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Smackdown: All Angles point to 'Mania
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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We're on the road to Wrestlemania XX, and I swear
if you kids ask "Are we there yet?" one more time, I'm
going to turn this car around and nobody is going to
Wrestlemania!!!! Sorry, childhood flashback.
Smackdown! stops in Kansas City, tonight, on their way
back across country, as WWE heads towards New York
City.
Match #1 - Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble vs.
Nunzio vs. Billy Kidman - Sudden Death Fatal 4-way -
#1 Contenders match Cruiserweight Title
I could go through this match blow-by-blow, but
I'll save you some time, that's why I'm here. First
off, in the middle of the match we cut way to Eddie
Guerrero storming into Paul Heyman's office. Paul was
talking to Tajiri and his crew, when Eddie
interrupted. Paul tells the champ to act like one and
go on his way. After a commercial break, Rey Mysterio
is all ready to wrap up a victory, when Paul Heyman
stops the match. He tells us that there is no Japanese
representation in the ring. So to avoid a
discrimination lawsuit, he is canceling the match.
Instead there will be a Cruiserweight open at
Wrestlemania, open to all cruiserweights. The winner
will take home the gold.
The events of last week's Smackdown! are recapped.
Read all about here in Jaya Roopansingh's report from last week.
Match #2 - Scotty II Hotty w/ Rikishi vs. The
APA - Non-Title Match
When the champs wrestle in a non-title match, you
kind of get the feeling they're going to lose. (Kids,
this is called foreshadowing.) Scotty drop kicks
Faarooq, and follows up with some dance moves. Faarooq
gives him a sarcastic clap, before laying him out with
a right hand. Bradshaw tags in and nails Scotty with a
suplex. Rikishi makes the bling tag, but Scotty still
gets hit with the Last Call. Rikishi takes it to the
Texan, fighting his way out of a powerbomb, and then
nearly squashing him. Rikishi head butts Bradshaw, who
falls into the corner. Faarooq saves his partner from a
stink-face, by clotheslining Rikishi from the apron.
Scotty jumps in and is taken out with a big boot.
Rikishi then hits Faarooq with a Samoan drop. The
Bashaams run to ring side, providing enough
distraction for Bradshaw to nail Rikishi with the
Clothesline from Hell. Bradshaw covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: The APA
Footage from Monday night Raw airs. Read all about
Vince McMahon's big Wrestlemania announcements here in
Nick Tylwalk's RAW report. (Dale are you plugging your
fellow writers because you're nice or lazy? Well, it's
a little from column A and a little from column B.)
Josh Matthews asks Brock Lesnar why he F-5'ed
Steve Austin on RAW. Lesnar says he blames Goldberg
and Austin for his title loss at Now Way Out.
Eddie Guerrero struts to the ring, much to the
delight of the fans. He tells the fans he appreciates
every day that he holds the title, and he's going to
take it one day at a time, just like his life. He
calls out Kurt Angle. Angle doesn't appear, so Eddie
leaves the ring to take the fight to Angle. Backstage,
Heyman tries to stop the champ, telling him Angle has
left. Angle appears in the hallway, and Eddie shoves
Heyman out of the way. In the process Dawn Marie is
knocked into the wall, and is hurt. Heyman orders
security to escort Eddie from the building.
Match #3 - Billy Gunn vs. Brock Lesnar
I feel sorry for Gunn, so much for his push.
Lesnar starts off with a belly-to-belly suplex. Gunn
is whipped into the corner, but dodges a shoulder
charge by Lesnar. Brock catches all ring post. The
fight spills to the outside, where Gunn whips Lesnar
into the ring post, hitting the injured shoulder.
Lesnar is rolled into the ring, but Gunn can't get the
pin. Lesnar recovers, hitting a spinebuster. Gunn is
then whipped off the ropes, and Lesnar nails a scoop
slam. Brock then uses a full body submission hold.
Gunn breaks the hold, only to feel the effects of a
German suplex. Lesnar employs the submission hold,
again. Gunn breaks free, again, and takes down Brock
with a series of clotheslines. He follows with a
bulldog, but can only get a two count. Gunn then tries
to nail Lesnar with a jumping punch, but Lesnar side
steps it and Gunn hits the turnbuckle face first.
Lesnar picks up a dazed Gunn, and drops him with an
F-5. Lesanr coves for the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Brock Lesnar
Sable and Torrie head to the ring to address their
counterparts on RAW. Ladies, don't talk, just stand
there and do what you do best. Look hot. John Cena
interrupts, sporting a Derrick Thomas jersey; he gets
a nice crowd reaction, and gives props to the late
Chief's linebacker. Cena gets in the ring and has a
few words for the Playboy cover girls. I actually
tried to scribble Cena's rap as he did it, so here we
go.
"I know you girls like to show off. Your gowns
look fine, but I like you better with your clothes
off. Your mag was hot; I've been through thirty. It
gives a whole new meaning to beef jerky."
Match #4 - John Cena and Rey Mysterio vs. Big
Show and Chavo Guerrero Jr. w/ Sr.
Eddie is supposed to be Cena's partner, but with
him banned from the arena, Rey-Rey decides to step up.
Mysterio starts off by making Chavo eat mat. Guerrero
immediately tags in Show. Show tosses Rey around the
ring, eventually standing on him. Show then clubs
Mysterio, until Chavo tags back in. Mysterio is able
to fight back Chavo, nailing inverted DDT. Cena makes
the hot tag and cleans house. Cena lays out Chavo with
a double axe-handle off the top rope. He follows it up
with the five-knuckle shuffle. Cena knocks Chavo Sr.
off the apron, and picks up Junior for the F-U. Show
stops that nonsense with a boot to Cena's face. Show
drags his partner to the corner, and tags himself in.
Cena jumps on Show's back, and locks in a sleep hold.
Show fights off Cena. Rey tags in and knocks Chavo off
the apron. He then attacks Show with a flurry of
kicks, finishing it off with a seated senton off the
ropes. Show powers out of the pin attempt, and Chavo
tags in. He hits Rey with the triple vertical suplex,
drawing the crowd's ire. Mysterio is able to roll away
from a frog splash, though. Show breaks a pinfall, and
is attacked by Cena, both men falling to the outside.
Cena is whipped into the security barrier, and then
tosses Show over. Back in the ring, Rey throws Chavo
into the ropes with a head scissors and then nails the
619. Rey pins Chavo for the three count. Chavo Senior
jumps Mysterio in the ring, only to get an F-U from
Cena. Show hits the ring and chokeslams the winners.
Winner via pin fall: John Cena and Rey Mysterio
Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring. He tells the
crowd he attacked Eddie last week for them. It's a
moral thing. He doesn't think Eddie is fit to be
champ, since he is a recovering addict. Eddie teaches
kids to lie, cheat, and steal, and it's only a matter
of time until he falls off the wagon. Angle drags on,
until Eddie comes through the crowd to shut him up.
The two fight up the ramp, until Heyman comes out and
has Eddie arrested. Heyman tells Eddie he won't
tolerate assault on a woman. Eddie is handcuffed and
led away to a waiting squad car, as Angle heckles him
the whole way. The show ends with Angle yelling as
Eddie is taken away.
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Perfect to rap with or wrap up:
WWE John Cena: Word Life DVD
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the SLAM! Wrestling
staff. Dale will have to go on the Atkins diet if he
wishes to compete in the Cruiserweight Open at
Wrestlemania XX. I wouldn't bet on him making it.
