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Smackdown!: The Deadman wants to bury Vince
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


It's been four days since the debacle WWE called No Mercy. You know what that means, a still photo recap! Are we shown the epic battle between John Cena and Kurt Angle, or are we treated the Lesnar/ Undertaker title match? Don't be silly, everyone wants, no needs, to know if Vince McMahon was able to beat his own daughter. I feel ill.  Smackdown! was taped in Albany, New York, in front of a semi-live audience.

After the intro, Vince comes strutting down the ramp with Sable. And he gloats about his win. Surprise, surprise! Vince tells the crowd he knows he's going to hell when he dies, but he's enjoying life now. And he better, I can't imagine what kind of torture they have in store for him down there. I'm banking on being strapped into the chair from "A Clockwork Orange" and forced to watch "Ready to Rumble" on a continuous loop, with commentary from Scott Caan and David Arquette.

Vince also gloats over his interference in the title match that cost Undertaker a victory. Now, it's time to get down to business. With Steph gone, Smackdown! needs a new GM. I got bad news for those who bet on Vince or Sable. The new GM of Smackdown! is none other thenÖPaul Heyman! I really hope they are letting him write and book, too. Paulie thanks Vince, but is cut off by Undertaker's music. Vince scurries from the ring, and heads through the crowd. The Dead Man hits the ring, and Heyman backpedals. He says he can give Undertaker whatever he wants, provided he can beat Brock Lesnar and Big Show in a handicap match tonight. With a win ëTaker can name his match anytime, anywhere, and with anyone. Ala Joe Namath, Undertaker guarantees a win.

Match #1 -  Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle vs. John Cena and A-Train

At first I thought this was lazy booking. Hey, let's take two matches from Sunday and combine them. Things got interesting though when Cena brought a chair into the ring. Benoit grabs the chair and nails Angle with an inadvertent shot when A-Train ducked. Angle immediately goes after Benoit. The faces argue and Angle takes Benoit to the mat. Benoit fights off Angle and slaps on the Crippler Cross Face. It takes four refs to break up the fracas. Once separated Angle lunges at Benoit, again. Benoit is able to escape before Angle can slap on the ankle lock.

Winner: No contest

Jamie Noble comes to us from his home via web-cam. Nidia is still blind, and Noble vows to get even with Tajiri. 

Shelton Benjamin is back from injury and is ready to recapture the tag team gold. Paul Heyman stops by to greet the tag team he created. Heyman is upset with them for not calling after Brock Lesnar had put him out of commission. So, Heyman pulls them out of the title match with Los Guerreros. The Bashams will fight for the titles, while Haas and Benji will take on a newly reformed tag team. 

Match #2 - The Self-Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag Team vs. ???

Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi are back. I'm not the excited. Scotty hits the Worm on Benjamin, which has to be the dumbest finisher ever, all that build-up for a chop to the chest. And Haas fell victim to a stinkface. Rikishi picked up the win after Benjiman tried a sunset flip. Rikishi sat on his chest to get the pin. 

Winner via pinfall: Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi

After the match the victors dance in the ring. The camera pans up to Vince's skybox, where he and Sable are also getting down. Undertaker breaks in and spoils the fun. He grabs Vince by the throat and tells him he better pray that he wins tonight. If not, He's coming back up to take care of Vince.

Chavo is trying to motivate his uncle for tonight's match. Eddie is still down after losing the U.S. Title to Nig Show at No Mercy.

Match #3- Los Guerreros vs. The Basham Brothers with Shaniqua WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Eddie is still cut up from his encounter with Big Show last week. He starts off in the ring with Doug. Eddie is tossed from the ring, and Shaniqua kicks him in the head. Back in the ring Eddie hits the dual head scissors/arm drag. Chavo tags in and a swinging DDT puts him down. Eddie breaks up the ball and gag. Latino Heat nails his triple verticel suplex on Danny, but Chavo is taken out on the outside. Eddie goes to the top rope for the frogsplash. Shaniqua slows him down long enough for Danny to switch with Doug. Doug is also sporting a nightstick. Eddie rolls through the frogsplash, only to get whacked he turns around. Doug pins Latino Heat, and we have new tag team champs. 

Winner via pinfall and new WWE Tag Team Champs : The Basham Brothers 

During the break, Chavo yells at Eddie for losing focus during the match. 

Match #4 - Tajiri vs. Zach Gowen

Tajiri takes it Gowen early with a DDT. Gowen ducks a kick and rolls Tajiri up for a two count. Gowen follows with a spring board leg lariat. He goes for a moonsault and misses. Tajiri hits him with a super kick and pins Gowen for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Tajiri

After the match a couple of Japanese guys in suits are called into the ring by Tajiri. They are about to escort Tajiri out of the ring, when they are told to attack Gowen. Looks the FBI might have some competition in the Mafia biz.

Brock Lesnar and Big Show discuss strategy for their upcoming match. Both men tell each other to bring their best game.

Hardcore Holly is coming back. He wants a piece of Lesnar, because Brock broke his neck. These storylines write themselves, it's so easy.

Match #4 - Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar and Big Show

Undertaker jumps out of the ring to avoid the double team to start the match. He re-enters with a chair in hand and the heels scatter. Lesnar goes to work on 'Taker. It's a suplex-fest! Shoe tags in, and Undertaker fights back with a series of clotheslines. After a chokeslam on Undertaker, Lesnar tags back in. He tells Show to go to the top rope. Undertaker pops up and lays out Lesnar. He then chokeslams Show off the top rope. Taker pins Show for the win! Not so fast, Heyman comes out and apologizes to everyone. This match is two falls out of three. Oops!

Undertaker is kicking butt. The fight spills to the outside, where 'Taker tosses Lesnar into the crowd. The Dead Man gets back into the ring as the ref counts nine. Undertaker wins as both men are counted out.

Or did Undertaker win. Paul Heyman admits he made another mistake. This match is also no count-out. It is his first day people. Big Show crawls into the ring and nails 'Taker with a chair. That's an instant DQ and Undertaker wins.

We're all to smart for that. Heyman once again apologizes for screwing up; this was also a no DQ match. Undertaker is pummeled outside the ring, where he grabs his chain. He fights out of an F-5 and nails Lesnar with the chain. He pins Brock and finally wins the match, outright.

Heyman is stunned and Vince is beside himself. Until Brock and Show start pummeling Undertaker. Lesnar delivers an F-5 into the ringpost, and Vince is happy again.

Vince walks down from his skybox, berating Undertaker the entire way. Vince thinks Undertaker will announce he wants a match with Brock for the title. As Undertaker writhes in pain Vince ask the big questions. Where and when? Survivor Series. What? A "Buried Alive" match. Vince promise Undertaker will never win the title. 'Taker grabs the mike and tells Vince he doesn't want Brock in this match. Undertaker wants Vince.

Dale Plummer is a rookie on the Slam! Wrestling staff. Dale is disappointed he never got a call back for the Smackdown! General Manager position. He thought he was a shoe in.