVD. Booker T nails RVD with a reverse heel kick, and Dupree follows with an elbow. Booker follows with a kick to Dupree. RVD then tosses Booker T from the ring, and Dupree gets caught in the ropes. Booker tries to ambush RVD with a chair, but a spin kick takes out Booker. RVD the slingshots Dupree from the ring, and hits a crossbody on the Frenchman from the top rope. We return to the match as RVD is hit with a sideslam from Booker, and then Dupree drops the elbow on him. RVD is beat down in the corner. Dupree hits another elbow to RVD, after a vertical suplex from Booker. Dupree and Booker go at each other. Booker rolls away from the French Tickler, but Dupree is able to connect with a low blow. RVD places a chair in the turnbuckle, and Booker is beat down in the corner. Dupree reverses the Irish whip, and RVD flies head first into the chair. Booker T then hits a spinebuster on Dupree, followed by a Spin-a-rooni. RVD capitalizes on Booker's showboating, taking him down with a spin kick. RVD goes to the top, and hits Booker with a 5-star frogsplash. Another spin kick takes down Dupree, and he follows with another 5-star. Booker T pulls RVD off Dupree, and then quickly covers to pick up the win.

Winner via pin fall: Booker T

A production assistant knocks on JBL's locker room door. He tells the champ the Kurt Angle is expecting him.

In the back Luther Raines is admonishing Charles Robinson for his blown call in the Torrie Wilson/Sable match at the G-A-B. Raines tells him he has a second chance as he will ref the rematch tonight. He better not screw it up, because the women's division on Smackdown! is so important.

In the locker room JBL steps between Booker T and John Cena. JBL tells the boys he will name someone to face him for the title tonight. JBL names everyone in the locker room, but he all ready made up his mind. He'll be taking on a Dudley ... Spike Dudley. Sorry, D-von.

Match #2 - Rey Mysterio vs. Mordecai

Rey gives a mask to a young fan in the front row on his way to the ring. Mysterio is not intimidated as the pale rider stares him down. A kick followed by a right hand takes down Mysterio. Mordecai reverses an Irish whip, but misses the splash in the corner. Rey is then caught in a full nelson. Mysterio kicks out of a pin. Mysterio is caught on the ropes, and Mordecai applies a crucifix. Rey kicks his way out, and fights his way out of the corner. A flying lateral press leads to a pin attempt for Mysterio. A DDT takes down Mordecai, and the catches him with a 619. Mordecai reverses a 'rana attempt, but Mysterio avoids the power bomb by hitting the ropes. Mysterio is then set up in a Razor's Edge type move, but he reverses it into a West Coast Pop and picks up the win.

Winner via pin fall : Rey Mysterio

Michael Cole and Tazz update us on the status of Paul Bearer. The man was buried in concrete, how do you think he is? We are about to see the 'shocking' footage, when Paul Heyman graces us with his presence. Heyman brags about how he forced the Undertaker to bend to his will. Lightning strikes the ring and 'Taker appears on the Titantron and tells Heyman that if he would destroy the one person the mattered to him, imagine what he would to Heyman. I think Paul needs a new pair of pants.

Match #3 - Sable vs. Torrie Wilson

Charles Robinson's job is on the line in this meaningless match. Torrie wastes no time, and jumps Sable before the bell. The fight spills to the outside. Torrie hits an ugly catapult. Sable responds with a forearm, that knocks Torrie off the apron. Sable knees Torrie in the corner. I'm done with this nonsense. Torrie wins clean after a DDT to Sable. Note: Michael Cole just called himself a journalist, if Cole's a journalist; I'm a Pulitzer Prize winner.

Winner via pinfall: Torrie Wilson

Angle addresses Robinson after the match. Angle tells him he still isn't happy. Angle tells him to take off his shirt because he will be wrestling tonight, unless he wants to quit his job.

Match #4 - Luther Raines vs. Charles Robinson

Robinson pleads with his colleague to get out of the match. Robinson runs away, but Raines catches him. The beat down is short, as Charlie Haas makes the save.

It's time for the RAW Rebound. I was told the RAW report didn't run this week due to political reasons. As a U.S. citizen, I'm not getting involved.

D-von and Bubba visit Spike in the locker room. Spike's brothers tell him they have his back, but if he wins they get the first shot at the title. Spike tells them he wants to do this on his own.

(Another quick side note: I really shouldn't channel surf during commercials. Rocky IV is on AMC right now. Anything WWE throws at me from here on can't compare to Rocky beating the tar out of a Russian. Decision, decisions.)

Kenzo Suzuki makes his way to the ring in style. Suzuki grabs a mike and cuts a promo in Japanese, and he still gets more heat then Bradshaw. John Cena comes out to put an end to this nonsense. Cena makes fun of Suzuki's promo, language, culture -- you name it. Cena tells Kenzo he's fluent in Japanese, so he'll translate his promo. Cena's translation is funny, but I don't think that is what Kenzo was going for. Cena then offers an English lesson: You can't see me! Hiroko translates and Kenzo is furious.

JBL is pressing the flesh backstage, and by that I mean shaking hands. Bradshaw stumbles upon Eddie Guerrero's car, and isn't thrilled the former champ is in the building.

(Rocky's going toe to toe with the Russian and surviving. I feel an upset coming here.)

Match #5 - JBL vs. Spike Dudley - WWE Championship Match

This isn't the main event? Seriously, this is more predictable then Rocky. I guess I'll give WWE credit for trying to create a pro-American heel, but it just isn't working. Bradshaw doesn't look like he's taking Spike seriously. He toys with the runt of the Dudley litter early in the match. JBL then just straight overpowers Spike, but Spike counters with dropkicks. Bradshaw stops that with a big boot, and then is tossed from the ring. Bradshaw beats on Spike on the outside. Spike is rolled back into the ring, and actually gets in some offense. Spike nearly pulls an upset. He hits a Dudley Dog on JBL, and gets a two count. Bradshaw focuses and takes it to Spike. A power bomb follows a series of clotheslines to Spike. JBL covers and retains his title.

Winner via pin fall: John Bradshaw Layfield

Eddie Guerrero's music hits and the former champ runs to ring and takes on JBL. Guerrero hits a low blow and hits a DDT. Eddie climbs the top rope for a frogsplash, but JBL ducks out of the ring and runs back to his limo. Eddie grabs a mike and asks JBL where he is going so fast. Eddie tells him to enjoy his title, because he won't hold it for long. Bradshaw says he won't fight him, but Eddie informs him that he had a return clause in his contract. Eddie gets to make the match and add the stipulation. In two weeks Eddie will take on JBL in a steel cage.

(And he's done it! Rocky knocks out the Russian in the 15th round! USA! USA! USA! )


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale will be starting a grass roots movement to oppose Bradshaw in the November elections. Lend your support at DPLummer627@yahoo.com.