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Smackdown: Cena lumbers to win
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


From the land of beer and brats, Smackdown! comes to us from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Kurt Angle starts things off by addressing the TV audience. Angle says that Eddie will wrestle tonight, despite collapsing in the ring last week. It's his responsibility as WWE Champion. Angle says as general manager, he also needs to show some responsibility. EMTs will be at ringside tonight to take Eddie to the hospital when he collapses, again.

Match #1 - The Dudley Boyz vs. RVD and Rey Mysterio - Non-Title match

Rey Mysterio challenges Bubba to start the match. Bubba bites, and Mysterio stomps on his foot instead. RVD and D-Von tag in and Mr. Thursday Night goes to work with a series of kicks. Mysterio back in and hits leg scissors on D-von. Bubba breaks up the 619 to save his brother, when the camera cuts to the crowd. Paul Heyman is being escorted to a ringside seat by security. After the break, D-von punches Mysterio into the corner, before referee Nick Patrick breaks it up. Bubba tags in and continues to work over Mysterio. The Dudleys try to double team Mysterio, but Rey ducks a slingshot in the corner, and RVD makes the hot tag. A thrust kick to the face knocks down D-von, and another kick from the top rope gets RVD a two count. RVD tags Mysterio and hits rolling thunder as Mysterio drops the dime. Mysterio follows up with a 619, but Heyman jumps the security barrier and stops Mysterio from dropping the dime. Bubba and Heyman tag team Mysterio on the outside. A dazed Mysterio is rolled back into the ring where he is pinned by D-von.

Winner via pin fall: The Dudley Boyz

Bubba and D-Von are celebrating their win backstage, when Paul Heyman joins the party. Heyman spoils the fun by smacking D-Von. Bubba grabs him to save Paul from a beatdown. Heyman tells them they shouldn't be happy with the win tonight. They beat Eddie Guerrero and got nothing. He tells them they get no respect, so tonight they make an impact, even if the victim is himself.

Michael Cole is in the ring with an announcement. He has an interview with the number one contender at the Great American Bash, John Bradshaw Layfield. The crowd isn't happy at all. Cole questions JBL's manhood for pinning Guerrero last week after he collapsed. JBL loses it and Cole high-tails it out of the ring. Bradshaw says he's a smart, rich businessman. Bradshaw says there was nothing wrong with Eddie last week. He goes on to say that next week he will name his stipulation for the match at the Great American Bash.

Match #2 - Booker T vs. Scotty II Hotty

Is this the start of Scotty's singles career? I guess we'll find out. Booker T takes it to Scotty fast and hard. Booker drops the knee on Scotty's face. Scotty reverses the momentum and takes down Booker with a kick to the chin. Booker responds with kick to the mid-section and then an axe kick. Booker covers for the win.

Winner via pin fall: Booker T

Booker grabs the stick after the match and tells the Undertaker to listen up. Booker says things will be a whole lot different. Booker says he's not scared of his power, then the lights go out, the bells toll, you know the drill. Booker is still in the ring after the pyro goes of from the ring posts. Booker admits Undertaker is a little scary, but next week he will shock the world.

A Mordecai video airs. He's on a crusade. Didn't work in the 11th century, won't work in the 21st.

Match #3 - Eddie Guerrero vs. Danny Basham

Eddie clears the EMTs from ringside before the match. Eddie looks good to start, but Kurt Angle stops the match. Angle tells Eddie he's onto this little game. He thinks Eddie will fake an injury so he can sue Angle. He tells Eddie can't wrestle until he signs a liability waiver. Guerrero throws Basham from the ring anyway.

Match #4 - Spike Dudley and Torrie Wilson vs. Jamie Noble and Dawn Marie

Um, why? You can't tell me that there aren't two guys in the back who deserve this time more then Torrie and Dawn. Heck, I'd even settle for Spike and Jamie facing each other. Spike picks up the win with a Dudley Dog on Noble that also lands on Dawn Marie.

Winner via pin fall: Spike Dudley and Torrie Wilson

Another Kenzo Suzuki vignette airs. He's a Japanese warrior. I don't think he's related to Ichiro, and I'm sorely disappointed.

The tag team champs are backstage talking about next week's bikini contest. Miss Jackie models her suit for the buys. Haas declares the suit a winner, but Rico thinks the color is all wrong. Haas disagrees, but Rico still has her go back to try on another one. Rico then shows off his Speedo for Haas. Charlie says that isn't him at all, the color is wrong. Haas then wonders what he's doing.

John Cena stops by Kurt Angles office. Apparently, Cena went over Angle's head to get a match at the Great American Bash with Renee Dupree. Angle isn't happy with Cena going to the board of directors, so he sends Luther Rains, that's Angle's new assistant, to join the lumberjacks at ringside.

The new cruiserweight champion is in his locker room. Classic Chavo wants Junior to go out and introduce him. The cruiserweight division is going old school.

Match #5 - Chavo Classic vs. Akio - Cruiserweight Title Match

Chavo swallows his pride and announces his father. Junior isn't happy that he lost the belt, but at least it stayed in the family. Classic takes it to Akio, who is still feeling the effects of last week's attack by Mordecai. Akio hits a corkscrew moonsault off the top rope, by Junior distracts the ref so there is not count. Akio is then hit with a spinning DDT on the floor, and Classic cover for the pin when Akio is rolled back into the ring.

Winner via pin fall and still Cruiserweight Champion: Chavo Classic

The Dudleys are in the parking lot, stuffing someone into the trunk of a limo. Tazz and Cole think it's Heyman, but the camera pulls back to reveal an urn. Heyman picks up said urn and laughs.

Match #6 - John Cena vs. Renee Dupree - U.S. Title Lumberjack Match

The lumberjacks make their way to the ring, and I will resist breaking into the Monty Python song. Kurt Angle music hits, and Luther Rains pushes a platform to the ring with Kurt Angle perched on top. Dupree rolls up Cena to start, and Cena promptly kicks out. Cena follows suit, and Dupree kicks out. Dupree tries to roll out of the ring, but the lumberjacks do their job. Cena no sells the chops to the chest, and whips the Frenchman in the corner. Dupree flies to the outside, where Rico taunts him. Haas grabs Dupree from behind, and Rico plants a kiss on Dupree. Dupree tosses Cena from the ring, and Luther Rains rams Cena into Angle's platform. We come back form break to find Cena in rest hold. Cena kicks out of a pin attempt. Dupree lays out Cena with a clothesline and then drops an elbow. After a jawbreaker, Cena tries to gain momentum off the ropes, but Booker T pulls the rope down sending Cena to the floor. Cena blocks a right hand, and lays into Dupree with fists. All hell breaks loose outside the ring, as Booker T on the floor assaults Cena. Angle calls for Cena to be rolled back in, but Dupree can't get a three count. Cena is put down with a spinebuster. Dupree poses and dances over Cena before the cover, and Cena kicks out. Cena counters a powerbomb with a back body drop and nails Dupree with mounted punches. Dupree is whipped off the ropes, and Cena hits another back body drop. Cena connects with an F-U out of nowhere, and covers for the 1-2-3. All the faces hit the ring and celebrate with Cena as they taunt Angle to end the show.

Winner via pin fall and still U.S. Champion: John Cena


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    Dale Plummer has been covering Smackdown! since 2003. Dale is happy to do his civic duty and cover wrestling, while Canada cheers on the Flames.