August 17, 2003
Scribe has RAW talent for WWE
By TIM BAINES -- Ottawa Sun
If only ... if only for one night I could become a WWE writer.
Smackdown! doesn't need my creative juices, it's RAW I'm after ... complete control, that's all I'd need.
There'd be quick hits of potty humour, maybe a bikini match, but most of all, there'd be plenty of action ... and a new champion or two.
In my WWE, wrestlers must check their ego at the door. None of these monsters of the mat would have backstage stroke. My way or the highway.
I would have a rematch: Triple H vs. Ric Flair. Flair would win the heavyweight championship one last time. One more time he'd strut down the aisle, stylin' and profilin'.
The kiss-stealin', wheelin'-dealin', limousine-ridin', jet-flyin' son-of-a-gun would have a brief rule. With deafening cheers still ringing in his ears, Flair would lose the title the following week, perhaps to Chris Jericho, setting up a tremendous feud between Evolution and Canada's own Y2J. I would have Shawn Michaels join Evolution ... and eventually have Randy Orton leave and form his own group of young stars.
The next order of business would be Kane. To face him, I'd bring in The Undertaker, whose act has grown stale on Smackdown! But don't just bring back The American Sad Ass Undertaker, I want the Dead Man Undertaker, the guy who rose up from the dead on more than one occasion.
I'd have to knock Scott Steiner down a peg. Big Poppa Pump would become a jobber. Not just any jobber, though. Kind of like an Iron Mike Sharpe. You know, the muscled monster you think will win, but never does.
The Hurricane would get a larger role. Forget that the guy's not big in stature, he's got charisma ... and Hurri-powers.
And Lance Storm would finally be able to showcase his talents. Matches against Rob Van Dam could become classics.
I would bring back Raven, who deserved much better than the role he was given before he left.
Booker T also gets a bigger role ... can you dig that, suckahs?
Goldberg would be the unstoppable force, my top villain.
C'mon WWE thinkers ... I'm waiting for your call.
- Booker T lost his Intercontinental championship to Christian at a RAW house show in Des Moines, Iowa. Booker T is likely out for a couple of months with a back injury.
- J.R. is back! Jim Ross has returned to RAW. Uh, J.R., that'll be enough holidays for awhile ... please!!!
- Eric Bischoff beat Kane on RAW ... okay, so Kane let him win. Now, for his troubles, Bischoff will face Shane McMahon at Summer Slam.
- A-Train beat Stephanie McMahon in the main event of Smackdown! We only regret that this wasn't a hair vs. hair match, Stephanie's locks against A-Train's back rug.
- Speaking of hair vs. hair, Kevin Nash puts his mane on the line vs. Y2J tomorrow on RAW. The betting is Nash gets his locks chopped.
- Lance Storm in Goldust makeup? What's next?
- Celebrity Justice said Joanie Laurer is hiding from Sean Waltman (X Pac) and has filed a restraining order against him. Laurer's agent said she's disconnected all her phones and has moved.
- WWE.com is down to four finalists in its diva search. Check it out and vote for Canada's Jaimie, Mississippi's Paige, California's Marsha or Michigan's Terri. Let's help out our Canadian gal. If you're not so patriotic, Paige would also be a wonderful choice.
- Dave Scherer of 1wrestling.com reported the Hulk Hogan vs. WCW court case is over. It was ruled that Hulk Hogan's charges of defamation against WCW and Vince Russo were groundless and were just part of a wrestling storyline. This lawsuit dated back to a July 9, 2000 WCW Bash at the Beach incident where Russo lashed out at Hogan after Jeff Jarrett laid down for Hogan and took an easy pin on him before leaving the ring. The judge ruled that "remarks were directed at Hulk Hogan the wrestling character, not Terry Bollea," who turned 50 on Monday.