TNA: The Fallen Angel returns
DONNIE ABREU - SLAM! Wrestling
This week, the Total Non Stop action hit a little speed bump, picked up steam, stopped completely and then ended with a flurry. We had several returns from old familiar faces, the debut of a fresh new star, a little character development for a couple of older stars, and one helluva match!
A white limo pulled up, and out came Trinity (scantily clad once again) with the NWA Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles and Sonny Siaki. Scott Hudson poked a mic in Style\'s face asking about last week\'s main event. Styles said they have a company line, \"No Comment\". Siaki told us that TNA is filming a documentary on his life. Hudson says it\'s a documentary on the whole roster. Siaki laughed.
Elix Skipper Versus Jerry Lynn
This was bizarre. Skipper and Lynn locked up and 30 seconds later, Lynn rolled up the man who calls himself \"pound for pound the best wrestler in the world\" and got a win! Elix got on the mic and said that it was a fluke and if Lynn had any guts he\'d make it two out of three falls. Lynn agreed. Winner of first fall - Jerry Lynn. Skupper started the first fall going for the Play of The Day and then croched Lynn on the top rope. Skip then walked the top rope and lept into a Hurricanrana. Amazing. Lynn had a brief comeback when Skipper was on the apron outside the ring. Skipper did a 360 flip over the top rope from a standing postion and rolled into a clothesline on Lynn. Lynn laying near the corner, Skipper did his Ultimo Dragon headstand on the top rope into a twisting leg drop. Lynn lept to the corner and jumped off with a Tornado-Flatliner. Very cool! Ref bump on an attempted body slam. Skipper tried to hit Lynn with his scale. Lynn ducked and dropkicked the scale into Skipper\'s face. Ref recovers. Lynn wins two straight falls. I didn\'t expect that. When\'s the last time you saw a best two of three falls end in two straight? Especially when the loser is a guy in the midst of a huge push. Very strange.
Winner: Jerry Lynn
Sonny Siaki then came to the ring with Trinity. We\'re told that Vince Russo is not in the Asylum this week. Siaki cut a promo babbling about how he is the present and the future. Girls want him, guys envy him because he\'s got \"The Magic Stick\". Um, okay. Siaki then says to his team mate AJ Styles that if it weren\'t for him that Styles would have lost the World Title to D\'Lo Brown. Styles didn\'t seem to like that, so he walked out to the ring.
Styles said Siaki doesn\'t know what being a champion is all about. He says Siaki has forgotten his role in \"Team Styles\". Crowd chant \"Know Your Role!\" Styles said let me remind you of your role: \"I wear the gold, you carry my bags. I wear tuxedos, and you ride my coat tails\". Siaki said he is Russo\'s right hand man and Styles is a LITTLE joker. Styles slapped Siaki in the mouth, which seemed to trigger D\'Lo Brown\'s entramce music and appearance.
Brown tells Styles he doesn\'t need Siaki, Trinity or Russo. Crowd chanting, \"Shut your mouth!\" and \"D\'Lo Sucks\". Ouch. How quickly they turn. D\'Lo says it\'s eating his soul up because he doesn\'t know who really won the title match last week.
D\'Lo challenged AJ to a rematch. AJ says it bothers him that he came within inches of losing the title so he wants to battle D\'Lo one more time, \"for the title and for respect\". They shook hands and hugged. Siaki with a crotch shot from behind, followed by a beat down. Styles looked like he was going to help Brown for a second, but then jumped in himself.
The save was made by TNA\'s new Director of Authority, Eric Watts. Watts says that the rematch will be held next week. Joe Legend, Siaki and Trinity will be barred from ringside. Vince Russo will be sitting ringside, handcuffed to Watts, and the ring will be surrounded by a steeeeeel cage! Wooooo hooooo!
Backstage Hudson interviews Raven and Julio. Hudson asks Raven where CM Punk is. Raven says, \"Hey Julio - is Punk comin\'?\".... \"Naw, he flaked out on us\". Nice explanation for the fact that Punk was booked to compete in Japan this week. Alexis Laree (making her TNA return after being set on fire by James Mitchell) said that she was with Raven and would compete in the six man Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Match.
