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RAW: Benoit and Michaels align
By
NICK TYLWALK -- SLAM! Wrestling
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As Alice herself might say, people come and go so quickly on Raw.
Last week saw the return in earnest of Mick Foley, the arrival of
Royal Rumble winner Chris Benoit and the continued teasing of the
resurrection of The Undertaker. Tonight we head a few hours across
the state of Pennsylvania from Hershey to State College, the home of
the Penn State Nittany Lions. We might not see Joe Paterno
delivering chair shots, but we will see Goldberg versus Kane and
Shawn Michaels taking on Randy Orton as Raw comes back at us for
another week.
The aforementioned Benoit appearance is the subject of the video
package that kicks off the show. Then we head to the ring for yet
another return, namely the much-missed Highlight Reel. Chris Jericho
can't resist taking a stab at Janet Jackson's Super Bowl halftime
'wardrobe malfunction,' but he quickly turns all business as he
introduces Benoit as his guest. The Crippler gets some props for his
Rumble victory and his craftiness in taking advantage of the legal
loophole to jump to Raw was pure genius. The problem Jericho sees is
that his countryman won't just be dealing with Triple H, but with
the rest of Evolution as well. Benoit says he knows what he's up
against, but Jericho presses on by saying that maybe the biggest
obstacle the Wolverine faces is ... Chris Benoit himself. Referring to
numerous people that feel Benoit just might not have what it takes
to make it to the top, Jericho rolls some footage from the Rumble
showing Ric Flair expressing just those sentiments. And speak of the
devil, Flair comes to join the Canadians and repeat his belief that
Benoit will always be a runner-up. Flair reminds Benoit that HHH
rules Raw with an iron fist, but Benoit counters by saying he'd love
the privilege of facing the Nature Boy in competition tonight. The
fans like that idea better than Flair, but general manager Eric
Bischoff has other ideas. He's putting Flair and partner Batista in
a title defense against Jericho and Christian, though he promises
Benoit he won't have to wait long for some action. His first match
since his return to Raw is up next.
Match 1 -- Chris Benoit vs. Mark Henry
Looks like Benoit's first test from Bischoff will be a big one. [Rim
shot.] Thanks folks, I'll be here all night. Henry doesn't
intimidate the world's best technical wrestler, but he is able to
outmuscle him for a bit. Benoit responds with dropkicks to Henry's
knees and an enzuigiri just as interested onlooker Triple H strolls
halfway down the ramp. A top rope shoulderblock has no effect on the
World's Strongest Man, but a minute later a bit of a sloppy exchange
leads to a Crippler Crossface, and Henry is forced to tap out. The
world champ gives a sarcastic clap made famous by SLAM! Wrestling
Smackdown writer Dale Plummer.
You can't have a Raw without the sheriff, at least these days, and
Steve Austin is on the scene. Stone Cold finds Shawn Michaels and
asks him if he's feeling down about being lost in the world title
shuffle since Benoit showed up. HBK resents Austin rubbing salt in
the wound and wants to know what he is expected to do about it. The
answer is pure Austin: if Michaels wants another world title shot,
he should do something about it.
From the 'In Case You Missed It' file comes a recap of Foley's
return to face Orton last Monday. Mick is also here at the Bryce
Jordan Center tonight, getting props from the stagehands and
production folk. One person who's not as happy to see him is Test,
who was the unfortunate person in the wrong place at the Rumble,
getting jumped backstage so Foley could seek his revenge on the
intercontinental champion. As Test is about to take his displeasure
to the next level, Orton and his trusty title belt jump Mick from
behind. Orton yells at Test to back off, then makes sure Foley knows
that he is Randy's bitch.
Match 2 -- Rene Dupree vs. Rico
Surely there's little point to even discussing this match for all
you guys out there. I know what you want to know. Does Jackie pull
down her top and bare her chest again? Well, sorry, but no. Breasts
are so passe these days after the Janet incident. Instead, as Dupree
starts to get the upper hand, Stacy Keibler comes to the apron and
lifts up her skirt to display her, um, assets. Rico uses a spin kick
to seal the deal, and Stacy celebrates with Rico and Jackie for
another week. Keibler makes another plea for her and Jackie to be
the Playboy divas and both of them dance to solidify their case. One
problem: the Playboy shoot is already done. But I guess that since
the WWE doesn't talk to Internet sites, they can just pretend that
they don't exist. Curse you Internet wrestling writers! Hey, wait a
minute...
Trish is finishing up some training for her women's title shot when
she runs into Christian, who is quickly becoming the Newman to her
Jerry. Everyone's favorite CLB is reading an article on the Beatles,
and he makes some pretty obvious statements comparing Trish to Yoko
Ono. If he would have been Paul McCartney, Christian says he would
have smashed the chick. But you know, that's just him. Elsewhere,
Linda McMahon is leading the WWE's effort to get young people to
vote. While this is a noble effort and certainly should be
applauded, it doesn't help that Linda is, let's say, not exactly the
most inspiring public speaker.
Match 3 -- Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly -- Women's Title Match
At least that's what we were led to believe. After Trish is in the
ring, Bischoff appears on the Titan Tron and announces that
unfortunately, the title match is not happening tonight. In fact,
he's not even sure that Trish should be the number one contender.
But he still wants to get Stratus some action, so her real opponent
is about to come out. Flames erupt from the stage ... it's Kane. Guess
Bischoff is determined to make this match happen. Let's try this
again ...
