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Smackdown: Heyman loves his soaps
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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With only ten days till the Royal Rumble, there
are still plenty of spots to fill on the card. With
Smackdown! coming to us from The Mohegan Sun Casino,
Paul Heyman is in a gambling mood. Many of tonight's
matches will determine who gets to let it ride in the
Rumble and who will crap out.
Paul Heyman is in the ring to start to show. After
explaining his plans for tonight, he is interrupted by
John Cena. Heyman is not happy, and tries to rip into
Cena. The Doctor of Thuganomics shuts him up, and cuts
him up lyrically. Cena then sets up Heyman for the
F-U, but Rhyno intervenes to save the G.M. Rhyno puts
the boots to Cena and finishes him off with a Gore.
Match #1 - Jamie Noble w/ Nidia vs. Tajiri w/
Sakado and Akoi - #1 Contender match Cruiserweight
Title
Rey Mysterio joins Cole and Tazz at the announce
table to scout his opposition, and plug the new WWE
CD. Tajiri starts with a flurry of kicks, and then
hangs Noble on the turnbuckle, nailing him with a kick
to the ribs. Noble fights out of the corner, and then
fights out of an attempted tarantula. On the outside,
Akio grabs Nidia. Noble jumps from the ring, and hits
Akio. Mysterio then joins in, by cutting of Sakoda.
Noble takes out Mysterio, and then pulls Nidia into
the way of Tajiri as he comes flying over the ropes.
Noble grabs a dazed Tajiri and rolls him into the
ring. Noble nails a Tiger Bomb and pins Tajiri for the
win.
Winner via pin fall: Jamie Noble
Paul Heyman makes an announcement from the stage.
He is pitting Cena against Rhyno tonight in a special
match. He wants to do something to Cena that his
parents never did, wash his mouth out with soap.
Heyman will clean out Cena's potty mouth if he loses,
but if Cena wins, Heyman will taste the soap. Here's
some advice for the kids, eat the soap. Trust me. If
you start eating the soap, your parents will never
wash your mouth out every again. It worked for me!
Josh Matthews is backstage with an injured Big
Show. Show is sporting a neck brace, after last week's
match with Hardcore Holly. Brock Lesnar is also at his
side. Why? Big Show has a restraining order against
Holly, so Hardcore will be arrested if he comes within
50 feet of Show. Lesnar says he won't leave Show's
side, to protect the big guy, of course.
Kurt Angle stops by Eddie Guerrero's locker room.
Angle apologizes again for last week. He informs Eddie
that Chavo won't be here, but Chavo's father, his
brother, will be. Angle then says he overheard Paul
Heyman discussing a Eddie versus Chavo match at the
Royal Rumble.
Match #2 - Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty vs. The
Basham Brothers WWE Tag Team Title match
Dawn Marie hits the ramp, instead of the Bashams.
She has a message from Paul Heyman. Instead of
wrestling for the WWE Tag Team Titles, Scotty 2 Hotty
and Rikishi will be competing for a spot in the
Rumble. Their opponents? Each other.
Match #2A - Rikishi vs. Scotty 2 Hotty
S2H tries a quick roll-up, but Rikishi quickly
kicks out. Scotty then runs into a clothesline.
Rikishi drags his partner to the corner and climbs to
the second turnbuckles. Rikishi squashes Scotty and
gets the pin for his entrance into the Royal Rumble.
Winner via pinfall: Rikishi
Match #3 The Basham Brothers w/ Shaniqua vs.
World's Greatest Tag Team (WGTT)
WWE Tag Team Title
match
Tazz stops this match before it starts. Paul
Heyman is in his ear and tells him that this is no
longer a title match. Instead, the winning team will
be entered into the Rumble. Haas lays out Danny with a
shoulder block, and then tags in his partner to double
team the lone Basham. Benjiman works over Danny, and
tags his partner back in. On the outside, Benji
catches Shaniqua going for a cheap shot. He doesn't
see the Bashams coming in from the ring though, and is
knocked to the arena floor. Back in the ring, Haas
cleans house. Benjiman is able to get in a cheap shot,
behind the ref, and Haas is able to get the pin.
Winner via pinfall: WGTT
Kurt Angle is informed by a production assistant
that Chavo's father, Chavo Guerrero Sr., has arrived.
