Smackdown!: All tricks and no treats
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Halloween is here, and WWE has more tricks then treats tonight. It\'s kinda like the house that always gives out boxes of raisins. Actually, this show was more on par with the houses that give out the little tubes of toothpaste. Anyone else want to join me in egging and toilet-papering the Titans Towers?
AAAHHHH! Oh wait; it\'s just Vince McMahon starting off the show, again. Before the opening credits roll, last week\'s main event is recapped.
Smackdown! is coming to us from the dirty south, Atlanta, Georgia. Kurt Angle officially kicks off the show. He and Chris Benoit are in a rematch that was ordered by new GM Paul Heyman.
Match #1 - Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle vs. John Cena and A-Train
It\'s the same opening match from last week. I don\'t even have to change the copy from last week. Thank you, WWE! In his opening rap Cena calls himself Han Solo, and A-Train is his Wookie. (For non-Star Wars fans, Wookies are really, really hairy.) The rap offends A-Train, but Cena talks him down. Angle and Cena work together, despite their altercation last week. Cena looks to wrap things up, hitting Angel with an F-U. Nick Patrick loses control of the match when Benoit and A-Train jump in. A-Train looks to run Benoit in the corner, but the rabid wolverine dodges. A-Train connects with Cena instead. Benoit hits the rolling German suplexes and then goes to the top rope for the flying head butt. Benoit gets the pin for the victory.
Winner: Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle
After the match Cena and A-Train have words and get into a shoving match. Cena nails Train with a low blow, and follows up with an F-U.
Vince is backstage fuming. He is extremely upset the Heyman allowed Undertaker to put him in this situation. Vince wants Undertaker taken out, tonight. No can do, says Heyman. Undertaker has off until Survivor Series. Vince flips out. He tells Heyman to take care of it, or he will choke the life out of him.
Torrie Wilson doesn\'t notice the camera man in her locker room, so we get to see her coming out of the shower. She then decides on what to wear for tonight\'s Halloween costume contest with Dawn Marie
Kurt Angle catches up with Benoit in the back. He asks Benoit to join his Survivor Series team. Benoit agrees, but tells Kurt that this doesn\'t make them friends.
Paul Heyman returns to Vince\'s office with bad news. He tells Vince he doesn\'t have a thing. He then starts to play mind games with Vince. He wants to Vince McMahon that went toe-to-toe with Stone Cold Steve Austin. He doesn\'t want to work for this Vince, one who beats up his own daughter and a one-legged kid. He wants the Vince who put him out of business. Vince storms out of the office.
Match #2- Rey Misterio vs. Ultimo Dragon
Finally a treat, but the trick is a short match. Tajiri, with his mafia in tow, join Cole and Tazz at the announce table. The winner of this match will get a shot at Tajiri\'s cruiserweight title. And it doesn\'t take long for Tajiri to interfere. The Japanese buzzsaw kicks Misterio in the back of the head, and Ultimo Dragon picks up the easy win.
Winner via pinfall: Ultimo Dragon.
After the match Tajiri hits the ring with his boys. He bows to Ultimo, but Dragon just leaves the ring.
Brock Lesnar and Big Show are arguing in the locker room over who blew the match last week. A very brave production assistant interrupts and tells Lesnar that Heyman wants to see him in the ring.
After the break, Heyman heads to the ring, flanked by two huge men. I think one isÖNOOOOOOOOOO! It\'s Nathan Jones. He\'s back! Heyman introduces us to the two monsters, we all know Nathan Jones, and we all know he sucks. The other man is Matt Morgan. He is Heyman\'s number one draft pick. There was draft? He gloats about scooping this specimen out from under Austin and Bischoff on RAW. Lesnar then cautiously makes his way to the ring. He tells Heyman to shut up. Lesnar says he isn\'t stupid, so he brought a friend, the Big Show. Heyman just wants to talk business. He tells Brock that he is the captain of the Survivor Series team that will take on Kurt Angle\'s squad. And the two men with him are his new teammates, along with Show. Heyman then tells Lesnar and Show he has them facing the APA in tonight\'s main event.
Orlando Jordan and Paul London are playing Smackdown! Here comes the pain. Great game, by the way. Dawn Marie interrupts to get their thoughts on her costume. They seem impressed.
Hardcore Holly is coming back to hurt Brock Lesnar.
It\'s time to visit the house that give out the full size candy bars. Bring on the Halloween costume contest. Funaki hosts the event dressed up in disco duds, complete with an afro. Torrie Wilson in the first out dressed in a skimpy bunny outfit. Dawn Marie follows dressed as Wonder Woman. The crowd gives like Torrie better. The fun isn\'t over yet. Now it\'s time to bob for apples. The apples are floating in chocolate. Dawn Marie offers to go first. She climbs into the tub, and completely submerges herself to her neck. And then the top comes off. Dawn Marie leaves the crowd happy, even if they didn\'t vote for her. Tazz interrupts the fun. He tells Torrie they should give Funaki a trick. She starts to undress Funaki, but then turns on Tazz and pushes him into the chocolate.
Lesnar stops Cena as he is leaving the arena. He asks Cena to be the fifth on his team. Cena doesn\'t give a definitive answer.
Tazz shares the chocolate with Cole, by giving him a big bear hug.
Backstage, Chavo reads Eddie the riot act for losing the taf team belts.
Eddie is in the ring to apologize. This segment goes forever, so I\'ll skip ahead. Shaniqua walks to the ring with the tag team belts. Eddies is so mesmerized by the gold, or something else. That he doesn\'t see the Bashams come in behind him. Eddies puts up a fight, even back suplexing Shaniqua. Eventually, the numbers win out and Eddie is beat down. Chavo makes the save, and helps his uncle to the back.
Eddie tells Paul Heyman he wants a shot to win the tag team belts back. Heyman will give him and Chavo the shot, if Eddie can beat the Bashams by himself first.
Josh Matthews is backstage with Kurt Angle. Angle has finished putting his team together. It will be Hardcore Holly and the APA rounding out the squad.
The Undertaker is interviewed from somewhere. He explains why he selected a buried alive match. If Vince can\'t breathe, Vince can\'t stop him from winning the title.
Match #3- Brock Lesnar and Big Show vs. APA
The APA is overpowered in this match, but then pick up the win when Lesnar nails Farooq with a chair. Big Show then drops a leg over the chair on Farooq\'s knee after the match.
Winner via DQ: APA
Bradshaw looks to be in the same situation, when Angle and Benoit hit the ring. Angle slaps an ankle lock on Show, while Benoit locks in the CCF on Lesnar. Jones and Morgan hit the ring, and deliver powerbombs to Angle and Benoit. The show ends with the heels celebrating in the ring.
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the Slam! Wrestling staff. Dale hated getting little boxes of raisins on Halloween. Nature\'s candy my butt!