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Mr. America runs wild on Smackdown!
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


Smackdown! comes to us tonight from Halifax, Nova Scotia. Which lead sme to wonder, how will the Canadian fans greet Mr. America? But that question falls by the wayside as I watch the recap of last week\'s events surrounding the signing of Mr. America. I have a new question. Is Steph the worst GM ever? Who in their right mind would sign a guy without even seeing him? 

Apparently Vince McMahon feels the same way. He starts of the show telling the crowd that Hulk Hogan will be on tonight\'s show, via a live satellite feed from his home in Tampa, Florida. Vince goes on to explain that since Hogan is at home, Mr. America won\'t be here, either. This upsets the Canadian crowd, so I guess my first question is answered. Canadians LOVE Mr. America, or Hulk Hogan as Vince would have us believe. In fact, the chairman says the whole world knows Mr. America is Hulk Hogan. Honestly, I still don\'t see it.

Vince calls his daughter, and Smackdown! GM Stephanie McMahon to the ring. He is quite upset with her for signing Mr. America. Steph defends herself, saying she did it to counter Eric Bicshoff on RAW and to make Smackdown! even better then what it is. Vince tells Steph she better think of a way to get rid of Mr. America, since contractually he cannot be fired. Steph comes up with the idea that if they can prove Mr. America is Hulk Hogan, Mr. America\'s contract will be null and void. Let the investigation begin.

Vince then delivers on his promise and gives us Hogan live via satellite. Vince accuses Hogan once again of being Mr. America and Hogan flat out denies it. He does tell Vince that he is dying at home, though. He did enjoying watching Mr. America kick Vince\'s butt last week. Hogan also said he is looking forward to teaming up with Mr. America. Vince tells Hogan to quit the charade. Hogan does admit some similarities between himself and Mr. America, but Hogan explains that he is bigger and better looking then Mr. America.

After the break, we find Vince backstage. He looks pretty happy, until a production assistant tells him that Mr. America is in the arena. Vince thinks it\'s a joke, and he isn\'t amused.

Match #1: Eddie Guerrero w/ Chavo vs. Matt Hardy (v1.0) w/ Shannon Moore and Crash Holly

This is a non-title match, as Tazz points out that Eddie Guerrero doesn\'t fall under the 220-pound weight limit for cruiserweights.  Hardy hits the Side Effect on Guerrero, before he gets a bloody mouth for his efforts. Guerrero is able to apply a sleeper, but Hardy counters with a slam. Latino Heat gains momentum with a leg scissors off the top rope; following it with rolling vertical suplexes. Guerrero tried to finish off Hardy with a frog splash, but it doesn\'t connect. Hardy grabs the momentum and even though the Twist of Fate is counter, the founder of Mattitude hits a leg drop off the top rope. He then tries to set Guerrero up for a slam, but Latino Heat counters with an underarm move into a victory roll. Guerrero gets the win, but before he can celebrate Team Angle storms the floor and attacks Chavo reclaiming Kurt\'s stolen Olympic medals.

Winner: Eddie Guerrero

Backstage the FBI is talking to Big Show, and I think I saw Mr. America walks by.

Match #2: Brian ěSpankyî Kendrick vs. Jamie Noble w/ Nidia

Just because Michael Cole is calling Brian Kendrick \"Spanky\" now doesn\'t mean I will. Kendrick cuts a quick promo on Cena before his match. Nidia gets involved early, distracting Kendrick long enough for Noble to get a shot in. We then cut to the backstage area, where Cena is checking out this match on a monitor. Back in the ring, Noble reverses an attempted crucifix into a half crab. Kendrick eventually hits his finisher, \"Sliced Bread #2\" for the win. Cena is upset backstage, but the stunned as Mr. America joins him to check out the action.

Winner: Brian \"Spanky\" Kendrick

Backstage Josh Matthews interviews Brock Lesnar. Brock says A-Train and Big Show won\'t be a problem tonight when he teams up with Chris Benoit. He then ups the ante on Big Show by making their match at Judgment Day a stretcher match.

At the catering table Funaki tells Vince that he will watch Mr. America. Vince tells him that the Mr. America here is an imposter, and then tells Funaki to get him some coffee.