Don Callis came out with his 500 pounder, Edward Chastain. Callis says that the fans want to see Chastain versus the Sandman. So it will happen this week, but not in a hardcore match - in a scientific match.
Edward Chastain Versus Sandman
Callis joined the broadcast team - YES!!!! FINALLY!! He said wrestling audience were confused by two announcers named Don, so West has until next week to come up with a new handle!
Chastain and Sandman tussled back and forth for a bit. Sandman was on the outside when the big man went for a senton off the apron to the outside but Sandman moved.
Ref bump. Sandman with a cane shot on Chastain\'s huge head, and then the ol\' Russian Leg Sweep with the cane.
Callis in the ring telling Chastain that he not only disappointed him, but also the customers. Callis put on a rubber glove and shook Chastain\'s hand saying, \"You are no longer required but feel free to use me as a reference. You are another victim of corporate down sizing!\"
We go to a pretaped package of Shark Boy sulking and apparently in need of a new partner. His former partner, New Jack was never mentioned by name and it was not explained why he was no longer SB\'s main man. Norman Smiley offered to be Sharky\'s new partner and even taught him the big wiggle.
Shark Boy and Norman Smiley Versus Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger (with Glen Gilberti)
Tenay then says that Callis was involved with the suspension of New Jack due to violence and bad language. The Asylum was filled with people wearing Shark Boy masks - on sale for the first time last night.
Swinger tied Sharky up in the tree of woe, then went to the outside and pulled back with a reverse chin lock. Shark Boy was beaten down by Swinger and Diamond for several minutes. \"Let\'s Go Sharky!\" chant broke out. Sharky with a back body drop and a hot tag. Norman Smiley with the Bee Sting butt shot on Swinger and then the big wiggle spanking session on Diamond.
Shark tagged back in and took the Problem Solver (flapjack - DDT). 1-2-3.
Winners: Diamond and Swinger
Gilberti took the mic and said that last week Chris Harris and James Storm got whipped and beat, but one guy didn\'t who deserved it - Jeremy Borash. Diamond and Swinger grab Borash while GG prepares to whip him with a strap. Save made by Harris and Storm. Storm fumbled his way through a promo (poor excitable redneck with marbles in his mouth) and challenged those baddies to a Raw Hide Strap Match next week. I didn\'t see that stip coming.
Video pack of Vince Russo talking about how Styles is the champion because he is by his side. Russo is holding the NWA Heavyweight Title on his shoulder. He said that Sports Entertainment Xtreme is on hold because he is obsessed with destroying Jeff Jarrett.
X-Division Championship Match - Chris Sabin Versus Michael Shane
Eric Watts appointed Sabin\'s top rival Frankie Kazarian as the special guest referee. Just a reminder, Shane (making his TNA debut) is the cousin of Shawn Michaels. Shane definitely patterns his in ring style and mannerisms after his legendary cuz.
Shane started with a leapfrog, standing hurricanrana, cartwheel kick and a roll up. Sabin lept to the top rope and nailed Shane in the back of the head with a missle dropkick. Sabin on the outside, Shane ran and lept over the rope Swanton-style, without touching the ropes and crushed the champion.
Moments later, Sabin did one better. With Shane on the outside, Sabin ran the ring, jumped and landed on the top rope then wiped the rookie out with a stiff plancha. Back in the ring, Sabin applied a rear naked choke. Nice rest hold.
Attempted bulldog from the top rope by Sabin turned into a twisting neck breaker from the second rope by Shane. Shane with the flying forearm (yes, shades of cousin Shawn - or Tito Santana), followed up by an inverted DDT and a two count.
Sabin whipped into the roped lept off the second rope and sprung back with a spike DDT. WOW! Sabin coming off the ropes was caught by Sweet Chin Music! 2 Count. Crowd is HOT for this match.
Sabin then lifted Shane up (like a Jesse Ventura backbreaker) and spun his man down, slamming him to the mat face first! HAIL SABIN!. Kazarian only counted two which inspired the crowd to chant \"That was 3!\".
Moments later, Kazarian hit one of his finishers \"The Wave Of The Future\" on Sabin onto his title belt. The crowd booed Kazarian (who is supposed to be the face). Senior official Rudy Charles ran out and ejected Kazarian from the match. While this was going on, Sabin hit Shane with a belt shot. Charles came in and made the pinfall.
