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Smackdown: Cena lumbers to win
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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From the land of beer and brats, Smackdown! comes
to us from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Kurt Angle starts
things off by addressing the TV audience. Angle says
that Eddie will wrestle tonight, despite collapsing in
the ring last week. It's his responsibility as WWE
Champion. Angle says as general manager, he also needs
to show some responsibility. EMTs will be at ringside
tonight to take Eddie to the hospital when he
collapses, again.
Match #1 - The Dudley Boyz vs. RVD and Rey
Mysterio - Non-Title match
Rey Mysterio challenges Bubba to start the match.
Bubba bites, and Mysterio stomps on his foot instead.
RVD and D-Von tag in and Mr. Thursday Night goes to
work with a series of kicks. Mysterio back in and hits
leg scissors on D-von. Bubba breaks up the 619 to save
his brother, when the camera cuts to the crowd. Paul
Heyman is being escorted to a ringside seat by
security. After the break, D-von punches Mysterio into
the corner, before referee Nick Patrick breaks it up.
Bubba tags in and continues to work over Mysterio. The
Dudleys try to double team Mysterio, but Rey ducks a
slingshot in the corner, and RVD makes the hot tag. A
thrust kick to the face knocks down D-von, and another
kick from the top rope gets RVD a two count. RVD tags
Mysterio and hits rolling thunder as Mysterio drops
the dime. Mysterio follows up with a 619, but Heyman
jumps the security barrier and stops Mysterio from
dropping the dime. Bubba and Heyman tag team Mysterio
on the outside. A dazed Mysterio is rolled back into
the ring where he is pinned by D-von.
Winner via pin fall: The Dudley Boyz
Bubba and D-Von are celebrating their win
backstage, when Paul Heyman joins the party. Heyman
spoils the fun by smacking D-Von. Bubba grabs him to
save Paul from a beatdown. Heyman tells them they
shouldn't be happy with the win tonight. They beat
Eddie Guerrero and got nothing. He tells them they get
no respect, so tonight they make an impact, even if
the victim is himself.
Michael Cole is in the ring with an announcement.
He has an interview with the number one contender at
the Great American Bash, John Bradshaw Layfield. The
crowd isn't happy at all. Cole questions JBL's manhood
for pinning Guerrero last week after he collapsed. JBL
loses it and Cole high-tails it out of the ring.
Bradshaw says he's a smart, rich businessman. Bradshaw
says there was nothing wrong with Eddie last week. He
goes on to say that next week he will name his
stipulation for the match at the Great American Bash.
Match #2 - Booker T vs. Scotty II Hotty
Is this the start of Scotty's singles career? I
guess we'll find out. Booker T takes it to Scotty fast
and hard. Booker drops the knee on Scotty's face.
Scotty reverses the momentum and takes down Booker
with a kick to the chin. Booker responds with kick to
the mid-section and then an axe kick. Booker covers
for the win.
Winner via pin fall: Booker T
Booker grabs the stick after the match and tells
the Undertaker to listen up. Booker says things will
be a whole lot different. Booker says he's not scared
of his power, then the lights go out, the bells toll,
you know the drill. Booker is still in the ring after
the pyro goes of from the ring posts. Booker admits
Undertaker is a little scary, but next week he will
shock the world.
A Mordecai video airs. He's on a crusade. Didn't
work in the 11th century, won't work in the 21st.
Match #3 - Eddie Guerrero vs. Danny Basham
Eddie clears the EMTs from ringside before the
match. Eddie looks good to start, but Kurt Angle stops
the match. Angle tells Eddie he's onto this little
game. He thinks Eddie will fake an injury so he can
sue Angle. He tells Eddie can't wrestle until he signs
a liability waiver. Guerrero throws Basham from the
ring anyway.
Match #4 - Spike Dudley and Torrie Wilson vs.
