July 17, 2003
TNA: Blood, masks and many happy returns
By DONNIE ABREU
Back in the ring, Siaki took control when Trinity interfered. Siaki threw Brown with a T-Bone suplex. Nice. Believe it or not folks, Siaki IS getting better! Off a toss into the ropes, Brown threw Siaki in the air, jumped and pulled him down with a Diamond Cutter. It was basically a one-man 3D.
Brown was laying punches into the Ace In The Hole when Trinity went to the top rope. D'Lo ducked and she hit a cross body on Siaki. Brown rolled him up and made the cover. He will have 5 minutes with Russo.
Winner: D'Lo Brown
A video package was shown hyping the next match.
Last Man Standing Match
Tenay says the winner will be declared when one man cannot get to his feet following a 10 count. Don West informs us that the key to victory is to keep your man down for 10 seconds. Very astute Don.
Within the first three minutes Lynn was wearing a sick-looking crimson mask. He was down on his back for what seemed like forever while Credible was on the outside setting up a table.
On the outside, Lynn catapulted Credible into the ring post and busted him open. Both men were bleeding profusely.
Lynn then connected with a hurricanrana on the top rope to the outside putting Credible through the table!
Back in the ring, Credible hit a superkick and a tombstone. Lynn got to his feet after the count of 7. When the match restarted Lynn hot JC with a cradle piledriver. Credible got up at the count of 6.
Lynn set Credible up on the top rope but Credible turned into a SECOND ROPE THAT'S INCREDIBLE piledriver! WOW! Lynn got to his feet at the count of 9 and a half.
Credible brought a chunk of the broken table into the ring but got DDT'd onto it. There were three or four reversed piledrivers before Lynn hit a cradle tombstone!! Credible made it up and then took another cradle piledriver.
Both men were down and had the count on them. Both men got up, but Credible fell to his feet while Lynn stayed up. Lynn wins.
Awesome match. Suspect finish. I'd like to see them go again!
Winner: Jerry Lynn
We then had our weekly 3 Live Crew feature. Ron Killings, BG James and K-Dawg are out in Nashville chattin' with the locals at some fair or carnival or something, just generally being clowns. There was banjo music the whole time. The segment was decent, but not as funny as last week's.
Jarrett and Legend are out again beating on each other. Apparently this is not their match. They just like to fight.
X Division Championship Match
Once again, Don West proves his inability on the microphone. He talks about the X-Division as a stepping stone in TNA and how it launched the careers of Red and Lynn and Styles and Low Ki. TNA, does not want the X Title viewed like a cruiserweight belt or a mid carder title. The X matches have headlined many TNA shows. Poor West. Just doesn't get it.
The match was fast paced and well worked. Sabin kicked out of Back To The Future and then fought out of the Flux Capacitor. Sabin came off the top with a missle drop kick but took out the ref by accident.
With the ref down, Sabin went for a belt shot. FK reversed and nailed the Wave Of The Future on the belt. 1-2-3 we have a new champion!
Nope. The senior official came out and said Kazarian used the belt to his advantage. Sabin retains. I smell a gimmicked rematch.
Winner: The Future
New Jack on the mic backstage and he had his lil' buddy Shark Boy with him. NJ talking about how the two of them went after the Shark's mask last week when he wasn't there. Now the odds are even. Shark then hands the Original Gangsta an extra mask.
New Jack and Shark Boy VS. The Harris Brothers
Yup, New Jack is wearin' the mask!
At the start of this match, Don West is still begging Tenay to explain the finish of the last match. The explanation took two minutes with West still sounding confused. Hey DW, try watching wrestling now and then... this isn't exactly a NEW angle.
I can't believe I'm writing this, but the big twins were ACTUALLY decent this week. AMAZING but true. They showed some quickness, and pulled out several impressive transition moves and some nice suplexes and double teams.
Shark Boy took a beating made the hot tag and New Jack cleared house. West: "It's like the mask has given him super powers".
So much for his powers, a minute later he took an H-Bomb and took the loss.
Winners: The Harris Boys
The big dudes went after Shark's mask and actually got it. Dean's face was exposed but he layed face down on the matt covering himself up. New Jack then gave him his mask as Shark ran to the back. The Harris' beat on the OG for his quick thinking.
Shark made the save wearing those big green Hulk hands (boxing gloves) he had a few weeks ago.
Sit down interview with Kid Kash by Mike Tenay. Abyss (Mankind 2K3) is wandering back and forth, just trying to look big and bad.
Kash went on about how Tenay is not qualified to critique him because he's never been in the ring. Abyss then grabbed Tenay by the neck and Kash left with the message "You WILL respect Kid Kash".
Eric Watts is backstage with Goldylocks and being interviewed by Scott Hudson. Hudson asks about the guy Watts has been teasing for months. A guy named "Eric" from WCW who will come into TNA and restore order. The inference is Bischoff, my guess is he's talking about himself. He says Eric will be here next week.
We then get a catfight between the members of BitchSlap! and a bunch of TNA dancers. Yet another 10 second pull apart. Let them fight or drop the storyline.
We then get another video hyping the return of The Fallen Angel, Chris Daniels, who may very well be the best worker in North America today.
Daniels' Triple X teammate then walked out to cut a promo. He calls himself "Pound for Pound, The Best Wrestler in the world today". He even walked out with a scale. He says he's not just a wrestler, he's a great athlete. He challenged Kobe Bryant, Michael Vick and Roy Jones Jr. to competition in their respective sports.