Winner: Chris Sabin
A Mad Mikey vignette was next. Mikey is the former Crash Holly in case you missed it last week. This little package is supposed to show all the things Mikey is mad at. One of them wasn\'t the WWE. He\'s mad at his computer. So he threw the monitor outside. He beat up the drive thru guy for putting cheese on his burger. He beat up some guy who was eating cereal and didn\'t like it and passed it to him. Mikey doesn\'t like it. Crowd seemed to dig it.
Scott Hudson interviewed rock n roller, Ricky Morton. Morton, Kid Kash\'s trainer talked about Kash\'s lack of respect for the business and for women. Two clichés in 15 seconds. By Morton: \"I taught you everything you know, but I didn\'t teach you everything I know.\" Hudson responded with \"It\'s time to go to the woodshed\". Oh Boy.
Ricky Morton Versus Kid Kash
Former women\'s wrestler, and TNA employee Sarah Lee was in Morton\'s corner. The 120 year old Sarah Lee was thankfully not wearing anyting from the Trinity collection.
Kash on the outside, as 85 year old Morton speared himself through the ropes Benoit-style taking out his opponent. Back in the ring, Kash with a reverse chin lock (Morton\'s blown up already), and then an exchange of chops. Kash with a key-lock. Someone get an O2 tank with a bandana wrapped around it.
Off a whip in, Morton taught a class in how to apply a backslide. At least it looked like a class because it was in super slow motion. A reversal, Kash went for a pin and Morton TRIED to bridge out. I saw try because both men nearly fell over as they ended up on the ropes. Those bridges are tough when you\'re 93 years old.
Kash on the top rope. Morton went for a Hurricanrana, but messed it up pretty badly. So of course Tenay calls it a \"variation\". Kash distracts the ref as the 6\'6\" 300 pound bodyguard of Kash, Abyss ran out and put Morton into his sit-out Torture Rack! Yes! I want an Abyss T-Shirt!! Kash covers.
Winner: Kid Kash
3 Live Crew\'s weekly segment was next. Konnan and \"The Truth\" took BG James out for spicy food, which apparently the \"Cracker\" didn\'t like too much. Killings went to the bar and ordered an orange juice. The bartender said \"Tequila\". \"No orange juice\". \"No Tequila\". \"That\'s how you say orange juice in Mexican?\" Killings got drunk, a little barfing and farting in the men\'s room. Bla bla. These guys are getting old fast.
In the ring, the TNA dancers Lollipop and April challenged the women of \"Bitch Slap\" to a fight. Nurse Veronica and her cheerleader friend Valentina came out with Trinity. They were whipped by the dancers and ran away. This made Sable versus Steph look like RVD and Lance Storm. Terrible waste of time.
Another Chris Daniels promo aired. COME BACK DANIELS. Like right NOW. This week\'s episode needed some Fallen Angel. No luck, but he will be back next week.
Tenay and West (who has not yet announced his new name) babbled about nothing and threw to a video pack to allow the ring crew time to set up the weapons and plunder for the next match.
6-Way Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Match - Shane Douglas, Brian Lee and Slash Versus Raven, Julio Dinero and Alexis Laree
If you\'ve never see or heard of a COHOF match, the ring is surrounded with barbed wire and various werapons are hung from chains and wires around the ring. Steel gates, canes, chairs, crutches, nun chucks, toaster overs - whatever. Falls count anywhere on the planet.
I\'m concerned about \"Killdozer\" Brian Lee. The former Underfaker looks really, really skinny. He seems to have lost a ton of weight in just a few weeks. Hopefully it\'s nothing to worry about.
The Gathering hit the ring and eliminated Team Evil with trash can lids and other fun objects. Laree then jumped over the top with a suicide dive, but was caught by the Disciples and thrown to the floor. Dinero tried the same thing and was also caught. Raven slide through the ropes kicking Dinero\'s back sending all of them to the floor.
Chair shot. Trash can lid shot. Blood here. Blood there. A crutch in someone\'s face. More blood. Okay, five minutes in, I think everyone is bleeding. Actually only Dinero and Raven have been busted open.
