Match 1 - Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Rene Dupree
Here I've been spelling Dupree's first name wrong all this time. Pity. The La Resistance member shows his cockiness early, but a reverse neckbreaker by Bubba puts an end to that. Both men earn near falls before Dupree grabs the French flag. Rene's partner accidentally clotheslines him, and D-Von uses the flag to aid Bubba when the ref is distracted. A Bubba Bomb gives Dudley the win.
The three members of Evolution discuss Triple H's groin injury. Ric Flair has to face Goldberg tonight, but at least he'll have the crowd on his side. Bischoff enters and requests an audience with the world champ. It seems he has a proposition to make. After the break, we get a recap of the Australian tour.
Match 2 - Scott Steiner vs. Randy Orton
Orton says more people are on hand tonight to see his nipples than Stacy's. Oh really fool? Really? Steiner won't put up with his foolishness and attacks before the bell. Orton responds with a dropkick and a choke as the crowd chants for Stacy. Steiner hits a belly-to-belly and the fight goes to the outside. Big Poppa Pump is still in control back inside the ring, scoring with a big overhead release belly-to-belly off the top rope. It looks like curtains for Orton until Test sticks his nose in, and even though he takes a beating from Steiner he does serve his purpose. Orton uses the diversion to hit the RKO from behind and continue his winning streak.
Backstage, a panicked Bischoff wants to know if he and HHH have a deal. The champ is a bit put off but says Evolution will take care of things.
Rosie tells The Hurricane that he's ready to begin his super hero training but the green one is not convinced. Christian drops by to mock both of the faces as well as his nemesis, Booker T. Hurricane is trusting in his Hurri-powers to handle Christian in the ring tonight, but Rosie has his Super Hero In Training kit ready. Get it? It spells a naughty word. Shades of Yoda as Hurricane says not yet. We get a quick peek at Shane in an undisclosed secure location preparing for his match. Then we see Bischoff talking to Rodney Mack until he's interrupted by Austin. Bischoff laughs about having Triple H in his corner to face Shane, and says that all it took to secure the world champ's services was to change his SummerSlam match with Goldberg to a no-DQ affair. Austin isn't happy, and you can see the gears spinning in his brain as Eric walks away.
Match 3 - The Hurricane vs. Christian
Hurricane gets the party started right with a somersault dive to the floor, then follows up in the ring with a top rope cross body for two. Christian fights out of a chokeslam but gets hit with a clothesline. He does manage to duck the Shining Wizard, then he rolls up Hurricane and grabs tights to roll up his foe and get the pinfall. Christian continues his assault after the bell, but Rosie arrives in his S.H.I.T. costume complete with cape and purple mask. A spinning sidewalk slam sends Christian running as the sidekick gets his first lesson from his mentor - stand behind me when we pose.
A police van pulls up with Kane shackled in the back. Isn't there something in the U.S. constitution against cruel and unusual punishment? I'm talking about Kane's treatment, not this storyline, though that shoe does fit sometimes.
Match 4 - Ric Flair vs. Goldberg
Triple H decides to join The Coach and The King for some lighthearted banter and witty repartee. He also asks Coachman to massage his groin but is denied. Meanwhile, Goldberg gets the expected mixed reaction with more boos than cheers. Think the Canadian fans will ever forgive him for "ending" Bret Hart's career? Ask Earl Hebner if the Canucks ever let bygones be bygones. As far as the match goes, it is mostly Flair getting tossed around and Goldberg no-selling the old man's chops and punches. The Nature Boy does get a brief bit of offense in, but it ends abruptly when he is tossed off the top rope. Orton has seen enough and rushes in with a chair shot, giving the DQ victory to Goldberg. Triple H leaves the announce table and fetches his sledgehammer as his partners soften up his SummerSlam opponent. Goldberg takes two sledgehammer shots to the midsection, but Shawn Michaels enters to prevent further damage. Chris Jericho runs in to stop HBK, but Kevin Nash runs down with a chair to help the faces (in the U.S. anyway). In the midst of the chaos, Austin walks out on the stage and grabs a mic. He says he might not be able to change the SS main event but he can add to it, and that is exactly what he's going to do. It will still be Triple H versus Goldberg in a no-DQ world title match, but now the match will also include HBK, Nash, Orton and Jericho and the whole mess will be in the Elimination Chamber. Wait... what? Goldberg spears Flair and we head to commercial to try to digest this whole mess.
