December 27, 2003
Christmas wishes for 'rasslers
By TJ MADIGAN -- Calgary Sun

It's time for the second annual TJ Madigan holiday wish list for the stars of the wrestling world. Yes, I realize Santa has already come and gone but WWE's off-week happened to fall after the 25th this year, so work with me here. Last year's list was such a success (and such a painless, research-free writing task) I've decided to make it a new holiday tradition

Here's this year's rundown of what grappling's big names hopefully found under the tree on Christmas morning.

For Vince McMahon, I wish a grown-up illegitimate son from a past love affair. If the McMahons are going to insist on pushing themselves as the stars of the show, the least they can do is introduce some new characters. Imagine Vinnie Mac's long-lost son showing up on Raw, demanding an on-air paternity test, then fighting for control of the company. Well, it's better than watching Vince make out with Sable ...

For Kurt Angle, I wish an injury-free 2004. His regular stints on the operating table should be enough of an incentive for him to ease up on the big bumps next year.

For Chris Jericho, I wish mega-stardom. There is no one more deserving of a Rock-level rise to fame than Y2J.

For the WWE writing team, I wish a pink slip. This incompetent bunch has had too many second chances and I wouldn't feel the slightest bit of sympathy if I found out they spent Boxing Day on the unemployment line.

For Chris Benoit, I wish a surprise heel turn, an allegiance with Paul Heyman and a run with the WWE championship. Benoit deserves to perform at a main-event level and I think a 'killer heel' persona is the only way to go.

For Stephanie McMahon, I wish acting lessons. Clearly, Santa didn't bring those last year.

For Rico, I wish a character makeover. Being saddled with two consecutive gay gimmicks in the world's most homophobic business is a death knell for any career.

For Teddy Hart, I wish another chance to prove himself in the big leagues. The kid is just too talented to write off.

For the Big Show, I wish a lifetime membership at Jenny Craig. C'mon man, you make a million bucks a year, would it kill you to pop into the gym once in a while?

For John Cena and Randy Orton, I wish solid booking. These guys are the future. Watch them closely.

For Bubby Ray Dudley, I wish longer shorts.

For Calgary's indie wrestling gang, I wish more chances to shine. The TJ Wilsons, Juggernauts and Johnny Devines of the world deserve to showcase their skills on an even bigger stage.

For Jerry Lawler, I wish some self control, especially when he's announcing a women's match. Frankly, the dirty old man gimmick has progressed from 'kinda funny' to 'kinda repetitive' to 'kinda creepy.' Puppies are for life, Jerry, not just for Christmas.

For Lance Storm, Christian, Val Venis and the many other guys who should have been on top of the game (in every sense of the expression) but didn't quite make it in 2003, I wish a happier and more prosperous New Year.

And finally, after that ever-so-subtle dig at the Cerebral Assassin, it's time to make my wish for the heir to the McMahon empire.

Last year, I wished a movie career for Triple H, because I figured that was the only way he'd let anyone else share the spotlight on Raw. Well, Trippers got his movie career but he still managed to bury half the roster, stay at the centre of storylines and cling to the world title for the vast majority of the past 12 months.

So, this time around, I'm going to echo the sentiments voiced in a letter to the editor of 1Wrestling newsletter and hope The Game will keep the world title forever. That way, Hunter is pacified with a championship all of his own, while WWE can create a new title belt for someone who might actually do something with it.

Like put people over.

Or draw money.

Oh, and for my own Christmas wish this year, I'm going to sacrifice my usual request for a very special evening with Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson and Stacy Kiebler (don't ask!) and instead invest my time in wishing Triple H's movie career bombs.

Heads up, Hunter. After another year of putting up with your shameless self-promotion, there's some holiday karma coming your way!

'Tis the season ...



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