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Smackdown!: Mysterio feels the pain
By
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
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The first thing I want to see when I turn on the TV
is not an extreme close-up of Paul Heyman. Thousands
of remotes across the continent have changed channels,
unfortunately mine is not one of them. I bring this
report to you, the reader, as a public service. Heyman
informs us that as long as he is in charge, Chris
Benoit will never get another shot at the WWE title.
Smackdown! comes to us from the most famour zip
code in wrestling. That's right the 6-1-9, San Diego,
California. I wonder if Rey Misterio is booked on
tonight's show...I'd bet on it.
Heyman hits the ring. No hat, Paul? It's nice to
see that he is coming to terms with him balding.
Following the tradition of Vicne McMahon, who used
Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, etc., Heyman will build
Smackdown! on the back of Brock Lesnar. That's why
Benoit will never got another title shot; he came too
close to taking down the champ. Lesnar hits the ring,
and demands respect from the crowd. The champs then
runs them down, prompting Rey Misterio to come out to
the top of the ramp and represent. Misterio challenges
Brock, who defers the decision to Heyman. The G.M.
makes the match, albeit, non-title. If Misterio wins,
though, he will get a title shot next week.
Match #1 - Rhyno vs. Bradshaw
Apparently, this feud started on Velocity. No good
can come from this. Bradshaw goes to work early on
Rhyno's surgically repaired neck. Bradshaw then hits
the Last Call from the second rope, but also stuns
himself in the process. Rhyno is clotheslined in the
corner, and set up on the turnbuckle. A superplex
takes out both men, but Rhyno is able to cradle
Bradshaw and pin him to steal the match.
Winner via pin-fall: Rhyno
Backstage, Paul Heyman is ripping into A-Train for
betting on Benoit last week. A-Train says he was just
taking the better pay-off. Heyman tells A-Train he's
got a match with someone that could replace him on
team LesnarÖShannon Moore. A-Train tells Matt Morgan
that he won't blow it; it's a sure bet.
The FBI are taking wages on matches again. My
cable cuts out and I miss the Bashams saying
something. Thanks, COMCAST! Anyway, when the picture
comes back, Morgan wants the odds on A-Train. Nunzio
tells him it's 10 to 1. Seems a little high to me, but
Morgan puts everything he has on the Train. There are
so many illegal things going on here; do the feds know
about this little gambling ring? And I think the
matches are fixed, too!
Match #2- Shannon Moore vs. A-Train
Shannon Moore is still hurt from the beating he
took at the hands of The Big Show. This match is a
squash, and Morgan looks to be in the money. Until,
Moore reverses a powerbomb into sunset flip and pins
A-Train for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Shannon Moore
Morgan jumps Moore from benind on the ramp, and
tosses him into the ring. Moore looks to be in a bad
way, as Big Show joins the party. Instead, Morgan and
Show destroy A-Train.
The Cat is warming up backstage. Wo-Hoo!
The Cat is ready to dance with Sable, tonight.
Sable refuses, as she tries to leave Miller grabs her
and plants a huge smooch on her. He then strips to his
skivvies. Sable isn't amused. I just summed up a 10
minute segment in four sentences. That's why I'm here.
Chavo and Eddie are having a pre-match talk in
the locker room. Chavo is sick of Eddie stealing the
spotlight. They agree tonight that they will both
steal a victory.
Match #3- Los Guerreros vs. The World's
Greatest Tag Team
This is a great match, too bad the show has all
ready sucked the life out of me. Eddie is thrown into
the ringpost early and sells a shoulder injury the
rest of the match. Chavo tags in nail Benjiman with a
tilt-a-whirl head scissors. He follows it up with a
twisting senton on Hass, who kicks out of a pin
attempt. Benji then chop blocks Chavo, as the ref is
distracted while he chastises Eddie for not holding
onto the tag rope. Eddie then unties the tag rope from
the turnbuckle. I've never seen that move before, and
it's pretty funny. Haas hits a superplex on Eddie, and
then Benji joins in the fun with their leapfrog
maneuver. Chavo is able to break the pin. Eddie fights
back with triple vertical suplexes. Chavo makes a
blind tag and hits a frogsplash, but can only get a
two count on Benji. Chavo is then drop kicked into
Eddie, and Benji thinks he has the win. The ref
declears that Eddie is actually the legal man. Eddie
uses the distraction to crack Benji in the head with
an air filter from the lowrider. Eddie covers and gets
the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Los Guerreros
The WWE will be going to the Middle East over
Christmas with the USO to put a show on for the
troops. They will also be handing out care packages to
the men and women fighting overseas during this
holiday season.
After costing John Cena the Number One Contender's
match last week, Big Show calls the rapper out for a
battle rap. Cena steps up and accepts the challenge.
Show cuts a good rhyme, but has no rhythm. Cena rips
Show apart, calling him the white Fat Albert. Cena
tosses the mike to Show, and nails him with a low
blow, before leaving the ring.
Match #4- Rey Misterio vs. Brock Lesnar
Cole and Tazz are trying to sell Misterio speed
and quickness in the match. They better, because
Misterio should be squashed in this match-up. Misterio
does a good job frustrating the champ early, by
running around the ring. Lesnar grabs the steps, but
a quick thinking Misterio kicks them back into his
face. Misterio then hits a sunset flip that sends
Lesnar into the security barrier. He follows it up
with a head scissors into the ringpost. Back in the
ring, Misterio flies, but is caught in mid-air. Lesnar
follows two back breakers with a low blow. Misterio
fights back, as Lesnar gets cocky. Lesnar is knocked
into the ropes, and Misterio hits the 6-1-9 swinging
around the ringpost. Misterio drops the dime on
Lesnar, but can only get a two count. Lesnar then
powers out of a sunset flip. Misterio goes for the
West Coast Pop, but once again is caught in mid-air.
Lesnar makes the cruiserweight pay with a powerbomb.
The Champ them slaps on his submission move, The Brock
Lock. Misterio taps.
Winner via submission: Brock Lesnar
After the match, a crazed family member of Rey's
goes after Lesnar. The masked man is pulled from the
ring by security. He pulls off the mask, and it's
actually Hardcore Holly. Holly sends Lesnar to the
back, as the cameras fad out.
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the Slam! Wrestling
staff. Dale and the rest of WWE fans around the world
have received an early Christmas gift. Nathan Jones
has left WWE! Merry Christmas to all!