Terri interviews insane ex-Sixers president Pat Croce about the second season of Slamball. I've got two words for you: nobdy cares. Michaels, Nash and Jericho are still in the ring, and Jericho ends up on the business end of a Jackknife Power Bomb, much to the chagrin of the Vancouver fans. In the back, Evolution checks on Flair, and Bischoff wants to know if their deal is still on. Triple H says it is as long as Eric can change the SummerSlam match, but Bischoff replies that it's out of his hands. The Game informs him that he's on his own.
Match 5 - Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly - Women's Title Match
Molly is on fire in the early going, so Trish turns things around by grounding her on the mat. The Matrix sends Molly flying to the floor and Trish is right on top of her. Victoria runs down and slams Stratus on the floor, causing the disqualification. Molly takes exception and shoves Victoria, then Gail Kim joins the fray and clears the ring. Kim helps a dazed Trish to her feet, but she quickly turns on the blonde bombshell with a clothesline, a slap and a power bomb. I guess they're not friends any more, if they ever were.
Shane charges the police van but can't get through the phalanx of police officers to get at Kane. In the locker room, Lance Storm admits he's boring and turns to Goldust for help. And Bischoff tells the officers guarding Kane's van that Shane has attacked some of their partners. As Vancouver's finest run off on their wild goose chase, Eric produces keys from his pocket. Coach and The King play dumb but I'm sure you know what this means.
Match 6 - Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho
Naturally, we can't get started without a commercial break so we can see our twentieth preview for S.W.A.T. When we do get underway, RVD uses kicks and a momkey flip to try to end things quickly. Jericho rakes his eyes and charges into the corner, missing and hitting the ringpost. Rob hits a baseball slide kick and launches himself; Jericho moves and Van Dam hits the restraining barrier. Back in the ring, Jericho hits a suplex and a series of elbowdrops, then takes his foe down to the mat. RVD powers his way out only to fall victim to a knee whip and a brief sleeper. Jericho throws Rob to the outside, then tries to suplex him in off the apron but a reversal sends the Highlight of the Night to the floor instead. Van Dam rolls CJ back in but is quickly caught by a big dropkick. A series of reversals ends with a Van Dam roll-up attempt, but Jericho kicks out. A missed Rolling Thunder leaves RVD scrambling to kick out himself. Rob rolls away from a Lionsault, but Jericho does the same to the Five Star Frog Splash. Chris can't get the three count but does apply the Walls of Jericho, and he thinks he's won until the ref tells him Van Dam grabbed the bottom rope. Rob hits a dropkick and follows with a split-legged moonsault to finally score the pinfall. Quite a contest.
Ever the sore loser, Jericho grabs a mic and says the only reason he lost is because of the damage previously inflicted by the big stupid s.o.b. Nash. To get revenge, Jericho says he intends to take on Big Daddy Cool in a Hair versus Hair Match. That's great, but as the announcers point out, when exactly would that happen? The booking is even more incoherent tonight than usual, if that's possible. Backstage, Bischoff is smiling and Kane is missing from his van. Coincedence? I think not.
Main Event - Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon - No Holds Barred
Bischoff shows off some of his martial arts kicks with the help of a crew member as we await Shane's entrance. McMahon takes a few kicks in the ring, but rallies to spear Bischoff and rain down rights and lefts. Kane's music hits and Shane-O-Mac wastes no time bravely but foolishly meeting the monster on the ramp. Kane shakes off the attack and tosses Shane into the ringpost, then the barrier. Kane scoops up McMahon and gives him a Tombstone on the steel steps. All that remains is for Bischoff to make the cover and get the win. A jubilant Bischoff gets less than enthusiastic high fives from Coach and King as Raw winds its way to a close. Tune in next week to see how many more times the SummerSlam main event can change.
Nick Tylwalk has been a SLAM! Wrestling contributor since 1998. If there are more spelling and grammar mistakes in this week's report than usual, he urges you to blame it on Mike and his hard cranberries and lemons.
Tue, August 5, 2003