April 25, 2003
Smackdown!: Cena unchained!
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Match #1: John Cena vs. Rhyno
Cena rap stylings tonight recap his road to becoming the number one contender for the WWE title. The white rapper is actually drawing some heat. He also says that Brock Lesnar lied to us. Lesnar is disrespectful and heartless. Cena has the video to prove it. Rhyno interrupts Cena\'s rap and sprints to the ring. Cena targets Rhyno\'s surgically repaired neck early in the match. After a back bodydrop, Rhyno sets Cena up for a gore. Cena counters with a knee to the mid-section. Cena then steals the match with a roll-up that came out of nowhere.
Roddy Piper and Sean O\'Haire arrive.
We see another promo for Mr. America. To heck with him, what about Miss America?
We see footage of the FBI getting in Chris Benoit\'s face early in the day. Apparently, Nunzio didn\'t read the script and wagered a good sum of money that Benoit would beat Cena last week. The FBI tells Benoit that he owes him the money. Benoit tells him he can collect in the ring, tonight.
Josh Matthews is backstage with Sable. After seducing the rookie reporter, she announces tonight she will be hosting and judging the \"Sable Invitational\". Poor Josh is left totally speechless as he really gets to know Sable.
The WWE supports the American troops! We see footage of Sable, Rey Misterio, and other Smackdown! superstars visiting sailors at a naval base in Norfolk, Virginia.
Match #2: Nunzio with the FBI vs. Chris Benoit
I like the FBI. Because of them Nathan Jones isn\'t wrestling this week. Before the match starts we see a recap of the FBI \"breaking\" Jones\' ankle. Benoit cautiously makes his way to ring, as the FBI wins the numbers game in this match. It pays off early, as Nunzio launches himself over the top rope into Benoit. The Wolverine was too pre-occupied. The advantage was short lived as Benoit regains control of the match. Benoit tries for the rolling german suplexes but Johnny the Bull breaks them up from the apron. Nunzio goes for his finisher. Benoit counters into the Crippler Cross Face and Nunzio taps outs. The rest of the FBI storm the ring, Palmubo tastes the CCF but the numbers overwhelm the Rabid Wolverine. Just a random thought...I wonder if the other members of the FBI realize that one year ago Chuck Palumbo was wearing pink tights and coming out to a cheesy boy-band intro? Just asking.
Back in the locker room Tajiri and Funiki are having a grand time watching the tape of Big Show falling on his rear. Show isn\'t amused when he storms into the room. Tajiri and Funaki scatter like mice so Show takes out his anger on the TV and VCR. Can WWE really afford to have Show breaking equipment like that?
Match #3 Rey Misterio vs. a new MF-er (Mattitude Follower)
Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore stop at the top of the ramp and introduce the newest MF-er, Crash Holly. Hardy stays at ringside to evaluate the newest member of Mattitude. Crash is less then impressive, though. After a tornado DDT, the crowd calls for the 619. Ask and you shall receive. Misterio follows the move with a springboard leg drop pins Crash for the win.
Backstage John Cena is getting A-Train fired up for his match against Brock Lesnar. Cena breaks out the video he teased earlier in the show. We see Lesnar dropping A-Train on his neck, when he botched an F-5. A-Train tells Cena that Lesnar will feel his pain.
Match #4 Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper with Sean O\'Haire
Sean O\'Haire immediately distracts Rikishi allowing Piper to get in a low blow. Rikishi fights back; setting up Piper for the Stinkface. O\'Haire makes the save with a clothesline from the ring apron. O\'Haire\'s involvement gets Piper DQ\'ed, although Piper deosn\'t seem to care, as O\'Haire picks up Riskishi and hits a Death Valley Driver.
It\'s time for the Sable Invitational Bikini Contest. Sable tells that crowd that everyone has been telling her that she is the sexiest WWE Diva. I disagree, she\'s at least the fourth or fifth on my depth chart. Sable says every Smackdown! diva has accepted her challenge, except Torrie. Why? Torrie is feeling fat, and that ain\'t with a \"P-H\", kid! Nidia and Dawn Marie enter the ring, covered up in bathrobes. It looks like Torrie is competing after all, as she joins the other three women in the ring. Nidia is the first contestant. She drops her robe and goes into a convulsion that is supposed to be a dance. Dawn Marie is next. She\'s a little more sensual in her moves. Torrie saves the best for last, giving Sable a standing lap dance. I know guys that would pay good money for a show like that! Sable then announces the winner, or should I say winners: Nidia and Dawn Marie. Nidia taunts Torrie, as Dawn Marie blindsides her. They hold her down as Sable taunts her right in her face. This angle is getting weird.
Footage of Kurt Angle\'s neck surgery in shown. Here\'s to a quick recovery.
Match #5: Sheldon Benjamin with Charlie Haas vs. Chavo Guerrero with Eddie
This match was back and forth, until Chavo started building momentum. Benjamin struggled as chavo applied an STF, but Haas helped him to the ropes. Eddie tried to stop Haas from interfering, but was reprimanded by the ref. This gave Benjamin enough time to reverse a roll-up by Chavo and get his feet on the ropes to pin Chavo. After the match the tag teams engaged in some shenanigans.
Cena cuts another promo on Brock Lesnar.
Match #6: Big Show vs. Tajiri
You know, I can\'t believe I\'m missing playoff hockey for this match! Tajiri starts the match pleading for mercy and just avoiding Big Show. That strategy only lasts so long. Show gets his hands on the Japanese buzz saw and tosses him around the ring. Show lifts Tajiri high above his head and drops him on the turnbuckle. Rey Mistrio\'s music hits mid-match, but no Rey. Show looks confused and Tajiri tries to takes advantage. It doesn\'t work and Tajiri finds himself on the business end of a chokeslam. Misterio jumps big show after the slam, and then quickly disappears. Show exts the rings to find him but Misterio is gone. Show turns his back and Misterio reappears to knock Show into the ring post. Show stumbles and falls on his rear, again. He is also counted out by the ref. Tajiri wins and splits quickly, leaving a fuming Big Show in the ring.
We see footage of Brock Lesnar lifting CO-2 tanks in the bowels of the arena.
I was just thinking that we haven\'t seen Stephanie McMahon in a while, and then we are treated to a shot of her backside. Now that she has our attention we are informed that Mr. America has signed with Smackdown!
Match #7: A-Train vs. Brock Lesnar
John Cena raps his way to the announce table, cutting a promo on Lesnar the whole way. Lesnar starts the match off with some mat wrestling. Cena goads Lesnar form the announce table, drawing him to the floor. A-Train greets him with a big boot when he tried to re-enter the ring. Both men then trade shoulder blocks, which have almost no effect on either man. Lesnar then hits two overhead suplexes in a row. A-Train shakes off the effects, and hits the Derailer. Lesnar kicks out after a two count. Lesnar then hits an F-5. Cena breaks up the pin, getting A-Train DQ\'ed. Cena proceedes to clock Lesnar with his chain, and then sets up Lesnar for a Death Valley Driver, slamming the champ to the mat. Cena is not done. He grabs the WWE title belt and smashes it into Lesnar face. The show ends with the champ dazed and bleeding in the ring.
Dale Plummer is a rookie on the Slam! Wrestling staff. If Josh Matthews can interview Sable as a rookie, Dale is looking forward to interviewing the next Sunshine girl.