The New Church dominated the match for quite awhile. Laree got no special treatment. New Church went for their Dropkick Dooms Day Device, but Dinero rolled through and got a near fall. Laree fought off an attempted powerbomb and sent Slash to the floor with a hurricanrana. Brian Lee then flattened Laree without mercy. Double sweet chin music by Raven and Dinero on Lee. Trash can shots by Raven and Dinero on everybody. Raven and Dinero put Douglas and Slash into matching abdominal stretches allowing Laree to cane their exposed mid sections. Trash can con-chairto by the babyfaces. Crowd is going nuts.
Laree with a top rope jumping DDT onto Slash. Raven with a top rope flying elbow onto Douglas who laying on a table outside the ring.
Raven was then pulled under the ring by \"someone\". Apparently the same guy who pulled him backstage last week. Raven was gone for several minutes and then thrown back to the floor unconscious. Douglas made the cover.
Winners: New Church and Douglas.
D\'Lo backstage being interviewed by Hudson with a cage wall set up between them. Another wrestling cliché as Brown rubbed a nice red apple against the fence slicing it open. Cabbage would have been better.
AJ was then being interviewed. He joked about how next week\'s match will be billed as teacher versus student. \"I took D\'Lo\'s class. It SUCKED!\".
Double Pole Match - Joe Legend Versus Jeff Jarett
Legend\'s baseball bat was on one pole and Jarrett\'s guitar was on another. Pole matches generally suck. Would a double pole match suck twice as much?
Jarrett comes out fired up with fists to the head of Legend. Legend regained the advantage with a high knee. Legend went to the top to grab the bat, but Jarrett pushed his ass (literally) and Legend hit the floor. Ouch.
Back in the ring, Legend with the sit out inverted TKO that he used to call \"The Hospital Job\". Reverse chin lock-surfboard variation by Legend. Jarrett back on his feet tried to jump off the top with a high cross body, but was caught by Legend and dropped into a backbreaker. Legend with a claw. Yes!
Legend on the top rope trying to grab the guitar, but Jarrett ran over and launched his man with a running powerbomb. Legend went to the top again but was tossed into the ring Ric Flair style. Jarret went for the baseball bat and got it, by Sonny Siaki ran in. Siaki distracted Jarrett, but was thrown over the top rope. Jarrett took a bat shot from Legend from behind. Jarrett regained the advantage and tried to nail Siaki with the bat but was stopped by the evil members of the red-shirt security team. Legend hit a jumping flatliner, but the ref was way out of position. Crowd chanting \"Legend! Legend!\" He is supposed to be the heel. Oh well.
Legend went for the guitar, and was met by JJ who took him down with a top rope Stroke. Jarrett jumped back in with the guitar, but Legend avoided the shot and knocked the former champ down. Legend went to the top rope with the bat, moonsault style and jumped off but got caught with a guitar shot. The guitar didn\'t break, so JJ went to the second rope and crowned the Toronto native with an overhead smash. Remember Ahmed Johnson? I digress.
Jarrett made the cover and picked up the win.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett
The celebration was short lived as THE FALLEN ANGEL answered my prayers and surprised everyone with an early TNA return! He beat the living hell out of Jarrett using vicious high spots. Arabian Moonsault. Leaping plancha off the steps onto Jarrett against the Guard rail. Top rope splashes with the bat. Beautiful. Legend came to and threw in a Stone Cutter for good measure. The whole time Daniels was screaming \"Tradition ends TONIGHT!\" Great finish to the show.
The X-Division match was really good, Callis was awesome and Mikey was entertaining. Daniels managed to save what was TNA\'s worst all-around pay per view in months. If you\'re thinking about purchasing the encore, those things I mentioned do make it worth the ten bucks, but there are some dead spots (Morton) in between. The Clockwork Orange match was a major let down, other than a five-minute spurt of decent action. At least we have seen the last of Edward Chastain. He made Mabel look like Kurt Angle.
Donnie Abreu has been a wrestling journalist for eight years and is the
co-founder of IceCold Media (http://www.icecoldmedia.com). Visit
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Till Next Week!