Music interrupts and we have the return of the Amazing Red (who was been gone from TNA for almost two months following a tour of Japan and a nagging knee injury).
Amazing Red VS. Elix Skipper
Nice spot when Red went for a baseball slide to the outside. Skipper caught him by the boots, spun him around and DDT'd him to the floor. Sick! Skipper hit a superkick, then did an Ultimo Dragon style headstand on the top rope and reversed into the ring with a twisting leg drop. Two count only.
Red recovered and hit a DDT following a reversed spinning head scissors. Red hit a hurricanrana and tried to follow up, but Skipper "Matrix-ed" out.
The ref wasn't paying attention for some reason and Skipper smashed his scale into Red's face. Welcome back kid.
Winner: Elix Skipper
Behind The Paint, Part 3. This is the third installment of Mike Tenay's "shoot" interview with Sting.
Don Callis then made his way down to the ring to cut a promo with his 500 pounder, Edward Chastain (formerly indy wrestler Iceberg). Callis has the Hard 10 trophy in his hand. He talks about how he is here to make changes in TNA. Apparently he is TNA's management consultant. He says that last week the Sandman was downsized right out of TNA. He says that his market research shows that fans do NOT want hardcore wrestling.
Callis was interrupted by.... Oh dear, the Big Wiggle.
Edward Chastain VS. Norman Smiley
OK, I was curious to see, and now I know. Chastain sucks. Smiley led the whole match. Chastain finally bellied Smiley and then jumped on him with the "Ground Zero Splash". He ain't Yokozuna. He ain't King Kong Bundy. He ain't good. His run in TNA may not last much longer than that of the Rikishi wannabe, Cheeks.
We had an Interrogators segment with America's Most Wanted. Most of the questions they were asked were softballs. One interesting one was when Tenay asked them to choose between the Midnight Express and The Rock and Roll Express. Harris said that the R&R Express were the best babyface tag team of all team.
Glen Gilberti is in the ring with his team Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger. Gilberti called Jeremy Borash into the ring. This was really cool. They started screaming about how TNA favors America's Most Wanted and they cited Borash's column on the TNA website where he put AMW over as the best team in the business today. They decide to beat on the ring announcer but the save was made by Harris and Storm. Swinger took the Hart Attack, but chair shots flattened the champs.
Gilberti says they aren't leaving the ring until someone sanctions a Tag Team title re-match for his team.
That's when RAVEN made his TNA return! Raven destroyed Diamond and Swinger and then went after Double G, who ran like a scalded dog to the back (thanks JR).
AMW battled their challengers to the back allowing Raven the chance to grab a mic and cut a promo.
He says he's not here to bitch or complain. He is here to invite to Shane Douglas and Father James Mitchell into Raven's Clockwork Orange House Of Fun. The Franchise and the Sinister walked out. Mitchell started to cut a promo but was interrupted by Raven attacking Douglas. They made their way down to the ring, and Douglas was beaten down. The save was made by The Disciples Of The New Church (who finally returned to TNA after a lengthy absence). Brian Lee, Slash and Douglas laid Raven out while Mitchell laughed and taunted him.
Raven was busted open (after two drop toe holds into a chair). Mitchell got in Raven's face and asked if he'd had enough. Raven screamed through his crimson mask "GO TO HELL". They gave him another chairshot, giving Mitchell the opening for the line, "No, Raven, I brought Hell to you!".
Joe Legend was being interviewed by Scott Hudson and cut him off with his trademark "NO NO NO!" Legend cut a GREAT promo. Short, sweet and effective. He ended with his long time tag line "Heroes come and go, but legends live forever".
Joe Legend VS. Jeff Jarrett
Legend was walking out after being introduced but was jumped from behind by Jarrett. They battled into the crowd. Jarrett crushed Legend with chair shots and then waffled security members who tried to protect the Toronto native.
In the ring, Jarrett came off the top rope with a chair shot to the head. Vince Russo then ran out and distracted Jarrett and the ref. Legend picked up Russo's baseball bat and hit him in the back. That's it. Legend gets the pin. Big fat rematch coming up. PLEASE TNA, let Legend "WRESTLE". He's like, umm, you know ... good.
Winner: Joe Legend
Scott Hudson is backstage interviewing Vince Russo, asking about his match with D'Lo Brown. Before that, Russo says that Jarrett is now OUT of the title picture and needs to start at the bottom and work his way up. Russo is wearing a track suit and a hockey helmet. Hudson asks if the helmet will be enough to survive and Russo has the bold line of the year: "Every time I dress like this, someone gets hurt. Wrestlers are STUPID". Damn.
5 Minute Challenge
Brown has the weasel cage he used last week in the middle of the ring. Russo walked down to the ring screaming "I'm not a wrestler".
AJ Styles snuck up behind Brown, but was caught and thrown into the weasel cage. Siaki then jumped in and tried to stop The Notorious DLB from getting to Russo. Brown handcuffed Siaki to the the top rope.
Trinity came out but was beaten down. Then Legend interfered. By this point, Styles broke out of the cage. Trinity had a key and let Siaki free. All four of them beat stood around watching Styles destroy D'Lo.
Styles Clash on Brown. A wicked reverse STF of sorts and then a whole lot of taunting. That's it - see ya next week.
Donnie Abreu has been a wrestling journalist for eight years and is the co-founder of IceCold Media (http://www.icecoldmedia.com). Visit IceCold Media for all your custom media design needs. Mention that you read Donnie's column on SLAM! and receive a 20% discount!