May 16, 2003
Smackdown!: Mr. America to pay the Piper
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
We\'re three days away from Judgment Day as Smackdown come to us live (on-tape) from Baltimore, Maryland. Actually, since it\'s on tape wouldn\'t it really broadcast from the Titan Towers every week? Don\'t try to think about that too hard; my brain is all ready starting to hurt trying figure that one out.
Smackdown! starts off with The Boss. No, it\'s not Bruce Springsteen. It\'s Vince McMahon, and he isn\'t happy. Vince is still convinced that Mr. America is Hulk Hogan. He says there should be no doubt in anyone\'s\' mind that Hogan is Mr. America. Well, I got your doubt right here pal! Vince runs down Mr. America\'s values, calling him deceitful for not revealing his true identity, and greedy for collecting two paychecks from the WWE, one for sitting at home as Hogan, and the other for wrestling as Mr. America. According to Vince, Mr. America is responsible for what happened last week and the he doesn\'t care that he batters women. Vince refuses to take any responsibility for last week\'s debacle and even blames it on Steph. Vince has an idea, though, he offers on open contract on Mr. America for a match at Judgment Day. Vince wants Mr. America beaten down, so he can rip off the mask and reveal that it is Hogan.
The FBI answers the call. They show a video, \"The FBI Greatest Hits\", to make their case to Vince. The FBI\'s Hit list includes Rikishi, Undertaker, Nathan Jones, Chris Benoit, and Brock Lesnar. Vince and Nunzio decade to head back to Vince\'s office to hammer out the details. Chuck Palumbo stays in the ring as his opponent heads to the ring and we have out first match of the evening.
Match #1: Rikishi vs. Chuck Palumbo w/ Johnny \"The Bull\" Stamboli
Palumbo blindsides Rikishi as he enters the ring. Rikishi ducks a big right from Palumbo that connects with Stamboli instead. Palumbo goes for a superkick, which the big man avoids and Rikishi counters with one of his own, laying Palumbo out. Stamboli saves Palumbo from the stink-face, but is laid out with a superkick from Rikishi. This gives Palumbo enough time to hit Rikishi with a superkick of his own. Palumbo covers and gets the pin. The FBI isn\'t done with Rikishi, though. Their plans for a post-match beat down don\'t happen, as Brock Lesnar storms the ring and Palumbo ends up on the wrong end of an F-5.
Winner Chuck Palumbo.
Backstage, Steph runs into Lesnar and tells him he will have to show a lot of aggression in his stretcher match this Sunday. Well, duh!
A video of Mr. America visiting with injured soldiers is shown.
Awwwwww! Steph got my flowers. I\'m just kidding those red and yellow roses aren\'t from me, neither are the red and white ones either. Steph thinks they\'re from her dad, apologizing for what happened last week. She reads the card and it turn out Hulk Hogan and Mr.America sent her flowers. Vince is still mad about last week, and tells Steph he accepts her apology. Steph isn\'t happy with that and decides to leave. Vince then trashes the office. I hope those flowers vases aren\'t expensive.
Playboy cover girl Torrie Wilson comes out to the top of the ramp in a silk robe. She gives us a sneak preview of her bikini that she will wear at Judgment Day. It looks good to me. Torrie promises that the bikini she will be wearing on Sunday will be a lot more revealing. In the words of Home Simpson, Wo-Hoo!
Match #2: Matt Hardy (v1.0) w/ Shannon Moore and Crash Holly vs. Tajiri : Cruiserweight Title Match
Crash brings a copy of Matt\'s book to the ring, just in case things get boring I guess. Crash wasn\'t too impressed with the start of this match, because I caught him reading at ringside. Tajiri dominates the match, slapping a tarantula on Hardy. The Japanese buzz-saw looks like he will become the next Cruiserweight champ, until Crash Holly distracts Tajiri. Holly pays for it, but it\'s enough time for Hardy to hit the Twist of Fate and get the 1-2-3.
Winner and still Cruiserweight Champ: Matt Hardy (v1.0)
After the match Hardy grabbed a mike and offered to take on Mr. America at Judgment Day. Tajari shut him up with a flying press over to top rope to ringside.
In his locker room Eddie Guerrero is talking to the Kurt Angle portrait. He informs us that Chavo has been injured wrestling overseas. Overseas, Velocity taping - same difference, I guess, when you tear a bicep and are out indefinitely. Eddie decided to spice up the portrait adding a busghy mustache and goatee to Kurt\'s mug.
Steph runs into Mr. America backstage and thanks him for the flowers with a peck on the cheek. That\'s so sweet.
