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Smackdown: Heyman loves his soaps
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


With only ten days till the Royal Rumble, there are still plenty of spots to fill on the card. With Smackdown! coming to us from The Mohegan Sun Casino, Paul Heyman is in a gambling mood. Many of tonight's matches will determine who gets to let it ride in the Rumble and who will crap out.

Paul Heyman is in the ring to start to show. After explaining his plans for tonight, he is interrupted by John Cena. Heyman is not happy, and tries to rip into Cena. The Doctor of Thuganomics shuts him up, and cuts him up lyrically. Cena then sets up Heyman for the F-U, but Rhyno intervenes to save the G.M. Rhyno puts the boots to Cena and finishes him off with a Gore.

Match #1 - Jamie Noble w/ Nidia vs. Tajiri w/ Sakado and Akoi - #1 Contender match Cruiserweight Title

Rey Mysterio joins Cole and Tazz at the announce table to scout his opposition, and plug the new WWE CD. Tajiri starts with a flurry of kicks, and then hangs Noble on the turnbuckle, nailing him with a kick to the ribs. Noble fights out of the corner, and then fights out of an attempted tarantula. On the outside, Akio grabs Nidia. Noble jumps from the ring, and hits Akio. Mysterio then joins in, by cutting of Sakoda. Noble takes out Mysterio, and then pulls Nidia into the way of Tajiri as he comes flying over the ropes. Noble grabs a dazed Tajiri and rolls him into the ring. Noble nails a Tiger Bomb and pins Tajiri for the win.

Winner via pin fall: Jamie Noble

Paul Heyman makes an announcement from the stage. He is pitting Cena against Rhyno tonight in a special match. He wants to do something to Cena that his parents never did, wash his mouth out with soap. Heyman will clean out Cena's potty mouth if he loses, but if Cena wins, Heyman will taste the soap. Here's some advice for the kids, eat the soap. Trust me. If you start eating the soap, your parents will never wash your mouth out every again. It worked for me!

Josh Matthews is backstage with an injured Big Show. Show is sporting a neck brace, after last week's match with Hardcore Holly. Brock Lesnar is also at his side. Why? Big Show has a restraining order against Holly, so Hardcore will be arrested if he comes within 50 feet of Show. Lesnar says he won't leave Show's side, to protect the big guy, of course.

Kurt Angle stops by Eddie Guerrero's locker room. Angle apologizes again for last week. He informs Eddie that Chavo won't be here, but Chavo's father, his brother, will be. Angle then says he overheard Paul Heyman discussing a Eddie versus Chavo match at the Royal Rumble.

Match #2 - Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty vs. The Basham Brothers WWE Tag Team Title match

Dawn Marie hits the ramp, instead of the Bashams. She has a message from Paul Heyman. Instead of wrestling for the WWE Tag Team Titles, Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi will be competing for a spot in the Rumble. Their opponents? Each other.

Match #2A - Rikishi vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

S2H tries a quick roll-up, but Rikishi quickly kicks out. Scotty then runs into a clothesline. Rikishi drags his partner to the corner and climbs to the second turnbuckles. Rikishi squashes Scotty and gets the pin for his entrance into the Royal Rumble.

Winner via pinfall: Rikishi

Match #3 The Basham Brothers w/ Shaniqua vs. World's Greatest Tag Team (WGTT)
WWE Tag Team Title match

Tazz stops this match before it starts. Paul Heyman is in his ear and tells him that this is no longer a title match. Instead, the winning team will be entered into the Rumble. Haas lays out Danny with a shoulder block, and then tags in his partner to double team the lone Basham. Benjiman works over Danny, and tags his partner back in. On the outside, Benji catches Shaniqua going for a cheap shot. He doesn't see the Bashams coming in from the ring though, and is knocked to the arena floor. Back in the ring, Haas cleans house. Benjiman is able to get in a cheap shot, behind the ref, and Haas is able to get the pin.

Winner via pinfall: WGTT

Kurt Angle is informed by a production assistant that Chavo's father, Chavo Guerrero Sr., has arrived.

