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   Fri, May 7, 2004



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Smackdown: Chair shots for everyone
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


On a night that featured the end of one of the most popular sitcoms of all time in 'Friends', and 'Survivor: All-Stars' closing in on their finale, the WWE had to hit one out of the park to compete on this Thursday night. Instead they hit a weak dribbler back to the pitcher, stinking up the joint worse then the Montreal Expos.

Tonight's show from Tucson, Arizona featured Booker T visiting a voodoo shop and graveyard, a woman winning the cruiserweight title, and Smackdown! Diva's wrestling each other, which is not a good thing, and the exploitation of Eddie Guerrero's mother's 'heart-attack'.

The show kicks off with Michael Cole in the ring to address the situation with Mrs. Guerrero. If you missed RAW on Monday Jim Ross informed us of an incident at a Smackdown! house show in El Paso. Eddie's family joined him in the ring to celebrate. Bradshaw hit the ring, and during the incident Eddie's mom had a heart attack. We see the footage of the event, and I didn't now the WWE provided house shows with television crews. I'm beginning to think this heart attack is a work.

Match #1 - John Cena vs. Doug Basham

Cena starts off by insinuating that Doug and Danny share more then 'brotherly love' together. Cena starts things off by whipping Doug into the turnbuckle. Cena counters a DDT by hanging onto the ropes. Danny jumps on the apron, and nails Cena with a cheap shot. Doug then hits a snap mare and follows it up with a leg drop. Both men trade sleeper holds, with Cena finally reversing it with a side slam. Cena hits a high elbow and follows with a clothesline. A sidewalk slam sets up the five-knuckle shuffle. Danny tries to interfere, but Cena cuts him off at the apron. Cena pumps up his shoes, and puts Doug down with an F-U, and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

Booker T visits a voodoo store to learn how to counter the Undertakers mystical powers. She gives him some items and tells him he must get the soil from an unmarked grave. And the WWE tells us Chris Benoit is from Atlanta to appear more realistic.

Match #2 - Chavo Guerrero Jr. with Chavo Classic vs. 'The World'

Last week Chavo issued a challenge to the world for his cruiserweight title. Chavo gets on the mike and who will challenge him. Jacqueline walks out. Chavo thinks it's a joke and berates Jacqueline until she slaps him. Chavo doesn't take nicely to that, and calls for the match to start. Chavo starts out with an arm bar followed into an armbar. Jackie is whipped into the corner, but Chavo misses the splash. Jackie hits a head scissors and follows up with a drop kick. Chavo nails a back suplex. Chavo Classic distracts the ref; it backfires and Chavo is hit with a low blow. Jackie rolls him up and scores the victory and cruiserweight title.

Winner via pinfall and new cruiserweight champion: Jacqueline

Johnny Stamboli and Nunzio are waiting in the ring, when G< Kurt Angle hits the stage. He tells the crowd that he is deeply disappointed in them. He also says that he issued a call to the SD! locker room. He wanted someone to step up to face the Undertaker, no one did, so the FBI will know face him.

Match #3 - The FBI vs. The Undertaker

I smell a squash. Stamboli gets in a little offense, with a Nunzio distraction, but he taps quickly to a submission move new to the 'Taker. After the match Nunzio attacks 'Taker, and receives the Last Ride for his efforts. Stamboli then gets tombstoned.

Winner via submission: The Undertaker

Booker T finds his dirt in the graveyard. After he leave, a hand rises from the grave he just left.

Josh Matthews asks Eddie if he blames himself for what happened. Guerrero doesn't say a word; he just looks really mad, as Matthews slinks away.

Match #4 - Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

Renee Dupree is at ringside for this match. The only purpose this match serves is to fuel the feud between Cena and Dupree. Cena makes his way to ring side halfway through the match. He saves Torrie from Dupree, but then gets worked over by the French Phenom. Cena is thrown into the apron, ring post, the crowd, and is then powerbombed through the announce table.

During the break, Cena is helped off by paramedics.

Michael Cole and Tazz interview John Bradshaw Layfield. He cuts a normal heel promo. This cements in my mind that this heart attack is a work.

Backstage, Paul Heyman catches up with Kurt Angle. He talks Angle into taking Eddie Guerrero out of the tag team match against the Dudleys. Angle calls for RVD to have a new partner.

Match #5 - RVD and ??? vs. The Dudley Boyz

RVD's partner is Re Mysterio. Shoot, I had my money on Spike Dudley. This match almost saves the show. The action really picks up after the commercial break. Mysterio nails D-von with a sinton, and RVD follows with a split-legged moonsault. Mysterio tries to hit a flying body press, but Bubba catches him in mid-air. D-Von climbs the turnbuckle for a whassup headbutt, but RVD pushes him off. RVD tries the 5-star, but D-Von rolls away at the last second. RVD recovers to hit an enzugiri on D-von, who falls into the ropes. Mysterio hit the 619, and RVD follows with rolling thunder. Mysterio drops the dime, and RVD covers for the pin.

Winner via pinfall: RVD and Rey Mysterio

Bubba hits the ring and pounds on the faces with his brother. Mysterio tastes the 3D and then, Bubba calls for a chair, but Eddie Guerrero sprints to the ring before the chairs can be used. Eddie takes on the Dudleys. Then it's chair shots for everyone. Bubba, D-Von, Nick Patrick, and even RVD, all takes shots to the head. Eddie stands in the ring as the show goes off the air.

Dale Plummer is still a rookie on the SLAM! Wrestling staff. Dale feels bad for Maple Leaf fans, but at least your team MADE the playoffs. Dale asks you to keep that in mind as you mourn.