March 5, 2004
Smackdown: Eddie cuffed, laid out
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
We have two more Smackdown! shows to go before Wrestlemania XX, and I used my best lead in last week. Crap. But there are some unanswered that need to be addressed. Like, will WWE champion Eddie Guerrero be in Savannah, Georgia tonight after being driven away in a squad car last week?
Paul Heyman wastes no time in answering that question, starting the show in his office. He apologizes for Eddie Guerrero's actions. He informs us that Kurt Angle will join us later via satellite to address the Guerrero situation, while Eddie will be ordered to the ring to issue a public apology.
What's that? It's Stone Cold's music! And his ATV, but he's not driving it. Brock Lesnar is at the wheel, and drives the stolen vehicle to the ring. Lesnar has some things to get of his chest before his match. He blames Austin for his title loss at No Way Out, and then he tells Goldberg that he's next. I'm no PhD, but I wouldn't go making the man officiating my match at Wrestlemania angry.
Match #1 - Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly
Why must we be subjected to this again? Holly interrupts Lesnar's rant, but Brock turns the tables quickly with a spine buster. Lesnar then slaps on a gut wrench, which Holly breaks with a series of back elbows. Holly is then clotheslined over the top rope. On the outside, Lesnar is whipped into the ring post, but the effects don't last long. Back in the ring, Lesnar quickly hits an F-5, mercifully ending the match.
Winner via pinfall: Brock Lesnar
After the match, Lesnar taunts Austin even more, by drinking beer in the ring. He then rides off with Austin's music playing in the background. Not a smart move Brock, not a smart move at all.
Match #2 - Scotty II Hotty w/ Rikishi vs. Danny Bashaam w/ Doug Bashaam - Non-Title Match
Scotty hits Danny with a shoulder block to start off the match. In true heel style, Danny gauges Scotty in the eye with his thumb, and then throws him into the ring post. Scotty fights out of an armbar, and knocks Danny to the mat. Rikishi calls for the worm. Scotty nails a bulldog, and starts the dance. The ref is distracted though, and Doug switches with Danny. Doug pops up right before Scotty delivers the chop. Doug rolls up a surprised Scotty and claims the victory for his brother.
Winner via pinfall: Danny Bashaam with an assist from Doug
The Eddie Guerrero saga is recapped.
After the break, Kurt Angle joins us from Pittsburgh via satellite. Angle says he is here to save us from Eddie Guerrero. No more innocent people will get hurt when Angle is champ. He says Eddie won't change. Although it hurt his feelings to get booed, Angle doesn't regret his actions. He will be fighting for the future of the company at Wrestlemania.
Match #3 - Funaki vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. w/ Chavo Sr.
In my notebook I am writing squash, but boy was I wrong. Funaki is getting is a lot of offense. He knocks Chavo from the ring, and then hits him with a baseball slide that sends Junior in the security barrier. Chavo is able to slaps an abdominal stretch on Funaki, but nearly get rolled up when he starts paying more attention to his father then the action in the ring. Funaki keeps the pressure on with a bulldog, followed by an enzugiri after a two count. Chavo Senior hops up on the ring apron, distracting the ref and Funaki. Junior grabs Funaki by the hair, slamming the back of his head across his knee. Chavo covers and steals a win.
Winner via pinfall: Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Back in his office, Paul Heyman and Dawn Marie get ready to head to the ring to confront Eddie. Paul reassures Dawn that everything will be okay.
The recap of the South African tour is shown. Good times had by all.
Paul Heyman is in the ring with Dawn Marie. Pauly has seconds thoughts and sends Dawn back to the office. Paul demands that Eddie come to the ring and the champ obliges. Eddie comes to the ring and apologizes to all that were offended last week. Heyman graciously accepts his apology. But Eddie has one more thing to say. "I lied!" Eddie is so proud that he pulled the wool over Heyman's eyes. Heyman tells Eddie that he himself will beat some sense into him since Angle isn't here. Eddie tells him that he couldn't beat him if both arms were tied behind his back. Heyman calls Eddie's bluff and puts it to the people. Apparently, the crowd wants to see Eddie take on Heyman with both hands tied behind his back.
I'm no shill, but John Cena's DVD is on sale, now!
Match #4 - Billy Kidman, Rey Mysterio, and Ultimo Dragon vs. Tajiri, Akio, and Sakoda
Ultimo Dragon starts off in the ring with Akoi. Dragon rolls through a sunset flip, kicking Akio in the chest. Kidman tags in, and drop a leg on Akio by coming over the top rope. Akio is able to tag in Tajiri, who meets with a head scissors from Kidman. Tajiri takes a swipe at the face corner, and when Mysterio enters the ring, all three heels nail Kidman with simultaneous dropkicks to his skull. Sakoda stays in to hammer on Kidman. After a vertical suplex, Akio is tags in. Kidman lays him out with a drop kick, and tags in Mysterio. Rey-Rey hits a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. All heck breaks loose, then. Ultimo hits a flying body press off the top rope to the outside. Tajiri then breaks up a 619 attempt, but is then neutralized by Kidman. Mysterio hits a swinging DDT on Akio, spiking him into the mat. Mysterio covers and picks up the win for the good guys.
Winner via pin fall: Billy Kidman, Rey Mysterio, and Ultimo Dragon
Dawn Marie tries to talk Paul out of his match with Eddie Guerrero to no avail.
The World's Greatest Tag Team comes to the ring dressed as the APA. Charlie 'Faarooq' Haas is sporting a big afro, and Shelton 'Bradshaw' Benjamin has nice blonde wig on. The two hit the ring and make fun of rednecks, and, of course, the APA. The real deal hits the ring, after the WGGT sing a horrible song. Faarooq and Bradshaw take care of business, until the Bashaams jump them from behind. Scotty II Hotty and Rikishi eventually make the save, but it's too little, too late.
Big Show gives A-Train a little pep talk in the back.
Match #5 - John Cena vs. A-Train
Sorry, no rap this week. I couldn't keep up. Cena takes a huge clothes line to start the match. Cena ducks a punch, and the fight spills to the outside. A-Train tries to clothesline Cena into the ring post, but Cena ducks and catches all steel. Back in the ring, Cena works the arm, but is taken down with another clothesline. A-Train goes to work on Cena's knee. Cena mounts a comeback. He nails the five-knuckle shuffle, and gets A-Train up for the F-U. Cena covers and wins. After the match, Big Show comes out to talk to Cena. He pretty much tells Cena that Wrestlemania XX will be the end of his career.
Winner via pin fall: John Cena
Backstage, Heyman makes it clear to referee Brian Hebner works for him. Heyman also tells him that he will hold onto the key himself.
Match #5 - Paul Heyman vs. Eddie Guerrero
Eddie rolls to the ring in a low rider truck, as
Paul waits for him in the ring. Eddie doesn't seem
real eager to put on the cuffs, but he does. With the
champ restrained, Heyman takes a shot at Eddie.
Guerrero ducks the next punch and kicks the GM. He
then pushes Heyman into the corner, and goes to work
with his feet. Heyman rolls out of the ring, and heads
to the back. Eddie follows him up the ramp, but stops
dead in his tracks when Kurt Angle steps out from
behind the curtain. Eddie runs back into the ring, and
is able to hold of Kurt for a little. Angle eventually
gets in the ring. Eddie ducks a punch, but Angle is
able to grab his leg. Angle lands a series of punches,
sending Eddie to his knees. Angle grabs the title belt
and shows it to Eddie. Eddie spits in his face and
Angle lays him out.
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the SLAM! Wrestling
staff. Dale will be at next week's taping in Atlantic
City, unless he loses his tickets at the blackjack