Chavo Sr. heads to the ring. He tells the crowd he is ashamed and asks Eddie to come to the ring. Eddie enters the ring, and asks his brother if that's how he raised Chavo, if he raised a son that would turn his back on family. Chavo Jr. appears on the stage, and slowly makes his way to the ring. Then Chavo Sr. attacks Eddie and his son jumps in on the fun. The father and son duo beat on Eddie until Kurt Angle runs in, making the save.

Match #4 FBI vs. ???

This is announced as a six-man tag, until Dawn Marie graces the arena with her presence, again. The G.M. is upset that the FBI allowed Benoit to beat all of them the week before, so tonight the will wrestle for a chance to enter the Rumble, but only one member will make it. A battle royal will determine who gets a PPV bonus check this month. Nunzio orders Palumbo and Stamboli to go over the top rope, so he can win. Palumbo acts like a good soldier, but changes his mind at the last minute and knocks out Nunzio. The Bull then charges Palumbo, and Nunzio fights them all into the corner. Palumbo uses a superkick to knock Stamboli over the top rope, and the Nunzio uses Palumbo's own momentum to heave him over the top.

Winner via elimination: Nunzio

Angle chases down Eddie to tell him he had nothing to do with what happened. Angle also says he doesn't want a fight. Eddie says he doesn't want to fight Angle, but thank him. Thank him for opening his eyes to what is going on, and that he will face Chavo at the Royal Rumble.

Match #5 Funaki vs. The Big Show

Big Show easily squashes Funaki, even with the neck brace. Show knocks him out with a right hand. Things did get interesting when Hardcore Holly appeared at the top of the ramp, though. After the match, Lesnar immediately joined Show in the ring.

Winner via pinfall: The Big Show

Paul Heyman gives Rhyno a little motivational speech. He wants the ECW Rhyno to be resurrected tonight. I wonder if Paul can show up at my roller hockey game Monday night to inspire my team?

It's time for the #2 Billy Gunn moment. This time we see Mr. Ass winning King of the Ring. Remember King of the Ring? It was that good PPV that rolled around every June. At least they replaced it with Bad Blood, which was such a good PPV!

Match #6 Rhyno vs. John Cena

Paul Heyman escorts Rhyno to the ring for this first ever Loser gets their mouth washed out with soap match. Heyman has some stipulations to add. He advises the ref to DQ Cena at the first sign of foul play, while on the other hand Rhyno can't be DQ'ed. In fact, Rhyno is wrestling under ECW rules!

Cena hits the ring running, but is still beat down right away. Cena fights out of the corner with a clothesline, and takes Rhyno down with another one. Rhyno leaves the ring, and heads up the ramp. Cena chases him down and tosses him back into the ring. Rhyno regains the upper hand, locking Cena in a cross choke. Cena tossed Rhyno from the ring, where Rhyno grabs a kendo stick. After a few cane shots, Rhyno grabs a chair. He wedges the chair in the corner; Cena reverses the Irish whip, sending Rhyno crashing into the chair. After some right hands to Rhyno, Cena hits the throwback, and then nails Rhyno with an elbow off the top rope. He then sets him up for an F-U, but Heyman intervenes with a low blow. After a near fall on Cena, Rhyno hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Cena is dazed in the corner, but has the presence of mind to dodge a gore. Rhyno goes back to the armory, pulling a table out from under the ring. On the mat, Cena is slammed on the table. Rhyno follows up another near fall with a spinebuster. He then sets the table up in the corner, and eyes up Cena for a gore. Once again, Cena dodges it and steers Rhyno into the table, destroying the table and Rhyno on impact. A right hand from Cena sends Heyman flying off the apron. Cena sets up for another F-U and this one connects. Cena gets the 1-2-3.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

Heyman makes tracks for the back, after the bell, but Chris Benoit brings him back to hold up his part of the deal. Heyman gets free and tries to attack Cena with the cane. Benoit fights him off and slaps a sharpshooter on him. Cena tells Benoit to chill, but doesn't release the hold. Heyman grovels, but Cena grabs the soap. Cena tells Paul to lick it, and when he doesn't Benoit applies pressure. After enjoying a few bars of Ivory (no, not the WWE Diva), Heyman swears he will make Cena's life a living hell. Benoit and Cena don't seem to care as they head to the back, and the show fades to black.

Dale Plummer is a rookie on the SLAM! Wrestling staff. Dale prefers the smooth, less filling taste of Dial soap to milky taste of Ivory.