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Stephen Laroche:
Brock and Kurt amaze
Big Slow needs to be released
Angle gets the duke
Yves Leroux:
Long match is in sight
Angle takes the title belt
Big Show gets “disposed of” permanantly
Jason Clevett:
Show is awful, yo.
But Angle & Brock will Rule
Be Summerslam Bound
US Title tournament finals - Eddy Guererro vs. Chris Benoit
Jon Waldman:
Could be best this year
Belt will go to Eddy
Benoit screwed again.
Bob Kapur:
Benoit deserves gold.
And will beat Latino Heat.
Year's best match maybe.
Alex Ristic:
Friends are now foes
As the age old story goes
Benoit's legend grows
Stephen Laroche:
Meaningless title
Wolverine and Guerrero
Eddy wins, esse...
Yves Leroux:
Title has no weight anymore
Guererro takes it
Benoit gets misused again
Jason Clevett:
Guerrero is hot
Benoit, sadly, isn’t over.
Popular guy wins
WWE Tag Team Championship - Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman
Jon Waldman:
Kidman turns on Rey
Ending is so obvious
Haas and Shelton rule!
Bob Kapur:
The mat wrestlers will
ground the high-fliers. Result?
No new champs tonight
Alex Ristic:
Lightweights against geeks
Technical match it should be
Incumbents win again
Stephen Laroche:
Heel turn imminent
Kidman is acting jealous
Champions retain
Yves Leroux:
Kidman gives performance of a lifetime
Champions remain
Potential for best match of the evening
Jason Clevett:
Fly, Cruisers, fly high.
Still not enough to beat champs
Kidman to turn heel?
Undertaker vs. John Cena
Jon Waldman:
Taker versus John
Will Mark lay down for Cena?
No way in hell. Damn.
Bob Kapur:
The man with the bling
can get it done in the ring.
The "Dead Man" jobs… word.
Alex Ristic:
Rap and bikes don't mix
David vs. Goliath this is
Dead Man still walking
Stephen Laroche:
Word up to Cena
'Taker is falling apart
Dead Man's turn to job
Yves Leroux:
Cena takes it
Undertaker finally starts jobbing
Time for a new gimmick (or return of an old one)
Jason Clevett:
Taker Job? Yeah right.
He must hold young talent down.
Cena rules, but lose.
Vince McMahon vs. Zack Gowan
Jon Waldman:
Two bad performers.
This angle make me question
How low Vince will go.
Bob Kapur:
Damn you Vince McMahon!
How many more Pay-Per-Views
must your ego spoil?
Alex Ristic:
One leg to stand on
McMahon Mountain to climb
One leg stand like two
Stephen Laroche:
Vinny is too smug
Zack is a Strange Animal
Viewers will tune out
Yves Leroux:
Vinnie destroys Zack
Vinnie should stop wrestling
This will be a predictable bore
Jason Clevett:
Oh no it's Gowen
wrestling against Vincent
One Legged Guy Wins
Stephanie McMahon vs. Sable
Jon Waldman:
Silicon galore
Who the hell booked this garbage?
Oh right, daddy's girl!
Bob Kapur:
Despite their giant
store-bought breasts, Steph and Sable
will not entertain.
Alex Ristic:
Bust to bust they meet
Implant to implant, male treat
Winner, who cares? Neat.
Stephen Laroche:
Sable is sagging
My ears hurt when Steph is on
I don't care who wins
Yves Leroux:
Who cares?
Stephanie takes Sable
So still, who cares?
Jason Clevett:
Two big breasted ho’s
Wrestling over nothing
Who gives a crap?
APA Bar-room invitational
Jon Waldman:
This match should be called
Bathroom invitational
Where is Ultimo???
Bob Kapur:
Why are they wasting
the roster on this nonsense?
Hire new writers!
Alex Ristic:
Match is to kill time
Although, many stars align
Is this Rhyno's time?
Stephen Laroche:
Stuff will be broken
Bradshaw hates the Internet
Brooklyn Brawler Wins
Yves Leroux:
New items will be crashed on everyone’s head
Bradshaw will come out looking the best
Can’t get into it……
Jason Clevett:
No Spanky, Dragon,
Or talent in sight. Waste time
With this crap. Don’t care.
BONUS HAIKU: Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble
Jason Clevett:
The Assman Commeth
Torrie will sleep with Jamie
Knoble wins this match
This month's pay-per-view predictions were assembled by Jon Waldman. Waldman, the lead writer of the upcoming book "SLAM! Wrestling presents: Poetry Pandimonium!", has been with SLAM! since 2000. He hopes to sit down with Scott Levy soon and discuss the pros and cons of Edgar Allan Poe's contributions to the literary world.
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