Match 3 -- Trish Stratus vs. Kane
Stratus is cowering in the corner as the Big Bald Machine enters the
ring. I would be running. She finally gets that idea but a bit late
as Kane snatches her back through the ropes and lifts her for a
chokeslam. Of course, Jericho isn't about to let that happen, and he
arrives just in time to save her. His low bridge sends Kane to the
floor and allows Trish to escape, but Chris pays the price when Kane
grabs a chair and whacks him, then sends his leg into the post.
Jericho holds his leg in pain as we go to commercial.
And we're back. While the trainers work on Y2J, Stratus thanks him
for the save. He's just about to reveal his true feelings for her
when Christian drops in to berate both of them. Jericho gets in his
face, warning him not to talk to Trish that way and to worry about
his own end of the tag team title match.
Match 4 -- Kane vs. Goldberg
What a trooper Kane is, taking on Goldberg in a weakened state after
that tough bout against Trish. The two titans go head on, with Kane
eventually getting the upper hand with a sidewalk slam. He uses some
basic wrestling moves (no, really) to keep Goldberg down, but the
inevitable rally includes a front powerslam and a couple of
clotheslines. Kane regains his strength and hits a chokeslam, but
the lights go out and a lightning bolt fires down and hits the ring.
The new Undertaker video plays again, distracting Kane to the point
that he is easy prey for a spear. The famous 'Taker bell tolls and
smoke begins to billow up from the ring. Goldberg decides to take a
powder, and Kane is so spooked that he walks out through the crowd.
Match 5 -- Booker T vs. Matt Hardy (Ver. 1.0)
A bulldog gets the ball rolling for Hardy, who is all over Booker
for numerous near falls. A rear chinlock continues to have Booker on
the disadvantage, and event though he powers out he has to scramble
to kick out from a Side Effect. Hardy finally feels momentum switch
when a spinebuster and a series of kicks leave him kicking out, and
his frustration shows when he tries to use the ropes for leverage
and still can't get past two. He looks for the Twist of Fate but
Booker escapes, hitting a scissor kick to get the pinfall.
Match 6 -- Triple H vs. Spike Dudley
This brings me back to the old WWF Superstars days when almost every
match was a squash. Triple H intends to use it to send a message to
Benoit, but unless that message is he doesn't intend to fight anyone
tough until WrestleMania, I'm not sure I get it. Spike is game as
always but inevitably tastes the canvas on a Pedigree and is quickly
pinned.
Sheriff Austin walks into Goldberg's locker room to have a chat with
his clone ... I mean, buddy. He wants to know if big G has heard Brock
Lesnar's comments on Smackdown and brings up the upcoming No Way Out
pay-per-view. As luck would have it, one of Austin's friends got him
a front row ticket but he can't go, so he offers it to Goldberg.
Austin reminds him that if he goes to the show, he's not just
representing Raw but Stone Cold Steve Austin himself. And oh yeah,
don't do anything Austin wouldn't do.
Match 7 -- Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Batista and Ric Flair --
World Tag Team Title Match
Plenty of tags get everyone involved early, with Jericho eventually
getting the upper hand on Flair thanks to a reverse elbow and a
clothesline. Batista bails his partner out of trouble but gets
dumped to the floor with a double clothesline, and Christian flies
off the apron with a cross body to keep him down. Meanwhile, Jericho
lands hard on his injured wheel attempting a Lionsault, but he
soldiers on to put Flair in the Walls of Jericho. The Nature Boy
taps out, but the ref is otherwise occupied checking on Batista and
Christian on the outside. Batista gets in another shot on Jericho's
leg, leaving him in so much pain that he has to submit to Flair's
trademark Figure Four.
Main Event -- Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels
Michaels shows his veteran craftiness with a quick roll-up for two,
and then grounds Orton with mat wrestling. Orton's dropkick takes
the ref out, literally in this case as he goes through the ropes all
the way to the floor. Randy is just about to use his belt as a
weapon again when Austin rides his four-wheeler down, sporting Earl
Hebner as a passenger so the match can continue. The Ratllesnake
rides off with the unconscious ref and Michaels dumps Orton and
himself to the floor so we can take our last commercial break.
Shockingly, HBK is in a chinlock when we return, though he soon
fights out and scores a near fall with an inside cradle. Orton
rallies with a few two counts of his own but bites off a bit too
much when he misses a move off the top rope. Both men are down, but
it's Michaels who is up first. A jumping forearm and a flying elbow
have HBK warming up the band, but a series of reversals leads to an
Orton DDT. Foley chooses this moment to come down the ramp, giving
Michaels an opening to roll up Orton and get the duke. Mick and
Randy immediately get into it, spilling out to the floor and right
into the crowd. Batista and Flair rush after their teammate, but
Helmsley can't resist going into the ring to take some shots at his
old rival. He's raining right hands on Michaels when Benoit runs
down to make the save. With the fans chanting for Benoit, he steps
to the world champ. Triple H decides this is not the time, backing
out of the ring and yelling at his challenger from the ramp. Benoit
offers his hand to Michaels, and the two men share a respectful but
uneasy handshake as Raw fades out.
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Nick Tylwalk has been a SLAM! Wrestling contributor since 1998. He
was upset when Janet exposed herself at the Super Bowl because he
was thinking about doing the same thing to increase the number of
hits for his Raw report. You can discuss the folly of this idea at
ntylwalk7@yahoo.com.
