December 12, 2003
Smackdown!: Mysterio feels the pain
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
The first thing I want to see when I turn on the TV is not an extreme close-up of Paul Heyman. Thousands of remotes across the continent have changed channels, unfortunately mine is not one of them. I bring this report to you, the reader, as a public service. Heyman informs us that as long as he is in charge, Chris Benoit will never get another shot at the WWE title.
Smackdown! comes to us from the most famour zip code in wrestling. That's right the 6-1-9, San Diego, California. I wonder if Rey Misterio is booked on tonight's show...I'd bet on it.
Heyman hits the ring. No hat, Paul? It's nice to see that he is coming to terms with him balding. Following the tradition of Vicne McMahon, who used Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, etc., Heyman will build Smackdown! on the back of Brock Lesnar. That's why Benoit will never got another title shot; he came too close to taking down the champ. Lesnar hits the ring, and demands respect from the crowd. The champs then runs them down, prompting Rey Misterio to come out to the top of the ramp and represent. Misterio challenges Brock, who defers the decision to Heyman. The G.M. makes the match, albeit, non-title. If Misterio wins, though, he will get a title shot next week.
Match #1 - Rhyno vs. Bradshaw
Apparently, this feud started on Velocity. No good can come from this. Bradshaw goes to work early on Rhyno's surgically repaired neck. Bradshaw then hits the Last Call from the second rope, but also stuns himself in the process. Rhyno is clotheslined in the corner, and set up on the turnbuckle. A superplex takes out both men, but Rhyno is able to cradle Bradshaw and pin him to steal the match.
Winner via pin-fall: Rhyno
Backstage, Paul Heyman is ripping into A-Train for betting on Benoit last week. A-Train says he was just taking the better pay-off. Heyman tells A-Train he's got a match with someone that could replace him on team LesnarÖShannon Moore. A-Train tells Matt Morgan that he won't blow it; it's a sure bet.
The FBI are taking wages on matches again. My cable cuts out and I miss the Bashams saying something. Thanks, COMCAST! Anyway, when the picture comes back, Morgan wants the odds on A-Train. Nunzio tells him it's 10 to 1. Seems a little high to me, but Morgan puts everything he has on the Train. There are so many illegal things going on here; do the feds know about this little gambling ring? And I think the matches are fixed, too!
Match #2- Shannon Moore vs. A-Train
Shannon Moore is still hurt from the beating he took at the hands of The Big Show. This match is a squash, and Morgan looks to be in the money. Until, Moore reverses a powerbomb into sunset flip and pins A-Train for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Shannon Moore
Morgan jumps Moore from benind on the ramp, and tosses him into the ring. Moore looks to be in a bad way, as Big Show joins the party. Instead, Morgan and Show destroy A-Train.
The Cat is warming up backstage. Wo-Hoo!
The Cat is ready to dance with Sable, tonight. Sable refuses, as she tries to leave Miller grabs her and plants a huge smooch on her. He then strips to his skivvies. Sable isn't amused. I just summed up a 10 minute segment in four sentences. That's why I'm here.Chavo and Eddie are having a pre-match talk in the locker room. Chavo is sick of Eddie stealing the spotlight. They agree tonight that they will both steal a victory.
Match #3- Los Guerreros vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team
This is a great match, too bad the show has all ready sucked the life out of me. Eddie is thrown into the ringpost early and sells a shoulder injury the rest of the match. Chavo tags in nail Benjiman with a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. He follows it up with a twisting senton on Hass, who kicks out of a pin attempt. Benji then chop blocks Chavo, as the ref is distracted while he chastises Eddie for not holding onto the tag rope. Eddie then unties the tag rope from the turnbuckle. I've never seen that move before, and it's pretty funny. Haas hits a superplex on Eddie, and then Benji joins in the fun with their leapfrog maneuver. Chavo is able to break the pin. Eddie fights back with triple vertical suplexes. Chavo makes a blind tag and hits a frogsplash, but can only get a two count on Benji. Chavo is then drop kicked into Eddie, and Benji thinks he has the win. The ref declears that Eddie is actually the legal man. Eddie uses the distraction to crack Benji in the head with an air filter from the lowrider. Eddie covers and gets the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Los Guerreros
The WWE will be going to the Middle East over Christmas with the USO to put a show on for the troops. They will also be handing out care packages to the men and women fighting overseas during this holiday season.
After costing John Cena the Number One Contender's match last week, Big Show calls the rapper out for a battle rap. Cena steps up and accepts the challenge. Show cuts a good rhyme, but has no rhythm. Cena rips Show apart, calling him the white Fat Albert. Cena tosses the mike to Show, and nails him with a low blow, before leaving the ring.
Match #4- Rey Misterio vs. Brock Lesnar
Cole and Tazz are trying to sell Misterio speed and quickness in the match. They better, because Misterio should be squashed in this match-up. Misterio does a good job frustrating the champ early, by running around the ring. Lesnar grabs the steps, but a quick thinking Misterio kicks them back into his face. Misterio then hits a sunset flip that sends Lesnar into the security barrier. He follows it up with a head scissors into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Misterio flies, but is caught in mid-air. Lesnar follows two back breakers with a low blow. Misterio fights back, as Lesnar gets cocky. Lesnar is knocked into the ropes, and Misterio hits the 6-1-9 swinging around the ringpost. Misterio drops the dime on Lesnar, but can only get a two count. Lesnar then powers out of a sunset flip. Misterio goes for the West Coast Pop, but once again is caught in mid-air. Lesnar makes the cruiserweight pay with a powerbomb. The Champ them slaps on his submission move, The Brock Lock. Misterio taps.
Winner via submission: Brock Lesnar
After the match, a crazed family member of Rey's goes after Lesnar. The masked man is pulled from the ring by security. He pulls off the mask, and it's actually Hardcore Holly. Holly sends Lesnar to the back, as the cameras fad out.
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the Slam! Wrestling staff. Dale and the rest of WWE fans around the world have received an early Christmas gift. Nathan Jones has left WWE! Merry Christmas to all!