Jamie Noble and Dawn Marie
Um, why? You can't tell me that there aren't two
guys in the back who deserve this time more then
Torrie and Dawn. Heck, I'd even settle for Spike and
Jamie facing each other. Spike picks up the win with a
Dudley Dog on Noble that also lands on Dawn Marie.
Winner via pin fall: Spike Dudley and Torrie
Wilson
Another Kenzo Suzuki vignette airs. He's a
Japanese warrior. I don't think he's related to
Ichiro, and I'm sorely disappointed.
The tag team champs are backstage talking about
next week's bikini contest. Miss Jackie models her
suit for the buys. Haas declares the suit a winner,
but Rico thinks the color is all wrong. Haas
disagrees, but Rico still has her go back to try on
another one. Rico then shows off his Speedo for Haas.
Charlie says that isn't him at all, the color is
wrong. Haas then wonders what he's doing.
John Cena stops by Kurt Angles office. Apparently,
Cena went over Angle's head to get a match at the
Great American Bash with Renee Dupree. Angle isn't
happy with Cena going to the board of directors, so he
sends Luther Rains, that's Angle's new assistant, to join
the lumberjacks at ringside.
The new cruiserweight champion is in his locker
room. Classic Chavo wants Junior to go out and
introduce him. The cruiserweight division is going old
school.
Match #5 - Chavo Classic vs. Akio -
Cruiserweight Title Match
Chavo swallows his pride and announces his father.
Junior isn't happy that he lost the belt, but at least
it stayed in the family. Classic takes it to Akio, who
is still feeling the effects of last week's attack by
Mordecai. Akio hits a corkscrew moonsault off the top
rope, by Junior distracts the ref so there is not
count. Akio is then hit with a spinning DDT on the
floor, and Classic cover for the pin when Akio is
rolled back into the ring.
Winner via pin fall and still Cruiserweight
Champion: Chavo Classic
The Dudleys are in the parking lot, stuffing
someone into the trunk of a limo. Tazz and Cole think
it's Heyman, but the camera pulls back to reveal an
urn. Heyman picks up said urn and laughs.
Match #6 - John Cena vs. Renee Dupree - U.S.
Title Lumberjack Match
The lumberjacks make their way to the ring, and I
will resist breaking into the Monty Python song. Kurt
Angle music hits, and Luther Rains pushes a platform
to the ring with Kurt Angle perched on top. Dupree
rolls up Cena to start, and Cena promptly kicks out.
Cena follows suit, and Dupree kicks out. Dupree tries
to roll out of the ring, but the lumberjacks do their
job. Cena no sells the chops to the chest, and whips
the Frenchman in the corner. Dupree flies to the
outside, where Rico taunts him. Haas grabs Dupree from
behind, and Rico plants a kiss on Dupree. Dupree
tosses Cena from the ring, and Luther Rains rams Cena
into Angle's platform. We come back form break to find
Cena in rest hold. Cena kicks out of a pin attempt.
Dupree lays out Cena with a clothesline and then drops
an elbow. After a jawbreaker, Cena tries to gain
momentum off the ropes, but Booker T pulls the rope
down sending Cena to the floor. Cena blocks a right
hand, and lays into Dupree with fists. All hell breaks
loose outside the ring, as Booker T on the floor
assaults Cena. Angle calls for Cena to be rolled back
in, but Dupree can't get a three count. Cena is put
down with a spinebuster. Dupree poses and dances over
Cena before the cover, and Cena kicks out. Cena
counters a powerbomb with a back body drop and nails
Dupree with mounted punches. Dupree is whipped off the
ropes, and Cena hits another back body drop. Cena
connects with an F-U out of nowhere, and covers for
the 1-2-3. All the faces hit the ring and celebrate
with Cena as they taunt Angle to end the show.
Winner via pin fall and still U.S. Champion:
John Cena
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Dale Plummer has been covering Smackdown! since
2003. Dale is happy to do his civic duty and cover
wrestling, while Canada cheers on the Flames.