Chavo Sr. heads to the ring. He tells the crowd he
is ashamed and asks Eddie to come to the ring. Eddie
enters the ring, and asks his brother if that's how he
raised Chavo, if he raised a son that would turn his
back on family. Chavo Jr. appears on the stage, and
slowly makes his way to the ring. Then Chavo Sr.
attacks Eddie and his son jumps in on the fun. The
father and son duo beat on Eddie until Kurt Angle runs
in, making the save.
Match #4 FBI vs. ???
This is announced as a six-man tag, until Dawn
Marie graces the arena with her presence, again. The
G.M. is upset that the FBI allowed Benoit to beat all
of them the week before, so tonight the will wrestle
for a chance to enter the Rumble, but only one member
will make it. A battle royal will determine who gets a
PPV bonus check this month. Nunzio orders Palumbo and
Stamboli to go over the top rope, so he can win.
Palumbo acts like a good soldier, but changes his mind
at the last minute and knocks out Nunzio. The Bull
then charges Palumbo, and Nunzio fights them all into
the corner. Palumbo uses a superkick to knock Stamboli
over the top rope, and the Nunzio uses Palumbo's own
momentum to heave him over the top.
Winner via elimination: Nunzio
Angle chases down Eddie to tell him he had nothing
to do with what happened. Angle also says he doesn't
want a fight. Eddie says he doesn't want to fight
Angle, but thank him. Thank him for opening his eyes
to what is going on, and that he will face Chavo at
the Royal Rumble.
Match #5 Funaki vs. The Big Show
Big Show easily squashes Funaki, even with the
neck brace. Show knocks him out with a right hand.
Things did get interesting when Hardcore Holly
appeared at the top of the ramp, though. After the
match, Lesnar immediately joined Show in the ring.
Winner via pinfall: The Big Show
Paul Heyman gives Rhyno a little motivational
speech. He wants the ECW Rhyno to be resurrected
tonight. I wonder if Paul can show up at my roller
hockey game Monday night to inspire my team?
It's time for the #2 Billy Gunn moment. This time
we see Mr. Ass winning King of the Ring. Remember King
of the Ring? It was that good PPV that rolled around
every June. At least they replaced it with Bad Blood,
which was such a good PPV!
Match #6 Rhyno vs. John Cena
Paul Heyman escorts Rhyno to the ring for this
first ever Loser gets their mouth washed out with
soap match. Heyman has some stipulations to add. He
advises the ref to DQ Cena at the first sign of foul
play, while on the other hand Rhyno can't be DQ'ed. In
fact, Rhyno is wrestling under ECW rules!
Cena hits the ring running, but is still beat
down right away. Cena fights out of the corner with a
clothesline, and takes Rhyno down with another one.
Rhyno leaves the ring, and heads up the ramp. Cena
chases him down and tosses him back into the ring.
Rhyno regains the upper hand, locking Cena in a cross
choke. Cena tossed Rhyno from the ring, where Rhyno
grabs a kendo stick. After a few cane shots, Rhyno
grabs a chair. He wedges the chair in the corner; Cena
reverses the Irish whip, sending Rhyno crashing into
the chair. After some right hands to Rhyno, Cena hits
the throwback, and then nails Rhyno with an elbow off
the top rope. He then sets him up for an F-U, but
Heyman intervenes with a low blow. After a near fall
on Cena, Rhyno hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Cena is
dazed in the corner, but has the presence of mind to
dodge a gore. Rhyno goes back to the armory, pulling a
table out from under the ring. On the mat, Cena is
slammed on the table. Rhyno follows up another near
fall with a spinebuster. He then sets the table up in
the corner, and eyes up Cena for a gore. Once again,
Cena dodges it and steers Rhyno into the table,
destroying the table and Rhyno on impact. A right hand
from Cena sends Heyman flying off the apron. Cena sets
up for another F-U and this one connects. Cena gets
the 1-2-3.
Winner via pinfall: John Cena
Heyman makes tracks for the back, after the bell,
but Chris Benoit brings him back to hold up his part
of the deal. Heyman gets free and tries to attack Cena
with the cane. Benoit fights him off and slaps a
sharpshooter on him. Cena tells Benoit to chill, but
doesn't release the hold. Heyman grovels, but Cena
grabs the soap. Cena tells Paul to lick it, and when
he doesn't Benoit applies pressure. After enjoying a
few bars of Ivory (no, not the WWE Diva), Heyman
swears he will make Cena's life a living hell. Benoit
and Cena don't seem to care as they head to the back,
and the show fades to black.
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the SLAM! Wrestling
staff. Dale prefers the smooth, less filling taste of
Dial soap to milky taste of Ivory.