Mr. America makes his way to the ring. Man, this is blatant gimmick infringement. The crowd starts chanting \"Hogan\"; do they know something I don\'t?  Vince rushes out of Steph\'s office to the ring. Mr. America explains his origins. He was a 165-pound accountant working in Hoboken, New Jersey. He ordered Wrestlemania and that\'s when he saw Hulk Hogan for the first time. Hogan inspired him to enter professional wrestling, and know he wants to say thank you to Hogan. (I swear, I\'m not making this up. I wish I were, but I\'m not.) By the time McMahon hits the ring he is livid. Steph follows him into the ring, and the provided Vince enough of a distraction to hit Mr. America with a low blow. Vince cannot get the mask off, though. In the struggle he is tossed off and thrown into Steph pretty hard. Steph is knocked out cold, and Vince doesn\'t seem to care. He is still obsessed with getting that mask off. Mr. America lays Vince out, though, and then carries Steph back to her office for medical attention.

Vince runs back to the office, where Steph is nursing her injuries. Vince is informed that Mr. America has left the building. He blames Hulk Hogan for Steph\'s injuries, but she corrects him, saying you hurt me dad, not Hogan. I still don\'t see how Hogan can do this, I mean we all saw him live on satellite from Tampa.

Match #3: Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

Sable comes down to the ring first to watch this \"match\". There was no wrestling to speak of here, just a plain, old-fashioned catfight. It\'s amazing how women so beautiful can put on such an ugly display. After the \"match\", Sable grabs a mike and challenges Torrie to a bikini contest at Judgment Day. Torrie responds by stripping of the top of her outfit, calm down guys, she was wearing a bikini top underneath.

Winner: Torrie Wilson...and men everywhere

Match #4: Team Angle vs. Rikishi and Tajiri

This non-title match was just a vehicle to move a long the Team Angle/Los Guerreros storyline. Team Angle did pick up the win after double-teaming Rikishi. After the match Los Guerreros music hit, but instead of coming down the ramp, they came out of the crowd. With Team Angle waiting for a frontal attack, they made off with the Kurt Angle poster and Kurt\'s medals, again. By the time Team Angle realized what was going on it was too late.

Winner: Team Angle

Match #5: John Cena vs. Rhyno

Brian \"Spanky\" Kendrick joins Cole and Tazz at the announce table. Cena comes to the ring and breaks off some rhymes on Rhyno. Rhyno then rushes the ring and starts thing off with a series of right hands to Cena. The man-beast is taking it to Cena, hitting a huge spine buster.  Cena goes to grab for his chain, but Kendrick tries to take it away. This allows Rhyno to roll Cena up for a pin. After the match Cean chases Kendrick off, but gets nailed by Rhyno. Cena dodges the gore though, and Rhyno hits the steel steps hard.

Winner: Rhyno

Backstage the FBI is plotting something.

After the break, Nunzio attack Brock Lesnar and runs off. Lesnar thinks he ducked into a locker room and follows. The FBI bars the door shut, and then drive a forklift into the door for good measure. Big Show and A-train thank the FBI for their handi-work. Big Show tells A-train that he will take care of Benoit tonight.

Match #6 Chris Benoit vs. Big Show w/ A-Train

This was supposed to be a tag match, but with Lesnar trapped in a locker room Benoit has to fend for himself against Big Show. Show overpowers Benoit early. Benoit fights back with a series of chops, but is put down with a big sidewalk slam. Benoit is then lifted high in the air and held there, before being dropped with a vertical suplex. Show locks in a bear hug and Benoit fights back the only way he can, by biting Big Show in the face. Benoit then goes to the top rope and hits the giant with a flying head-butt; he only gets a two count out of it though. Show regains his footing and sets Benoit up for a chokeslam. Benoit reverses it into the Crossface Crippler. He has to break the hold, though, as A-Train tries to interfere. This gives Big Show enough time to regain his sense. Benoit goes for the ride with a chokeslam and is pinned.

Winner: Big Show

After the match A-Train hit Benoit with a Bicycle kick and then Show hit him with another chokeslam. A-Train brought a stretcher to the ring and strapped Benoit to it. I don\'t think they\'re providing medical attention. Big Show had every intention to do to Benoit what he did to Rey Misterio at Backlash, but Lesnar made the save. He paid the price though, after the F-5 on A-Train, Lesnar is clotheslined by the giant. Big Show then lifted the champ up for the chokeslam and nearly put him though the mat.

The show ends with Big Show celebrating the carnage he caused in the ring, by raising his hand and yelling, like only he can do.

Dale Plummer is a rookie on the Slam! Wrestling staff.  Dale wished one day he could get paid to sit at home all day like Hogan is. Please e-mail him if you have any positions that meet that requirement.