Match #3: John Cena vs. Chris Benoit
Cena throws his name into the ring to take on Mr. America. He then gets thug-a-nomic on Benoit. Like him or hate him, the boy has lyrical skills. The FBI gets involved in this match, trying to finish the job. They never really took out Benoit, despite what their video would have you believe earlier in the show. The ref cuts them off at the pass, though, and sends the FBI packing. Benoit is chopping Cena down with painful shots to the chest, while Cena fights back with a variety of submission moves. The FBI is persistent, Nunzio crashes the ring from the announce position. This distracts Benoit long enough to be set up for the F-U. The Canadian Crippler slides out of it and counters with the Cross-face Crippler. Stamboli breaks it up, getting Cena DQ\'ed in the process. Rhyno hits the ring and gores Stamboli. Things are really starting to get out of hand, now. A chair somehow makes its way into the fracas. Brian \"Spanky\" Kendrick saves the faces when he jumps into the mess and kicks the chair back into the face of Cena. This is getting confusing; too many storylines are converging at once!
Winner: Chris Benoit
It\'s now time for Piper\'s Pit, which now is co-hosted by Sean O\'Haire as he is always at Piper\'s side. Tonight\'s guest us Mr. America, again. He was just on like three weeks ago. As Mr. America makes his way to the ring, he stops and gives his America flag to a \"fan\" at ringside. Piper says he\'ll take on Mr. America, because he hates Hogan. I don\'t know what that has to do with anything. I guess because Mr. America idolizes Hogan. Speaking of which, Hogan must enjoy Mr. America\'s gimmick, because the cease and desist letters would have been sent out from Hogan\'s lawyers by now. Anyway, Mr. America tells Piper he remember watching Hogan kick his butt all over the country. Piper corrects him, though. Hogan has never beaten Piper 1-2-3. Piper sees the \"fan\" waving the heck out of the flag and calls him out. Sean O\'Haire goes after the \"fan\" and Piper ambushes Mr. America. Mr. America quickly turns the tide on Piper. O\'Haire breaks up the leg drop, though and both men beat on Mr. America. Piper tries to remove the mask, but is stopped when the \"fan\" jumps into the ring and beats him with the flag. Piper and O\'Haire try to stop security from dragging the \"fan\" away. Then it happens. Piper pulls of the guy\'s leg! It\'s a prosthetic leg. The \"fan\" is Tenacious Z, last seen on NWA:TNA months ago. Of course the WWE is telling us it\'s some random \"fan\" that just happens to have one leg, but we know better then that. Anyway, O\'Haire and Piper are just shocked, and slink back up the ramp and into the locker room.
Match #4: Sheldon Benjamin vs. Eddie Guerrero
After both men enter the ring, we are taken back to Vince office. He is livid about what just happened. He tells Piper and O\'Haire to stay where they area, he has to think this over. Back in the ring, Benjamin and Guerrero go at it, until Charlie Haas comes down with a ladder. This distracts Guerrero and Benjamin picks up the win. Hass climbs into the ring with the ladder in tow. Guerrero avoids the double team by dropping kicking the ladder into Team Angle. Latino Heat follows it up by nailing Benjamin with the portrait of Kurt Angle.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin
Back in Vince\'s office, Piper finds out that he will take on Mr. America at Judgment Day.
The piece on Miss Elizabeth from Confidential is shown.
After the break Sable offers her rebuttal (and her - well you know) to Torrie\'s earlier comments. Sable infers that Torrie is fat and then gives us a sneak preview of her bikini.
JR and the King join us via \"satellite\" to promote Judgment Day.
After being injured at the hands of the Big Show at Backlash, Rey Misterio is back on Smackdown! He\'s not here to wrestle just to talk. The interview is cut short, as the masssive paw of the Big Show picks up Misterio by the neck.
Big Show carries Misterio and a stretcher from the back down to the ring. Misterio is tossed around and manhandle by the Big Show again. Misterio fights back, using the stretcher as a springboard and then hitting the 619. Misterio is then caught in mid-air and looks to be in a world of trouble. Brock Lesnar has seen enough. He storms the ring and he beats Big Show with the stretcher. He then hits Big Show with an impressive F-5. Then to add insult to injury, Misterio bulldogs Big Show before taking off out of the ring. The show ends with a very angry Big Show lying in the ring, as Lesnar makes his way back up the ramp.
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the Slam! Wrestling staff. Dale is considering ripping off Hogan\'s gimmick, because he doesn\'t seem to mind Mr. America stealing it.